Cover Snark (212): An Unkindness of Snarks

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

Shiny and New:

1. An Unkindness of Magicians – Kat Howard

Thoughts: #covergoals This is Bernini level art right here.

2. The Silence (The Six #3) – Mark Alpert

Thoughts: Uh oh, you’ve got a bit of asshat up there at the top. Might want to do something about that.

3. The Ends of the World (A Conspiracy of Us #3) – Maggie Hall

Thoughts: Purple dresses majesty.

4. Blackbird (Redemption) – Molly McAdams

Thoughts: Seek professional help for the strength to leave him, please.

5. The Guns Above (Signal Airship #1) – Robyn Bennis

Thoughts: Clearly she’s not too worried about the guns. *sings Bulletproof*

6. Back on the Map – Lisa Ann Scott

Thoughts: Cogsworth’s cousin? (Also, OMG Sky Pony finally made a good cover!!!)

7. Veiled Intentions (The Dragon’s Blade #2) – Michael R. Miller

Thoughts: Only thing that could make this better is an actual dragon.

8. The Girl with the Make-Believe Husband (Rokesbys #2) – Julia Quinn

Thoughts: It can’t possibly be as funny as WHEN A SCOT TIES THE KNOT, but I am so excited anyway, and the kinda ugly cover can’t do anything to sway me.

9. Coming Up for Air – Miranda Kenneally

Thoughts: I see what you did there.

10. The Stone Sky (The Broken Earth #3) – N. K. Jemisin

Thoughts: Sounds and looks gloomy.

11. Eat Only When You’re Hungry – Lindsay Hunter

Thoughts: It’s a cruel irony that I wasn’t hungry but now am.

12. City Mouse – Stacey Lender

Thoughts: Okay, what asshole tied a balloon to this poor mouse’s house?

13. Straight Outta Crongton (South Crongton Trilogy #3) – Alex Wheatle

Thoughts: Congrats to Wheatle for being the first to a Straight Outta title.

14. The Warrior Princess of Pennyroyal Academy (Pennyroyal Academy #3) – M. A. Larson

Thoughts: I expect better of a middle grade cover, especially one about a warrior princess.

15. The Faithful – Juliet West

Thoughts: This outfit is amazing. Modcloth, get on this.

16. Salvaged (Saints of Denver) – Jay Crownover

Thoughts: The way all of these elements come together is very strange. That title font is too dark for sure.

17. Until it Fades – K.A. Tucker

Thoughts: That title font is wasted on a bland white girl’s face background. ENOUGH OF THESE COVERS.

18. The Darkest Promise (Lords of the Underworld #13) – Gena Showalter

Thoughts: Oh good, it looks like the hero’s going to murder the heroine. Such romance.

19. Just Call Me Spaghetti-Hoop Boy – Lara Williamson

Thoughts: SPAGHETTI-HOOP BOY???????

20. Call Me Sunflower – Miriam Spitzer Franklin

Thoughts: You can call me Sunflower if you want to.

21. Follow Me Back – A.V. Geiger

Thoughts: This seems like a very appropriate book to have come from Wattpad.

22. An Affair with a Notorious Heiress – Lorraine Heath

Thoughts: I hope she’s the one having the affair with the heiress.

23. Red Sister (Book of the Ancestor #1) – Mark Lawrence

Thoughts: I don’t think the title font quite lives up to the gorgeous art behind it, but she’s lovely.

24. The Edge of the Abyss (The Abyss Surrounds Us #2) – Emily Skrutskie

Thoughts: Definitely better than the first cover, though it would be hard not to be. I wish they’d redesigned but oh well.

25. Throwing My Life Away – Liz Czukas

Thoughts: The color palette is lovely, but I’m still curious why there are so many YA covers with Polaroids. And this heroine would not be caught dead using a polaroid camera anyway.

26. Iron Gold (Iron Gold #1) – Pierce Brown

Thoughts: Oh look, a feather on fake fire. How original.

27. You Bring the Distant Near – Mitali Perkins

Thoughts: Yassssssssssssssss

28. The Breaking Light – Heather Hansen

Thoughts: So basically BREAKING DAWN restated.

29. Blacklist (Beautiful Idols #2) – Alyson Noël

Thoughts: Is that Serena Van Der Woodsen?

30. Other Breakable Things – Kelley York & Rowan Altwood

Thoughts: They’re hoping people will crane their necks to buy this one out at the bookstore.

31. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo – Taylor Jenkins Reid

Thoughts: And everyone of them was an Henry. (Henry!) She wouldn’t have a Willy or a Sam. (no Sam!)

32. Dark Side of the Rainbow (Dorothy Must Die #0.8) – Danielle Paige

Thoughts: No fucking fair putting a rainbow unicorn on one of these.

33. Embers in the Sea – Jennifer M. Eaton

Thoughts: Just as not on fire as embers that get dropped in the sea.

Cover Battles:

1. Lana’s Ex Prom Date – Amy Sparling

Pretty Amy vs. Lana’s (Ex) Prom Date: Nice try.

2. Carry On – Rainbow Rowell

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: I am so incredibly pissed that I bought the ugly hardcover. Goddammit. I’m also laughing at how much the dude on the left looks like Newt Scamander.

3. Chasing the Stars – Malorie Blackman

UK Hardback vs. UK Paperback: If you listen closely, you can actually hear the grumbling of all the people who already own the hardcover.

4. Firebrand (Green Rider #6) – Kristen Britain

UK vs. US: There seems to be some confusion about which creature can fly here.

5. Unrivaled (Beautiful Idols #1) – Alyson Noël

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Oh hey things can always get worse. Even shitty things. That’s been the lesson of 2016.

6. Girl in Pieces – Kathleen Glasgow

US vs. Australian: There’s a sort of Halloween/Franksteinian vibe to the new one, but I rather like it? Idk.

7. The Space Between the Stars by Anne Corlett

US vs. UK: These are shockingly different in theme. I’d go for the UK cover for design, though the sci fi element comes through more clearly on the US cover.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Suck Me! – Lilly Heart

Thoughts: The art of subtlety apparently got lost somewhere in his treebeard.

2. Lions, Tigers, and Sexy Bears Oh My! – Candace Havens

Thoughts: OH MY.

3. The Man Who Loved Clowns – June Rae Wood

Thoughts: I have so many questions. But I don’t think I want answers.

4 responses to “Cover Snark (212): An Unkindness of Snarks”

  1. What did I miss about Michael Grant? lol
    Bonnie @ For the Love of Words recently posted…2016 End of Year Book SurveyMy Profile

  2. Robyn Bennis says:

    Only #5? Well… I guess it’s an honor just to be snarked.

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