Cover Snark (211): Count All Her Snark

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

Shiny and New:

1. The Hot Guy – Mel Campbell & Anthony Morris

Thoughts: Sidewalk chalk is an interesting medium for a YA novel, but it looks cool anyway.

2. Umberland (Everland, #2) – Wendy Spinale

Thoughts: Seriously, someone get on that psychological study about how many girls are falling and/or drowning on book covers.

3. Count All Her Bones (Girl, Stolen #2) – April Henry

Thoughts: I cannot look at this cover because it makes me feel queasy.

4. The Lines We Cross – Randa Abdel-Fattah

Thoughts: The lines look like when your TV would have horizontal lines on it when the signal was bad in ye olden dayes.

5. No Second Chances – Kate Evangelista

Thoughts: Her lipstick is so on point that I almost like this, but then sanity returns.

6. The Fashion Committee – Susan Juby

Thoughts: It’s certainly interesting and original, though I’m not sure how much I actually like it.

7. Kale, My Ex, and Other Things to Toss in a Blender – Lisa Greenwald

Thoughts: Exes are best shaken, not stirred.

8. The Go-Between – Veronica Chambers

Thoughts: Another illustrated face with just lips and no eyes and no nose and why oh why do these freak me out so much?

9. Crossing Ebenezer Creek – Tonya Bolden

Thoughts: Okay but will they caulk and float or ford?

10. The Girl Who Wouldn’t Die – Randall Platt

Thoughts: This may be the best cover Sky Pony’s managed yet, which may be more of a comment on Sky Pony than this cover.

11. You’re Not Proper – Tariq Mehmood

Thoughts: It’s a bit odd that the bottom of the book has a speech bubble, but otherwise love.

12. A Face Like Glass – Frances Hardinge

Thoughts: Yes, I was too lazy to CB this because it’s got a bunch of editions and they’re all from the same publisher and it’s too damn hard. Anyway, there is no way I would ever put this nightmare machine on my shelves. Nope nope nope.

13. Songs About a Girl – Chris Russell

Thoughts: Seriously can anyone answer my question about teens and polaroids? I know they rebooted them, but do teens really commonly do this instead of just using their phones?

14. The Girl with the Ghost Machine – Lauren DeStefano

Thoughts: This girl clearly has an excellent future in STEM ahead.

15. The Song from Somewhere Else – A.F. Harrold

Thoughts: It’s like a tornado made of fireworks.

16. New York, Actually (From Manhattan with Love #4) – Sarah Morgan

Thoughts: Pretty positive that’s not the geographical layout of New York, actually.

17. Nothing Like a Duke (The Duke’s Sons #4) – Jane Ashford

Thoughts: Pretty dress: check. Lush scenery: check. Saucy look back over the shoulder: check.

18. Royally Romanov (The Royals #2) – Teri Wilson

Thoughts: The Romanovs all died.

19. A & B – J.C. Lillis

Thoughts: It’d be nice if that shade of green didn’t clash with the red, but otherwise cute.

20. Following Ophelia – Sophia Bennett

Thoughts: Since Ophelia drowned, you might not want to follow her TOO closely.

21. Secrets & Fries at the Starlight Diner (The Starlight Diner Series #2) – Helen Cox

Thoughts: You had me at fries. And ice cream.

22. This Beats Perfect – Rebecca Denton

Thoughts: On the one hand, I appreciate the double meaning of the title, but also the second meaning needs an apostrophe in “beats” so I’m basically just mentally adding and removing the apostrophe and twitching.

23. All the Stars Left Behind – Ashley Graham

Thoughts: Space mermaids?

24. The Silver Swan (The Elite King’s Club #1) – Amo Jones

Thoughts: The success of Red Queen means that there will be a preponderance of crown covers in coming years. The use of feathers in the font irks me too.

25. Extraordinary Adventures – Daniel Wallace

Thoughts: *hears the Jaws theme playing in the background*

Cover Battles:

1. Pawns – Willo Davis Roberts

US Original vs. US Redesign: I’m really curious why this is getting redesigned almost 20 years later. It’s certainly a better look, especially for a modern audience, though, so good work.

2. More of Me – Kathryn Evans

UK vs. US: The best version is not here for this cover.

3. Eden Summer – Liz Flanagan

US vs. Australian: Snark

4. Eden Summer – Liz Flanagan

UK vs. US: WTF is a thriller of the heart? And why does a thriller have such a cutesy sidewalk chalk cover? The US one hits the mark slightly better, but I’m not really feeling either one.

5. A Fierce & Subtle Poison – Samantha Mabry

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: I don’t hate the redesign, but I have to go for the bright pops of “nature’s poison warning” color on the illustrated hardback.

6. The Whispers in the Walls (Scarlet and Ivy) – Sophie Cleverly

Australian vs. UK vs. US: I’d probably buy the UK one, though the Australian’s good too. The US cover would be my last choice, mostly because I don’t like that background blue.

7. The One Memory of Flora Banks – Emily Barr

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Dust cloud FTW.

8. Coin Heist – Elisa Ludwig

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Both are pretty good, but I prefer the paperback for originality.

9. The Foretelling of Georgie Spider (The Tribe #3) – Ambelin Kwaymullina

Australian vs. US: Really subtle spider imagery going on here.

10. The Crying Rocks – Janet Taylor Lisle

US Original vs. US Redesign: *weeps at how much this redesign rocks*

11. Of Fire and Stars – Audrey Coulthurst

US vs. German: With how amazing the US cover is, I’m amazed the German cover can give it a run for its money. What say you, snarkers?

12. Defy the Stars (Untitled #1) – Claudia Gray

US vs. Australian: Even stronger shades of Across the Universe.

13. In the Blood (Doctor Who) – Jenny T. Colganc

UK Hardback vs. UK Paperback: That pouty face!!!

14. Perilous Prophecy (Strangely Beautiful #3) – Leanna Renee Hieber

Dorchester Publishing vs. Tor: VicTORy.

15. Fly by Night (Fly by Night #1) – Frances Hardinge

US Original vs. US Redesign: The new one’s so cool, even if the ripped up book makes me twitch a little.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Greed (The Seaven Deadly #2) – Fisher Amelie

Thoughts: What is happening on this dude’s crotch?!?!

2. Craving Cameo (The Pullman Shifters) – TL Reeve

Thoughts: My favorite part by far is the ROAR in the top right corner.

3. The Sticky Cowgirl (Lone Star Sweets) – Lissa Matthews

Thoughts: Nothing says sexy like “sticky.”

5 responses to “Cover Snark (211): Count All Her Snark”

  1. Joanne Levy says:

    Haven’t you heard of kaleidoscope crotch? It’s from watching too much pixellated internet porn.
    Maybe that’s where the Greed comes in… And could explain a sticky cowgirl?
    (Sorry, time to get some more coffee.)
    Joanne Levy recently posted…So this happened!My Profile

  2. Gaby says:

    “The Romanovs all died.” *laughs forever*

    Probably any book with David Tennant’s pouty face on it is okay with me.

  3. COVER SNARK!!!! YAY!!!!
    3. Oh god, I hate this. Disturbing.
    4. Booooring…..
    6. Totally agree with you.
    9. I like this but it also creeps me out a bit. I don’t know why.
    12. HOLY SHIT THIS IS CREEPY. All of her covers scare me.
    14. Ooh the way the title font fits with the cover design is very soothing to me haha.
    18. Have you heard, there’s a rumor in St. Petersburg….
    22. Yep yep yep, grammatically this is bothering me a lot.

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