Cover Snark (185): Snark Is All You Left Me

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. Cilla Lee-Jenkins: Future Author Extraordinaire – Susan Tan
Cilla Lee-Jenkins Future Author Extraordinaire - Susan Tan
Thoughts: A unicorn, a dragon, and a dinosaur all on the same cover. BEST.

2. The Interminables – Paige Orwin
The Interminables - Paige Orwin
Thoughts: Ooooh, So much to find on this cover. My favorite bit is the caped person hanging on the clock. Least favorite bit is the mystery tentacle-looking shadows.

3. The Deviants – C.J. Skuse
The Deviants -C.J. Skuse
Thoughts: Tagline, you need to specify that it’s revenge against one person, because if they’re going after two people, that doesn’t mean what you think it means.

4. History Is All You Left Me – Adam Silvera
History Is All You Left Me - Adam Silvera
Thoughts: Pretty whelmed but it will probably look nice next to the hardcover of his first book.

5. Winter Tide (The Innsmouth Legacy #1) – Ruthanna Emrys
Winter Tide (The Innsmouth Legacy #1) - Ruthanna Emrys
Thoughts: Bitch must be fucking freezing.

6. Spindle (A Thousand Nights) – E.K. Johnston
Spindle (A Thousand Nights) - E.K. Johnston
Thoughts: Still frustrated about how hard it is to read all the words and the people look mega-fake, but damn it’s lovely.

7. Flower – Elizabeth Craft & Shea Olsen
Flower - Elizabeth Craft and Shea Olsen
Thoughts: Blurring the title like it was being hit by the rain was a cool idea. But when good ideas don’t work, accept it.

8. Teach Me to Forget – Erica M. Chapman
Teach Me to Forget - Erica M. Chapman
Thoughts: Congratulations on your nomination for Most Boring Covers of the Year!

9. Archie Greene and the Alchemists’ Curse (Archie Greene #2) – D.D. Everest
Archie Greene and the Alchemists' Curse - D.D. Everest
Thoughts: What do we have to do to get more gorgeous illustrated covers for YA? Why does MG get to have all the fun?

10. Impyrium (Impyrium #1) – Henry H. Neff
Impyrium - Henry H. Neff
Thoughts: I want some dragon bookends like that for my bookshelves.

11. Howard Wallace, P.I. – Casey Lyall
Howard Wallace, P.I. - Casey Lyall
Thoughts: Howardy boy, gumshoe for the modern middle grader.

12. Skeleton Island (Araminta Spook #7) – Angie Sage
Skeleton Island - Angie Sage
Thoughts: Soon to be a film by Tim Burton.

13. Children of Exile (Children of Exile #1) – Margaret Peterson Haddix
Children of Exile - Margaret Peterson Haddix
Thoughts: Dystopian novel set in the land of cyclops, where green-eyed cyclopses are kicked out.

14. The Lost Property Office (Section 13 #1) – James R. Hannibal
The Lost Property Office (Section 13 #1) - James R. Hannibal
Thoughts: They managed to scare-ab up a nice cover.

15. A Legend of Starfire (A Sliver of Stardust #2) – Marissa Burt
A Legend of Starfire - Marissa Burt
Thoughts: These colorssssss.

16. Reap (Endgame: The Zero Line Chronicles #3) – James Frey
Reap - James Frey
Thoughts: My patience is freying.

17. Starchaser (TodHunter Moon #2) – Angie Sage
Starchaser (TodHunter Moon #2) - Angie Sage
Thoughts: Is this a Star Trek thing?

18. The Initiation (Lock and Key #1) – Ridley Pearson
The Initiation (Lock and Key #) - Ridley Pearson
Thoughts: What’s even the point of locking something if the keyhole’s going to be big enough to walk through?

19. The Evil Wizard Smallbone – Delia Sherman
The Evil Wizard Smallbone - Delia Sherman
Thoughts: Smallbone the giant has been buried in the snow. Can’t do magic with your hands trapped.

20. The Apocalypse Guard (Apocalypse Guard #1) – Brandon Sanderson
The Apocalypse Guard (Apocalypse Guard #1) - Brandon Sanderson
Thoughts: Fantastic Fourteen-Year-Olds.

21. The Missing – Jerico Lenk
The Missing - Jerico Lenk
Thoughts: Those clocks are not telling the same time.

22. Snakes and Stones – Lisa Fowler
Snakes and Stones - Lisa Fowler
Thoughts: Looks like the cover for The Potion Diaries.

23. The Siege (The Six #2) – Mark Alpert
The Siege - Mark Alpert
Thoughts: This is a good argument for trading in for a robot hand. Smores any time you want!

24. The Bone Sparrow – Zana Fraillon
The Bone Sparrow - Zana Fraillon
Thoughts: This is kind of what my notes always looked like in school. Each spiral is a time the teacher was so boring I felt sleepy.

25. The Infinity of You & Me – J.Q. Coyle
The Infinity of You & Me - J.Q. Coyle
Thoughts: Hmmm, it’s okay, but I feel like this cover style has been done better before. Though bless them for the title being YOU & ME, not the other way around.

26. Fishbone’s Song – Gary Paulsen
Fishbone's Song - Gary Paulsen
Thoughts: AROOOO ROOO ROOOOOOO, he sings.

27. The Sweetest Sound – Sherri Winston
The Sweetest Sound - Sherri Winston
Thoughts: They’re listening to Fishbone’s song, I’ll bet.

28. Addison Cooke and the Treasure of the Incas – Jonathan W. Stokes
Addison Cooke and the Treasure of the Incas - Jonathan W. Stokes
Thoughts: Indiana Jones, it is not.

29. Fuzzy – Tom Angleberger & Paul Dellinger
Fuzzy - Tom Angleberger and Paul Dellinger
Thoughts: Fuzzy wuzzy was a robot.

30. The Wolf’s Boy – Susan Williams Beckhorn
The Wolf's Boy - Susan Williams Beckhorn
Thoughts: More wolf books always, please.

31. The Wolf Keepers – Elise Broach
The Wolf Keepers - Elise Broach
Thoughts: The universe is very giving today. I ask for more wolf books and lo.

32. The Other Boy – M.G. Hennessey
The Other Boy - M.G. Hennessey
Thoughts: He’s shadowing that boy this week.

33. The Poet’s Dog – Patricia MacLachlan
The Poet's Dog - Patricia MacLachlan
Thoughts: They traveled in the snow because it’s less traveled obvs.

34. The Jolly Regina (The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters #1) – Kara LaReau
The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters - Kara LaReau
Thoughts: Apparently this was originally titled The Booty Myth, and I’m quite disappointed about that title change.

35. The Mighty Odds (The Mighty Odds #1) – Amy Ignatow
The Mighty Odds - Amy Ignatow
Thoughts: The cover is giving itself a thumbs up. It’s all about confidence.

36. The Hundred Lies of Lizzie Lovett – Chelsea Sedoti
The Hundred Lies of Lizzie Lovett - Chelsea Sedoti
Thoughts: I don’t lovett, but the title and tagline are fun.

37. The Doorway and the Deep (The Water and the Wild #2) – K.E. Ormsbee
The Doorway and the Deep - K.E. Ormsbee
Thoughts: That bird’s totally about to try to push her into the water.

38. Beautiful Blue World – Suzanne LaFleur
Beautiful Blue World - Suzanne LaFleur
Thoughts: The world is the only thing on this cover that isn’t blue.

39. Dear Poppy – Ronni Arno
Dear Poppy - Ronni Arno
Thoughts: Dear Poppy, you’re the worst aunt ever. Who even gifts walkmen anymore? Like, I even had to ask mom wtf this was. I asked for an MP3 player.

40. The Girl Who Drank the Moon – Kelly Barnhill
The Girl Who Drank the Moon - Kelly Barnhill
Thoughts: She really does look like she’s about to breathe the moon in.

41. Hundred Percent – Karen Romano Young
Hundred Percent - Karen Romano Young
Thoughts: Who says you can’t have style on point and get perfect grades?

42. Mabel Jones and the Doomsday Book (Mabel Jones #3) – Will Mabbitt
Mabel Jones and the Doomsday Book - Will Mabbitt
Thoughts: Accurate depiction of trying to grab the last ARC from a drop at BEA.

43. The Emerald Tablet (Five Elements #1) – Dan Jolley
The Emerald Tablet (Five Elements) - Dan Jolley
Thoughts: The best element is dragon.

44. Double Down (Diary of a Wimpy Kid #11) – Jeff Kinney
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Double Down - Jeff Kinney
Thoughts: At least the backpack will cushion his fall.

45. Incognita (Tabula Rasa #2) – Kristen Lippert-Martin
Incognita - Kristen Lippert-Martin
Thoughts: I sort of wish I could ban fire effects from all covers since so few get it right. This is not one of those.

Cover Battles:

1. The Wolf Wilder – Katherine Rundell

The Wolf Wilder - Katherine Rundell UK
The Wolf Wilder - Katherine Rundell

UK Hardback vs. UK Paperback: It’s like Little Red Riding Hood made the wolf and his friends her buddies.

2. Phantom Limbs – Paula Garner

Phantom Limbs - Paula Garner
Phantom Limbs - Paula Garner

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: I do like it better than Take 1, but it’s also like a more boring version of First & Then.

3. The Water and the Wild (The Water and the Wild #1) – K.E. Ormsbee

The Water and the Wild - K.E. Ormsbee
The Water and the Wild - K.E. Ormsbee

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: GORGEOUS. It fits the book perfectly too.

4. The Mighty Dynamo – Kieran Crowley

The Mighty Dynamo - Kieran Crowley uk
The Mighty Dynamo - Kieran Crowley

UK vs. US: It must be hard to excell at soccer with such long, narrow, flat feet.

5. Circus Mirandus – Cassie Beasley

Circus Mirandus - Cassie Beasley hb
Circus Mirandus - Cassie Beasley

US vs. Australian: I sort of expect that person on the elephant to turn around and be Labyrinth-era David Bowie.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Bobbie Faye’s Whacked Out No Good Really Sucky Hot Mess of a Wedding (Bobbie Faye #3.5) – Toni McGee Causey
Bobbie Faye's Whacked Out No Good Really Sucky Hot Mess of a Wedding - Toni McGee Causey
Thoughts: Were they putting together a heart puzzle at this wedding? Made of rubber?

2. Still You – Bianca Nicole
Still You - Bianca Nicole
Thoughts: Why are they on there twice? Here’s how they look with even bigger heads! Also, the quote/tagline says “dumb ass.” Someone’s a dumb donkey. Or a dumb butt. To find out which, you’ll have to read Still You.

3. I Don’t Know How She Will Do It (Cupcakes R Us #1) – Kobby Tetteh Gyampoh
I Don't Know How She Will Do It - Kobby Tetteh Gyampoh
Thoughts: This art is just inspired.

2 responses to “Cover Snark (185): Snark Is All You Left Me”

  1. Tez Miller says:

    “34. The Booty Myth (The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters #1) – Kara LaReau
    The Unintentional Adventures of the Bland Sisters – Kara LaReau
    Thoughts: I like to imagine that Kara LeReau wrote about pirates so she could put “booty” in a middle grade book title.”

    The cover image says, “The Jolly Regina.” Guess you can’t put “booty” in a title after all 🙁
    Tez Miller recently posted…24th May 2016 ReleasesMy Profile

  2. Julia Gomez says:

    I LOVE THIS!! I’ve never seen anything like this! I love your snarkiness!

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