Cover Snark (183): In Case You Missed Snark

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. The Diabolic – S.J. Kincaid
The Diabolic - S.J. Kincaid
Thoughts: Snarkiness

2. Glitter – Aprilynne Pike
Glitter - Aprilynne Pike
Thoughts: Marie Antoinette meets JLo flop.

3. Black Moon (Zodiac #3) – Romina Russell
Black Moon (Zodiac #3) - Romina Russell
Thoughts: The Dark Side of the Moon?

4. The Sound of Us – Julie Hammerle
The Sound of Us - Julie Hammerle
Thoughts: We sound like lensflare.

5. Queen of Ashes – Eleanor Herman
Queen of Ashes - Eleanor Herman
Thoughts: *sighs*

6. Goldenhand (Abhorsen #5) – Garth Nix
Goldenhand - Garth Nix
Thoughts: Goldfinger He’s the man, the man with the Midas touch A spider’s touch Such a cold finger Beckons you to enter his web of sin But don’t go in

7. Once Upon a Cruise – Anna Staniszewski
Once Upon a Cruise - Anna Staniszewski
Thoughts: So her magic juggling needs a little work.

8. The Iscariot Sanction (The Appollonian Casefiles #2) – Mark A. Latham
The Iscariot Sanction (The Appolonian Casefiles #2) - Mark A. Latham
Thoughts: Sherfire cover.

9. The Autumn Throne (Eleanor of Aquitane #3) – Elizabeth Chadwick
The Autumn Throne - Elizabeth Chadwick
Thoughts: Pretty fontses.

10. The Memory of Things – Gae Polisner
The Memory of Things - Gae Polisner
Thoughts: Blerghhhhhh.

11. Dreamland Burning – Jennifer Latham
Dreamland Burning - Jennifer Latham
Thoughts: Generic tagline aside, yessssss.

12. The Book of Shhh – Lauren Oliver, ed.
THE BOOK OF SHHH - Lauren Oliver, ed.
Thoughts: Be vewwy quiet.

13. One Dream Only – Elodie Nowodazkij
One Dream Only - Elodie Nowodazkij
Thoughts: I’d be so much more a fan without the heart made of light.

14. Like a Virgin – Paige Nick
Like a Virgin - Paige Nick
Thoughts: Well I just spent a few minutes dancing around the room, singing the Moulin Rouge version of this. So thanks for that.

15. Invasion – Luke Rhinehart
Invasion - Luke Rhinehart
Thoughts: The giant head with legs tho. O_O

16. Curse on the Land (Soulwood #2) – Faith Hunter
Curse on the Land (Soulwood #) - Faith Hunter
Thoughts: She’s knee-deep in something but her hair is still fabulous as fuck.

17. Roller Girl (Lake Lovelace #3) – Vanessa North
Roller Girl - Vanessa North
Thoughts: What does she need rollerblades for when she can FLY?

18. Shutter – Laurie Faria Stolarz
Shutter - Laurie Faria Stolarz
Thoughts: Did you just shutter at that photography pun in the tagline?

19. The Women in the Walls – Amy Lukavics
The Women in the Walls - Amy Lukavics
Thoughts: The YA Yellow Wallpaper.

20. Interference – Kay Honeyman
Interference - Kay Honeyman
Thoughts: TELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE LIKE DID HE HAVE A CAR

21. Kyle Finds Her Way – Susie Salom
Kyle Finds Her Way - Susie Salom
Thoughts: Do classrooms usually still have blackboards? I’d have thought it would be all dry erase by now.

22. Amy Chelsea Stacie Dee – Mary G. Thompson
Amy Chelsea Stacie Dee - Mary G. Thompson
Thoughts: I WANT TO CHUCKY THIS COVER IN THE INCINERATOR.

23. Pretty – Justin Sayre
Pretty - Justin Sayre
Thoughts: I’m looking at an ugly covwer. I’m guessing that’s the point, but yikes.

24. In Case You Missed It – Sarah Darer Littman
In Case You Missed It - Sarah Darer Littman
Thoughts: This is precisely how I spend the first twenty or so minutes after I wake up.

25. Bionic – Suzanne Weyn
Bionic - Suzanne Weyn
Thoughts: Not particularly creative but at least the colors are pleasant.

26. The Secret Diary of Lydia Bennet – Natasha Farrant
The Secret Diary of Lydia Bennet - Natasha Farrant
Thoughts: That lady’s parasol does not match her dress and it’s distracting me.

27. It’s Not Me, It’s You – Stephanie Kate Strohm
It's Not Me, It's You - Stephanie Kate Strohm
Thoughts: The truth finally comes out.

28. Pasadena – Sherri L. Smith
Pasadena - Sherri L. Smith
Thoughts: PASSadena.

29. Wrecked – Maria Padian
Wrecked - Maria Padian
Thoughts: This fails my bottom line art test, in that I totally could have done this.

30. Iceling (Icelings #1) – Sasha Stephenson
Iceling - Sasha Stephenson
Thoughts: This looks like some sort of 1960s mystery show.

31. Broken Angels (Angels and Demons #1) – Brenda L. Harper
Broken Angels (Angels and Demons #1) - Brenda L. Harper
Thoughts: Sword of cool but also I’ve seen this cover a million times.

32. The Sun Is Also a Star – Nicola Yoon
The Sun Is Also a Star - Nicola Yoon
Thoughts: Yoon is obviously another author who has performed the proper obeisances to the cover gods.

33. The Throne of Glass Coloring Book – Sarah J. Maas
The Throne of Glass Coloring Book - Sarah J. Maas
Thoughts: I wish I were a bit more enamored with this art tbh but still kinda want it.

34. The Fate of the Tearling (The Queen of the Tearling #3) – Erika Johansen
The Fate of the Tearling (The Queen of the Tearling #3) - Erika Johansen
Thoughts: It’s better than the pink one I saw floating around as a not final cover, but…

35. Lodestar (Keeper of the Lost Cities #5) – Shannon Messenger
Lodestar (Keeper of the Lost Cities #5) - Shannon Messenger
Thoughts: WHERE IS KEEFE. GIVE ME KEEFE.

36. Tell the Truth, Shame the Devil – Melina Marchetta
Tell the Truth, Shame the Devil - Melina Marchetta
Thoughts: Cheer with me now: 2 4 6 8 give us a design we don’t hate!

37. Nightwanderers – C.J. Flood
Nightwanderers - C.J. Flood
Thoughts: I loathe this handwritten font. Also “me and Tie”????

38. You’re It – LeighAnn Kopans
You're It - Leigh Ann Kopans
Thoughts: These people do not know how to play tag.

Cover Battles:

1. Strange the Dreamer – Laini Taylor

Strange the Dreamer - Laini Taylor US
Strange the Dreamer - Laini Taylor UK

US vs. UK: The UK cover reminds me of The Children’s Book and the US one’s just kinda eh. Idk, guys.

2. The Waking Fire (The Draconis Memoria #1) – Anthony Ryan

The Waking Fire - Anthony Ryan
The Waking Fire (The Draconis Memoria #1) - Anthony Ryan

UK vs. US: How do I even choose between two awesome dragon covers? Mean. Slight preference for the UK, I think? It doesn’t have these crappy flames so I guess.

3. Thirteen Reasons Why – Jay Asher

Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher Hardback
Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher Paperback
Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher

US Hardback vs. US Paperback vs. US 10th Anniversary Edition: Did they really just leech even more color out and slap a triangle over her boobs? HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

4. How to Keep a Boy from Kissing You (Aurora Skye #1) – Tara Eglington

How to Keep a Boy from Kissing You - Tara Eglington Aus
How to Keep a Boy from Kissing You - Tara Eglington US

Australian vs. US: Punch him on the ducklips while simultaneously kneeing him in the groin.

5. The Petrified Flesh (Reckless) – Cornelia Funke

Reckless
Reckless - Cornelia Funke
The Petrified Flesh (Reckless) - Cornelia Funke

Little, Brown Hardback vs. Little, Brown Paperback vs. Breathing Books: Realizing I feel about the word “flesh,” the way most people feel about “moist.” That said, this is gorgeous, minus the fonts which eh.

6. Living Shadows (Reckless #2) – Cornelia Funke

Fearless - Cornelia Funke
Living Shadows (Reckless #2) - Cornelia Funke

Little, Brown vs. Breathing Books: Seems like the covers for this one and The Golden Yarn should trade places since it has all that golden thread.

7. Brightwood – Tania Unsworth

The Secret Life of Daisy Fitzjohn - Tania Unsworth
Brightwood - Tania Unsworth

UK vs. US: They missed a perfectly good opportunity to make the title out of tree branches.

8. Night World (Night World #1) – L.J. Smith

Secret Vampire - L.J. Smith
Night World (Night World #1) - L.J. Smith

Original vs. Redesign: Man, that’s a tough choice. I don’t know how to choose.

9. Daughters of Darkness (Night World) – L.J. Smith

Daughters of Darkness (Night World) - L.J. Smith original
Daughters of Darkness (Night World) - L.J. Smith

US vs. Australian: These original covers are a fucking treasure my god.

10. The Baby – Lisa Drakeford

The Baby - Lisa Drakeford UK
The Baby - Lisa Drakeford

UK vs. US: ACTUALLY SHUDDERING

11. That Burning Summer – Lydia Syson

That Burning Summer - Lydia Syson UK
That Burning Summer - Lydia Syson

UK vs. US: A burning sensation is not a good sign. I would recommend not engaging in sexual activity in this field tbh.

12. The Alex Crow – Andrew Smith

The Alex Crow - Andrew Smith
The Alex Crow - Andrew Smith

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Hmmm, the paperback is more my general aesthetic, but the fonts are meh and I feel like the hardback probably fits the book more.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Relish (Vicious Feast #2) – Kate Evangelista
Relish - Kate Evangelista
Thoughts: That poor bird staring at all its kin who had to die to make that horrible outfit.

2. Raven Takes a Pearl (Fantasies in Color #2) – Sharon Lynn Fisher
Raven Takes a Pearl - Sharon Lynn Fisher
Thoughts: Where’s she gonna take it? Also, what the fuck are with the wrist wings?

3. Baby Twins to Bind Them – Carol Marinelli
Baby Twins to Bind Them - Carol Marinelli
Thoughts: Sauron’s plot has become even more fiendish.

2 responses to “Cover Snark (183): In Case You Missed Snark”

  1. LG says:

    The original Night World covers bring back so many memories with their “a group of high school students produced short melodramatic horror films on a shoestring budget” awfulness. But why are those new covers so boring and strange?
    LG recently posted…Fox’s Bride (e-book) by A.E. MarlingMy Profile

  2. Danielle says:

    This was so entertaining! With how gorgeous the Queen of the Tearling, I expected more from the sequel…..

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