Cover Snark (155): The Square Root of Snark

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. I ♥ My Hair: A Coloring Book of Braids, Coils, and Doodle Dos – Andrea Pippins
I ♥ My Hair A Coloring Book of Braids, Coils, and Doodle Dos - Andrea Pippins
Thoughts: Hair to the yes.

2. The Darkest Corners – Kara Thomas
The Darkest Corners - Kara Thomas
Thoughts: Generic tagline + generic face cover = The Mehest Covers

3. Fractured Perfection (University of Branton #4) – Nazarea Andrews
Fractured Perfection (University of Branton #4) - Nazarea Andrews
Thoughts: DO I SPY A BISEXUAL LOVE TRIANGLE??? GIVE IT TO MEEEEE.

4. The Square Root of Summer – Harriet Reuter Hapgood
The Square Root of Summer - Harriet Reuter Hapgood
Thoughts: Um, the whole point of summers off school is not having to math.

5. Pilfer Academy – Lauren Magaziner
Pilfer Academy - Lauren Magaziner
Thoughts: And the award for best tagline goes to! Also, bonus points for the hand stealing the R in Magaziner.

6. The Forbidden Orchid – Sharon Biggs Waller
The Forbidden Orchid - Sharon Biggs Waller
Thoughts: Is it just me or does her head look out of proportion?

7. Salt to the Sea – Ruta Sepetys
Salt to the Sea - Ruta Sepetys
Thoughts: Such menacing life preservers.

8. The Last Dream Keeper (The Witches of Echo Park #2) – Amber Benson
The Last Dream Keeper (The Witches of Echo Park #2) - Amber Benson
Thoughts: I know cats, so I’m pretty confident there’s a bug or a mouse in front of her feet. WATCH OUT, WITCHY GIRL.

9. Twenty Questions for Gloria – Martyn Bedford
Twenty Questions for Gloria - Martyn Bedford
Thoughts: The heads-with-pictures-in trend actually tends to be a good one, but this is half-hearted.

10. Denton Little’s Birthdate (Denton Little #2) – Lance Rubin
Denton Little's Birthdate - Lance Rubin
Thoughts: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DENTON LITTLE. I HEARD YOU LIKE YOUR CAKE BURNED.

11. Nameless – Jennifer Jenkins
Nameless - Jennifer Jenkins
Thoughts: Surely this cover doesn’t have a white person painted black. People know better than that right?

12. A Sky Unbroken (Earth & Sky #3) – Megan Crewe
A Sky Unbroken - Megan Crewe
Thoughts: The sky might not be broken but that planet in it isn’t looking so hot. Well, actually, it’s looking TOO hot but whatever.

13. Queen Song (Red Queen #0.5) – Victoria Aveyard
Queen Song - Victoria Aveyard
Thoughts: These novella covers are way more badass than The Glass Sword’s cover. *sighs*

14. Steel Scars (Red Queen #1.5) – Victoria Aveyard
Steel Scars - Victoria Aveyard
Thoughts: SERIOUSLY. Time for The Glass Sword to level the fuck up.

15. My Brilliant Idea: (And How It Caused My Downfall) – Stuart David
My Brilliant Idea (And How It Caused My Downfall) - Stuart David
Thoughts: Was the idea to leap into a tornado?

16. Season of Glory (The Remnants #3) – Lisa Tawn Bergren
Season of Glory - Lisa Tawn Bergren
Thoughts: EYEBROWS EVERYWHERE.

17. Driven (Otherworlds Stories #13.6) – Kelley Armstrong
Driven - Kelley Armstrong
Thoughts: TROLOLOLOLOL

18. Game On (Lewis Creek #2) – Michelle Smith
Game On (Lewis Creek #2) -Michelle Smith
Thoughts: The heart made out of baseballs seems like a bit of a stretch, but otherwise totes adorbs.

19. The Person Controller – David Baddiel
The Person Controller - David Baddiel
Thoughts: That boy is about to get a soccer ball to his weak spot.

20. Superhero Street – Phil Earle
Superhero Street - Phil Earle
Thoughts: Wearing your underwear over your clothing doesn’t make you a superhero; it just gets you picked on.

21. Hidden (Hush #2) – Donna Jo Napoli
Hidden - Donna Jo Napoli
Thoughts: She’s just out in the open. I totally see her.

22. The First Time She Drowned – Kerry Kletter
The First Time She Drowned - Kerry Kletter
Thoughts: How many times has she drowned?????

23. Irreversible – Chris Lynch
Irreversible - Chris Lynch
Thoughts: All of these things look like they could be reversed. Unpack the bag. Open up and empty the box. Flip over the mattress. Put the keys where you got them from.

24. The Mark of Cain – Lindsey Barraclough
The Mark of Cain - Lindsey Barraclough
Thoughts: CREEPY. The marks around the edge make it look like something is trying to escape from the book. HALP.

25. Love, Lies and Spies – Cindy Anstey & Cynthia Anstey
Love, Lies and Spies - Cindy Anstey & Cynthia Anstey
Thoughts: Well, I guess the romance isn’t with the guy who drives her carriage because ahahahahaha.

26. No Love Allowed – Kate Evangelista
No Love Allowed - Kate Evangelista
Thoughts: OMG, totally read the tagline as “it’s all fun and panties,” which ngl is even better.

27. Fifteen Lanes – S.J. Laidlaw
Fifteen Lanes - S.J. Laidlaw
Thoughts: No clue what that is or what the book is about, but it’s a pretty illustrated bird thing? I don’t really care for the fonts/font colors or the bars (bird cage??) but oh well.

28. Fiona – Meredith Moore
Fiona - Meredith Moore
Thoughts: This is such a bad week for pictures in faces. Making the hair look normal was a bold choice that didn’t pay off imo.

29. All The Feels – Danika Stone
All The Feels - Danika Stone
Thoughts: A book written specifically for tumblrites.

30. The May Queen Murders – Sarah Jude
The May Queen Murders - Sarah Jude
Thoughts: Anna Dressed in Blood Goes Swimming.

31. The V-Word – Amber J. Keyser, ed.
The V-Word - Amber J. Keyser, ed.
Thoughts: Lady garden.

32. Tell the Wind and Fire – Sarah Rees Brennan
Tell the Wind and Fire - Sarah Rees Brennan
Thoughts: Obviously I would save my cat. And my books, which are totally a who. Shut up.

33. The Night Parade – Kathryn Tanquary
The Night Parade - Kathryn Tanquary
Thoughts: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25821928-the-night-parade?ac=1

34. Guile – Constance Cooper
Guile - Constance Cooper
Thoughts: But not the power to run a pocket watch, which is what I think that is.

35. The Bitter Side of Sweet – Tara Sullivan
The Bitter Side of Sweet - Tara Sullivan
Thoughts: The Burlap Side of Sweet?

36. Stories of the Morganville Vampires – Rachel Caine
Stories of the Morganville Vampires - Rachel Caine
Thoughts: This series is still going?

37. Summer of Sloane – Erin L. Schneider
Summer of Sloane - Erin L. Schneider
Thoughts: Got wood?

38. Thunderbird (Miriam Black #4) – Chuck Wendig
Thunderbird (Miriam Black #4) - Chuck Wendig
Thoughts: More like Firebird.

39. The Girl’s Guide To The Apocalypse – Daphne Lamb
The Girl's Guide To The Apocalypse - Daphne Lamb
Thoughts: “Well, shit. At least I have my coffee.”

40. Brazen (Gilded #3) – Christina Farley
Brazen (Gilded #3) - Christina Farley
Thoughts: This dragon reminds me of the hookah-smoking Caterpillar. He’s just chilling on that cloud laughing.

41. Wicked Ever After (Blud #7) – Delilah S. Dawson
Wicked Ever After (Blud #7) - Delilah S. Dawson
Thoughts: No Neck monster is wondering where he left his shirt.

42. Binti – Nnedi Okorafor
Binti - Nnedi Okorafor
Thoughts: This looks like a really cool Top Model shoot. Here for it.

43. Beyond the Red – Ava Jae
Beyond the Red - Ava Jae
Thoughts: Mars, the red-headed stepchild of the universe.

Cover Battles:

1. The Start of Me and You – Emery Lord

The Start of You and Me - Emery Lord
The Start of Me and You - Emery Lord

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: OMG, this is so perfect for the book.

2. Daughters Unto Devils – Amy Lukavics

Daughters Unto Devils - Amy Lukavics
Daughters Unto Devils - Amy Lukavics

US vs. UK: UKan have all my money.

3. Return Once More (The Historians #1) – Trisha Leigh

The Historians - Trisha Leigh
Return Once More (The Historians #1) - Trisha Leigh

Self-pub vs. Bloomsbury: Interesting that they didn’t make many changes to the original self-pub cover. I think removing the pocket watch was a good call, though.

4. Bleeding Earth – Kaitlin Ward

Bleeding Earth - Kaitlin Ward
Bleeding Earth - Kaitlin Ward

Egmont vs. Adaptive: Not a huge fan of the new cover either but there are girls holding hands so it’s still much improved.

5. Blind – Rachel Dewoskin

Blind - Rachel Dewoskin hardback
Blind - Rachel Dewoskin

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: NO. I reject this.

6. The Vigilante Poets of Selwyn Academy – Kate Hattemer

The Vigilante Poets of Selwyn Academy - Kate Hattemer hardback
The Vigilante Poets of Selwyn Academy - Kate Hattemer

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Fuck this marionette. No, really. Why?

7. The Scandalous Sisterhood of Prickwillow Place – Julie Berry

The Scandalous Sisterhood of Prickwillow Place - Julie Berry
The Scandalous Sisterhood of Prickwillow Place - Julie Berry

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: They really blue it. :-p

8. Everything I Never Told You – Celeste Ng

Everything I Never Told You - Celeste Ng
Everything I Never Told You - Celeste Ng

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: This paperback is guilty of font crimes.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” Or, in this case, covers that made me laugh but are also totally boss awesome.Bossome.

1. Young and Beardless – John Luke Robertson
Young and Beardless - John Luke Robertson
Thoughts: No country for young men.

2. Hot Pterodactyl Boyfriend – Alan Cumyn
Hot Pterodactyl Boyfriend - Alan Cumyn
Thoughts: OH MY GOD. HAS DINOSAUR PORN GONE YA AND LEGIT?!?!?!?!?!

Tell Me Your Favorites!

4 responses to “Cover Snark (155): The Square Root of Snark”

  1. Meg says:

    YA DINO PORN OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG (don’t ever tell me if i’m wrong)

  2. I am soooooo in love with The Night Parade!!!!!!!

  3. 1. Not sure if I’m into the adult coloring book trend yet (some of them look too intricate for me!) but this hair one seems fun. I like swirls 🙂
    7. It looks like a Lifetime movie where someone’s wife drowns and the husband is the main suspect. Dun dun dunnnnn.
    13. and 14. Totally agree.
    21. Would you ever know from looking at the cover that this is hist fic based on the legend of the first Norse woman pirate?! Who lived in 5th century Sweden? Because I wouldn’t. I want to read that book. This book looks like it’s about an Amish girl. Does not grab me at all.
    24. Your description is perfect. I love how much it matches Long Lankin and it’s even creepier in person!! (I bought it last year when it came out in the UK. The figure is slightly bigger/closer to the viewer).
    25. I LOVE OLD KEYS. This is charming 😀
    28. Not a fan at all but the book sounds good.
    29. I can’t even (har har). Very cute!
    32. I like the title treatment but the rest of the cover underwhelms me, which is a disappointment 🙁
    1. Both covers are great but I love the vibrant sunset of the HC.

  4. Lyn Kaye says:

    1. I totally need that.

    4. Um, putting summer and math together is freaking evil. Just sayin’.

    8. That cat totally looks like, “WTF am I doing here??!”

    11. D: x a million…..

    13. I’m not a novella person but THIS COVER, MAN.

    14. Just….awesome. Someone in the cover department deserves a big fat bonus.

    17. I…..don’t know how I am feel.

    25. I am going to end up getting this because of the cover.

    29. *eyeroll*

    30. I wish the font had matched the picture a bit better. That bright pink ruined that Gothic imagery.

    40. *snorts* CGI fail.
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Blog Tour: The 3rd WomanMy Profile

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