Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. I ♥ My Hair: A Coloring Book of Braids, Coils, and Doodle Dos - Andrea Pippins

Thoughts: Hair to the yes.

2. The Darkest Corners - Kara Thomas

Thoughts: Generic tagline + generic face cover = The Mehest Covers

3. Fractured Perfection (University of Branton #4) - Nazarea Andrews

Thoughts: DO I SPY A BISEXUAL LOVE TRIANGLE??? GIVE IT TO MEEEEE.

4. The Square Root of Summer - Harriet Reuter Hapgood

Thoughts: Um, the whole point of summers off school is not having to math.

5. Pilfer Academy - Lauren Magaziner

Thoughts: And the award for best tagline goes to! Also, bonus points for the hand stealing the R in Magaziner.

6. The Forbidden Orchid - Sharon Biggs Waller

Thoughts: Is it just me or does her head look out of proportion?

7. Salt to the Sea - Ruta Sepetys

Thoughts: Such menacing life preservers.

8. The Last Dream Keeper (The Witches of Echo Park #2) - Amber Benson

Thoughts: I know cats, so I’m pretty confident there’s a bug or a mouse in front of her feet. WATCH OUT, WITCHY GIRL.

9. Twenty Questions for Gloria - Martyn Bedford

Thoughts: The heads-with-pictures-in trend actually tends to be a good one, but this is half-hearted.

10. Denton Little’s Birthdate (Denton Little #2) - Lance Rubin

Thoughts: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DENTON LITTLE. I HEARD YOU LIKE YOUR CAKE BURNED.

11. Nameless - Jennifer Jenkins

Thoughts: Surely this cover doesn’t have a white person painted black. People know better than that right?

12. A Sky Unbroken (Earth & Sky #3) - Megan Crewe

Thoughts: The sky might not be broken but that planet in it isn’t looking so hot. Well, actually, it’s looking TOO hot but whatever.

13. Queen Song (Red Queen #0.5) - Victoria Aveyard

Thoughts: These novella covers are way more badass than The Glass Sword’s cover. *sighs*

14. Steel Scars (Red Queen #1.5) - Victoria Aveyard

Thoughts: SERIOUSLY. Time for The Glass Sword to level the fuck up.

15. My Brilliant Idea: (And How It Caused My Downfall) - Stuart David

Thoughts: Was the idea to leap into a tornado?

16. Season of Glory (The Remnants #3) - Lisa Tawn Bergren

Thoughts: EYEBROWS EVERYWHERE.

17. Driven (Otherworlds Stories #13.6) - Kelley Armstrong

Thoughts: TROLOLOLOLOL

18. Game On (Lewis Creek #2) - Michelle Smith

Thoughts: The heart made out of baseballs seems like a bit of a stretch, but otherwise totes adorbs.

19. The Person Controller - David Baddiel

Thoughts: That boy is about to get a soccer ball to his weak spot.

20. Superhero Street - Phil Earle

Thoughts: Wearing your underwear over your clothing doesn’t make you a superhero; it just gets you picked on.

21. Hidden (Hush #2) - Donna Jo Napoli

Thoughts: She’s just out in the open. I totally see her.

22. The First Time She Drowned - Kerry Kletter

Thoughts: How many times has she drowned?????

23. Irreversible - Chris Lynch

Thoughts: All of these things look like they could be reversed. Unpack the bag. Open up and empty the box. Flip over the mattress. Put the keys where you got them from.

24. The Mark of Cain - Lindsey Barraclough

Thoughts: CREEPY. The marks around the edge make it look like something is trying to escape from the book. HALP.

25. Love, Lies and Spies - Cindy Anstey & Cynthia Anstey

Thoughts: Well, I guess the romance isn’t with the guy who drives her carriage because ahahahahaha.

26. No Love Allowed - Kate Evangelista

Thoughts: OMG, totally read the tagline as “it’s all fun and panties,” which ngl is even better.

27. Fifteen Lanes - S.J. Laidlaw

Thoughts: No clue what that is or what the book is about, but it’s a pretty illustrated bird thing? I don’t really care for the fonts/font colors or the bars (bird cage??) but oh well.

28. Fiona - Meredith Moore

Thoughts: This is such a bad week for pictures in faces. Making the hair look normal was a bold choice that didn’t pay off imo.

29. All The Feels - Danika Stone

Thoughts: A book written specifically for tumblrites.

30. The May Queen Murders - Sarah Jude

Thoughts: Anna Dressed in Blood Goes Swimming.

31. The V-Word - Amber J. Keyser, ed.

Thoughts: Lady garden.

32. Tell the Wind and Fire - Sarah Rees Brennan

Thoughts: Obviously I would save my cat. And my books, which are totally a who. Shut up.

33. The Night Parade - Kathryn Tanquary

Thoughts: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25821928-the-night-parade?ac=1

34. Guile - Constance Cooper

Thoughts: But not the power to run a pocket watch, which is what I think that is.

35. The Bitter Side of Sweet - Tara Sullivan

Thoughts: The Burlap Side of Sweet?

36. Stories of the Morganville Vampires - Rachel Caine

Thoughts: This series is still going?

37. Summer of Sloane - Erin L. Schneider

Thoughts: Got wood?

38. Thunderbird (Miriam Black #4) - Chuck Wendig

Thoughts: More like Firebird.

39. The Girl’s Guide To The Apocalypse - Daphne Lamb

Thoughts: “Well, shit. At least I have my coffee.”

40. Brazen (Gilded #3) - Christina Farley

Thoughts: This dragon reminds me of the hookah-smoking Caterpillar. He’s just chilling on that cloud laughing.

41. Wicked Ever After (Blud #7) - Delilah S. Dawson

Thoughts: No Neck monster is wondering where he left his shirt.

42. Binti - Nnedi Okorafor

Thoughts: This looks like a really cool Top Model shoot. Here for it.

43. Beyond the Red - Ava Jae

Thoughts: Mars, the red-headed stepchild of the universe.

Cover Battles:

1. The Start of Me and You - Emery Lord

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: OMG, this is so perfect for the book.

2. Daughters Unto Devils - Amy Lukavics

US vs. UK: UKan have all my money.

3. Return Once More (The Historians #1) - Trisha Leigh

Self-pub vs. Bloomsbury: Interesting that they didn’t make many changes to the original self-pub cover. I think removing the pocket watch was a good call, though.

4. Bleeding Earth - Kaitlin Ward

Egmont vs. Adaptive: Not a huge fan of the new cover either but there are girls holding hands so it’s still much improved.

5. Blind - Rachel Dewoskin

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: NO. I reject this.

6. The Vigilante Poets of Selwyn Academy - Kate Hattemer

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Fuck this marionette. No, really. Why?

7. The Scandalous Sisterhood of Prickwillow Place - Julie Berry

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: They really blue it. :-p

8. Everything I Never Told You - Celeste Ng

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: This paperback is guilty of font crimes.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” Or, in this case, covers that made me laugh but are also totally boss awesome.Bossome.

1. Young and Beardless - John Luke Robertson

Thoughts: No country for young men.

2. Hot Pterodactyl Boyfriend - Alan Cumyn

Thoughts: OH MY GOD. HAS DINOSAUR PORN GONE YA AND LEGIT?!?!?!?!?!

Tell Me Your Favorites!