Cover Snark (82): The One with the Tentacled Princess

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Sparrow Hill Road (Ghost Stories #1) – Seanan McGuire
Sparrow Hill Road by Seanan McGuire
Thoughts: Oh man, are they racing for ghostly pink slips on Sparrow Hill Road?

2. The Year of Chasing Dreams – Lurlene McDaniel
The Year of Chasing Dreams - Lurlene McDaniel
Thoughts: Wait! Dreams! COME BACK. LET ME LOVE YOUUUUUUUU.

3. A Little Too Hot (A Little Too Far #3) – Lisa Desrochers
A Little Too Hot - Lisa Desrochers
Thoughts: Then maybe you should move to the North Pole. Or the South Pole. I’m easy. Like you guys.

4. Valour and Vanity (Glamourist Histories #4) – (Mary Robinette Kowal
Valour and Vanity by Mary Robinette Kowal
Thoughts: Ooooh, that dude clearly made the cover for The Burning Sky. Also, I suddenly have a strong need to rewatch P&P.

5. Something Real – Heather Demetrios
Something Real - Heather Demetrios
Thoughts: I enjoy how silly and unique this one is. Also, is it set in the past, because those televisions.

6. Out of Control – Sarah Alderson
Out of Control - Sarah Alderson
Thoughts: Oh hey, is the hot guy actually going to be a villain? That’s intriguing. Also, that color scheme. I cannot.

7. Glimpse – Kendra Leighton
Glimpse - Kendra Leighton
Thoughts: Reason to hate it: OMG THIS PHOTO AGAIN. WHY? Reason to love it: I now have Loreena McKennitt stuck in my head.

8. Oblivion (Nevermore #3) – Kelly Creagh
Oblivion – Kelly Creagh
Thoughts: LOL, his face and her prom dress. I cannot.

9. Big Fat Disaster – Beth Fehlbaum
Big Fat Disaster - Beth Fehlbaum
Thoughts: Oh my goodness, is it a cover with a girl who is obviously not super skinny, even if they’re just showing the arms? Progress. Someday maybe they’ll actually show the model.

10. Last Day of Love (Teardrop #1.5) – Lauren Kate
Last Day of Love (Teardrop) - Lauren Kate
Thoughts: Wow, the novella cover is a million times better than the actual book’s. Wah wah. Awkward.

11. Misunderstandings (Woodfalls Girls #2) – Tiffany King
Misunderstandings - Tiffany King
Thoughts: WHY IS THIS GUY ON EVERY COVER? GO AWAAAAAAY.

12. The Screaming Divas – Suzanne Kamata
Screaming Divas - Suzanne Kamata
Thoughts: I do not think you’re meant to kiss the microphone when singing. Maybe that’s the ship. A girl and her microphone. THE TENSION. Somehow I do not expect positive FEEDBACK on that.

13. Ignited (Sense Thieves #3) – Corrine Jackson
Ignited (Sense Thieves #3) - Corrine Jackson
Thoughts: Whenever I am on the run, I like to wear my high top Chuck Taylors. They won’t catch you then. FIRE FEET. Also, you should confuse them with red smoke.

14. The Virgin’s Guide to Misbehaving – Jessica Clare
The Virgin's Guide to Misbehaving - Jessica Clare
Thoughts: Rage rising. VIRGINS DO NOT NEED GUIDES TO MISBEHAVING. IT IS NOT THAT WE DO NOT KNOW HOW THE WORLD WORKS. *flips tables*

15. The Legend of Me – Rebekah L. Purdy
The Legend of Me - Rebekah L. Purdy
Thoughts: I am SO glad this says “no one should go into the woods” and not a gendered statement. Also, I feel bad for this girl. She has one hell of a heavy flow. And her poor dress! Could not deal with that once a month.

16. The Winter People – Rebekah L. Purdy
The Winter People - Rebekah L. Purdy
Thoughts: YOU DON’T KNOW, JON SNOW. WINTER IS COMING.

17. Draw Me In – Megan Squires
Draw Me In - Megan Squires
Thoughts: The old bait and switch tagline. Very helpful. We’re playing process of elimination on plot. One down, eighty million to go.

18. Unite Me: The Shatter Me Stories (Shatter Me #1.5, 2.5) – Tahereh Mafi
Unite Me (Destroy Me + Fracture Me) - Tahereh Mafi
Thoughts: Wow, this one’s so…anticlimactic. Just bleeding mascara smoky eyes. Huh.

19. Emergent (Annex #2) – Rachel Cohn
Emergent (Annex , #2) by Rachel Cohn
Thoughts: Look at that creeper watching their watery sexy times! SKEEVY.

20. Music Box (Dollhouse #4) – Anya Allyn
Music Box - Anya Allyn
Thoughts: I do not think this is how you are meant to wear a corset.

21. The Fifty-Seven Lives of Alex Wayfare (Alex Wayfare #1) – MG Buehrlen
The 57 Lives of Alex Wayfare (Alex Wayfare #1) - MG Buehrlen
Thoughts: Strangely charming.

22. The Magician’s Land (The Magicians #3) – Lev Grossman
The Magician's Land (The Magicians #3) - Lev Grossman
Thoughts: Apparently the magician really fucking loves snow.

23. Lords of Trillium (Nightshade Chronicles #3) – Hilary Wagner
Lords of Trillium (The Nightshade Chronicles #3) - Hilary Wagner
Thoughts: I am so creeped out right now. Is that one rat going to save the others from animal testing? *cries*

24. Mistress of the Wind – Michelle Diener
Mistress of the Wind - Michelle Diener
Thoughts: Is this a continuation to His Dark Materials?

25. The Shadow Throne (The Shadow Campaigns #2) – Django Wexler
The Shadow Throne (The Shadow Campaigns #2) - Django Wexler
Thoughts: I am Yao, king of the rock.

26. Full Fathom Five – Max Gladstone
Full Fathom Five - Max Gladstone
Thoughts: Diversity win. I would also like to know what is going on with her arm. Is she about to Hulk out?

27. Rushing Amy (Love and Football #2) – Julie Brannagh
Rushing Amy (Love and Football) - Julie Brannagh
Thoughts: Don’t you just love when giant men rush at you? Better hope Amy is a fast runner.

28. Little Green Men at the Mercury Inn – Greg Leitich Smith
Little Green Men at the Mercury Inn - Greg Leitich Smith
Thoughts: Those are some grumpy kids, except for the one with the HUGE camera.

29. Binary (®Evolution #2) – Stephanie Saulter
Binary (Evolution #2) - Stephanie Saulter
Thoughts: Intriguing. Probably just a stock photo flipped, but there are so many weird things happening and I like it.

30. Under Different Stars (Kricket #1) – Amy A. Bartol
Under Different Stars - Amy A. Bartol
Thoughts: Seems like she should be more worried about the water she is under, and not the stars. That’s just me though.

31. Chasing Stars (After Eden #2) – Helen Douglas
Chasing Stars (After Eden #2) - Helen Douglas
Thoughts: It’s nice when taglines tell me I probably won’t like a book. Generally trusting your heart is code for making illogical choices in the name of “love.”

32. Heart Break Girl – Malorie Blackman
Heart Break Girl - Malorie Blackman
Thoughts: Huh, it’s weird how it sort of look like Noughts & Crosses, but also incredibly different. Is this a companion to Boys Don’t Cry? That circle is not very specific.

Cover Battles:

1. Exposure (Virals #4) – Kathy Reichs

Exposure (Virals) - Kathy Reichs
Exposure (Virals #4) - Kathy Reichs

US vs. UK: Ah, the UK cover is so much cooler, though Brendan is getting totally shafted with his font size and treatment.

2. Pretty When She Dies (Pretty When She Dies #1) – Rhiannon Frater

Pretty When She Dies - Rhiannon Frater
Pretty When She Dies (Pretty When She Dies #1) - Rhiannon Frater

Self-pub vs. Permuted Press: Well, that’s gruesome. The original cover is more to my personal tastes, but I suppose this has an appeal. Though some people might wish she had BREASTWINGS. *cough* Inside joke *cough*

3. Out of the Easy – Ruta Sepetys

Out of the Easy
Out of the Easy - Ruta Sepetys

Hardback vs. Paperback: HARDBACK HARDBACK HARDBACK. I wouldn’t even identify this one as YA at a glance, which maaaay be the point.

4. Catherine – April Lindner

Catherine - April Lindner hb
Catherine - April Lindner

Hardback vs. Paperback: Big shrug. I guess maybe the paperback, since the setting is so grimy and non-romantic, which pretty much sums up Catherine and Heathcliff.

5. Illusion (Chronicles of Nick #5) – Sherrilyn Kenyon

Illusion (Chronicles of Nick #5) - Sherrilyn Kenyon US
Illusion (Chronicles of Nick #5) - Sherrilyn Kenyon

US vs. UK: Ummm, they sure look similar. US for no tagline, I guess.

6. Das Mädchen das Geschichten fängt – Victoria Schwab

The Archived - Victoria Schwab
Az Archivum
Das Mädchen das Geschichten fängt - Victoria Schwab

US vs. Hungarian vs. German: OH MY GOODNESS, I LOVE THE GERMAN COVER SO MUCH. Not sure that it fits with the book one bit, but soooo cute.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to cynicalsapphire@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Close Call – Eloise March
Close Call - Eloise March
Thoughts: THIS BOOK CONTAINS TALKING GENITALS. *is scarred for life*

2. Knitting with Dog Hair – Kendall Crolius & Anne Montgomery
Knitting with Dog Hair - Kendall Crolius & Anne Montgomery
Thoughts: So…this is a thing. Incidentally, another edition (there’s more than one!) has the subtitle: “Better A Sweater From A Dog You Know and Love Than From A Sheep You’ll Never Meet”

3. The Princess Bride – William Goldman
The Princess Bride - William Goldman
Thoughts: I…Is she an octopus? And what? And huh? And have they read this book? Also, AHHHHHHHHHH. (OMFG, RANDOM HOUSE MADE THIS. WHAT WHAT WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?

Outstanding Cover of the Week:

Something Real by Heather Demetrios

The Outstanding Cover of the Week is chosen by a Cover Snark reader. They are free to pick any of the week’s covers, whether they’re to my personal tastes or not. If you’d like to choose the cover for a week, either email or tweet me. You will need to be available Wednesday evening to consult.

Something Real - Heather Demetrios

Today, welcome Lili (Lili’s Reflections), who has selected Something Real by Heather Demetrios. Here’s why:

“SOMETHING REAL is my favorite. It’s totally quirky and unique and I love the concept of the older televisions which I’ve yet to see on a cover, but if I had to pick a favorite for overall prettiness it’s the German cover of The Archived. It’s just so visually appealing!”

To learn more or purchase: Goodreads|Amazon|TBD|B&N

16 Responses to “Cover Snark (82): The One with the Tentacled Princess”

  1. Kim W. says:

    1. If you’re a ghost, why are only your feet (and lower leg) invisible? This looks like an old-fashioned book cover.

    4. I like this, but if they remove the guy I’ll love it. This is just too much going on.

    5. Aww the only tv working shows the couple. This is cute.

    6. Run for your life?? Too late. You’re either drugged or laying unconscious in the car seat.

    9. I might have fallen out of my chair in surprise that there is someone who is obviously not skinny on the cover. How sad that arms of a non-skinny person on a cover is reason for surprise (in a good way) nowadays. But it is.

    10. Yes this is much better than the actual cover with the fake looking girl & all.

    11. The same girl as well. It’s like they are the only cover models that have ever existed. Why don’t publishers understand that I DON’T WANT TO SEE THEIR FACES ON YET ANOTHER BOOK. Although I have managed to not read a single book with them on the cover (not on purpose or anything but still).

    14. I’m laughing at those obviously fake tattoos. And I just can’t with that tagline. Does it imply all virgins have a certain set of rules?

    19. OH MY THIS IS AWFUL. Look at those weird poses in the water, and yeah that creeper eew.

    22. I would expect a magician to have a more glamorous setting.

    26. YES MORE DIVERSITY.

    27. Is she the football player in the book? Because she’s wearing the jersey. Adult Jordan from Catching Jordan!

    30. Hahaha yeah she’s kind of drowning and she’s worried about the stars xd

    CB3. 1000x HARDBACK!! I do not like this change at all.
    Kim W. recently posted…Review: Monstrous BeautyMy Profile

  2. Alessandra says:

    Favourite cover of the week: the Teardrop novella. Because it’s blue and awesome.
    Alessandra recently posted…Book review: Charming by Elliott JamesMy Profile

  3. Ellis says:

    OMG IT IS. It IS a companion to Boys Don’t Cry. Aaaaaah, I’m so excited!! (Well, obviously since Malorie Blackman is The Queen, but also because Boys Don’t Cry is seriously good.) It does look like a Noughts & Crosses novel, but Lauren Oliver’s YA novels also look like they’re all part of the same series. I suspect it’s to capitalise on innocent minds.

    *ignores CB 2*

    WTF 1. I seriously would have picked this as outstanding cover. It is hilarious. I’m going to read this book. Oh okay, of course there’s no GR record for that one x_x
    Ellis recently posted…Review – ShadowfeverMy Profile

  4. 1. HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THOSE DISAPPEARING FEET BEFORE? GAH.

    6. I want to kill this cover scheme dead with a paintbrush. It took me a few looks to see its driver’s seat is where our passenger seat is because foreign cars and all.

    7. I want to kick this cover solely because the same stock model is on the cover of Jennifer Murgia’s book. My hatred for that one book I read of hers is really that strong. You don’t even know, Christina.

    8. …You know, I think that’s the same dress she wore on the cover of Nevermore, which was a dress she wore to a Gothic party on Halloween in-book. She hasn’t changed clothes after all this time? Not too healthy, methinks. I really like this series, but this really is a terrible cover. BUT AT LEAST IT HAS ONE AND A RELEASE DATE. :D

    10. If that little thing there is the seed, there is one very poor Seedbearer in the ranks.

    13. Did they even change the cover of the first book to match the awful designs on this one and the second book?

    15. Agreed! I want to hug her and give her some pads/tampons and a change of clothes. I know how it feels.

    18. This is literally just the cover image from Destroy Me. They didn’t even bother designing a new one! LAZY.

    20. But it’s probably the best way to wear a corset because it means she can breathe.

    26. I love this cover because it’s pretty and diverse, but I hate I now associate anything “full fathom five” with that stupid James Frey writer’s sweatshop.

    31. THERE’S A SEQUEL? GOD DAMN IT. Trust me, you would not like it. The first book is a moronic cake frosted with idiot icing and topped off with stupid sprinkles. REALLY SUCKY.

    3. I knew you’d have something to say about this one! The paperback cover is awful. That’s why I picked up a copy of the hardcover yesterday when I found it for half-price. Like hell I want that paperback on my shelf.

    1. OH GOD, TALKING VAJAYJAYS. That’s a scary thought. God only knows what the average vagina would have to say.

    3. Acid is the only explanation. The only.
    Ashleigh Paige recently posted…Review: Prodigy by Marie LuMy Profile

  5. 1. I kinda like this. Haven’t decided why yet.

    5. A book about multiples AND reality TV! This was on my #RBWL! *cheers*

    9. Yay! And now I want that cookie.

    15. Points for grossing me out with your commentary on the cover waaaaay more than the cover itself did.

    19. To be fair, it’s a flip cover. Flip it over and the Fracture Me cover is on the back. To keep the different “teams” from getting too riled, I guess.

    25. HAHAHAHA! I was going to say how much I love the cover, but now I can’t stop laughing over your caption.

    26. POC yaaaaaaay!
    Shae/Shelver @ Shae Has Left The Room recently posted…Top 10 Tuesday: Things I’m Thankful ForMy Profile

  6. Angie F. says:

    4. I quite like the fire dragon!

    5. Love how colorful and fun this is!

    8. I like the colors, but um…no.

    16. Winter is coming! LoL I definitely want to read this one though.

    18. It’s just the Destroy Me cover. The Fracture Me cover is the back. *shrug*

    24. I love polar bears.

    BATTLES
    1. UK. The US looks kind of boring and messy.

    2. I like the original better, only because her yes on the new one bug the crap out of me.

    3. Hardback.

    5. UK, because he has a face.

    6. This doesn’t even look like it would be the same book! The German cover is totally better though.

    WTF.
    1. LoL

    2. OMG…..

    3. I am pretty confused right now.
    Angie F. recently posted…Review: Crossing the Line (Pushing the Limits, #1.5) by Katie McGarryMy Profile

  7. 4. Fire dragon = kinda pretty much awesome.
    9. Breaks into song “hallelujah, hallelujah”
    11. Man slut.
    12. Oh you are on fire today. And is that not kinda grotty? I mean, anyone could have spat on that mic earlier. ewww.
    13. When Contemporary and Parormal collide. Messy.
    15. Thats gonna be a bitch to clean up….
    18. Where is the sparkle? *disappointed*
    21. I thought it was 57 Wives…..which would have been greedy and icky.
    CB3. Ugh to the paperback. The hardback doesn’t scream YA to me TBH…
    WTF 1. I missed the Warning and was all ‘what’s wrong with this’…and then I noticed *shivers*

    Happy giving of thanks my friend ;)
    Kat (AussieZombie) recently posted…Review: Ruby Red by Kerstin GierMy Profile

  8. Gillian says:

    4. I was JUST about to say something about The Burning Sky! YOU’S IN MA HED.

    5. Cuuuuute!

    9. It *is* progress. Tiny progress. But does she HAVE to be holding a freaking cupcake?! Also, why are fat protags only present in books ABOUT being fat? *grumblegrumble*

    10. AHHHHH KILL IT KILL IT

    12. *mic drop*

    14. This is the worst.

    15. I loooooove thisssss

    19. This the title that Allegiant should have had.

    15. And there’s nothing you girls can do about it.

    30. I kind of like this, though. Though there are SO MANY TITLES WITH THE WORD “STAR” IN IT. WE NEED A NEW TITLING TREND.

    31. Oh my God. And more stars. Seriously. Also, has Grandmother Willow taught you nothing, Christina? LISTEN TO YOUR HEART, YOU WILL UNDERSTAND

    CB2. HEHEHEHEHE

    CB3. WHY THE HECK DID THEY DO THIS? It looks like generic women’s fiction now!

    CB4. I don’t like this redesign. But grimy and non-romantic? Yep, that’s my un-ship.

    CB6. Why the heck did they make the Hungarian one? Why do the same concept, just shittier? I love the German one aesthetically, but it doesn’t fit the book as well as the AWESOME US one.

    WTF1. At first I was like, why is this a WTF? Such a cute design! I don’t see–WHAT.

    I DO NOT WANT TO GO ON THIS VADGVENTURE.

    WTF2. *speechless* When I’m hungover, I do not want to treat myself to a hair of the dog sweater.

    WTF3. *burns it* *pours its ashes into a canister* *sprinkles them with acid* *shuts canister* *utters a demonic curse over the canister* *shoots the canister into space*
    Gillian recently posted…Happy Thanksgiving, or the One With the Turkey on Monica’s HeadMy Profile

  9. Lisa says:

    Number six is just an eyesore! What were they thinking?

  10. 3. I really don’t care for such covers..
    4. This is cute.
    5. That is different, I think I could end up liking it!
    7. Popular face!
    9. One small step at the time I guess.
    10. I love the background.
    15. I like the sound of this :D
    19. Is this serious??
    23. Ieek, creepy.
    24. I’ve read it, so I might be biased, but it fits the story so well.
    29. Interesting, I like strange covers like this.

    Out of the easy hardback for sure!
    Catherine, I think the paperback.

    Knitting with dog hair.. Talking genitals. And what were they thinking with that cover for The princess bride :| Disgusting.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Epic Recs: December.My Profile

  11. 3. You are getting too good at this snarking thing.

    4. All I see is a girl with a stomach ache.

    5. Agree. Love this cover.

    7. I know it’s your job to spot these things but that is still impressive. I would never have noticed that this was on two other covers.

    9. I agree this is progress but it still makes me sad.

    11. The girl is on every cover too. They are a couple and people love them. I just don’t get it.

    14. That is so flipping disgusting.

    15. I love this cover. It just makes me want it so badly. I also love the tagline.

    22. OH, I love how subtle and desolate this one looks.

    30. Haunting. I don’t usually love underwater covers but I find this one intriguing.

    CB3: Yeah, the new one doesn’t look YA at all and I probably wouldn’t pick it up because it appears to be a women’s fiction cover, and I don’t usually read in that genre.

    I think I agree with Lili’s pick. There were a couple other covers I liked this week, but I think this one is the most memorable.
    Kara @ Great Imaginations recently posted…Forgotten Fridays: Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur GoldenMy Profile

  12. Nafiza says:

    8. Damnit, I liked the black and white version a lot.
    9. Progress in parts? Literally. ^___^
    11. Ughhhhh. I hate kissy covers.
    12. I appreciate the lulz of this one but please, don’t scream into the microphone. I value my ear drums.
    15. She seriously should know better than to wear white. Seriously. Especially during *that* time.
    18. So I just read that “Untie Me” and I was like well, whoa. Was she tied with her eyelashes or something? It’s late. That’s my excuse.
    19. Oh my God, why did they do this to the cover? WHY? The first one was so beautiful.
    Nafiza recently posted…2014 Children’s Literature Graduate Research Conference: An InvitationMy Profile

  13. Lyn Kaye says:

    2. I love it! (Your tagline, not the book).
    3. Apply cold water to burn area.
    6. I do not understand the overexposure and recolor trend. I just…I can’t even.
    11. Economy is even touching the stock photo models.
    14. AIRBURSH TATTOO WHY WHY WHY WHY.
    15. Crap, I thought “Better get Midol” when I saw this cover as well. Tres awkward.
    Cover Battle
    2. I like the first.

    WTF What the HELL is with the Princess Bride cover?!
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Stacking the Shelves #67My Profile

  14. Kayla Beck says:

    I seriously missed looking at this on Thanksgiving. Spending the day online looking at these new covers would’ve been so much more fun than the family drama.

    1. This reminds me of juvenile book covers in the 90s.

    9. I sometimes cradle my cupckaes exactly like that. It’s almost like you’re pretending to share and then snatching it back.

    11. Pepe le Pew

    13. You know what, I really liked the first cover in this series. I even bought the book because of it. I would not have #2 & #3 in my house.

    20. I think she might have it on upside down.

    23. That just reminds me that there is a mouse in my house that would not be there if Mister let me have a damn cat already!

    24. Lyra grows up and heads back over to Iorek Byrnison.

    25. I love the cover for this. There’s just something about a man in uniform…

    26. This is fucking gorgeous. POC for the win!

    30. This picture makes me feel uncomfortable.

    CB3. I never noticed that there was a person behind that cage before.

    WTF2. This is going right on my Christmas shopping list!

    WTF3. I remember this era of book covers well. Hopefully, it never happens again.
    Kayla Beck recently posted…Blog Tour (Guest Post & Giveaway): The Master’s Book by Philip ColemanMy Profile

  15. Elizabeth says:

    Ahaha I totally cracked up at that Mulan reference. And the pun. Even if I cringed afterwards. I think Out of the Easy (the first one) and the Full Fathom Five are by far my favourites though!
    Elizabeth recently posted…The Demon’s Lexicon (The Demon’s Lexicon Trilogy #1) – Sarah Rees BrennanMy Profile

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