Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. The Diabolic - S.J. Kincaid

Thoughts: Snarkiness

2. Glitter - Aprilynne Pike

Thoughts: Marie Antoinette meets JLo flop.

3. Black Moon (Zodiac #3) - Romina Russell

Thoughts: The Dark Side of the Moon?

4. The Sound of Us - Julie Hammerle

Thoughts: We sound like lensflare.

5. Queen of Ashes - Eleanor Herman

Thoughts: *sighs*

6. Goldenhand (Abhorsen #5) - Garth Nix

Thoughts: Goldfinger He’s the man, the man with the Midas touch A spider’s touch Such a cold finger Beckons you to enter his web of sin But don’t go in

7. Once Upon a Cruise - Anna Staniszewski

Thoughts: So her magic juggling needs a little work.

8. The Iscariot Sanction (The Appollonian Casefiles #2) - Mark A. Latham

Thoughts: Sherfire cover.

9. The Autumn Throne (Eleanor of Aquitane #3) - Elizabeth Chadwick

Thoughts: Pretty fontses.

10. The Memory of Things - Gae Polisner

Thoughts: Blerghhhhhh.

11. Dreamland Burning - Jennifer Latham

Thoughts: Generic tagline aside, yessssss.

12. The Book of Shhh - Lauren Oliver, ed.

Thoughts: Be vewwy quiet.

13. One Dream Only - Elodie Nowodazkij

Thoughts: I’d be so much more a fan without the heart made of light.

14. Like a Virgin - Paige Nick

Thoughts: Well I just spent a few minutes dancing around the room, singing the Moulin Rouge version of this. So thanks for that.

15. Invasion - Luke Rhinehart

Thoughts: The giant head with legs tho. O_O

16. Curse on the Land (Soulwood #2) - Faith Hunter

Thoughts: She’s knee-deep in something but her hair is still fabulous as fuck.

17. Roller Girl (Lake Lovelace #3) - Vanessa North

Thoughts: What does she need rollerblades for when she can FLY?

18. Shutter - Laurie Faria Stolarz

Thoughts: Did you just shutter at that photography pun in the tagline?

19. The Women in the Walls - Amy Lukavics

Thoughts: The YA Yellow Wallpaper.

20. Interference - Kay Honeyman

Thoughts: TELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE LIKE DID HE HAVE A CAR

21. Kyle Finds Her Way - Susie Salom

Thoughts: Do classrooms usually still have blackboards? I’d have thought it would be all dry erase by now.

22. Amy Chelsea Stacie Dee - Mary G. Thompson

Thoughts: I WANT TO CHUCKY THIS COVER IN THE INCINERATOR.

23. Pretty - Justin Sayre

Thoughts: I’m looking at an ugly covwer. I’m guessing that’s the point, but yikes.

24. In Case You Missed It - Sarah Darer Littman

Thoughts: This is precisely how I spend the first twenty or so minutes after I wake up.

25. Bionic - Suzanne Weyn

Thoughts: Not particularly creative but at least the colors are pleasant.

26. The Secret Diary of Lydia Bennet - Natasha Farrant

Thoughts: That lady’s parasol does not match her dress and it’s distracting me.

27. It’s Not Me, It’s You - Stephanie Kate Strohm

Thoughts: The truth finally comes out.

28. Pasadena - Sherri L. Smith

Thoughts: PASSadena.

29. Wrecked - Maria Padian

Thoughts: This fails my bottom line art test, in that I totally could have done this.

30. Iceling (Icelings #1) - Sasha Stephenson

Thoughts: This looks like some sort of 1960s mystery show.

31. Broken Angels (Angels and Demons #1) - Brenda L. Harper

Thoughts: Sword of cool but also I’ve seen this cover a million times.

32. The Sun Is Also a Star - Nicola Yoon

Thoughts: Yoon is obviously another author who has performed the proper obeisances to the cover gods.

33. The Throne of Glass Coloring Book - Sarah J. Maas

Thoughts: I wish I were a bit more enamored with this art tbh but still kinda want it.

34. The Fate of the Tearling (The Queen of the Tearling #3) - Erika Johansen

Thoughts: It’s better than the pink one I saw floating around as a not final cover, but…

35. Lodestar (Keeper of the Lost Cities #5) - Shannon Messenger

Thoughts: WHERE IS KEEFE. GIVE ME KEEFE.

36. Tell the Truth, Shame the Devil - Melina Marchetta

Thoughts: Cheer with me now: 2 4 6 8 give us a design we don’t hate!

37. Nightwanderers - C.J. Flood

Thoughts: I loathe this handwritten font. Also “me and Tie”????

38. You’re It - LeighAnn Kopans

Thoughts: These people do not know how to play tag.

Cover Battles:

1. Strange the Dreamer - Laini Taylor

US vs. UK: The UK cover reminds me of The Children’s Book and the US one’s just kinda eh. Idk, guys.

2. The Waking Fire (The Draconis Memoria #1) - Anthony Ryan

UK vs. US: How do I even choose between two awesome dragon covers? Mean. Slight preference for the UK, I think? It doesn’t have these crappy flames so I guess.

3. Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher

US Hardback vs. US Paperback vs. US 10th Anniversary Edition: Did they really just leech even more color out and slap a triangle over her boobs? HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

4. How to Keep a Boy from Kissing You (Aurora Skye #1) - Tara Eglington

Australian vs. US: Punch him on the ducklips while simultaneously kneeing him in the groin.

5. The Petrified Flesh (Reckless) - Cornelia Funke

Little, Brown Hardback vs. Little, Brown Paperback vs. Breathing Books: Realizing I feel about the word “flesh,” the way most people feel about “moist.” That said, this is gorgeous, minus the fonts which eh.

6. Living Shadows (Reckless #2) - Cornelia Funke

Little, Brown vs. Breathing Books: Seems like the covers for this one and The Golden Yarn should trade places since it has all that golden thread.

7. Brightwood - Tania Unsworth

UK vs. US: They missed a perfectly good opportunity to make the title out of tree branches.

8. Night World (Night World #1) - L.J. Smith

Original vs. Redesign: Man, that’s a tough choice. I don’t know how to choose.

9. Daughters of Darkness (Night World) - L.J. Smith

US vs. Australian: These original covers are a fucking treasure my god.

10. The Baby - Lisa Drakeford

UK vs. US: ACTUALLY SHUDDERING

11. That Burning Summer - Lydia Syson

UK vs. German vs. US: A burning sensation is not a good sign. I would recommend not engaging in sexual activity in this field tbh.

12. The Alex Crow - Andrew Smith

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Hmmm, the paperback is more my general aesthetic, but the fonts are meh and I feel like the hardback probably fits the book more.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Relish (Vicious Feast #2) - Kate Evangelista

Thoughts: That poor bird staring at all its kin who had to die to make that horrible outfit.

2. Raven Takes a Pearl (Fantasies in Color #2) - Sharon Lynn Fisher

Thoughts: Where’s she gonna take it? Also, what the fuck are with the wrist wings?

3. Baby Twins to Bind Them - Carol Marinelli

Thoughts: Sauron’s plot has become even more fiendish.

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