Heyyyy, so I know I just did one of these a couple weeks ago, but I’ve DNFed four more books since then, so the time has come for another post. I’ve DNFed four books in the last four days, which is pretty impressive. However, I didn’t DNF any from September 18 to October 9, so that might put it in perspective a bit. I swear the books I don’t like travel in packs. The astute observer will notice that there are only three books listed; the fourth was the sequel to Thinblade, which I also had to try because of a secret project I am working on. It’s not something I can talk about right now, but believe that it was not by choice. Since it wasn’t, I’m not including any commentary here on the blog, but it did happen.

Thinblade by David A. Wells

Amount Read: 48 percent

Why I DNFed:It’s not a good sign when a fantasy novel doesn’t spark any imagination. Everything about Thinblade is cliched. No element of the plot or world building didn’t remind me of something else I’ve read in the genre. The characters are cardboard cut outs. The hero has absolutely everything come easily to him, making his journey exceedingly boring. The writing is also repetitive, telling you how things are over and over rather than showing you.

The killing blow was when over eight hours into the novel, a bard relates to some nobles Alexander’s journey up to that point. HE REPEATS EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED FROM THE VERY BEGINNING IN A MATTER OF MINUTES. Now, this scene makes sense, but ordinarily it would happen off screen, since the reader is going to be justifiably disgruntled to find that they could have started the audiobook eight hours and thirty minutes in and had the exact same understanding of the book as they do from having listened for all those hours.

This is not good fantasy.

The Doubt Factory by Paolo Bacigalupi

Pages Read: 3

Why I DNFed: I wasn’t really feeling The Doubt Factory to begin with. After putting it down for the weekend, I wasn’t really looking forward to picking it back up again. The chapter that I read gave me additional trepidation. Then I saw that April had reviewed it and I checked with her on whether I would like it. The answer was no.

Here’s my issue with the doubt factory and it all comes down to the romance:

“Meeting” One: Moses punches a school administrator while Alix looks on through the classroom window. He seems to notice her.

Interlude One: When everyone is interviewed by the cops, it turns out everyone describes the guy differently. Only Alix could see him clearly.

Meeting Two: Alix’s school is closed because of a bomb threat. Millions of rats flood out and the guy’s calling card is painted on the windows in red. While this is going on, he appears behind her in the crowd, looking completely different, and tells her he did it for her. Then she chases him away, he manhandles her, she bites him, and he tells her to ask her father what it was about.

Interlude Two: Alix tells her friend Cynthia about what happened during the prank and the friend rightly tells her how messed up it is. Alix is unafraid of this guy, we learn, and has to be forced to tell her father, even though she knows that’s what she should do.

Interlude Three: Moses’ partners in crime and activism tell him he’s too interested in Alix and making dangerous decisions as a result. Oh, the attraction, it’s palpable.

Meeting Three: Moses shows up outside her house at night, despite the fact that there is now a security detail watching the place. ALIX LETS HIM IN.

I cannot even with this book. I’m so fucking sick of heroines instatrusting shady guys. I’m sure he’ll end up to be good and her dad to be evil. That’s pretty fucking obvious. The fact that she’ll no doubt end up being right about him doesn’t make her behavior at this point any less idiotic. I’m not remotely interested in the outcome and already loathe the TSTL main character. I’m out.

Adrenaline Crush by Laurie Boyle Crompton

Amount Read: 13 percent

Why I DNFed: Such a shame. I really did want to like this one. I loved the opening, where Dyna picks out a boytoy. Dyna, which I suspect is short for dynamite, likes action of all sorts, including hooking up with guys. This sounds like the sort of sex positive contemporary I enjoy. Unfortunately, things quickly got weird.

Weird thing #1: “I just want to stir up this simmering July afternoon. And while fooling around is a definite possibility, I’m not about to hand over my pink.”

Weird thing #2: “Mom and Dad both have [Risk nothing. Do nothing. Die anyway.] tattooed on their shoulders in the form of a flying raven. My brother, Harley, rebelled and had his put on his rib cage, but I’m thinking the shoulder will work fine for me.”

Weird thing #3: “He is pale as milky quartz, but he must own a Bowflex or something because, Damn!

Weird thing #4: “I realize I’ve turned on my ‘porn star soundtrack.’ My climbing buddies love to tease ma bout the groans I make as a climb gets difficult, and right now I’m building toward a moaning climax.”

Weird thing #5: When Dyna finishes the aforementioned climb, she begins thinking in poem. A very trite poem.

Weird thing #6: The standard narration suddenly turns into poetry, distinct from the previous one which was written in italics:

The wooden tie I’m sitting on dips to the right and my chuckle chokes into a gasp.
It’s as if the sleepy roller coaster has sprung to life.
Jay’s eyes bulge as he starts lunging up the tracks toward me.
The rotten board lets out a groan
and I’m helpless as I’m
pitched forward.
No! No! No!
And the stupid
useless
rotted chunk
of wood breaks free in three jarring stages.
I’m vaguely aware of Jay yelling instructions
but there is nothing to be done.
Gravity is greedy and the momentum is too much.
I claw for the rails. Clutch the sear of iron. But my grasp doesn’t even slow my drop and everything I’m trying to hang on to rises up out of my reach. I am
falling.
Fast and hard and toward
rocks and water that’s too shallow
to catch me.
To save me.
I usually love falling. Bungee jumping. Parasailing. Even riding the rickety parachute ride at the Ulster County Fair. I’ve never been falling like this.
I’m flailing and
lost and
glimpse a blur of
Jay diving back into the water that
rushes back at me too fast too fast too fast and then everywhere—
black.

“No! No! No!” is right.

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