Cover Snark (248): Snark Will Out

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

Shiny and New:

1. Willa of the Wood (Willa #1) – Robert Beatty

Thoughts: *gazes in wonder*

2. Mercy Rule – Tom Leveen

Thoughts: Shot in the dark here, but I don’t think mercy is going to rule the day.

3. Summer Constellations – Alisha Sevigny

Thoughts: Blame Second Chance Summer if you want, but this looks like it’s going to be really fucking sad. I feel like the font is trying to be like “no, it’s cute, I swear!” but it’s not strong enough.

4. The Gone Away Place – Christopher Barzak

Thoughts: Looks more like the Gone Away Girl, but I guess that title was pretty much taken.

5. The History of Jane Doe – Michael Belanger

Thoughts: You have to read the book to find out what green cows have to do with anything, which tbh is an effective marketing strategy. My god I hate the author font with a passion however.

6. Honor Code – Kiersi Burkhart

Thoughts: This is the angriest yellow I ever did see.

7. Wicked Charm – Amber Hart

Thoughts: So why is it that every thriller features trees on the cover? All the murders don’t happen in the forest. I feel like the trees should lobby to spruce up their reputation syruptitiously.

8. Ten After Closing – Jessica Bayliss

Thoughts: A situation in which I actually like silhouettes!

9. Blood Will Out – Jo Treggiari

Thoughts: Platelet it go.

10. We Are All That’s Left – Carrie Arcos

Thoughts: To make a cover look more intense, flip upside down. If that’s enough, crinkle.

11. Ride On – Gwen Cole

Thoughts: Come rain, come snow, come sleet, the pony express will get you your mail.

12. Zombie Abbey – Lauren Baratz-Logsted

Thoughts: OH. EM. BRAINS.

13. Blink – Sasha Dawn

Thoughts: A horror novel from the perspective of a fly?

14. The Bird and the Blade – Megan Bannen

Thoughts: The birds and the blades sounds like it might be a much less traumatizing talk with the parents. Or more. One or the other. Crossing my fingers for these teens.

15. SuperMoon – H.A. Swain

Thoughts: SUPERMOON WILL CONQUER ITS ENEMY SUPERSUN. FUCK YOU SUPERSUN.

16. Stay Sweet – Siobhan Vivian

Thoughts: I really like the idea of this, but somehow it really doesn’t look modern to me. I kept double checking this wasn’t a backlist title I’d never heard of.

17. Illegal – Eoin Colfer & Andrew Donkin

Thoughts: Immigrants get the job done.

18. I Have Lost My Way – Gayle Forman

Thoughts: Fingers on a window? Slugs? Leeches? Or is it some sort of colorful camo? No matter what, bleh.

19. Space Opera – Catherynne M. Valente

Thoughts: Disco ballistics.

20. WhatsHisFace – Gordon Korman

Thoughts: Emojive.

21. Dawn of Legends (Blood of Gods and Royals #4) – Eleanor Herman

Thoughts: When your chalice starts spitting at you, it’s probably time to stop drinking.

22. The Miscalculations of Lightning Girl – Stacy McAnulty

Thoughts: Math is overrated, she says hopefully.

23. My Year in the Middle – Lila Quintero Weaver

Thoughts: *drools at the composition*

24. My Oxford Year – Julia Whelan

Thoughts: In classic British style, punting on the river is a must.

25. The Little Wedding Island – Jaimie Admans

Thoughts: If it were any more cutesy even I wouldn’t want to read it.

26. Waking the Rainbow Dragon (Dragon Masters #10) – Tracey West

Thoughts: This absolutely looks like a drug metaphor.

27. The Privilege of Peace (Peacekeeper #3) – Tanya Huff

Thoughts: She looks like she’s about to destroy the fuckers who killed her girlfriend.

28. Redemption’s Blade – Adrian Tchaikovsky

Thoughts: Thranduil???

29. The Emerald Sea (The Glittering Court #3) – Richelle Mead

Thoughts: Flower pillows are such a weird cover theme.

30. The Pemberley Collection – Katie Oliver

Thoughts: Part of me is offended, because Lizzy Bennet absolutely wouldn’t be massively into brand name shopping, but also I want it because I can’t help it.

31. A Hint of Hydra – Heidi Lang & Kati Bartkowski

Thoughts: These covers are so cute, and I love how they kind of look annoyed with each other because baby middle grade ship maybe?!?!

32. Lies That Bind (Anastasia Phoenix #) – Diana Rodriguez Wallach

Thoughts: MEH.

33. One for the Rogue – Manda Collins

Thoughts: Who’s curious what she’s doing with her left hand?

34. Freed by Flame and Storm (Bound by Blood and Sand #2) – Becky Allen

Thoughts: I have a mix of love and hate for this cover. I wish I could see a bit more of the POC model, that’s for sure.

35. The Book of Hidden Things – Francesco Dimitri

Thoughts: WHY IS THERE A HANGED DOG ON A COVER OH MY GOD HATE

36. Master Assassins (The Fire Sacraments #1) – Robert V.S. Redick

Thoughts: Screw motorcycles. Gigantic cats are the ideal alternative to a car. Can your motorcycle eat your enemies? I DOUBT IT.

37. Magic Triumphs (Kate Daniels #10) – Ilona Andrews

Thoughts: That’s totally not what Kate looks like, but KAAAAAAATE. AND CURRRAAAAAAAAAN.

38. The Memory of Fire – Callie Bates

Thoughts: Fire covers are tricky beasts, but this one’s been masterfully accomplished.

Cover Battles:

1. Der Zorn der Asirim (Die Legenden der Bernsteinstadt #2) – Bradley Beaulieu

US vs. UK vs. French vs. German: I’m intrigued by how thematically different the French cover is.

2. Shadow Scale – Rachel Hartman

US Hardback vs. US 2018 Redesign: Snark

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Insatiable (Starmen #1) – H.C. Brown

Thoughts: Far out.

2. Arctic Absolution – Lynn Kelling

Thoughts: He is one second away from copping a feel.

3. Pansies (Spires Universe) – Alexis Hall

Thoughts: Pansies were absolutely the wrong flower to choose for this.

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