Cover Snark (242): The Astonishing Color of Snark

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

Shiny and New:

1. The Astonishing Color of After – Emily X.R. Pan

Thoughts: I would absolutely crane my neck to admire this as I walked past it.

2. Now a Major Motion Picture – Cori McCarthy

Thoughts: Can you? Sure. Should you? Absolutely no. I mean, remember the Timeline movie? OOF.

3. Holly Jolly Summer – Tiffany Stewart

Thoughts: Oh hey, it’s the pro-Trump woman who said we needed a wall to keep the liberals out. Ket;s take a moment to be grateful she didn’t get a gorgeous cover but also to mourn that she has a cover.

4. After the Shot Drops – Randy Ribay

Thoughts: Am I the only one who thinks it’s a bit weird that they made his head a basketball?

5. How We Roll – Natasha Friend

Thoughts: TBH, I’m a bit annoyed that it looks like they’re rolling into a rainbow but this book doesn’t seem like it’s LGBTQ+. Hopefully it actually is and that just isn’t conveyed in the blurb.

6. Sightwitch (The Witchlands #0.5) – Susan Dennard

Thoughts: That crow looks pretty not real, but she’s awesome.

7. The Price Guide to the Occult – Leslye Walton

Thoughts: I bet Antimony’s going to end up doing some good work on this guide. (If you don’t get this, it’s your fault for not having read InCryptid.)

8. Banished (The Storymakers #3) – Betsy Schow

Thoughts: No wonder she took off her shoe at midnight. Jesus. I thought glass was bad but METAL WITH HEELS.

9. Keeper – Kim Chance

Thoughts: Are you from the past?

10. ISAN – Mary Ting

Thoughts: Are you also from the past?

11. Out of the Blue – Sophie Cameron

Thoughts: Is this whole book inspired by that pickup line about whether it hurt falling from heaven?!?!?!

12. Valley Girls – Sarah Nicole Lemon

Thoughts: As if!

13. #murdertrending – Gretchen McNeil

Thoughts: Nearly Headless Nick is so jelly rn.

14. Chemistry Lessons – Meredith Goldstein

Thoughts: There’s something very tampon absorbency testing about this tbh.

15. The Bride of Glass (Glass Vault #2) – Candace Robinson

Thoughts: Try not to shatter your husband, but I guess if you break it you already bought it.

16. Cadaver Queen – Alisa Kwitney

Thoughts: Get you a girl who can do both.

17. Winterglass – Benjanun Sriduangkaew

Thoughts: Also razor sharp are her cheekbones. Hot damn.

18. The Creakers – Tom Fletcher

Thoughts: Surely this child is too young for solo adventures. SOMEONE FETCH AN ADULT.

19. Between the Lines – Nikki Grimes

Thoughts: He is waaaaaay too young for me, but if I were a teen I would be fanning myself with a newspaper.

20. City of Bastards (Royal Bastards #2) – Andrew Shvarts

Thoughts: Royal af.

21. Fat Girl on a Plane – Kelly Devos

Thoughts: The way that you get on a plane is not by tying string around the wing. Please rethink because I am concerned about your safety.

22. Fairday Morrow and the Talking Library (Fairday Morrow #2) – Jessica Haight & Stephanie Robinson

Thoughts: The thought of having a fireplace in the library makes me VERY ANXIOUS.

23. Once Upon a Slime – Andy Maxwell

Thoughts: Soon to be optioned by Nickelodeon.

24. Mem – Bethany C. Morrow

Thoughts: And then the door opens to reveal Joel and robot friends ready to watch a terrible movie.

25. Have Sword, Will Travel – Garth Nix & Sean Williams

Thoughts: Did the sword just fart on that kid?

26. It Takes Two to Tumble (Seducing the Sedgwicks #1) – Cat Sebastian

Thoughts: ARE YOU READY TO TUMBLE?!?!?!?!

27. Dreadful Young Ladies and Other Stories – Kelly Barnhill

Thoughts: They’re some badass MOTHers.

28. These Vengeful Souls (These Vicious Masks #3) – Tarun Shanker & Kelly Zekas

Thoughts: Aw, man. This is one of my favorite series, and that fake-looking pendant thing is not doing it justice at all. I still like the framing and fonts but boooo on that image.

29. Tyler Johnson Was Here – Jay Coles

Thoughts: Flowers are feminine, you say? I call bullshit. ♥

30. When the Beat Drops – Anna Hecker

Thoughts: A book about a female DJ, and the cover is a boring af silhouette.

31. The Way You Make Me Feel – Maurene Goo

Thoughts: Earworm book title dance party time.

32. Past Tense – Star Spider

Thoughts: Ex-skull-ent.

33. Off Pitch (Pitch Prodigies #1) – Brianna Kienitz

Thoughts: Aside from the fact that they’re gigantic monsters with a stadium for their lower halves, I’m all about this.

34. The Uncrossing – Melissa Eastlake

Thoughts: Me: Well, this looks like an NA nightmare.
Also me: Oh, it’s Entangled. Seems about right.

35. The Rogue Queen (The Hundredth Queen #3) – Emily R. King

Thoughts: Pictured: the loser of a game of hot potato.

36. Artificial Condition (The Murderbot Diaries #12) – Martha Wells

Thoughts: Murderbot is still the best name for a series ever. The brownish palette is never my fave but whatever this is still so badass.

37. Dance of Thieves (Dance of Thieves #1) – Mary E. Pearson

Thoughts: That is one beautiful illustrated phallus with wing balls.

Cover Battles:

1. Saving Hamlet – Molly Booth

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Whenever I first glance at this new cover, I think they’re handcuffed together.

2. Nightblood (Frostblood Saga #3) – Elly Blake

US vs. UK: I don’t like it as much as the US Fireblood cover, but the US one’s deliciously dark. The UK one looks like a repackage of Twilight.

3. Love, Hate & Other Filters – Samira Ahmed

US vs. UK: The question is whether we want the animated film or the live action.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Dark of the West (Untitled #1) – Joanna Hathaway

Thoughts: What the actual fuck happened here? Ostensibly this is a 2017 about a fantasy fighter pilot, but this cover screams paranormal circa 2009. And it’s not even a well done pretty dress cover circa 2009. She absolutely doesn’t look like she belongs in the setting (nor does the crown at her feet), and none of the colors work together. Tor has been doing so well with covers lately, but this is an immense leap backward, and I’ll be over hear ringing the shame bell loud and clear. I cannot believe this passed marketing. O_O Tor, for the love of all that’s literary, REDESIGN ASAP. This book deserves better.

2 responses to “Cover Snark (242): The Astonishing Color of Snark”

  1. Angie says:

    So many of these covers are extra ugly I don’t know where to begin, but I love that you chose Dark of the West for the WTF BECAUSE SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE FUCK. I DEMAND JUSTICE.

  2. Gillian says:

    2. I ship it

    3. Oh my god I totally forgot about this woman FUCK THIS WOMAN

    6. This bitch is fly

    8. That shoe looks like an actual torture device

    14. AHAHAHAH OMG IT DOES LOOK LIKE A PAD AD (lol pad ad)

    16. Love this

    17. THIS BITCH IS ALSO FLY

    19. Cyoooot

    21. I kind of really do not like this cover

    22. I misread this title as FRIDAY MORON which is a sign i should really go to bed

    26. OH MY GOD I NEED IT AND THAT TITLE I NEED IT EXTRA

    29. So unspeakably gorgeous

    37. WELL. I CAN NEVER UNSEE THAT, THANK YOU

    CB1. PB all the way

    CB3. That illustrated cover is like the best thing everrrr

    Poor Dark of the West 🙁 Holding out hope for a redesign because eeeeesh
    Gillian recently posted…The Books of 2017: Part One of ManyMy Profile

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