Cover Snark (241): A Land of Permanent Snark

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

Shiny and New:

1. Tess of the Road – Rachel Hartman

Thoughts: HELLO MY PRETTY.

2. Stella Diaz Has Something to Say – Angela Dominguez

Thoughts: Totes adorbs. Her “I do!” speech bubble is the cutest thing.

3. My So-Called Super Powers – Heather Nuhfer

Thoughts: That’s one super-powerful fart right there.

4. Saint Philomene’s Infirmary for Magical Creatures – W. Stone Cotter

Thoughts: James and the Giant Peach meets Fantastic Beasts.

5. Arlo Finch and the Valley of Fire – John August

Thoughts: I’m guessing the demon’s name is “Global Warming.”

6. Found (Shipwreck Island #4) – S. A. Bodeen

Thoughts: Spoilers much, title?

7. Legends of the Lost Causes – Brad McLelland & Louis Sylvester

Thoughts: If you thought the fantasy bird wasn’t a thing, here’s your proof. Aside from the birds, this looks like a western, but I check the blurb and YUP FANTASY. FANTASY BIRD.

8. Teen Phantom (High School Horror Story, #3) – Chandler Baker

Thoughts: Cannot decide if more creeped out or amused.

9. The Wren Hunt – Mary Watson

Thoughts: Anyone who shoots that gorgeous wren sculpture has to answer to ME. *glares most threateningly*

10. A Problematic Paradox – Eliot Sappingfield

Thoughts: As long as the jetpack isn’t problematic, because that’s not a place you want problems.

11. People Like Us – Dana Mele

Thoughts: I’m reminded of Lucy and Linh.

12. Down and Across – Arvin Ahmadi

Thoughts: If I know crossword puzzles, there’s going to be an “etui” in there somewhere.

13. Payback on Poplar Lane – Margaret Mincks

Thoughts: Take him DOWN, girl. Anyone who has one of those bluetooth ear thingies deserves it, especially at that age.

14. The Lost Kids (Never Ever #2) – Sara Saedi

Thoughts: Oh man, you know it’s not a good sign when you have to put your pun in bigger font to draw attention to it. They might as well have put “see what we did there?” after the tagline.

15. The Night Diary – Veera Hiranandani

Thoughts: This cover has grabby hands for itself.

16. Wizardmatch – Lauren Magaziner

Thoughts: Apparently wizards have bendy limbs like Mr. Incredible.

17. The Not-So-Boring Letters of Private Nobody – Matthew Landis

Thoughts: Fair warning, kids: the post office will not pick up mail from your lockers.

18. Folded Notes from High School – Matt Boren

Thoughts: I hope this novel is told exclusively in paper plane notes.

19. Hope in the Holler – Lisa Lewis Tyre

Thoughts: If you want a hope of getting a response, you need to holler, because they ain’t checking the mail.

20. A Land of Permanent Goodbyes – Atia Abawi

Thoughts: The title is in permanent marker. I SEE WHAT THEY DID THERE.

21. The Train of Lost Things – Ammi-Joan Paquette

Thoughts: Pretty sure this train is on LSD.

22. The Mad Wolf’s Daughter – Diane Magras

Thoughts: She’s about to cut the bitch who decided her title should be more about who her dad is than who she is.

23. The Law of Finders Keepers – Sheila Turnage

Thoughts: Does this law need that much explanation? Losers weepers. The end.

24. Ash Princess (Untitled Trilogy #1) – Laura Sebastian

Thoughts: You know you need a new chandelier when…

25. Final Draft – Riley Redgate

Thoughts: It looks like this student spaced out in the middle of their paper. (Get it?)

26. The Apocalypse of Elena Mendoza – Shaun David Hutchinson

Thoughts: The carousel horses are coming so you better run.

27. Along the Indigo – Elsie Chapman

Thoughts: Making it so that part of the picture overlays the title really doesn’t make a boring cover more interesting. Nice try, though.

28. Chainbreaker (Timekeeper #2) – Tara Sim

Thoughts: The old ball and literally chained to the clock tower because he’s a clock.

29. Everlife (Everlife #3) – Gena Showalter

Thoughts: Good they made that clear. I never would have guessed Everlife was an Everlife novel.

30. Ship It – Britta Lundin

Thoughts: Okay but they better be the ship or I have been mislead and I won’t ship it.

31. Nothing Happened – Molly Booth

Thoughts: I hate the title font and the purple bar for the author name, but I do like the cover image so idk meh.

Cover Battles:

1. Marco Impossible – Hannah Moskowitz

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: I don’t remember this book James Bond-y, but this cover’s very cute.

2. Tonight the Streets Are Ours – Leila Sales

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: While it’s not really done much wrong, aside from me generally not loving silhouettes and the original being glorious, I really, really loathe this cover.

3. Planet Middle School – Nikki Grimes

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Variations on a theme here. The hardback’s a bit spare, but I do love the POC model on the cover. There’s cool art on the new one. *shrugs*

4. No Filter – Orlagh Collins

UK vs. US: Raise your hand if you believe there are no filters on that.

5. Star Struck (The Ladybirds #4) – Jenny McLachlan

UK vs. Italian vs. US: These very much do not look like they’re all for the same book.

6. The Hazel Wood – Melissa Albert

US vs. UK: Lovely but ain’t got nothing on the US cover. Good try, UK.

7. Timekeeper (Timekeeper #1) – Tara Sim

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: This is such an improvement. I just wish the title didn’t look so gaudy. Usually I love the shinies, but I do not like this, and it makes the whole thing look off.

8. Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies – Lindsay Ribar

US vs. Bulgarian: You can practically hear the Bulgarian cover listening to Dashboard Confessional.

9. The Bloodprint (The Khorasan Archives #1) – Ausma Zehanat Khan

US vs. UK: *drools on keyboard*

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Two Left Feet – Jenniffer Wardell

Thoughts: What you want for your background image is a blurry photo of shoes. Absolutely.

2. Decadent Dreams – Nicole Garcia

Thoughts: I’m sure the title’s meant to look like chocolate, but it looks more like it was written in diarrhea.

3. The Bear’s Accidental Mate – Andie Devaux

Thoughts: Accidental bear penis.

3 responses to “Cover Snark (241): A Land of Permanent Snark”

  1. Tony says:

    Thanks for posting the “…Poplar Lane” cover. The bluetooth ear thingy is not supposed to be there, and I’m fixing it right now!

  2. Dahlia Adler says:

    WHOA WHOA WHOA – A) I did not know Molly Booth had a queer book coming out and B) It did not even OCCUR to me that SHIP IT might have an f/f romance in it and I am now feeling 5000% better about that book and need an ARC to confirm ASAP.
    Dahlia Adler recently posted…TBR Bingo!My Profile

  3. 1. I LOVE covers like this, with hidden pictures (for lack of a better term). It’s so gorgeous!
    4. Not a fan of this style, it always creeps me out.
    5. This is fun though, I like the composition and the colors!
    8. Creeped out. Fo sho.
    9. I looove the tree! But I’m getting a little tired of birds on covers. At least this one is unique.
    18. That would be awesome 😀 Or the bendy origami notes we used to fold. Just notes in general.
    22. I love this art style though and I’m all about the synopsis!
    24. Part of me thinks it looks awesome and part of me thinks it’s too much like Red Queen. I like the ash on the title.
    1. Based on the paperback I would expect a glorious ship. So the paperback wins, unless there is no ship.
    6. Ooh I actually like both covers!
    7. Love the Timekeeper redesign, it’s so much better. The details are fun.
    1. This is hurting my eyeballs.
    Morgan @ The Bookish Beagle recently posted…Back to School: History of Fictional Worlds SyllabusMy Profile

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