Cover Snark (238): The Snark Is Back in Town

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

Shiny and New:

1. The Greed (The Cruelty #2) – Scott Bergstrom

Thoughts: I know jack shit about this and have greedy hands now. (Not that judging books by their covers actually works but LOOK AT IT.)

2. Shadow Call (Kaitan Chronicles #2) – AdriAnne Strickland & Michael Miller

Thoughts: They could use some furniture. Not very homey up in here.

3. This Heart of Mine – C.C. Hunter

Thoughts: Okay but this actually says “This Broken Heart of Mine,” right?

4. All We Can Do Is Wait – Richard Lawson

Thoughts: Apparently there’s a cop car inside this waiting room.

5. To Right the Wrongs (Erin Blake #2) – Sheryl Scarborough

Thoughts: Run, don’t walk, to un-bury the body you buried in the forest.

6. The Defiant (Valiant #2) – Lesley Livingston

Thoughts: I wonder (woman) what inspired them.

7. The Last Girl on Earth – Alexandra Blogier

Thoughts: In all her free time, she has learned how to walk on water like jesus.

8. Blood Water Paint – Joy McCullough

Thoughts: “Come here, friend! I won’t hurt you. I just want to paint with your blood water!!! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING AWAY?”

9. Frat Girl – Kiley Roache

Thoughts: Frat chance.

10. Layover – Amy Andelson & Emily Meyer

Thoughts: It’ll do in a PINch.

11. Mr. Gedrick and Me – Patrick Carman

Thoughts: Ballet poses are a crucial part of spellcasting.

12. Lucy and the Rocket Dog – Will Buckingham

Thoughts: Children, do not try to launch yourselves to space without adult supervision. Adult dogs do not count fyi.

13. Maggie & Abby’s Neverending Pillow Fort – Will Taylor

Thoughts: Like it says pillow fort but that is a BLANKET fort. Both are awesome but they’re different animals lbr.

14. Granted – John David Anderson

Thoughts: And then the dog goes into his house, resulting in much screaming because he has a GIGANTIC bug on his back. Nope nope nope.

15. The Rogue Is Back in Town – Anna Bennett

Thoughts: Sassy expression, gorgeous dress, acceptable font: that’s a romanc ecover win.

16. Wallflower Most Wanted (Studies in Scandal #3) – Manda Collins

Thoughts: I’ve been a big fan of the covers for this series, but this is by far my least favorite. Her pose looks super awkward and uncomfortable, which doesn’t bring the sexy vibe.

17. Eye Candy – Tijan, J. Daniels, Helena Hunting, Bella Jewel, and Tara Sivec

Thoughts: DICK OR TREAT.

18. Citywide (Five Boroughs #5.5) – Santino Hassell

Thoughts: I know I should be celebrating the change from shirtless dude covers, but tbh Hassell’s are my favorite shirtless dude covers.

19. Olivia Twist – Lorie Langdon

Thoughts: *bows respectfully*

20. Child of a Mad God (Coven #1) – R.A. Salvatore

Thoughts: Based on the tagline, I’m assuming this book is about menstruation.

21. Antisocial – Heidi Cullinan

Thoughts: Okay I want this anime.

22. Lake Silence (The Others #6) – Anne Bishop

Thoughts: So apparently they didn’t feel pressure to make the covers any better for the spin-off series.

23. Semiosis – Sue Burke

Thoughts: Horrifying and also gorgeous all at once.

24. The Real-Town Murders (The Real-Town Murders #1) – Adam Roberts

Thoughts: Hello, murdery pretty.

25. Mandelbrot the Magnificent – Liz Ziemska

Thoughts: Have I ever mentioned how much I love tor.com designs? Yes? Well whatever I will repeat it ad infinitem and regret nothing.

26. Bearly a Lady – Cassandra Khaw

Thoughts: We all know my stance on pun titles. It’s not my favorite artwork ever, but I do love that POC on the cover looking fab.

27. The Only Harmless Great Thing – Brooke Bolander

Thoughts: Claiming Nuclear Elephants as a band name.

28. The Long Sunset – Jack McDevitt

Thoughts: I’m just crylaughing about that sword that got lost and thought this was a fantasy cover.

29. Tricks for Free (InCryptid #7) – Seanan McGuire

Thoughts: I just started this series, and I love it, but dear god almost all of the covers are trashy nightmares.

30. Just One (Just One #1-2.5) – Gayle Forman

Thoughts: *hisses, mostly because of how it turned out, but I don’t like this cover much* Also, it’s not a trilogy. It’s a duology and a novella.

31. Monstress, Volume 2: The Blood – Marjorie Liu

Thoughts: Totally imagining this is about young Ursula.

32. Before Mars (Planetfall #3) – Emma Newman

Thoughts: Master: What did I say about the red button? Apprentice: Ummmm….not…to press it?

33. Immortal Architects (Interminables #2) – Paige Orwin

Thoughts: Architect, to building: I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it.

34. The Forbidden City (The Dragon’s Legacy, #2) – Deborah A. Wolf

Thoughts: That bull could take one signal shit and wipe out a whole city.

35. Fire Dance – Ilana C. Myer

Thoughts: A bit old school sci fi cheesy tbh, but it’s a cool concept.

36. 36 Questions That Changed My Mind About You – Vicki Grant

Thoughts: Apparently the questions also cloned her, which seems a bit more worthy of note tbh. (It also happened completely randomly to end up in the 36th slot; sometimes coincidence is the best troll.)

37. Prettyboy Must Die – Kimberly Reid

Thoughts: There’s a shortage of perfect pecs in this world. It would be a pityto damage his.

Cover Battles:

1. Voyage to Avalon (Mice of the Round Table #2) – Julie Leung

UK vs. US: We’re the mice of the round table. We eat cheese whenever we’re able.

2. The Name of the Wind (The Kingkiller Chronicle #1) – Patrick Rothfuss

US Hardback vs. US 10th Anniversary Edition: *stares* *stares some more* I have no idea wtf is happening. I think I hate it? But also the art is gorgeous? *stares*

3. Spare and Found Parts – Sarah Maria Griffin

US vs. UK: They’re both so cool in such different ways; how am I supposed to choose???

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