Cover Snark (230): The Adventurer’s Guide to Snark

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

Shiny and New:

1. Shadow Weaver – MarcyKate Connolly

Thoughts: The cover gods have not turned on Connolly, that’s for damn sure.

2. In Her Skin – Kim Savage

Thoughts: That’s her hair. Unless the wallpaper is made out of her skin. Ew. I grossed myself out.

3. As You Wish – Chelsea Sedoti

Thoughts: Does this teen have a flashlight for a face?

4. Into the Black (Beyond The Red #2) – Ava Jae

Thoughts: The title makes me think fondly of Firefly; the cover, however, makes me think more of Katy Perry’s E.T music video.

5. Before I Let Go – Marieke Nijkamp

Thoughts: This looks so familiar to me. Like, there’s got to be another cover like this, right? I thought of As Simple as Snow but I’m sure there’s something else even closer. Or not? Idk. Massive deja vu. Help a girl out if you know of something!

6. Renegades – Marissa Meyer

Thoughts: Very comic book-y, which is perfect. Another author beloved of the cover art gods.

7. Gone Rogue (Wires and Nerve, Volume 2) – Marissa Meyer

Thoughts: LOOK AT MY SHIP.

8. The Pack (The Wanderers #2) – Kate Ormand

Thoughts: Is this story about her backpack?

9. The Questionable Behavior of Dahlia Moss (Dahlia Moss #3) – Max Wirestone

Thoughts: 2 bit unicorn has a big head and little legs.

10. The Two of Swords, Volume One (The Two of Swords #1) – K.J. Parker

Thoughts: They’ve confused the tarot with two literal swords.

11. Expelled – James Patterson & Emily Raymond

Thoughts: Rebel Without a Class.

12. Cradle and All – James Patterson

Thoughts: I guess I should have seen this coming. (I’m not doing a cover battle because I’m zero percent interested in sorting out 37 years of boring James Patterson mystery covers. Sorry not sorry. But, fun fact, the original cover and title are a goddamn horrorshow and you should check it out and marvel.)

13. Brave (Awkward #2) – Svetlana Chmakova

Thoughts: Many sympathies for this kid, because that’s the worst. Not the biggest fan of the white background though.

14. The Adventurer’s Guide to Dragons (The Adventurer’s Guide Series #2) – Wade Albert White

Thoughts: Hagrid would absolutely buy this book.

15. If You Find This – Matthew Baker

Thoughts: They forgot to tell me what to do if I find this. Also, what is this?

16. The Lost Causes – Alyssa Embree Schwartz & Jessica Koosed Etting

Thoughts: This cover is every mystery thriller cover.

17. Consumed – Abbie Rushton

Thoughts: A bit of sea-bathing would set me up forever.

18. Jek/Hyde – Amy Ross

Thoughts: Hmmm, how can we make Jekyll sound more convincingly modern? JEK YES!

19. The Long-Lost Home (The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place #6) – Maryrose Wood

Thoughts: They’re looking for Waldo.

20. Ordinary Mishaps and Inevitable Catastrophes (Frazzled #2) – Booki Vivat

Thoughts: Kitty!

21. The 12 Dares of Christa – Marissa Burt

Thoughts: My brain keeps thinking the title is a typo because obvs they spelled Christina wrong but no that is an actual name.

22. Sisters of Glass – Naomi Cyprus

Thoughts: Frozen but with glass?

23. Paper Chains – Elaine Vickers

Thoughts: Dear cover, if this is not f/f, why is there the suggestion of the one girl resting her head on the other girl’s lap, as other girl gazes on adoringly? They’re also both blushing. Like I am not making this up. They’re in love.

24. Gamescape: Underworld (The Nova Project #2) – Emma Trevayne

Thoughts: I completely don’t understand what they were going for with these covers. They’re clearly designed but also like what about this is meant to appeal to me?

25. Reign the Earth (The Elementae #1) – A.C. Gaughen

Thoughts: Ergh. I’ve seen this font so many times. And this basic cover. Done better. See Bound by Blood and Sand and Written in the Stars, for example; this is like a precise intersection of the two..

26. Blue Window – Adina Rishe Gewirtz

Thoughts: This is a perfect example of why I generally hate silhouette covers. Look how silly this is with silhouettes falling all over the damn place.

27. The Serpent’s Secret (Kiranmala and the Kingdom Beyond #1) – Sayantani Dasgupta

Thoughts: LOOK AT HER RIDING A SNAKE LIKE A BOSS ASS BITCH OMFG.

28. P.S. I Miss You – Jen Petro-Roy

Thoughts: Those butterflies would definitely be dead.

29. Love, Hate & Other Filters – Samira Ahmed

Thoughts: Very reminiscent of The Hate U Give down to the color scheme, but a good cover.

30. Me, Frida and the Secret of the Peacock Ring – Angela Cervantes

Thoughts: That must have taken a LOT of hair gel.

31. The Strange and Deadly Portraits of Bryony Gray – E. Latimer

Thoughts: The Shining.

32. Shadow of a Pug (Howard Wallace, P.I. #2) – Casey Lyall

Thoughts: You can see that she’s the true gumshoe.

33. Whichwood – Tahereh Mafi

Thoughts: There is altogether too much fabulousness happening here.

34. Blood of a Thousand Stars (Empress of a Thousand Skies #2) – Rhoda Belleza

Thoughts: Sort of looks like she’s in the smoke that comes out of a genie’s bottle. Only in SPACE. A TWEEST!

35. The 57 Bus – Dashka Slater

Thoughts: Something tells me this isn’t going to end happily.

36. It Only Happens in the Movies – Holly Bourne

Thoughts: This cover just pops. Sorry, was that too corny?

37. The Legend of Me – Rebekah L. Purdy

Thoughts: Don’t you hate when you’re period starts and you’re unprepared and OFC it’s a heavy flow day.

Cover Battles:

1. The Wanderers (The Wanderers #1) – Kate Ormand

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: As much as I was underwhelmed by the hardcover, I think I prefer it to the desolate paperback.

2. The Hawkweed Prophecy (Hawkweed Prophecy #1) – Irena Brignull

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: This may lure in new readers, but it doesn’t really fit the book imo.

3. Night of Cake and Puppets (Daughter of Smoke & Bone #2.5) – Laini Taylor

US eBook vs. US Hardback: Huh. This is not what I was expecting. It also doesn’t remotely match the series, which :/.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Ghost of a Memory (The Ghost Protector Trilogy #3) – EJ Divitt

Thoughts: Sometimes there’s a shocking level of effort that goes into putting together a book cover.

2. Celestial Blue Skies – Maggie Collins

Thoughts: I think my favorite thing about this awkward cover is the ribbon tied on that corn.

3. Loving Ean (The Fae Guard #2) – Elle Christensen

Thoughts: It already looked like shit and then they added fake eye color.

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