Cover Snark (229): Giant Snark Suite

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

Shiny and New:

1. Gunslinger Girl – Lyndsay Ely

Thoughts: If we could just get the JAMES PATTERSON PRESENTS off the top, this cover would be one hell of a sharpshooter.

2. The Girls in the Picture – Melanie Benjamin

Thoughts: Publishers really should team up with clothing companies because I would totally shop off of book covers.

3. Moonrise – Sara Crossan

Thoughts: The title font looks sloppy where the rest is sleek and lovely.

4. My Brigadista Year – Katherine Paterson

Thoughts: For a moment I thought she had a cigar in her right hand (because that’s more what I expect from someone wearing fatigues) but it’s just a pen, thank goodness.

5. Jade City – Fonda Lee

Thoughts: Pretty shockingly bland, aside from the boss title font. Or maybe I’m just jaded.

6. The Dreadful Tale of Prosper Redding (The Dreadful Tale of Prosper Redding #1) – Alexandra Bracken

Thoughts: Totes adorbs. That wolf definitely looks like it’s up to something.

7. Chaotic Good – Whitney Gardner

Thoughts: Fashion on point.

8. The Becoming of Noah Shaw (The Shaw Confessions #1) – Michelle Hodkin

Thoughts: Series don’t ever truly end anymore, do they?

9. The Accidental Honeymoon – Portia Macintosh

Thoughts: “Hello? Vegas? Yes, we would like some more alcohol, and you know, we would like some more beers too… hello? Oh wait… I forgot to dial.”

10. Sand + Bone – J.T. Krul & Andrea Mutti

Thoughts: Generic + Title.

11. Slider – Pete Hautman

Thoughts: Okay, what douchebag took a bite out of almost every single one of these burgers?

12. The Wonderling (The Wonderling #1) – Mira Bartok

Thoughts: Middle grade gorgeousness. Though I do feel compelled to comfort this poor concerned fox.

13. Giant Pumpkin Suite – Melanie Heuiser Hill

Thoughts: You can practically hear the Charlie Brown theme emanating

14. Brave Red, Smart Frog: A New Book of Old Tales – Emily Jenkins

Thoughts: They went mega old school on this, which I do like in a nostalgic for my childhood books way, but like I’m assuming the intended audience doesn’t have those feels.

15. Trell – Dick Lehr

Thoughts: TRELLAAAAAAAA

16. Race to the Bottom of the Sea – Lindsay Eagar

Thoughts: Fish says he got here first, stupid human.

17. The Reaction – Helena Coggan

Thoughts: The Eye of Sauron is not going to stand for this sort of imitation without recompense.

18. Zinnia and the Bees – Danielle Davis

Thoughts: Oh look, it’s the most horrifying cover I’ve ever seen. *shudders deeply and scrolls away forever*

19. Boy Seeking Band – Steve Brezenoff

Thoughts: Being a solo act makes him blue.

20. Strange Alchemy – Gwenda Bond

Thoughts: Strange ability to put me to sleep.

21. Otherworld (Otherworld #1) – Jason Segel & Kirsten Miller

Thoughts: Westworld drops acid.

22. Meant to Be – Julie Halpern

Thoughts: I’m torn.

23. Click’d – Tamara Ireland Stone

Thoughts: This cover just clicks.

24. The Empty Grave (Lockwood & Co. #5) – Jonathan Stroud

Thoughts: DON’T BLINK.

25. The Ambrose Deception – Emily Ecton

Thoughts: Pretty damn cute. Reminiscent of that other Lemony Snicket series.

26. Unearthed (Unearthed #1) – Amie Kaufman & Meagan Spooner

Thoughts: For some reason this makes me think of velociraptors.

27. This Is Not a Love Letter – Kim Purcell

Thoughts: This Is Not a Very Interesting Cover.

28. Bad Call – Stephen Wallenfels

Thoughts: I feel like the snow wouldn’t hold that ax up like that.

29. Trans Liberty Riot Brigade (Brigade #1) – L.M. Pierce

Thoughts: Magical unicorn of a cover basically.

30. Poison’s Cage (Poison’s Kiss #2) – Breeana Shields

Thoughts: Snakes. Why does it always have to be snakes?

31. Reign of the Fallen – Sarah Glenn Marsh

Thoughts: Barbossa got an upgrade.

32. Mature Content (Cyberlove #4) – Megan Erickson & Santino Hassell

Thoughts: He makes the whole greaser thing look so good.

33. Secrets of Skin and Stone – Wendy Laine

Thoughts: Total gargoyle.

Cover Battles:

1. Naondel (The Red Abbey Chronicles) – Maria Turtschaninoff

Finnish vs. UK vs. US: It’s amusing to me how much she looks like a model posing rather than a badass heroine with a sword and the skull of one of her victims. The art is lovely, however, so I would still buy this edition.

2. Once Upon a Crime (The Sisters Grimm #4) – Michael Buckley

US Hardback vs. US Paperback vs. US 10th Anniversary: They’re all pretty good, but I’d go for the original hardcover, with it’s more antique vibe.

3. Every Falling Star: The True Story of How I Survived and Escaped North Korea – SungJu Lee & Susan McClelland

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: I like the redesign because, while both are appealing, it feels a bit more unique, rather than generic war memoir.

4. The Romantics – Leah Konen

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: I’m always baffled by these redesigns where they just change the color. Like, okay, this didn’t sell like we hoped, so let’s not totally redesign. I bet it was just that shade of blue, yeah.

5. Shadow of a Doubt – Skylar James” target=”_blank”>Shadow of a Doubt – Skylar James

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: The horse got sleeker and meaner.

6. The Big Lie – Julie Mayhew

UK vs. US: TRIGGERED, US COVER. TRIGGERED.

7. Hour of the Bees – Lindsay Eagar

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: I think they misunderstood my petition to not have bees on covers.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Jaq with a Q – Jettie Woodruff

Thoughts: What an awkward photo to select. And god, those fonts. Also, like, it’s a book, so we can see how Jaq is spelled. Oh and to top it all off, the book’s description includes “want’s to die,” so you know this is quality inside too.

2. Disk of Death – Kim Smith

Thoughts: Well, you tried.

3. Flint of Dreams – Charles Peterson Sheppard

Thoughts: Too soon.

2 responses to “Cover Snark (229): Giant Snark Suite”

  1. Gunslinger Girl really would be fantastic if James Patterson’s ego didn’t have to declare itself so loudly.
    Bonnie @ For the Love of Words recently posted…Better Late Than Never: The Dead Zone by Stephen KingMy Profile

  2. 1. Wooo yes! Agreed! The color and composition is everything.
    6. The font and colors are so great.
    9. I see you, Mrs. Ross 😉
    12. That fox is so cuuuuute.
    18. Aww I like it! Maybe with less real bees.
    24. That is fucking terrifying. Wow.
    26. Not sure what I expected, but I was disappointed by this :/
    Morgan @ The Bookish Beagle recently posted…Top Ten Tuesday: Most Anticipated Books for the Second Half of 2017My Profile

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