Cover Snark (225): All the Crooked Snarks

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

GILLIAN (Writer of Wrongs) IS GUEST SNARKING AGAIN WEEEEE!

Shiny and New:

1. The Girl Who Could See – Kara Swanson

Thoughts: C: HO.LY. SHIZ.NIT. May illustrated covers never stop trending. Love, me.

2. Strange Lies – Maggie Thrash

Thoughts: G: This makes me dizzy.
C: This makes me bored.

3. Halfway Normal – Barbara Dee

Thoughts: C: I give this tentacle out of ten.

4. Midnight Reynolds and the Spectral Transformer – Catherine Holt

Thoughts: C: MOANING MYRTLE?!?!?!

5. Room of Shadows – Ronald Kidd

Thoughts: C: It’s a bit much? Gorgeous art but like wow it’s like an eye explosion.

6. Just Dance – Patricia MacLachlan

Thoughts: C: I know I’m old because my focus is the couple in the background, not the horse and animals like it would have been as a kid. Sad.

7. All the Crooked Saints – Maggie Stiefvater

Thoughts: C: That cover, though. That black rose is perfectionnnnnn.

8. Immortal Reign (Falling Kingdoms #6) – Morgan Rhodes

Thoughts: C: Dude: ACCIDENTAL BOOB GRAZE. I JUST. I CANNOT SEE BC HOOD. Lady: Huh? Who is that? Who goes there? *tilts head back trying to see past hood* Dude: Can I…uh…touch it again? Lady: *tries to punch in junk, misses and punches in belt* Dude and lady: *fight ineptly because neither can see past their hoods*
G: It does totally look like they’re about to blindly bump into each other. Like they’re playing the worst ever game of Marco Polo.

9. There’s Someone Inside Your House – Stephanie Perkins

Thoughts: C: It’s cool. They just came to install that neon sign you ordered while drunk and singing show tunes that one time.
G: I like that they went with a murdery pink, like it’s a dark and twisty version of Anna. Anna and the French KILL.

10. Dare to Fall – Estelle Maskame

Thoughts: C: YESSSSSSS. *rolls around in mountain of illustrated YA covers*

11. Train Wreck – T. Gephart

Thoughts: G: I’m so baffled by what has happened to the rest of her. IS SHE LEGS? JUST LEGS?

12. Ninja Girl – Cookie O’Gorman

Thoughts: C: Oh dear. Dubbing a Korean heroine “ninja girl” to start with and this unfortunate cover helps nothing.
G: That weird purple haze swallowing them is probbbbably poisonous.
C: That might be a mercy killing for this cover.

13. Things I’m Seeing Without You – Peter Bognanni

Thoughts: C: I’m seeing an S.

14. Incriminating Dating – Rebekah L. Purdy

Thoughts: C: Do not blackmail people to find love. Do not.

15. A Beautiful Poison – Lydia Kang

Thoughts: C: O true apothecary! They drugs are beautiful; don’t work for shit, but at least they’re shiny.
G: It’s nice when books that say BEAUTIFUL on them actually are.

16. The Castaways – Jessika Fleck

Thoughts: G: SIMBAAAA, YOU MUST TAKE YOUR PLACE IN THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
C: NANTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABAAAAAAAA (yes i googled how to spell that whatever)

17. The Nowhere Girls – Amy Reed

Thoughts: C: You know it’s going to be a dark novel about girls when you see a black background with moody flowers. See But Then I Came Back, A Map for Wrecked Girls, or Mad Miss Mimic.

18. The Dazzling Heights (The Thousandth Floor #2) – Katharine McGee

Thoughts: G: DAZZLING.
C: *taps in* Give ’em the old razzle dazzle / Razzle Dazzle ’em / Give ’em an act with lots of flash in it / And the reaction will be passionate / Give ’em the old hocus pocus / Bead and feather ’em / How can they see with sequins in their eyes?

19. One S’more Summer (The Campfire Series #1) – Beth Merlin

Thoughts: G: Great, now I’m hungry.
C: *eats cover*

20. The Wishing Heart – J.C. Welker

Thoughts: Gonna be wanting to change that blurb. And maybe just redesign the whole thing while you’re at it. Though for Entangled Teen it’s semi-decent so idk.

21. Suitors and Sabotage – Cindy Anstey

Thoughts: C: This cover puts the Swoon in Swoon Reads.This cover puts the Swoon in Swoon Reads.
G: SUPER MEGA GORGEOUS. So gorgeous that I can almost overlook that those are not Regency silhouettes. Almost.

22. The Queen and the Cure (The Bird and the Sword Chronicles #2) – Amy Harmon

Thoughts: C: Anyone else thinking of that period of The 100 where Clarke Griffin had red hair? Awesome self-pub cover. 🙂

23. R.I.P. Eliza Hart – Alyssa Sheinmel

Thoughts: C: Stop taking photos of this girl while she drowns and get her head above water!

24. Girls Made of Snow and Glass – Melissa Bashardoust

Thoughts: C: This looks like a placeholder cover someone whipped up in Paint or something. This could hardly be more boring if it tried.
G: Girls Made of Snooze and Missed Opportunities

25. Last Semester – Corine Mekaouche

Thoughts: C: And then they all make out to try to ignore the painful awfulness of these fonts.
G: At least they all have excellent footwear.

26. The Belles – Dhonielle Clayton

Thoughts: G: wish they’d used that full body shot with the fantasy-ish background visible. You could see the full gorgeous dress, and it looked more like the cover of a YA genre book, and less like a fashion editorial. Gorgeous model, but I’m mildly disappointed.
C: This is not remotely what I was led to expect (aka a pretty dress cover). You can actually tell that they just cropped into that GORGEOUS full body shot, linked above, because the focal point is so clearly not her face, meaning that in the crop on the cover her face is OUT OF FOCUS. Seriously, check this high res version to see what a hot mess this is up close.

27. Magic of Wind and Mist (The Hanna Duology #1-2) – Cassandra Rose Clarke

Thoughts: C: That mast head looks SO happy to be here.

28. If There’s No Tomorrow – Jennifer Armentrout

Thoughts: C: Then I won’t have time to read this book, considering it’s not even an ARC yet.

29. The Language of Thorns: Midnight Tales and Dangerous Magic – Leigh Bardugo

Thoughts: C: The worst Bardugo cover is still art. As if we needed more proof that Bardugo is possessed of magical powers. Seriously, though, check out the SUPER HIGH RES version (you may need to right clink and open in a new tab or view image to see it) to see the detailing because wow.
G: I considered some kind of pun like “this makes me feel thorny” but this is too beautiful for my sophomoric humor.

30. The Dire King (Jackaby #4) – William Ritter

Thoughts: C: The red looks fine on the face in profile, but it looks hilariously terrible on the people inside his head.

31. Flight of a Starling – Lisa Heathfield

Thoughts: C: Fonts a bit bland, but that bird is lovely.

32. Keeper of the Dawn – Dianna Gunn

Thoughts: C: I’m gonna need to (fet)lock this lovely down.
G: *tries to come up with a good horse pun* *fails* Whatever, just look at the pretty,
C: You’re going to have to hoof it if you can’t keep up, gal(lop).

33. Mad Hatters and March Hares: All-New Stories from the World of Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland – Ellen Datlow, ed.

Thoughts: G: NIGHTMARE FUEL OH MY GOD.
C: THIS IS ACTUALLY SO CREEPY I WOULDN’T LET IT IN MY HOUSE.

34. The Glow of Fallen Stars (Ventura Saga #2) – Kate Ling

Thoughts: C: I mean, it’s pretty, I guess, but wtf are all these flowers doing in space and why are they EXPLODING.
G: WHY is the author name shunted all the way to the side for NO REASON just HANGING OUT THERE IN LEFT FIELD RUINING EVERYTHING *twitches*

35. Apex (Hunter #3) by Mercedes Lackey

Thoughts: G: I looooooooove the covers for this series. Gorgeous fontage plus goregous artwork just makes me happy.
C: Seconded. Too bad the books themselves don’t match up.

Cover Battles:

1. Romeo, Juliet and Jim – Larry Aschwarz & Iva-Marie Palmer

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: C: Just put them in bed together. Let the people know what they’re getting. Unless they’re not getting that. Either way this could be marked off with caution tape.

2. Now I Rise (The Conqueror’s Saga #2) – Kiersten White

US vs. Australian: Pretty damn badass, though I think I like the simple artistry of the US cover a bit more. But then again…

3. The Lovely Reckless – Kami Garcia

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: C: They’re racing for pink slips.
G: Very wise redesign.

4. Trickster’s Choice (Daughter of the Lioness #1) – Tamora Pierce

US Original vs. US 2017 Redesign: C: Westley won’t approve of them taking Buttercup off the cover, that’s for sure.
G: I think this is BAMF and definitely the best my beloved Tamora has gotten (though that SJM blurb is throwing off the composition a bit—too crowded).

5. Trickster’s Queen (Daughter of the Lioness #2) – Tamora Pierce

US Original vs. US Redesign: G: I think this is mega gorgeous and I want me that hair piece.
C: I can definitely embrace this cover change, because I’ve never thought this girl on the cover fit anyone in the book.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Training Complex (Training Season #2) – Leta Blake

Thoughts: C: There is just so much to take in here. THAT’S WHAT HE SAID. But srsly, I just noticed that riding crop. And there are also ice skates. And like WTAF is the guy in the background doing???

2. A More Complicated Fairytale – Emily Witt

Thoughts: G: I thought that said ‘complicasted’. Also they look like drunk Sims.

3. The Gardener #3 – MarcG

Thoughts: C: Gillian was totally not ready for that. MWAHAHAHA. Visit the URL at your own risk. (And, no, I haven’t.)

3 responses to “Cover Snark (225): All the Crooked Snarks”

  1. 1. That. Cover. Is. Stunningggggggg.
    2. Meh. The hair design is pretty but reminds me of all those adult coloring books. But I loved the author’s debut so at least her name made me click the link.
    4. Ahahahah! She looks distressed.
    7. I really like the color combo!
    14. A very bland version of a very done cover. Pass.
    16. Bahahahah my first thought was SIIIIIMMMBBAAAA. Great minds.
    19. Cute idea but so much deadspace on the cover!
    21. I love cover designs like this!!
    24. Literally the most boring, disappointing cover.
    26. The full body shot is way better. I do love the colors and the flowers, but I wouldn’t call this a pretty dress cover either 🙁 And the model reminds me so much of Taraj P. Henson face-wise that it’s distracting haha.
    30. The swirly title fonts in this series are so pretty.
    31. Unicorn frappuccino bird.
    33. Looks like a cross between Gollum and Rumplestiltskin. YIKES.
    35. Ooooh this is wicked! I love the angle!
    2. I love this series and I can never decide which covers I like more!!! So different but equally striking.
    5. Looove the redesign! Still need to read this series…
    Morgan @ The Bookish Beagle recently posted…The Intimidating TBR TagMy Profile

  2. lissa says:

    #8 – you guys are so right about those hoods, ha ha

    #21 – cover is lovely

    have a lovely day.
    lissa recently posted…April A-Z : Wheel of FortuneMy Profile

  3. Mary says:

    LOLLLLL I love how Gillian knows her regency silhouettes. And YES, I was underwhelmed by The Belles. That full-body shot is so much more striking! The sparkly background in the final version doesn’t work for me, and seriously, having the shot that pixelated is a dang crime.
    Mary recently posted…#ReadADessen campaign: Keeping the Moon reviewMy Profile

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