Cover Snark (224): A Snark in the Dark

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

Today there is guest snark by Gillian, the ever fabulous hilarious magical Writer of Wrongs!

Shiny and New:

1. Nightfall (Keeper of the Lost Cities #6) – Shannon Messenger

Thoughts: C: I AM LOOKING AT THIS COVER LIKE KEEFE LOOKS AT SOPHIE. MY BABIES LOOK SO BEAUTIFULLLL. JASON CHAN HAS OUTDONE HIMSELF.
G: LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL SHIIIIIIIP and all of their glorious MG hair. Like seriously, girls on MG covers always have the most sublime windblown locks.

2. Warcross (Warcross #1) – Marie Lu

Thoughts: C: The concept’s cool, I guess, but I don’t think I actually like the end product much. Also, it better be rainbow colors bc it’s gay af.
G: I adore the rainbow-ness of it (MORE HOLO YA COVERS PLEASE) but there’s something kinda ugly about this

3. A Line in the Dark – Malinda Lo

Thoughts: C: YAY IT WAS A PLACEHOLDER. This is creepy and cool. A+.

4. This Mortal Coil – Emily Suvada

Thoughts: G: That’s not a coil.
C: Pretty sure it’s explodey powder but it totally looks like a clown wig.

5. All the Wind in the World – Samantha Mabry

Thoughts: G: Can you paaaaaint with all the colorrrrs of the wiiiiiiiiind.
C: I should have seen this coming.

6. Saints and Misfits – S.K. Ali

Thoughts: G: I love this to pieces. TOTAL PERFECTION. The color palette gives me life and that model is WEARING ME OUT.
C: Love the model 100%. I do not love the color palette, though. It makes her look muted when she is fabulosity made flesh.

7. Oathbringer (The Stormlight Archive #3) – Brandon Sanderson

Thoughts: G: This is so charmingly old school.
C: Except if it were truly old school, it would be some dude on it. :-p I will never ever get tired of fantasy covers with heroines being boss and looking fine on them.

8. Godsgrave (The Nevernight Chronicles #2) – Jay Kristoff

Thoughts: C: I’m MEGa excited about this cover just saying.
G: FOR REAL THAT FONTAGE IS JUST ORGASMIC I WANT IT TATTOOED ON ME EVEN THOUGH THAT WOULD BE MEG-A WEIRD

9. That Inevitable Victorian Thing – E. K. Johnston

Thoughts: G: This is gorgeous beyond words. I loooove the surge of illustrated YA covers, especially fancy intricate ones that make my eyes go all heart-shaped.
C: That Inevitable Book Thing in My Amazon Cart. I mean wut.

10. Landscape with Invisible Hand – M.T. Anderson

Thoughts: G: I like how there totally is an invisible hand on this cover (seriously, try to find the hand YOU CANT IT’S INVISIBLE). The color palette and I, however, are mortal enemies.
C: We come to meet your leader, Bob Ross.

11. The Carnelian Crow (Stoker & Holmes #4) – Colleen Gleason

Thoughts: G: That crow be lookin’ FLY (get it) (get it)
C: He mad proud of his sweet gear (get it) (get it)

12. Spellslinger (Spellslinger #1) – Sebastien de Castell

Thoughts: C: Aces.

13. Knit One, Girl Two – Shira Glassman

Thoughts: G: SHIP
C: AND PUNS. AND KITTY COWS.

14. Beasts Made of Night – Tochi Onyebuchi

Thoughts: G: IT’S SO PRETTY THAT I HAVE NOTHING REMOTELY CLEVER TO SAY.
C: Like, the most I can muster is that it could be more colorful, but also that’s a lie because I can picture it as a finished copy and I suspect that background grey will come ALIVE.

15. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Harry Potter #3) – J.K. Rowling

Thoughts: G: Take all of my money. Take every single money I have.
C: Oh, they will.

16. Welcome Home: An Anthology on Love and Adoption – Eric Smith, ed.

Thoughts: C: I’m glad WELCOME HOME found a new home with Flux, but oof this cover.

17. Autoboyography – Christina Lauren

Thoughts: C: Those are definitely alien silhouettes.

18. The Magic Misfits (Magic Misfits #1) – Neil Patrick Harris

Thoughts: G: THIS FULLY LOOKS LIKE A MIDDLE GRADE SIX OF CROWS

19. The Way to Bea – Kat Yeh

Thoughts: G: My brain reads this as “The Way to Book Expo America” which is probably not accurate…

20. The Wizards of Once (The Wizards of Once #1) – Cressida Cowell

Thoughts: C: Someone get that crow to a vet ASAP.

21. The Wild Robot Escapes (The Wild Robot #2) – Peter Brown

Thoughts: C: He’s going AI-WOL.

22. The Trials of Morrigan Crow (Nevermoor #1) – Jessica Townsend

Thoughts: Ceiling cat does not approve.

23. Marabel and the Book of Fate – Tracy Barrett

Thoughts: C: Girl with a sword, boy standing behind admiringly, and a sassy unicorn. YASSSSS.
G: This girl is living her best life.

24. Tool of War – Paolo Bacigalupi

Thoughts: C: Is anyone else thinking of the opening scene of Jurassic Park where the velociraptor eats the maintenance dude?

25. Instructions for a Secondhand Heart – Tamsyn Murray

Thoughts: C: This looks like a craft at about my level. And that’s about what the end result would resemble.
G: I mean, at least it kinda does look secondhand. Or at least a secondhand version of The Anatomical Shape of a Heart.
C: BURN. Much-deserved burn.

26. The Tethered Mage – Melissa Caruso

Thoughts: C: Dress of Crows.
G: THIS IS THE SELECTION FONT AND PEOPLE NEED TO STOP USING IT.

27. Into the Drowning Deep (Rolling in the Deep #2) – Mira Grant

Thoughts: C: I’m having trouble telling quite what’s going on here. The remains of a person post shark attack?

28. The Ship – Antonia Honeywell

Thoughts: C: I will not go down with this ship.

29. Malice of Crows (The Shadow #3) – Lila Bowen

Thoughts: G: That is too many blurb-y things. It makes it look like a movie poster.

30. Shadowborn (Seraphim #3) – David Dalglish

Thoughts: C: Okay, so I initially wrote down this title as SHADOW BORN, because those two words are broken into separate lines and THEY ARE EVEN IN DIFFERENT COLORS. Do you want people to struggle to locate this book when searching?

31. Dead Empire (The Black Wolves Trilogy #2) – Kate Elliott

Thoughts: C: YOU DARE KILL MY EMPIRE?!?!?!?!?!

32. A Secret History of Witches – Louisa Morgan

Thoughts: C: This is that scene from Sorcerer’s Stone.

33. The Missing Guests of the Magic Grove Hotel – David Casarett

Thoughts: C: As small as that person is, they’re still like half the height of that building, unless they’re actually REALLY far from it. What is this? A HOTEL FOR ANTS?

Cover Battles:

1. Earthbound (Earthbound #1) – Aprilynne Pike

US Hardback vs. US Paperback vs. US Self-Pub Rerelease: G: Mega hiddy.
C: It’s truly astounding how a cover can start off fairly bad and manage to get worse with each successive redesign.

2. Earthquake (Earthbound #2) – Aprilynne Pike

US Hardback vs. US Self-Pub Rerelease: G: What even IS that? Tree bark? Desert? Animated dry skin from a moisturizer commercial?
C: OH MY GOD I WAS TOTALLY THINKING OF THAT LOTION COMMERCIAL WHERE THERE’S A LIZARD AND DESERT SKIN.

3. Earthrise (Earthbound #3) – Aprilynne Pike

Original vs. Redesign: C: Time to try again, methinks. It’s truly astounding how awful these are.

4. The Fallen Kingdom (The Falconer #3) – Elizabeth May

US vs. UK: C: Only the most comfortable clothing (corsets and bare midriffs and leather pants) for fighting in Victorian Scotland.
G: I really want to love this bad ass bitchery but why is she so SHINY like don’t they have powder in Victorian Scotland?

5. Coral & Bone (Coral & Bone #1)- Tiffany Daune

Jester Ink Press vs. OfTomes Publishing: G: I thought we had moved past the GLOWY MAGIC EYE trend.
C: We will never escape it. I will die and my hell will be endless glowing eyes.

6. Kiss Me in New York – Catherine Rider

UK vs. Bulgarian vs. US: C: We may be late to the Christmas party, but we’re best dressed.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Will You Be My Brussels Sprout? – Lucy Frank

Thoughts: C: Of course, my little garbanzo bean!

2. With All That I Am (The Daguronian Chronicles #1) – Cahira O’Donnell

Thoughts: C: How about we just slap some naked torsos on a black background with some boring white font? Maybe we should also awkwardly black out the dude’s head?

3. Finding Me (Finding Me Trilogy #1) – Dawn Brazil

Thoughts: C: Looks like she’s cloned and herself and having her clone finger her original body. That’s a use for the clone I guess.

One response to “Cover Snark (224): A Snark in the Dark”

  1. Gillian says:

    *laughs at own jokes* WE ARE SO HILARIOUS YAY FOR US

    *stares at Keefe and forgets to read the rest of the post*
    Gillian recently posted…Review: The Upside of Unrequited by Becky AlbertalliMy Profile

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