Cover Snark (221): Speak Easy, Speak Snark

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

Shiny and New:

1. Speak Easy, Speak Love – McKelle George

Thoughts: *keyboard smash of excitement commencing* [39qyt902yufg90ygh8923yclksd-vp[i0q9why

2. Rise of the Jumbies (The Jumbies #2) – Tracey Baptiste

Thoughts: Time to grab the gillyweed and save these kids.

3. Forest of a Thousand Lanterns (Rise of the Empress #1) – Julie C. Dao

Thoughts: What a disappointment. That snake looks fake as fuck, the colors, don’t really work together, and that font is from The Selection. How about a redo with forest lanterns?

4. The Caledonian Gambit – Dan Moren

Thoughts: Sci fi with covers like this is basically always too heavy for me, but OMG GORGEOUS SPACE AND SPACESHIPS I love these covers.

5. Mabel Opal Pear and the Rules for Spying – Amanda Hosch

Thoughts: That name really doesn’t roll off the tongue. The art’s cute, though the proportions of her face are off despite the adorable freckles.

6. The Hiding Places – Katherine Webb

Thoughts: Dandy-lion cover.

7. Being Fishkill – Ruth Lehrer

Thoughts: Totally not my art style, but it’s definitely artfully arranged, except that I can’t stop laughing at the green blob person in the window.

8. Waters of Salt & Sin (Uncommon World #1) – Alisha Klapheke

Thoughts: The cover art is absolutely lovely, though the title font leaves something to be desired.

9. Behind the Song – K.M. Walton, ed.

Thoughts: Do teens these days know what any of these things on the cover actually are?

10. Windows – Julia Denos

Thoughts: Adorable!

11. Girlhood – Cat Clarke

Thoughts: Cover’s kinda boring; matches are getting to be overdone for “issue” books. But that tagline is fabulous.

12. One Italian Summeer – Keris Stainton

Thoughts: If there’s a book set in Italy that doesn’t have a Vespa on the cover, did it happen?

13. The Guggenheim Mystery – Robin Stevens

Thoughts: Really nifty art style and way of handling the author treatment!

14. American Gods Graphic Novel – Neil Gaiman

Thoughts: What bull.

15. Assassin’s Fate (The Fitz & the Fool Trilogy #3) – Robin Hobb

Thoughts: Could this BEE any more gorgeous?

16. The Legion of Flame (The Draconis Memoria #2) – Anthony Ryan

Thoughts: Flames aren’t too fake looking and a fucking badass dragon, so I am obligated to love this.

17. Watching the Detectives (The Country Club Murders #5) – Julie Mulhern

Thoughts: My brain is convinced this is a Watchmen reference. Like, the owl totally clenches it, right?

18. Say Goodbye to Hollywood – Jenny Trout

Thoughts: Totally get the concept and it’s clever and all, but it’s not exactly a visual feast. And damn I want some coffee.

19. A Court of Thorns and Roses Coloring Book – Sarah J. Maas

Thoughts: You will need to invest in a lot of mayonnaise-colored crayons.

20. Refugee – Alan Gratz

Thoughts: At least you’re not escaping with a tiger?

21. The Afterlife of Holly Chase – Cynthia Hand

Thoughts: Even Scrooge has to approve of this, right?

22. Dare Mighty Things (Untitled Duology #1) – Heather Kaczynski

Thoughts: Looks like it was made with Word Art effects.

23. Before She Ignites (Fallen Isles Trilogy #1) – Jodi Meadows

Thoughts: The model’s lovely, and the forest is lovely, and the silver snakedragon thing is super cool, but put them all together and this is mad awks.

24. One Dark Throne (Three Dark Crowns #2) – Kendare Blake

Thoughts: In the war for most uncomfortable throne, this even beats the GOT throne. Like, sure, swords aren’t cushy to sit on, but like CROTCH SNAKE.

25. Ringer (Replica #2) – Lauren Oliver

Thoughts: If the title weren’t different, I wouldn’t even know this wasn’t just the PB of Replica.

26. Into the Bright Unknown (The Gold Seer Trilogy #3) – Rae Carson

Thoughts: The font treatment on this series is so fantastic, but I consistently loathe the models with explodey firework skirts thing.

27. Monster (Gone #7) – Michael Grant

Thoughts: Portrait of the author as an internet troll.

28. Neighborhood Girls – Jessie Ann Foley

Thoughts: Illustrated covers for YA are ♥.

29. Madness – Zac Brewer

Thoughts: Creeptastic. Not a huge fan of the fonts but that art is absurdly cool.

30. The Dark Assassin (The Starblade Chronicles #3) – Joseph Delaney

Thoughts: This poor, sad little cover surrounded by gorgeousness.

31. Joyride (A Class Novel) – Guy Adams

Thoughts: There is so much attribution happening here.

32. Among the Red Stars – Gwen C. Katz

Thoughts: Here for lady pilots! (And srsly is it the season of illustrations for YA trending??? I HOPE SO.)

33. The Closest I’ve Come – Fred Aceves

Thoughts: Clearly you have to read the book to find out what it’s the closest he’s come to.

34. Kat and Meg Conquer the World – Anna Priemaza

Thoughts: Really it was only a matter of time until Cuddlebuggery set up a benevolent dictatorship.

35. Now Is Everything – Amy Giles

Thoughts: Outlook cloudy. Ask again later.

36. Good and Gone – Megan Frazer Blackmore

Thoughts: These illustrations make me want to do a sedance.

37. Three Sides of a Heart: Stories About Love Triangles – Natalie C. Parker, ed.

Thoughts: I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.

Cover Battles:

1. The Wee Free Men – Terry Pratchett

UK 2017 Redesign vs. UK Hardback Gift Edition: The hardback edition reminds me of that “this is your brain on drugs” ad where the girl smashed the shit out of some eggs with a frying pan.

2. Release – Patrick Ness

UK vs. US: *attempts headstand to look at cover* *falls over* SEND HELP

3. The Summer I Turned Pretty (Summer #1) – Jenny Han

US Original vs. US 2017 Redesign: It was also the summer she sold sea shells down by the seashore.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Naked Came the Farmer – Philip José Farmer, ed.

Thoughts: Enjoy the double entendre of the title.

2. Full Moon (Secrets of the Moon Saga #3) – Kristy Centeno

Thoughts: My favorite part is how the O’s in moon are clearly the cheeks of that full moon.

3. Mismatched – Lydia Sharp

Thoughts: Well, now I get why romance novels talked about the dude spreading her petals.

6 responses to “Cover Snark (221): Speak Easy, Speak Snark”

  1. Dahlia Adler says:

    *starts scrolling down covers, muttering to herself, “Is it just me or are all of these REALLY good???”* I love those first three like burning.

    • Christina Franke says:

      I want to paste SPEAK EASY, SPEAK LOVE to my wall, because it is fucking perfection. I also LOVE Rise of the Jumbies and a slew of other Harper covers. The fact that YA illustrations are becoming a thing DELIGHTS ME NO END.

      Also, I super want that love triangle anthology, even though I’m usually not into anthologies.

      • Dahlia Adler says:

        I like YA illustrated covers as art, but they always suggest “This book reads young” to me, so as a consumer, they don’t sell me like others do. I’m curious to see if that sticks around as a trend.

        Also, I had not seen that Cynthia Hand cover before and I am weirdly obsessed with it.

        I am 1000% getting that love triangle anthology. I asked on Twitter if anyone’s writing LGBTQ stories for any anthos and Tessa Gratton said that like half the ones in that book are.
        Dahlia Adler recently posted…Librarian/Teacher WishlistsMy Profile

      • Christina Franke says:

        OH MY GOD. THERE MIGHT BE BISEXUAL LOVE TRIANGLES (AKA MY FAVE). SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

        I cannot WAIT for the Harper drops.

  2. Leah says:

    OMG your comments about Michael Grant’s book cover had me laughing so hard!

  3. Natasa says:

    “You will need to invest in a lot of mayonnaise-colored crayons.” OHHHHH SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

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