Cover Snark (216): Snark a Circle Round

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

Shiny and New:

1. The Prince’s Rogue (Golden Guard #2) – Elise Kova

Thoughts: Never stop using this cover artist.

2. Skeleton Tree – Kim Ventrella

Thoughts: The problem with how gorgeous middle grade covers are as a rule is a perfectly respectable one like this ends up looking subpar.

3. There’s Something About Cornwall – Daisy James

Thoughts: I’m guessing the something is that it’s massively windy in Cornwall.

4. Caleb and Kit – Beth Vrabel

Thoughts: I’m kind of in love with the title treatment, but I have to say to Kit that if he’s ashamed of being your friend he’s not a good friend.

5. Myth of the Maker – Bruce R. Cordell

Thoughts: An alternate universe Rivendell ruled by Anubis.

6. The Woman Who Met Her Match – Fiona Gibson

Thoughts: I sincerely hope someone else is driving this vehicle. Also I’m now growling at this cover, which is about a fat heroine and of course this girl is skinny.

7. Ready to Run (I Do, I Don’t #1) – Lauren Layne

Thoughts: Okay, so I kind of hate this cover, but I am amused that she actually looks a bit like a Dixie Chick.

8. Littler Women: A Modern Retelling – Laura Schaefer

Thoughts: IMPORTANT: DO LAURIE AND JO END UP TOGETHER IN TINY MIDDLE GRADE ADORABLE FASHION?

9. Weave a Circle Round – Kari Maaren

Thoughts: Instaloving on the font and the sparkle. Upside down house is…there.

10. Royal Bastards – Andrew Shvarts

Thoughts: The placeholder looked basically exactly like this, so, while lovely, I’m a bit underwhelmed by the final reveal.

11. Greedy Pigs (Sin du Jour #5) – Matt Wallace

Thoughts: Why doesn’t Boston know where butts are located?

12. Starfish – Akemi Dawn Bowman

Thoughts: Poor Starturtle doesn’t get even get billing.

13. The Switch – Justina Robson

Thoughts: Britain’s Next Top Modelland.

14. The Red Threads of Fortune (Tensorate #1) – JY Yang

Thoughts: Holy shit. That’s the prettiest chicken dragon bird thing (Update: apparently it’s a phoenix; forgive me, I’m dumb.) I’ve ever seen. I mean, okay, I’ve only seen the one but like damn.

15. The Black Tides of Heaven (Tensorate #2) – JY Yang

Thoughts: This guy’s totally grumps because he doesn’t have as sweet of a ride. He just has a cloud.

16. Retribution Rails (Vengeance Road) – Erin Bowman

Thoughts: Excellent companion to the first cover. Boss title too.

17. St. David’s Day is Cancelled! – Wendy White

Thoughts: This guarantees I’ll be spelling “cancelled” the UK way even more than usual.

18. 27 Hours (The Nightside Saga #1) – Tristina Wright

Thoughts: I definitely like the color scheme and the art. The fonts are a bit whelming, and the tagline makes me laugh for some reason. (The reason might be the super deep and dramatic voice I simply MUST read it in.)

19. Satellite – Nick Lake

Thoughts: You’re my satellite. You’re riding with me tonight. Passenger side, lighting the sky, always the first star that I find, you’re my satellite.

20. The Girl in Between – Sarah Carroll

Thoughts: Is she in between illustration and being a real girl?

21. The Breathless – Tara Goedjen

Thoughts: At least we know they won’t release the breaths they didn’t know they were holding.

22. Nyxia (The Nyxia Triad #1) – Scott Reintgen

Thoughts: Not sure if this is meant to be a black hole or icky space goo or what.

23. Beneath the Shine – Sarah Fine

Thoughts: Brings new meaning to “sunflower.”

24. Girl in a Bad Place – Kaitlin Ward

Thoughts: Fuck the woods.

25. This Time Around – Tawna Fenske

Thoughts: This is so close to being fucking adorable, but the execution isn’t quite there.

26. Zero Repeat Forever (Zero Repeat Forever #1) – Gabrielle Prendergast

Thoughts: In Soviet Russia, dandelion sniffs you.

27. The Broken Ones (The Malediction Trilogy #0.6) – Danielle L. Jensen

Thoughts: I love the covers in this series. Her dress is so fucking on point, and that necklace is making one hell of a statement..

28. Hook’s Tale: Being the Account of an Unjustly Villainized Pirate Written by Himself – John Leonard Pielmeier

Thoughts: Decent but not quite enough to hook me. The fonts really keep this one looking pedestrian.

29. The Stone in the Skull (Lotus Kingdoms #1) – Elizabeth Bear

Thoughts: BADASS BLOODY DRAGON.

30. Nutcracked – Susan Adrian

Thoughts: Taking out the patriarchy one grand jete at a time.

31. A Short History of the Girl Next Door – Jared Reck

Thoughts: Why do all of these people have curtains or something only on the lower part of their windows?

32. Release – Patrick Ness

Thoughts: A test: how long did it take you to notice the faces in profile?

33. Genuine Fraud – E. Lockhart

Thoughts: Another blonde heroine, apparently. Albeit one with shorter hair.

34. The Sky Throne – Chris Ledbetter

Thoughts: Zeus doesn’t want to be on this cover, and, god, I can’t blame the dude.

35. Wreck – Fleur Ferris

Thoughts: The cover’s not quite a wreck, but it’s pretty generic.

36. Driven – MB Mulhall

Thoughts: Is anyone else concerned about his disappearing arms?

Cover Battles:

1. Journey to Dragon Island (The Accidental Pirates #2) – Claire Fayers

US vs. UK: It’s the battle of pterodactyls versus dragons and I never knew I needed that in my life.

2. Tarnished City (Dark Gifts #2) – Vic James

UK vs. US: This is a major step up from the US cover for book one and a leap up from the UK covers imo.

3. Defy the Stars (Untitled #1) – Claudia Gray

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Well, take 2 is less reminiscent of other covers, and it’s beautiful, but I still love take 1 the best. *shrugs*

4. Fireblood (Frostblood Saga #2)- Elly Blake

US vs. UK: A burning flower. That’s never been done before.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Soul Bound (The Realm of the Claimed #1) – Linda Foster

Thoughts: BUTT WINGS.

2. The Rats of Midnight – Sean Munger

Thoughts: Enjoy this nightmare fuel.

3. Hammer of Thor – S. Evan Townsend

Thoughts: Weatherman falls for lightning god. Report at 5.

5 responses to “Cover Snark (216): Snark a Circle Round”

  1. Lenore says:

    #21 LOL
    Lenore recently posted…My Awesome Reads of 2016My Profile

  2. Vee says:

    #14/15 has an offensive comment. Totally get that it’s cover snark and it’s supposed to poke fun, but the Phoenix is a big part of Chinese culture and is usually depicted as it is on that book cover, so no, it’s not a chicken dragon.

    • Christina Franke says:

      It probably doesn’t help, but I want you to know that I wasn’t aiming to be offensive or dismissive of Chinese culture. I didn’t know what sort of animal it was and was trying to discuss it in humorous fashion. I apologize. I’ve added an update above.

      • Vee says:

        Thank you for that! I really enjoy your blog and should’ve mentioned that in my original comment to not come off like such a jerk. Thank you again!

  3. 4. Charming and timeless. I like it.
    7. They look so photoshopped! What’s with the blurriness and weird lighting?
    8. WE ALL KNOW THE ANSWER IS THEY BETTER.
    10. Same, it doesn’t have much of a wow factor. I like the font at least.
    16. Love everything about it. It matches so well.
    20. This is creeping me out.
    21. Or will they….
    27. The covers are so amazing!! I really need to finish that series.
    30. So Christmasy 😀

    WTF2= the definition of nightmare fuel omg.

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