Cover Snark (209): Too Snark to Handle

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions of the covers in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here.

Shiny and New:

1. Mrs. Smith’s Spy School for Girls – Beth McMullen
mrs-smiths-spy-school-for-girls-beth-mcmullen
Thoughts: I requested this immediately based solely on the cover. Favorite detail: she’s so busy being ready to fight she hasn’t noticed all the shit falling out of her backpack or that her phone is emitting lightning.

2. Good Boy (WAGs #1) – Sarina Bowen & Elle Kennedy
good-boy-wags-sarina-bowen-elle-kennedy
Thoughts: On the one hand, man with dog = aww, but also it’s a romance cover and he’s totally kissing this dog. And the color palette makes this seem suuuuuper creepy.

3. Stay – (WAGs #2) – Sarina Bowen & Elle Kennedy
stay-wags-2-sarina-bowen-elle-kennedy
Thoughts: OH MY GOD THAT PUPPY, but his veins popping are freaking me out and seriously this dark creepy cover. DO NOT HURT THE PUPPY.

4. Love and Vandalism – Laurie Boyle Crompton
love-and-vandalism-laurie-boyle-crompton
Thoughts: Graffiti makes birds go nuts and apparently creates reflections in space.

5. Too Scot to Handle (Windham Brides #2) – Grace Burrowes
too-scot-to-handle-grace-burrowes
Thoughts: Disappointing as far as pretty dress romance covers go but full points for pun.

6. We Now Return to Regular Life – Martin Wilson
we-now-return-to-regular-life-martin-wilson
Thoughts: This “regular” squat reminds me of the IT Crowd reaction to being told to act normal.

7. Margot & Me – Juno Dawson
margot-me-juno-dawson
Thoughts: Unfortunate realization that immediately upon seeing the name “Juno,” my brain now goes “welp, that’s about pregnancy,” even when that may or may not be true.

8. Dove Alight (Dove Chronicles #3) – Karen Bao
dove-alight-karen-bao
Thoughts: STILL NOT OVER THIS REDESIGN. I WILL BE SALTY FOREVER.

9. Antisocial – Jillian Blake
antisocial-jillian-blake
Thoughts: Interestingly similar to the Textrovert cover. And I don’t mean interesting in the complimentary way.

10. Rosie Girl – Julie Shepard
rosie-girl-julie-shepard
Thoughts: I’m giving this cover a kiss off.

11. Short for Chameleon – Vicki Grant
short-for-chameleon-vicki-grant
Thoughts: Yeah, I can’t say you blend, though good try given that the red and white shirt always worked for Waldo.

12. The Authentics – Abdi Nazemian
the-authentics-abdi-nazemian
Thoughts: Everything’s coming up roses for Nazemian.

13. Song of the Current – Sarah Tolcser
song-of-the-current-sarah-tolcser
Thoughts: That shiny font has won my allegiance.

14. The Unicorn in the Barn – Jacqueline K. Ogburn
the-unicorn-in-the-barn-jacqueline-k-ogburn
Thoughts: WASTE of a unicorn. You can barely even see it. 🙁

15. Pablo and the Birdy – Alison McGhee
pablo-and-the-birdy-alison-mcghee
Thoughts: Having bird claws/talons/feet/idk on your head like that must hurt but at least the kid’s got a cool cover.

16. The End of the Wild – Nicole Helget
the-end-of-the-wild-nicole-helget
Thoughts: Looks more like industry’s on fire and the wild is flourishing.

17. Quicksand Pond – Janet Taylor Lisle
quicksand-pond-janet-taylor-lisle
Thoughts: What a comforting thing to name your pond.

18. Olive and the Backstage Ghost – Michelle Schusterman
olive-and-the-backstage-ghost-michelle-schusterman
Thoughts: The hard thing about middle grade covers is that they’re almost all SO lovely that I can end up unimpressed with a perfectly respectable cover like this.

19. Hugs and Sprinkles (The Cupcake Club) – Sheryl Berk & Carrie Berk
hugs-and-sprinkles-the-cupcake-club-sheryl-berk-carrie-berk
Thoughts: Little baby middle grade ships are the cutest of ships.

20. Stealing Candy – Stewart Lewis
stealing-candy-stewart-lewis
Thoughts: Someone really wants to be the girl from Almost Famous.

21. Out of Bounds (Soccer Sisters) – Andrea Montalbano
out-of-bounds-soccer-sisters-andrea-montalbano
Thoughts: BRB must go watch Bend It Like Beckham IMMEDIATELY.

22. Tricked (Fairy Tale Reform School #3) – Jen Calonita
tricked-fairy-tale-reform-school-jen-calonita
Thoughts: Pretty pleased with this one, if I ignore the title and series treatments.

23. Stranger Things Have Happened – Jeff Strand
stranger-things-have-happened-jeff-strand
Thoughts: But what about the things you CAN’T see? That seems more pertinent here.

24. Love You Like a Sister – Robin Palmer
love-you-like-a-sister-robin-palmer
Thoughts: This is a weird angle on faces, and they’re all working on making necklaces on the ground but they’re not LOOKING down.

25. The Dead Inside – Cyndy Etler
the-dead-inside-cyndy-etler
Thoughts: Nice texturing, and I’ll give it a slight edge on the very similar How to Disappear Harper did for the same season.

26. Pointe, Claw – Amber J. Keyser
pointe-claw-amber-j-keyser
Thoughts: Part ballerina, part jaguar. I mean, both are good at contorting themselves and flying through the air.

27. Journey Across the Hidden Islands – Sarah Beth Durst
journey-across-the-hidden-lands-sarah-beth-durst
Thoughts: Aslan may be Jesus but he can’t FLY.

28. The Van Gogh Deception – Deron Hicks
the-van-gogh-deception-deron-hicks
Thoughts: You’re not van goghing to get away with this, meddling kids!

29. Emily and the Spellstone – Michael Rubens
emily-and-the-spellstone-michael-rubens
Thoughts: Does the spellstone take out enemies by farting at them?

30. One for Sorrow – Mary Downing Hahn
one-for-sorrow-mary-downing-hahn
Thoughts: We probably would have guessed the ghost thing by her pose and lack of feet and stuff.

31. It All Comes Down to This – Karen English
it-all-comes-down-to-this-karen-english
Thoughts: She’s trying to swat all the weird floating objects with her tennis racket. OBEY GRAVITY, YOU DICKS.

32. Star-Crossed – Barbara Dee
star-crossed-barbara-dee
Thoughts: Suuuuper not a fan of this art, maybe because of the odd flatness of the figures or their creepy sharp fingers,but f/f middle grade!

33. Boy – Blake Nelson
boy-blake-nelson
Thoughts: oy

34. The Forgetting Spell (Wishing Day #2) – Lauren Myracle
the-forgetting-spell-wishing-day-lauren-myracle
Thoughts: Guhhhhhhhh, I don’t love the fonts but I’m still swooning.

35. 180 Seconds – Jessica Park
180-seconds-jessica-park
Thoughts: 180 Seconds: About 180 times longer than this cover can hold my attention.

36. Begin, End, Begin: A #LoveOzYA Anthology – Danielle Binks, ed.

Thoughts: #lovecoverdesign

37. Oakwing: A Fairy’s Tale – E. J. Clarke

Thoughts: They definitely would not be able to fly with those little leaf-shaped wings. But I guess that’s why they’re riding the bird taxi.

38. The Animal Under the Fur – E.J. Mellow

Thoughts: The Queens of Geek designers must be so pissed.

39. Brimstone – Cherie Priest

Thoughts: As Paris Hilton would say, that’s hot!

Cover Battles:

1. The Names They Gave Us – Emery Lord

US vs. UK: It’s like the US cover only happy and adorable. Do love.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. The Secret Gambit (Chausiku #2) – Pamela E. Cash

Thoughts: What realistic looking hoomans.

2. Seaborn (Masters of the Elements #3) – S. A. Bolich

Thoughts: More incredibly believable hooman figures!

3. Tender Kiss of a Russian Werewolf – Dragan Vujic

Thoughts: Look, a love interest for hoomans!

6 responses to “Cover Snark (209): Too Snark to Handle”

  1. Joanne Levy says:

    Um, so I’m not convinced that the kiss from a Russian Werewolf (at least this one) would be tender. Unless by tender they mean the victim has been marinated or massaged like Kobe beef or something.
    Joanne Levy recently posted…So this happened!My Profile

  2. Joanne Levy says:

    😛
    Joanne Levy recently posted…So this happened!My Profile

  3. Angie says:

    I’ll never be able to read the Karen Bao series because of that redesign SO BITTER FOREVER

    SWEET BABY BELLAMY WHY ARE CONTEMP COVERS SO. DAMN. BORING?

    Haha omg the One For Sorrow cover looks like a bad 80s horror cover

    I do not love the Star-Crossed cover but I desperately need that book to be good.

    OH MAN I AM TORN. I hate the US Names They Gave Us cover but if I buy the much guter UK cover my Emery Lord set won’t be in matching formats and that is not okay

  4. 1. Omg I love this!! LOL good call on the backpack.
    2-3. These are terrible covers, good lord. I want to read the books though so yay for kindle hahah.
    13. So swirly, so sparkly. I like.
    14. I feel like Meg needs to know about this unicorn.
    17. Oh I like this cover despite the terrible title. It reminds me of Gone Away Lake, which I loved as a kid.
    22. BEST MOVIE.
    32. Ooh I don’t like the fingers either but I do love this art style, it looks like paper art or something. This sounds so cute!
    36. MORE WATTSCROFT. MORE. WATTSCROFT.

  5. Cyndy Etler says:

    What a nice surprise, to find my cover reviewed. What an extra-nice surprise, to find my cover favorably reviewed by a fine, dark wit. (By “my cover,” btw, I’m referring to The Dead Inside.)

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