Cover Snark (207): The Impossible Vastness of Snark

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. The Library of Fates – Aditi Khorana
Thoughts: *is overwhelmed by the gorgeousness of every aspect*

2. No One But You (Silver Springs #2) – Brenda Novak
Thoughts: They should have given this one the boot.

3. Relics – Tim Lebbon
Thoughts: I generally don’t feel a ton of sympathy for bats, but this did it.

4. About a Dog (Bluff Point #1) – Jenn McKinlay
Thoughts: The dog’s like “hey, guys, this is about me so why aren’t you loooooking at meeeee?”

5. Comics Squad: Detention! (Comics Squad #3) – Various
Thoughts: Wow, we totally didn’t have mountain climbing as part of detention.

6. Pip Bartlett’s Guide to Unicorn Training (Pip Bartlett #2) – Jackson Pearce & Maggie Stiefvater
Thoughts: This cover should be my dream bc OMG SO MANY UNICORNS but I think it will be haunting my nightmares instead.

7. 3 – Hannah Moskowitz
Thoughts: Finally an OT3 but it’s between candles.

8. Kissing Max Holden – Katy Upperman
Thoughts: So I guess it’s going to be one of those old movie kisses where they smash their faces together, lips closed, and tilt their heads from side to side while the camera spins.

9. We Come Apart – Sarah Crossan and Brian Conaghan
Thoughts: When your cat gets control of a giant ball of yarn and causes a meetcute by wrapping you and some dude in it.

10. The Secret History of Us – Jessi Kirby
Thoughts: Girl in water either means tragic murder or paranormal.

11. Pretty Fierce – Kieran Scott
Thoughts: Where’s the tooch?

12. Girl in Disguise – Greer Macallister
Thoughts: Please go away. This title treatment and I are having a private moment.

13. Defy the Stars (Untitled #1) – Claudia Gray
Thoughts: They’re spacing out.

14. If You Were Here – Jennie Yabroff
Thoughts: The tagline makes me think this is going to deal with mental health really thoughtfully. *holds up sarcasm sign*

15. Midnight at the Electric – Jodi Lynn Anderson
Thoughts: This is the blandest carnival cover.

16. Pretty Face – Lucy Parker
Thoughts: This title makes me gag.

17. Reaper – Kyra Leigh
Thoughts: It’s like Of Metal and Wishes but not as beautiful and with a white girl.

18. Girl In Between – Pintip Dunn
Thoughts: Girl in Between Fireflies.

19. Four Weeks, Five People – Jennifer Yu
Thoughts: Four weeks, five people, endless Instagram filters.

20. The Impossible Vastness of Us – Samantha Young
Thoughts: If they were impossibly vast, they would not fit under that umbrella.

21. The Duke of Bannerman Prep – Katie Nelson
Thoughts: I’m prepping to take a nap because this cover is so boring.

22. In 27 Days – Alison Gervais
Thoughts: In 27 days, gravity will cease to exist and the world will explode into paint.

23. Splinter – Sasha Dawn
Thoughts: “Let’s have the cover look like someone really fucking hates roman numerals and so they punched the shit out of them.”

24. What Girls Are Made Of – Elana K. Arnold
Thoughts: What is with the blurring over her face, like someone just blew a cloud of dense smoke into her face?

25. My Fairy Godmother is a Drag Queen – David Clawson
Thoughts: Well, that sounds like it should be fun. Even if this cover is distinctly lacking in fabulosity.

26. Secrets of a Reluctant Princess – Casey Griffin
Thoughts: Meg Cabot totally already wrote this.

27. The Thing with Feathers – McCall Hoyle
Thoughts: Hope, the thing with feathers, would like to be redesigned.

28. The Evaporation of Sofi Snow (The Evaporation of Sofi Snow #1) – Mary Weber
Thoughts: In this world, bastards are LITERALLY made of snow.

29. When I Am Through With You – Stephanie Kuehn
Thoughts: The moment I’m done with you, off the cliff you go.

30. The Hidden Princess (Hidden Among Us #2) – Katy Moran
Thoughts: So many birds had to die to make that hideous dress.

31. Radiate (Lightless #1) – C.A. Higgins
Thoughts: So we’re not over photoshopping eyes yet, huh?

32. Wonder Woman: Warbringer (SC Icons) – Leigh Bardugo
Thoughts: Wonder Woman hit me with her lasso of truth, so this cover is drop dead gorgeous.

33. Red Queen: The Official Coloring Book
Thoughts: How much longer do you think this trend has?

34. The Unexpected Affections of Julian Adair – Lisa Brown Roberts
Thoughts: His tastes are…singular.

35. The Refrigerator Monologues – Catherynne M. Valente
Thoughts: Cool.

36. Amina’s Voice – Hena Khan
Thoughts: Her pose is very Ariel sings her voice out. Don’t make deals with Ursula, Amina!

37. The Gauntlet – Karuna Riazi
Thoughts: The title looks like it’s smiling.

38. Bane and Shadow (Empire of Storms #2) – Jon Skovron
Thoughts: Woman looks badass. Man’s actually wielding his weapons and looks silly as hell. I approve of this dynamic.

39. If We Were Villains – M.L. Rio
Thoughts: Totally thought that said “If We Were Williams” and was so confused.

Cover Battles:

1. The Last Dragonslayer (Last Dragonslayer #1) – Jasper Fforde


UK Hardback vs. UK Paperback vs. UK Media Tie-In: Scandalous though it is to admit, I’d go for that tie-in if I lived in the UK. The dragon looks amaze.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Todd and the Talking Pinata Talk Sacrifice – RH Fuller
Thoughts: And then Todd ritually sacrifices the talking pinata with his friends for candy.

2. Snow White Gets a Tan – Alinka Rutkowska
Thoughts: Snow White gets drunk. Also, that AWARD WINNING AUTHOR things is fooling no one.

3. Strange Country Day – Charles Curtis
Thoughts: Strange is right.

2 responses to “Cover Snark (207): The Impossible Vastness of Snark”

  1. Hannah says:

    These cover snarks give me life.

    I didn’t even know Stephanie Kuehn had a new book coming out. *rushes to TBR*

    So many of the titles seem like they’re trying too hard to be deep and meaning, and end up seeming really silly – at least to me.
    Hannah recently posted…Review: Gemina (The Illuminae Files #2) – Jay Kristoff & Amie KaufmanMy Profile

  2. 1. Such a gorgeous cover! I love the gradient.
    4. Awwww cute puppy! But I don’t trust books about dogs. They’re always sad.
    12. I love the top half of the cover but not the bottom half :/
    19. Weird title, bland cover.
    29. Yeah that is ominous hahah.
    30. I love this LOL. This is the kind of cover that would suck me in to what I’m sure is a mediocre book.
    32. LOVE IT, NEED IT.
    33. I hope it dies soon bc I’m so over it.
    36. Soooo beautiful, I love the colors.

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