Cover Snark (206): Snark Risk

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. Shattered Warrior – Sharon Shinn & Molly Knox Ostertag
shattered-warrior-sharon-shinn-molly-knox-ostertag
Thoughts: They nicknamed her that in the presses after she destroyed every reflective surface in the kingdom.

2. Autobiography of a Traitor and a Half-Savage – Alix E. Harrow
autobiography-of-a-traitor-and-a-half-savage-alix-e-harrow
Thoughts: It’s certainly harrowing.

3. Squirrel Meets World (The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl) – Shannon Hale & Dean Hale
squirrel-meets-world-the-unbeatable-squirrel-girl-shannon-hale-dean-hale
Thoughts: Feels like a parent was trying to take a picture of their kid on Halloween but didn’t know how to work it and over-zoomed.

4. Avenged (Ruined #2) – Amy Tintera
avenged-ruined-2-amy-tintera
Thoughts: The cover equivalent of rage poop.

5. Snake Eyes (Gods & Monsters #3) – Hillary Monahan
snake-eyes-gods-monsters-1-hillary-monahan
Thoughts: Well, the woman is badass, but there’s a baby and those monsters and/or gods at the top are sheer WTF territory.

6. Dreamfall (Dreamfall #1) – Amy Plum
dreamfall-amy-plum
Thoughts: At least it’s easy to escape from an institution with no walls?

7. The Fallen Kingdom (The Falconer #3) – Elizabeth May
the-fallen-kingdom-elizabeth-may
Thoughts: Her hair’s as gorgeous as Elizabeth May’s. Which basically means impossibly so.

8. The Great Treehouse War – Lisa Graff
the-great-treehouse-war-lisa-graff
Thoughts: Damn, why did my parents not make me a sweet treehouse like that? I bet I would have had more friends.

9. Flight Risk – Jennifer Fenn
flight-risk-jennifer-fenn
Thoughts: Nowhere to go but up is like not how flying works tho.

10. The Rattled Bones – S. M. Parker
the-rattled-bones-s-m-parker
Thoughts: Seems like the trees got plenty rattled too.

11. Avalanche – Denise Jaden
avalanche-denise-jaden
Thoughts: A disaster of a cover.

12. Eliza and Her Monsters – Francesca Zappia
eliza-and-her-monsters-francesca-zappia
Thoughts: Not totally sold on the title font but otherwise love.

13. Black Belt Bunny – Jacky Davis
black-belt-bunny-jacky-davis
Thoughts: Fruit (okay or veggie) Smash: the picture book.

14. This Would Make a Good Story Someday – Dana Alison Levy
this-would-make-a-good-story-someday-dana-alison-levy
Thoughts: Worst. Plane. Ride. Ever.

15. F*cking Awkward Holidays – Various Authors
fucking-awkward-holidays-various-authors
Thoughts: If you’re going to swear in your title, just FUCKING go for it.

16. Vanguard (The Genesis Fleet #1) – Jack Campbell
vanguard-the-genesis-fleet-jack-campbell
Thoughts: Space covers ftw.

17. These Things I’ve Done – Rebecca Phillips
these-things-ive-done-rebecca-phillips
Thoughts: “I deeply regret that time I sat that close to the edge of the pond because I dropped my phone in and it died and now I have a shitty flip phone.”

18. Fir – Sharon Gosling
fir-sharon-gosling
Thoughts: Yeah, you guys already know that black white and red covers are my catnip.

19. Hollywood Homicide (Detective by Day #1) – Kellye Garrett
hollywood-homicide-kellye-garrett
Thoughts: Title and author font totally let down this gorgeous illustration.

20. All or Nothing at All (Billionaire Builders #3) – Jennifer Probst
all-or-nothing-at-all-jennifer-probst
Thoughts: If he doesn’t carry her all the way home like that, they’re finished.

21. The Savage Dawn (The Girl at Midnight #3) – Melissa Grey
the-savage-dawn-the-girl-at-midnight-3-melissa-grey
Thoughts: Omg phoenix vs. dragon.

22. A Quiet Kind of Thunder – Sara Barnard
a-quiet-kind-of-thunder-sara-barnard
Thoughts: Is a whisper-shout best of all?

23. Maud – Melanie J. Fishbane
maud-melanie-j-fishbane
Thoughts: A bit of a yawn tbh. Feels like they were trying to make it more exciting so they added some extra loops to the cursive. Didn’t work.

24. Back to School with Bigfoot – Samantha Berger & Martha Brockenbrough
back-to-school-with-bigfoot-samantha-berger-martha-brockenbrough
Thoughts: Poor kids never saw that big butt coming.

25. Dividing Eden (Dividing Eden #1) – Joelle Charbonneau
dividing-eden-joelle-charbonneau
Thoughts: If you liked the covers of Red Queen and The Shadow Queen, then you’re gonna love this cover. Which is apparently for a book about feuding siblings dividing their room in half.

26. Forever in Love (City Love) – Susane Colasanti
forever-in-love-city-love-susane-colasanti
Thoughts: Like, you know I’m all about the ships and I read adult romance novels with cheesy covers, and still this cover makes me gag.

27. How Dare the Sun Rise: Memoirs of a War Child – Sandra Uwiringiyimana & Abigail Pesta
how-dare-the-sun-rise-memoirs-of-a-war-child-sandra-uwiringiyimana-abigail-pesta
Thoughts: Love that font. Also, her hair is amazing.

28. I See London, I See France – Sarah Mlynowski
i-see-london-i-see-france-sarah-mlynowski
Thoughts: I see someone’s thongs.

29. It’s Not Like It’s a Secret – Misa Sugiura
its-not-like-its-a-secret-misa-sugiura
Thoughts: Okay how is it that just taking the facial features away turns everything into a horror movie?

30. Liberty: The Spy Who (Kind of) Liked Me – Andrea Portes
liberty-the-spy-who-kind-of-liked-me-andrea-portes
Thoughts: What a cheeky little nesting doll.

31. More Than Me – Matthew Espinosa
more-than-me-matthew-espinosa
Thoughts: I am too old to know who this is.

32. Our Broken Pieces – Sarah White
our-broken-pieces-sarah-white
Thoughts: This is either awkward post break up or awkward work up to first kiss and it’s so hard to tell.

33. Queer, There and Everywhere – Sarah Prager
queer-there-and-everywhere-sarah-prager
Thoughts: BEST TITLE.

34. That Thing We Call a Heart – Sheba Karim
that-thing-we-call-a-heart-sheba-karim
Thoughts: It’s like a dark, edgy version of the Born Confused cover.

35. The Art of Feeling – Laura Tims
the-art-of-feeling-laura-tims
Thoughts: You’ll be feeling something when your dog galumphs onto your injured leg, that’s for sure.

36. The Art of Starving – Sam J. Miller
the-art-of-starving-sam-j-miller
Thoughts: Starving artist. I see what you did there.

37. Vindicated (Emancipated #3) – M.G. Reyes
vindicated-emancipated-3-m-g-reyes
Thoughts: I AM VINDICATED I AM SELFISH I AM WRONG I AM RIGHT I SWEAR I’M RIGHT SWEAR I KNEW IT ALL ALONG I AM FLAWED BUT I AM CLEANING UP SO WELL

38. Karma Khullar’s Mustache – Kristi Wientge
karma-khullars-mustache-kristi-wientge
Thoughts: At least mustaches are fashionable rn.

Cover Battles:

1. History Is All You Left Me – Adam Silvera

History Is All You Left Me - Adam Silvera
history-is-all-you-left-me-adam-silvera

US vs. UK: Interesting that the designs are so different but the color schemes match.

2. The Hate U Give – Angie Thomas

the-hate-u-give-angie-thomas
the-hate-u-give-angie-thomas-uk

US vs. UK: US cover for the win, although let’s just all applaud the fact that both covers actually show the black heroine.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. All That the Rain Promises and More: A Hip Pocket Guide to Western Mushrooms – David Arora
all-that-the-rain-promises-and-more-david-arora
Thoughts: Mushrooms are lulled into a false sense of security by the sound of horns.

2. The Downunder Kid – Peter M Clutterbuck
the-downunder-kid-peter-m-clutterbuck
Thoughts: What a clusterbuck.

3. Dragonflies in the Cowburbs: Donelle Dreese
dragonflies-in-the-cowburbs-donelle-dreese
Thoughts: Surely there were drugs involved.

3 responses to “Cover Snark (206): Snark Risk”

  1. Tez Miller says:

    15. F*cking Awkward Holidays – Various Authors.

    Thank you for bringing this cover to my attention. It…is not good 😉
    Tez Miller recently posted…15th November 2016 ReleasesMy Profile

  2. Joanne Levy says:

    #5 – nothing is more terrifying than a goiter.
    PSA: do not, I repeat, DO NOT, Google images for ‘goiter’.
    #8 – It’s filled with books, too, right? WANT.
    #15 – I had to look this up and admit I’m intrigued. I loves me some awkward in a big way. Apparently, there’s a story in it called Scabby Nipples – what’s not to love? *cringe*
    Joanne Levy recently posted…A little taste of CRUSHING IT!My Profile

  3. 2. This is weirdly upsetting!
    4. I bet this will be a nice shiny bronze but the swords are meh.
    5. Nightmare fuel o_O
    7. Loooove and I love how well these covers go together.
    22. Ooh I really like this! The colors and pattern are great.
    27. Really striking. Love the yellow font.
    31. Samesies.
    37. Bahahahaha
    2. Love the US cover.
    Morgan @ Gone with the Words recently posted…Review: Of Fire and Stars by Audrey CoulthurstMy Profile

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