Cover Snark (205): Our Snark Duet

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. Our Dark Duet – Victoria Schwab
our-dark-duet-victoria-schwab
Thoughts: High odds that this book will be violint.

2. The Crown’s Fate (The Crown’s Game #2) – Evelyn Skye
the-crowns-fate-evelyn-skye
Thoughts: Well, this continues my disappointment with the covers for this series. I feel like they concept is great, but they just don’t actually look good.

3. A Stone-Kissed Sea (Elemental World #4) – Elizabeth Hunter
a-stone-kissed-sea-elizabeth-hunter
Thoughts: The romance between those two is almost as passionate as that between the stones and the sea.

4. Walk of Shame – Lauren Layne
walk-of-shame-lauren-layne
Thoughts: The ABC Family original movie will be coming soon.

5. The Gallery of Unfinished Girls – Lauren Karcz
the-gallery-of-unfinished-girls-lauren-karcz
Thoughts: I hadn’t expected that the girls in question would be flamingos.

6. And We’re Off – Dana Schwartz
and-were-off-dana-schwartz
Thoughts: Vibrant, fun, and full of energy. It does rather look like her hair is attacking the title and her right arm, but otherwise love.

7. Crystal Blade (Burning Glass #2) – Kathryn Purdie
crystal-blade-burning-glass-2-kathryn-purdie
Thoughts: SPIDER SWORD

8. Deacon Locke Went to Prom – Brian Katcher
deacon-locke-went-to-prom-brian-katcher
Thoughts: And he looked adorable at prom too, evidently. Sweet bow tie, Deacon.

9. Bellamy and the Brute – Alicia Michaels
bellamy-and-the-brute-alicia-michaels
Thoughts: Sounds like it should be a 100 slash fic about Bellamy and Lincoln.

10. Club Deception – Sarah Skilton
club-deception-sarah-skilton
Thoughts: Queens are wild in this game.

11. Brave New Girl – Rachel Vincent
brave-new-girl-rachel-vincent
Thoughts: She dared not to wear the ugly school uniform.

12. Grit – Gillian French
grit-gillian-french
Thoughts: BUT IS THE GRIT TRUE?

13. The Boyfriend Whisperer – Linda Budzinski
the-boyfriend-whisperer-linda-budzinski
Thoughts: Before she helped me, my boyfriend growled and batted at my friends, but now he just hides under the couch. I highly recommend the boyfriend whisperer!

14. Someone Else’s Summer – Rachel Bateman
someone-elses-summer-rachel-bateman
Thoughts: Why are there so many teen book covers that have polaroids on them or look like polaroids? Srsly do teens even know what those are.

15. Everything All at Once – Katrina Leno
everything-all-at-once-katrina-leno
Thoughts: Okay, so that’s probably land but it looks like ice and I can’t help going DO NOT TAKE THAT DARE. YOU WILL GET HYPOTHERMIA AND DIE.

16. Game of Shadows – Erika Lewis
game-of-shadows-erika-lewis
Thoughts: Poor horse. I’ll bet the horse had nothing to do with this skeleton thing chasing them.

17. The Selection Coloring Book – Kiera Cass
the-selection-coloring-book-kiera-cass
Thoughts: Just scratch out the characters and enjoy coloring the curtains and clothing.

18. Extrahumans (Extrahumans #4) – Susan Jane Bigelow
extrahumans-extrahumans-union-4-susan-jane-bigelow
Thoughts: Is that Alien-era Sigourney Weaver about to beat someone down?

19. The Queen of Swords (Golgotha #3) – R.S. Belcher
the-queen-of-swords-r-s-belcher
Thoughts: She also moonlights as the Baroness of Hawks.

20. Bedwrecker – Kim Karr
bed-wrecker-kim-karr
Thoughts: What a bum.

21. Things That Surprise You – Jennifer Maschari
things-that-surprise-you-jennifer-maschari
Thoughts: It surprises me that I don’t have a unicorn print up in my bedroom.

22. Orphan Island – Laurel Snyder
orphan-island-laurel-snyder
Thoughts: Seems a bit cruel to send orphans off in a boat without even oars. This place is harsh.

23. Legacy of the Lynx – Clio Gray
legacy-of-the-lynx-clio-gray
Thoughts: Murder on the Lynx.

24. Georgia Rules – Nanci Turner Steveson
georgia-rules-nanci-turner-steveson
Thoughts: HOME STATE REPRESENT.

25. The World’s Greatest Detective – Caroline Carlson
the-worlds-greatest-detective-caroline-carlson
Thoughts: Is this a middle grade Miss Fisher’s?

26. Blight – Alexandra Duncan
blight-alexandra-duncan
Thoughts: Well, it does look like a blight on the landscape.

27. This Is How It Happened – Paula Stokes
this-is-how-it-happened-paula-stokes
Thoughts: Wouldn’t your butt be burning?

28. Stranger Than Fanfiction – Chris Colfer
stranger-than-fanfiction-chris-colfer
Thoughts: You’d think they’d shell out for a better cover for a celeb author.

29. Girl Out of Water – Laura Silverman
girl-out-of-water-laura-silverman
Thoughts: Girl in wheat.

30. The Squirrels Who Squabbled – Rachel Bright & Jim Field
the-squirrels-who-squabbled-rachel-bright-jim-field
Thoughts: “THAT WAS MY NUT.”
“NO, YOU’RE THE ONE THAT’S NUTS.”

31. The Long Trail Home (Quartz Creek Ranch) – Kiersi Burkhart & Amber J. Keyser
the-long-trail-home-kiersi-burkhart-amber-j-keyser
Thoughts: The trail would go a lot faster if she got on the horse.

32. House of Furies (House of Furies #1) – Madeleine Roux
house-of-furies-madeleine-roux
Thoughts: So this is like a hospice for furies?

33. The Inevitable Collision of Birdie & Bash – Candance Ganger
the-inevitable-collision-of-birdie-bash-candance-ganger
Thoughts: Fun fact: I have never roller skated, so if I tried to collisions would definitely be inevitable.

34. A Love Like Ours – Micalea Smeltzer
a-love-like-hours-micalea-smeltzer
Thoughts: This better actually be f/f.

35. How to Disappear – Sharon Huss Roat
how-to-disappear-sharon-huss-roat
Thoughts: This is like intentionally, agressively boring. Also, VICURIOUS?

36. Sawbones (Laura Elliston #1) – Melissa Lenhardt
sawbones-melissa-lenhardt
Thoughts: I would very definitely wear that dress.

37. Blood Oath (Laura Elliston #2) – Melissa Lenhardt
blood-oath-melissa-lenhardt
Thoughts: This one manages to look even more frontiersy. Like they realized they neglected to put dudes on the first one.

38. Badlands (Laura Elliston #3) – Melissa Lenhardt
badlands-melissa-lenhardt
Thoughts: In which she fully turns her back on the patriarchy.

39. How to Train Your Highlander (Broadswords and Ballrooms #3) – Christy English
how-to-train-your-highlander-christy-english
Thoughts: I’m guessing the training plan involves positive reinforcement, like polishing his sword when he’s been a good boy.

40. Almost Paradise – Corabel Shofner
almost-paradise-corabel-shofner
Thoughts: The mustachioed dude is all “hey, babe” wink wink and the girl with the pearl earring’s like “did you mean me or the pig?”

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. The Nuclear War Fun Book – Victor Langer & Walter Thomas
the-nuclear-war-fun-book-victor-langer-walter-thomas
Thoughts: THE CHILDREN ARE INJURED.

2. How Green Were the Nazis?: Nature, Environment, and Nation in the Third Reich – Franz-Josef Bruggemeier, Mark Cioc & Thomas Zeller, eds
how-green-were-the-nazis-nature-environment-and-nation-in-the-third-reich-franz-josef-bruggemeier-mark-cioc-thomas-zeller-eds
Thoughts: Really fucking classy, guys.

3. Jogging with Jesus – C. S. Lovett
jogging-with-jesus-c-s-lovett
Thoughts: There will only be one set of footprints, but he’s totally there.

3 responses to “Cover Snark (205): Our Snark Duet”

  1. Lenore says:

    Thanks for bringing laughter back into my life.
    Lenore recently posted…Book Talk: Amy Stacie Chelsea Dee by Mary G. ThompsonMy Profile

  2. 1. Love the font!
    2. Yeah, not impressed with either cover. Doesn’t make me want to pick them up in a bookstore :/
    8. Cute! Love the textured background.
    9. The staircase reminds me of Cruel Beauty.
    20. Oh my god. Too much butt o_O
    21. So adorable! Love the contrast.
    30. I thought this said The Squirrels that Stabbed at first and I was like oh. Goodness.
    Morgan @ Gone with the Words recently posted…Review: Timekeeper by Tara SimMy Profile

  3. Chiqui says:

    THE NUCLEAR FUN BOOK i am crying and then laughing and then crying again
    Why. Just. Why.

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