Cover Snark (203): The Best Snark Case Scenario

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. When Dimple Met Rishi – Sandhya Menon
when-dimple-met-rishi-sandhya-menon
Thoughts: I need that drink stat if it’s going to make me one smidgen as happy as she is rn.

2. Daring Fate (Silver Tip Pack #1) – Megan Erickson
daring-fate-silver-tip-pack-1-megan-erickson
Thoughts: These are not the abs I was looking for.

3. Little Monsters – Kara Thomas
little-monsters-kara-thomas
Thoughts: This is what happens when you leave your toddler alone with your cover design.

4. The Sandcastle Empire – Kayla Olson
the-sandcastle-empire-kayla-olson
Thoughts: It might have been a bit on the nose but this could have had a boss sandcastle on it but instead it’s the cover of some horror movie about an island vacation.

5. Obsidian and Stars (Ivory and Bone #2) – Julie Eshbaugh
obsidian-and-stars-julie-eshbaugh
Thoughts: First they break someone’s mint and now they’re stomping on earrings. So rude.

6. Camp So-and-So – Mary McCoy
camp-so-and-so-mary-mccoy
Thoughts: Nevermore, quoth the raven. I shall go to camp so-and-so nevermore.

7. Thief’s Cunning (Assassin’s Heart #2) – Sarah Ahiers
thiefs-cunning-sarah-ahiers
Thoughts: Vaguely vaginal thing in sheet-like sky.

8. Who’s That Girl – Blair Thornburgh
whos-that-girl-blair-thornburgh
Thoughts: As usual, I don’t love faces without faces, but this is lovely art.

9. The Leaf Reader – Emily Arsenault
the-leaf-reader-emily-arsenault
Thoughts: Uh oh, they saw the Grim.

10. In Some Other Life – Jessica Brody
in-some-other-life-jessica-brody
Thoughts: Those red shoes should not be worn with socks. Even cutesy ones.

11. Reignited (Reawakened #0.5) – Colleen Houck
reignited-colleen-houck
Thoughts: You’re playing with the big boys now.

12. Reunited (Reawakened #3) – Colleen Houck
reunited-reawakened-colleen-houck
Thoughts: Eye get it. Egyptians had cool eye makeup.

13. The Best Worst Case Scenario – Sandy Hall
the-best-worst-case-scenario-sandy-hall
Thoughts: So First & Then but with an umbrella.

14. Monstrous – Thomas E. Sniegoski
monstrous-thomas-e-sniegoski
Thoughts: In lovely shades of vomit and poop.

15. Murder Among the Stars – Adam Shankman & Laura L. Sullivan
murder-among-the-stars-adam-shankman-laura-l-sullivan
Thoughts: Ew these fonts and these font colors no refuse. Also, I see how the female author’s name is in the bottom corner and smaller. I see that.

16. Star’s End – Cassandra Rose Clarke
stars-end-cassandra-rose-clarke
Thoughts: That’s some eighthead there.

17. See Through Heart – Amie Knight
see-through-heart-amie-knight
Thoughts: Totally loved this and then I saw the kissing people and now yeah not so much.

18. American Queen – Sierra Simone
american-queen-sierra-simone
Thoughts: The horrified face I am making at that tagline. That’s an awesome dress though.

19. The Gauntlet (The Cage #3) – Megan Shepherd
the-gauntlet-megan-shepherd
Thoughts: They’re really committed to this color scheme, huh?

20. Bombshell – Rowan Maness
bombshell-rowan-maness
Thoughts: Could this BE any more Gossip Girl?

21. Romancing the Throne – Nadine Jolie Courtney
romancing-the-throne-nadine-jolie-courtney
Thoughts: Well, this is all set to be an annoying love triangle. Though props for the cute cover and title.

22. The Never King – Jon Abbott
the-never-king-jon-abbot
Thoughts: Well, he’s never gonna be king now. Never gonna be king now.

23. Juniper Lemon’s Happiness Index – Julie Israel
juniper-lemons-happiness-index-julie-israel
Thoughts: Yeah, she looks fucking thrilled.

24. Now I Rise (The Conquerors Saga #2) – Kiersten White
now-i-rise-the-conquerors-saga-2-kiersten-white
Thoughts: Fuck jewelry

25. The Alchemy of Masques and Mirrors (The Risen Kingdoms #1) – Curtis Craddock
the-alchemy-of-masques-and-mirrors-curtis-craddock
Thoughts: This cover’s so high res, the title so sharp, and the people are like impressionistic. It’s weird.

26. Something New: Tales from a Makeshift Bride – Lucy Knisley
something-new-tales-from-a-makeshift-bride-lucy-knisley
Thoughts: lololol the internet gives so many great wedding topper ideas amirite.

27. Fake Off – Michelle McLoughney
fake-off-michelle-mcloughney
Thoughts: TOO SOON. (*weeps over what will come of Bake Off next year*)

28. My (Not So) Perfect Life – Sophie Kinsella
my-not-so-perfect-life-sophie-kinsella
Thoughts: Her legs look super weird, right?

29. Dear Sweet Filthy World – Caitlin R. Kiernan
dear-sweet-filthy-world-caitlin-r-kiernan
Thoughts: Am I horrified by the scary rat thing or by the fact that it is literate?

30. Whobert Whover, Owl Detective – Jason Gallaher
whobert-whover-owl-detective-jason-gallaher
Thoughts: Continuing the Cover Snark tradition of ignoring picture books unless they’re really fucking adorable.

31. There’s a Werewolf in My Tent! – Pamela Butchart
theres-a-werewolf-in-my-tent-pamela-butchart
Thoughts: If you give a wolf a marshmallow, it’s going to want some hot cocoa to go with it.

32. A Column of Fire – Ken Follett
a-column-of-fire-ken-follett
Thoughts: If we make the name sound a lot like The Pillars of the Earth, maybe it will sell as well as that book.

33. Words on Bathroom Walls – Julia Walton
words-on-bathroom-walls-julia-walton
Thoughts: Just assume that anything written on a bathroom wall is shit.

34. Vanessa’s Design Dilemma (Confidentially Yours #6) – Jo Whittemore
vanessas-design-dilemma-confidentially-yours-6-jo-whittemore
Thoughts: Her only dilemma is whether the world can handle that level of awesomeness.

35. Anna, Banana, and the Little Lost Kitten (Anna, Banana #5) – Anica Mrose Rissi
anna-banana-and-the-little-lost-kitten-anica-mrose-rissi
Thoughts: Kitten would like dog to know that kitten is not one bit intimidated.

36. Spill Zone – Scott Westerfeld
spill-zone-scott-westerfeld
Thoughts: Looks like nuclear waste was spilled here best on the color palette.

37. A War in Crimson Embers – Alex Marshall
a-war-in-crimson-embers-alex-marshall
Thoughts: These were never the most interesting covers and, with the blandest color scheme, these covers end with a whimper.

Cover Battles:

1. The Burning Page (The Invisible Library #3) – Genevieve Cogman

the-burning-page-the-invisible-library-3-genevieve-cogman-uk
the-burning-page-the-invisible-library-3-genevieve-cogman

UK vs. US: These covers are missing something to really make them pop. Maybe it’s just that they’re paperbacks when this could be so gorgeous in an old-fashioned hardcover.

2. Canned and Crushed – Bibi Belford

canned-and-crushed-bibi-belford-hb
canned-and-crushed-bibi-belford

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Oh my god the hardback is so terrible. Excellent redesign. Awkward turtle approved.

3. A Darkness Strange and Lovely (Something Strange and Deadly #2) – Susan Dennard

A Darkness Strange and Lovely - Susan Dennard
a-darkness-strange-and-lovely-something-strange-and-deadly-2-susan-dennard

US Original vs. US Redesign: She looks so pissed because shit is like on fire and she can barely move in that dress.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. The Tarnished Jewel of Jazaar (Beasts of the Desert #2) – Susanna Carr
the-tarnished-jewel-of-jazaar-susanna-carr
Thoughts: The sheikh’s looking pretty white there, not to mention that the sheik is apparently a beast of the desert. Also, TARNISHED JEWEL. Also ALSO, BEASTS OF THE DESERT.

2. Hurricane Allie – Rachel Hauck
hurricane-allie-rachel-hauck
Thoughts: This blows.

3. Great Expectations (Manga Classics) – Charles Dickens
great-expectations-manga-classics-charles-dickens
Thoughts: This manga classic looks way too much like shotacon. Not okay.

One response to “Cover Snark (203): The Best Snark Case Scenario”

  1. 1. This cover is the cutest and ditto on that drink haha.
    5. Not a fan of these covers. And this one looks like broken eyeshadow, which is making me sad.
    6. Camp So-and-So with Chainsaw in Cabeswater.
    7. Coupled with the word “cunning”…. not so great.
    13. But not as cute. And kind of boring.
    15. This looks so lazy!
    18. Ooh it’s making me think of Wonder Woman minus the sword.
    21. I’m hoping this will be super cute because I’m all over it haha. And I like the cover, the characters remind me of grown up Fangirl drawings!
    24. LOVE this, surprisingly. The bronze and turquoise look awesome.
    29. WHAT THE FUCK. And why isn’t this WTF of the Week.
    32. It’s actually the third book in the series! I’m super excited 😀 And I like the old burned paper look haha.
    3. Not a fan of these redesigns :/ The colors and font don’t work for me.
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