Cover Snark (202): A Snark Most Fiendish

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. Miss Ellicott’s School for the Magically Minded – Sage Blackwood
miss-ellicotts-school-for-the-magically-minded-sage-blackwood
Thoughts: Following the leader, the leader, the leader
We’re following the leader wherever she may go
We won’t be home till morning, till morning
We won’t be home till morning
Because she told us so

2. Seeker (Riders #2) – Veronica Rossi
seeker-riders-2-veronica-rossi
Thoughts: Deeply uninspiring color palette, but I am so hear for this ghost horse.

3. The Broken World – Lindsey Klingele
the-broken-world-lindsey-klingele
Thoughts: Broke ass world can’t afford colors.

4. The Big F – Maggie Ann Martin
the-big-f-maggie-ann-martin
Thoughts: The disturbing moment when you realize what you thought was a cheerleading uniform is not, so apparently she has a scarlet letter on her shirt.

5. Vigilante – Kady Cross
vigilante-kady-cross
Thoughts: CONSTANT VIGILANCE.

6. Roll – Darcy Miller
roll-darcy-miller
Thoughts: Tolls are tolls. Rolls are rolls. And if we don’t get no tolls then we don’t get no rolls.

7. Burned Away- Kristen Simmons
burned-away-kristen-simmons
Thoughts: It looks like they’re being attacked by masses of ginger hair.

8. Reverse Documentary – Marisela Navarro
reverse-documentary-marisela-navarro
Thoughts: When the man promises to make you a star if you follow him into the dark creepy forest, you say no.

9. Dune: Red Plague – Brian Herbert & Kevin J. Anderson
dune-red-plague-brian-herbert-kevin-j-anderson
Thoughts: They’re not dune yet.

10. A Pest Most Fiendish – Caighlan Smith
a-pest-most-fiendish-caighlan-smith
Thoughts: Meddling kids are the most fiendish of pests.

11. Roar (Stealing Storms #1) – Cora Carmack
roar-cora-carmack
Thoughts: You can almost hear the Katy Perry.

12. The Lost Legacy (The Supernormal Sleuthing Service #1) – Gwenda Bond & Christopher Rowe
the-lost-legacy-the-supernormal-sleuthing-service-1-gwenda-bond-christopher-rowe
Thoughts: Their legs are not proportional to their bodies. They’re some grasshopper people.

13. Trapped in Silver (Eldryn Chronicles #1) – Emily Sowden
trapped-in-silver-emily-sowden
Thoughts: Itty bitty living space.

14. The Mirror’s Truth – Michael R. Fletcher
the-mirrors-truth-michael-r-fletcher
Thoughts: GRRRRAAAAAR

15. Bad Romance – Heather Demetrios
bad-romance-heather-demetrios
Thoughts: I mean, flowers gonna wilt wilt wilt no matter how good or bad your romance is.

16. Moon Shadow – Erin Downing
moonshadow-erin-downing
Thoughts: Oh, I’m bein’ followed by a moonshadow, moon shadow, moonshadow— Leapin and hoppin’ on a moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow

17. American Gods & Anansi Boys – Neil Gaiman
american-gods-anansi-boys-neil-gaiman
Thoughts: Neil Gaiman’s got an absurd number of new covers in this week’s edition. Prepare yourself. Also, this is the best one.

18. A Properly Unhaunted Place – William Alexander
a-properly-unhaunted-place-william-alexander
Thoughts: This is like how realtors try to sell a shoebox as cozy.

19. Whiteout (Seasons of Love #1) – Elyse Springer
whiteout-elyse-spring
Thoughts: Now is the winter of our content.

20. Thaw (Seasons of Love #2) – Elyse Springer
thaw-elyse-springer
Thoughts: It’s a lot easier to enjoy your springtime reading in the park without random clouds in front of your book.

21. Heat Wave (Seasons of Love #3) – Elyse Springer
heat-wave-elyse-springer
Thoughts: They really pooled all their resources for this one.

22. Changing Colors (Seasons of Love #4) – Elyse Springer
changing-colors-elyse-springer
Thoughts: Seriously what is with the random clouds at the bottom?

23. Rush – Sara Bennett Wealer
rush-sara-bennett-wealer
Thoughts: Don’t rush into anything.

24. Flame in the Mist (Flame in the Mist #1) – Renée Ahdieh
flame-in-the-mist-renee-ahdieh
Thoughts: Favorite part are the blade flowers. Okay, no, I love those but the phoenix is the best part.

25. Thick as Thieves (Queen’s Thief #5) – Megan Whalen Turner
thick-as-thieves-queens-thief-5-megan-whalen-turner-2
Thoughts: Your reward for years of patience (seriously, I got the newly released hardback of book four at my first ALA…in 2010) is a bunch of chrome monstrosities.

26. If Birds Fly Back- Carlie Sorosiak
if-birds-fly-back-carlie-sorosiak
Thoughts: URSAy what?

27. Double Take!: A New Look at Opposites – Susan Hood
double-take-a-new-look-at-opposites-susan-hood
Thoughts: THE UNENTHUSED CAT.

28. 14 Hollow Road – Jenn Bishop
14-hollow-road-jenn-bishop
Thoughts: Um is it pathetic that I want this preteen to teach me her hair secrets?

29. First We Were IV – Alexandra Sirowy
first-we-were-iv-alexandra-sirowy
Thoughts: And then there were none.

30. Once and for All – Sarah Dessen
once-and-for-all-sarah-dessen
Thoughts: It’s the end of Clueless!

Cover Battles:

1. American Gods (American Gods #1) – Neil Gaiman

american-gods-american-gods-1-neil-gaiman-original
american-gods-american-gods-1-neil-gaiman-pb
american-gods-american-gods-1-neil-gaiman-tenth
american-gods-american-gods-1-neil-gaiman-redesign

US Hardback vs. UK Paperback vs. US 10th Anniversary vs. US 2016 Redesign: Of all cover styles, why is this one retro? Well, the original American Gods cover was boring enough this is almost better but still WHY.

2. Anansi Boys (American Gods #2) – Neil Gaiman

anansi-boys-american-gods-2-neil-gaiman-hb
anansi-boys-american-gods-2-neil-gaiman-mass-market
anansi-boys-american-gods-2-neil-gaiman-10th
anansi-boys-american-gods-2-neil-gaiman-redesign

US Hardcover vs. US Mass Market vs. US Paperback vs. US 2016 Redesign: I’m expecting James Bond to saunter out and grab that martini.

3. Stardust – Neil Gaiman

stardust-neil-gaiman-hb
stardust-neil-gaiman-pb
stardust-neil-gaiman-redesign
stardust-neil-gaiman-mm
stardust-neil-gaiman-redesign-2016

US Hardback vs. US 2006 Paperback 1 vs. US 2006 Paperback 2 vs. US Mass Market vs. US 2016 Redesign: This is my favorite of them. Yes, that’s solely because there’s unicorn.

4. Neverwhere – Neil Gaiman

Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman mass market
Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman 2003
Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman green
Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman
neverwhere-neil-gaiman

US Mass Market vs. US 2003 Paperback #1 vs. US 2003 Paperback #2 vs. US 2015 Hardback vs. US 2016 Redesign: This looks like a classic novel about the bad end to which the prostitute main character will come.

5. The Wrath & the Dawn (The Wrath and the Dawn #1) – Renee Ahdieh

The Wrath & the Dawn (The Wrath and the Dawn #1) - Renee Ahdieh
The Wrath and the Dawn (The Wrath and the Dawn #1) - Renee Ahdieh
the-wrath-the-dawn-the-wrath-and-the-dawn-1-by-renee-ahdieh

US Hardback vs. US Paperback vs. US Redesign: Pretty damn greedy to take three good covers when some books can’t get a single one.

6. The Rose & the Dagger (The Wrath and the Dawn #2) – Renee Ahdieh

The Rose and the Dagger (The Wrath and the Dawn #2) - Renee Ahdieh
the-rose-the-dagger-the-wrath-and-the-dawn-2-renee-ahdieh

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Deeply lovely, though I do think this redesign looks more adult than YA.

7. The Thief (The Queen’s Thief #1) – Megan Whalen Turner

the-thief-the-queens-thief-1-megan-whalen-turner-hb
The Thief - Megan Whalen Turner
the-thief-the-queens-thief-1-megan-whalen-turner-redesign

US Hardback vs. US 2005 Paperback vs. US 2017 Paperback: Now sure why this fantasy land is made of chrome tbh.

8. The Queen of Attolia (Queen’s Thief #2) – Megan Whalen Turner

the-queen-of-attolia-queens-thief-2-megan-whalen-turner-2001-pb
The Queen of Attolia - Megan Whalen Turner
the-queen-of-attolia-queens-thief-2-megan-whalen-turner-2017-pb

US Original vs. US 2006 Paperback vs. US 2017 Paperback: Well, the little crown at the top looks cruel. If you just stare at that and not the travesty of the bottom, maybe you’ll like it?

9. The King of Attolia (Queen’s Thief #3) – Megan Whalen Turner

The King of Attolia - Megan Whalen Turner
the-king-of-attolia-queens-thief-3-megan-whalen-turner

US Original vs. US Redesign: I just. This color palette is terrible but also it sort of distracts from the awful so there’s that?

10. A Conspiracy of Kings (Queen’s Thief #4) – Megan Whalen Turner

A Conspiracy of Kings - Megan Whalen Turner
a-conspiracy-of-kings-queens-thief-4-megan-whalen-turner

US Original vs. US Redesign: Is this the worst one? It might be, but damn it’s hard to tell. Sorry this happened to you, MWT fans.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Johnnie – Cardeno C.
johnnie-cardeno-c
Thoughts: LOOK AT THEIR MATCHING LION FORMS. TBH, this is an excellent example of this genre of cover, but I also still can’t look at it without giggling.

2. The Sanctuary – Briana L. Dean
the-sanctuary-briana-l-dean
Thoughts: Such photoshop faaaaaail. Like seriously just look at that.

3. Ramification (Tempted by the Jaguar #3) – Cristina Rayne
tempted-by-the-jaguar-cristina-rayne
Thoughts: Sir, step away from the jaguar.

3 responses to “Cover Snark (202): A Snark Most Fiendish”

  1. Joanne Levy says:

    11. Mother of Dragons? Please? PLEASE?
    Joanne Levy recently posted…How to Show Love to an AuthorMy Profile

  2. Jaime Lester says:

    Cat Stevens reference makes you my new favorite person! He is the best!

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