Cover Snark (200): Always and Forever, Cover Snark

The 200th edition of Cover Snark. Man, I’ve been doing this for a million years. In honor of this incredibly solemn occasion, my friends Meg (Cuddlebuggery) and Gillian (Writer of Wrongs) took time out of their massively busy lives to do some guest snarking, which means this post is like 600 times funnier than usual. Seriously, thank you to my lovely friends for participating and thanks to you guys for reading. ♥

I’m so impressed with how little flak this feature has gotten in its time. Thank the community for mostly understanding that, at it’s core, Cover Snark is here to help people find books, not to dismiss them. Okay and maybe also in hopes that terrible covers will get redesigned.

Without further ado, let’s snark this thing!

Shiny and New:

1. Always and Forever, Lara Jean – Jenny Han
always-and-forever-lara-jean-jenny-han
Thoughts: Meg: for a second i thought lara jean was wearing a wedding dress and was like wow okay i’m behind
Christina: OMG, the title sounds bridal, but surely not, right?
Gillian: if I stare at it long enough will I somehow be transported into her life

2. All Laced Up (Breakaway #1) – Erin Fletcher
all-laced-up-erin-fletcher
Thoughts: C: Serious The Cutting Edge vibes here.
M: the almost not quite center alignment of their legs is making my eye twitch

3. Pipe Dreams (Brooklyn Bruisers #3) – Sarina Bowen
pipe-dreams-brooklyn-bruisers-sarina-bowen
Thoughts: C: He’s going to get a penalty for high sticking, if you know what I mean.
M: i’m trying really hard to not make pervy jokes but the pipe is making it hard
G: THE PIPE IS MAKING IT HARD

4. Textrovert – Lindsey Summers
textrovert-lindsey-summers
Thoughts: C: Points for the clever title. Many more points deducted for the pinkish-orange wash over everything.
M: the super prominent wattpad logo really ties the cover together

5. But Then I Came Back – Estelle Laure
but-then-i-came-back-estelle-laure
Thoughts: C: Three obnoxious fonts on an ugly couch in your grandparents’ basement.

6. Things I Should Have Known – Claire LaZebnik
things-i-should-have-known-claire-lazebnik
Thoughts: C: Well, this is a serious departure from her Austen-inspired cutesy covers.
M: thumbs up for the navy/magenta combo

7. Waste of Space – Gina Damico
waste-of-space-gina-damico
Thoughts: M: the title to background ratio is definitely a waste of space

8. Pitch Dark – Courtney Alameda
pitch-dark-courtney-alameda
Thoughts: C: The tagline’s pretty awesome, but otherwise this is creepy but been there seen that.
M: I LOVE CREEPY THINGS

9. Full Package – Lauren Blakely
full-package-lauren-blakely
Thoughts: C: Is this about her hooking up with her (fed)ex?
M: *snickers* nice title placement
G: This cover DELIVERS

10. Joy Stick – Lauren Blakely
joy-stick-lauren-blakely
Thoughts: M: look these books are very clearly telegraphing what they’re about and i respect the honesty
G: i hope whoever laid out the font placement for these covers got paid handsomely for their fine work

11. The Blessed Knights (The Angel Knights #2) – Mary Ting
the-blessed-knights-the-angel-knights-3-mary-ting
Thoughts: C: This so badly wants to be a Mara Dyer cover.
M: what’s that poor book ever do to anyone
G: It looks like she’s demanding he spit his gum out in her hand

12. Pocket Full of Tinder (Noon Onyx #4) – Jill Archer
pocket-full-of-tinder-noon-onyx-4-jill-archer
Thoughts: M: dragons, girls in armor, magic gun, what’s to snark?
C: This title just doesn’t have the same meaning it once did.
G: I’m not swiping right

13. Carmer and Grit (The Wingsnatchers #1) – Sarah Jean Horwitz
carmer-and-grit-the-wingsnatchers-1-sarah-jean-horwitz
Thoughts: C: Took me a long time to figure out that the sides are black demons cats.
M: the glow tree is weirdly underwhelming given the amazingness of everything else

14. Sparks of Light (Into the Dim #2) – Janet B. Taylor
sparks-of-light-into-the-dim-2-janet-b-taylor
Thoughts: M: how literal
G: I was going to say the exact same thing as Meg re the literalness, like it might as well be subtitled This Is a Book

15. CatStronauts: Mission Moon – Drew Brockington
mission-moon-catstronauts-drew-brockington
Thoughts: C: Imagine the catrobatics!
M: this reminds me of captain underpants but with cats so, you know, better
G: Catstronausts on the meoown!

16. CatStronauts: Race to Mars – Drew Brockington
race-to-mars-catstronauts-drew-brockington
Thoughts: C: The claws must make space suits a dangerous proposition.
M: catstronauts is actually not very easy to say aloud
G: my fave part is definitely the fish in the top hand corner going “fml”

17. The Hearts We Sold – Emily Lloyd Jones
the-hearts-we-sold-emily-lloyd-jones
Thoughts: C: Hmmmmmm. I definitely don’t think the heart adds to it. Nor is the font styling quite there for me.
M: if this isn’t about black market organ trading i’m going to be disappointed
G: I loooove the embroidery treatment on the lettering but they definitely didn’t need to include a heart on it in case we didn’t know what hearts were

18. Perfect Ten – L. Philips
perfect-ten-l-philips
Thoughts: C: OH MY FUCKING GOD. THIS IS AMAZING.
M: APPROPRIATE TITLE IS APPROPRIATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS 10/10
G: MEG IS THAT YOU

19. A Song for Tomorrow – Alice Peterson
a-song-for-tomorrow-alice-peterson
Thoughts: C: Why aren’t records blue? It looks so cool.
M: the juxtaposition of neon photo realistic record and vintage illustration isn’t working for me

20. The Disappearances – Emily Bain Murphy
the-disappearances-emily-bain-murphy
Thoughts: C: Mirror mirror on the girl, oh look over there a squirrel
M: THE TYPE’S DISAPPEARING GET IT GET IT anyway
G: it just kinda looks like somebody spilled something all over this cover

21. Moonshadow (Elder Races #10) – Thea Harrison
moonshadow-thea-harrison
Thoughts: C: LOLOLOLOL don’t ever change, romance covers.
M: no
G: the moonshadows are on his abs

22. In a Perfect World – Trish Doller
in-a-perfect-world-trish-doller
Thoughts: M: in a perfect world there are no paper cuts
G: I think the background fading away like that ruins the illusion that these are paper cut outs

23. Dark Breaks the Dawn (Untitled Duology #1) – Sara B. Larson
dark-breaks-the-dawn-sara-b-larson
Thoughts: C: It’s a cool idea and well done but also AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
M: i know it’s supposed to be a crown but all i see is swan hat
G: taxidermy swan hat is freaking me out

24. The Bedlam Stacks – Natasha Pulley
the-bedlam-stacks-natasha-pulley
Thoughts: M: given how much i love illustration, i feel like i should be more into this than i am
G: don’t be a grump Meg this is beeyooteeful
C: All I can say is !!!!!

25. The Blazing Star – Imani Josey
the-blazing-star-imani-josey
Thoughts: M: designer downside, I can’t look at stuff without playing OH I KNOW THAT FONT (but also, loooooooove)
C: Brief break for an Anastasia singalong.
G: HEART DON’T FAIL ME NOW COURAGE DON’T DESERT ME DON’T TURN BACK KNOW THAT WE’RE HEEEEERE oh hey I also know that font

26. Clover – Charlie Jane Anders
clover-charlie-jane-anders
Thoughts: C: Kitty cow!
M: i am both deeply underwhelmed and super into this at the same time. it’s weird. i like it

27. A Million Junes – Emily Henry
a-million-junes-emily-henry
Thoughts: C: Like the shiny; hate the title placement.
G: agreed, i think this would have been more effective if the title words were all on the same side of her, but the elements are gorgeous

28. Eat Dirt – Goldy Moldavsky
eat-dirt-golfy-moldavsky
Thoughts: C: My blinded eyes are reminded of the Grasshopper Jungle cover.
G: this book is watermelon-flavored

29. The Names They Gave Us – Emery Lord
the-names-they-gave-us-emery-lord
Thoughts: C: It’s really lovely but also completely does not look like a contemporary romance to me at all.
G: I find it a pretty underwhelming use of watercolor tbh but it’s definitely pretty

Cover Battles:

1. The Deal (Off Campus #1) – Elle Kennedy

the-deal-off-campus-1-elle-kennedy
the-deal-off-campus-1-elle-kennedy-redesign

Original Abs vs. Redesign: C: What is with that enormous fucking whistle?
G: WHERE IS THAT GIANT ASS WHISTLE EVEN COMING FROM

2. The Mistake (Off Campus #2) – Elle Kennedy

the-mistake-off-campus-2-elle-kennedy
the-mistake-off-campus-2-elle-kennedy-redesign

Original Abs vs. Redesign: C: #socksunday
M: sitting bare assed on some ice is definitely what I would call a mistake
G: The things millennials will do for Instagram likes

3. The Score (Off Campus #3) – Elle Kennedy

The Score (Off-Campus #3) - Elle Kennedy
the-score-off-campus-3-elle-kennedy

Original Abs vs. Redesign: C: Is it just me or does this look like the cover of a snuff film?
G: this looks like a Marilyn Monroe biography
C: Or that.

4. The Goal (Off Campus #4) – Elle Kennedy

The Goal (Off Campus #4) - Elle Kennedy
the-goal-off-campus-4-elle-kennedy

Original Abs vs. Redesign: C: Maybe it’s just that I’m more into dudes idk but I’ll take perfect abs over pillowcrotch sorrryyyyyy.

5. Words in Deep Blue – Cath Crowley

Words in Deep Blue - Cath Crowley
words-in-deep-blue-cath-crowley-us

Australian vs. US: this is fucking gorgeous though I wish the overall palette had more deep blue

6. The Special Ones – Em Bailey

the-special-ones-em-bailey-aus
the-special-ones-em-bailey-uk
the-special-ones-em-bailey

Australian vs. UK vs. US: C: Stranger Things vibes in a terrible way on the Australian cover, while the US one tries to lure you in with prettiness but a vague sense of unease.

7. Into the Dim (Into the Dim #1) – Janet B. Taylor

Into the Dim - Janet B. Taylor
Into the Dim - Janet B. Taylor
Into the Dim - Janet B. Taylor
into-the-dim-into-the-dim-1-janet-b-taylor

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2. vs. US Hardback vs. US Paperback: C: Fourth verse same as the first

8. A Promise of Fire (The Kingmaker Chronicles #1) – Amanda Bouchet

a-promise-of-fire-the-kingmaker-chronicles-1-amanda-bouchet-us
a-promise-of-fire-the-kingmaker-chronicles-1-amanda-bouchet

US vs. Australian: G: you can’t just promise fire and then not have fire
C: I’ll take the badass girl over the ice cover.

9. Breath of Fire (The Kingmaker Chronicles #2) – Amanda Bouchet

breath-of-fire-the-kingmaker-chronicles-2-amanda-bouchet
breath-of-fire-the-kingmaker-chronicles-2-amanda-bouchet-aus

US vs. Australian: C: Again, lovely as the Australian cover is, I’ll always take a badass girl cover.

10. Fragile Like Us – Sara Barnard

Beautiful Broken Things - Sara Barnard
beautiful-broken-things-sara-barnard-german
beautiful-broken-things-sara-barnard-french
beautiful-broken-things-sara-barnard-danish
beautiful-broken-things-sara-barnard-italian
fragile-like-us-sara-barnard

UK vs. German vs. French vs. Danish vs. Italian vs. US: C: What is that in the bottom left corner? It looks like some sort of secret eye watching.

11. A Harvest of Ripe Figs (Mangoverse #3) – Shira Glassman

a-harvest-of-ripe-figs-shira-glassman-original
a-harvest-of-ripe-figs-shira-glassman-redesign

Original vs. Redesign: C: Looks like the baby’s enjoying the juicy juicy figs right now.
G: yikes

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Mr. Darcy’s Challenge (The Darcy Novels #2) – Monica Fairview
mr-darcys-challenge-monica-fairview
Thoughts: C: Mr. Darcy must locate the missing half of Elizabeth before time runs out!

2. Sanctuary (Hunted #1) – Bethany Shaw
sanctuary-hunted-bethany-shaw
Thoughts: G: I can’t decide if my favorite part of the pixellated people, her punched-in-the-face eyeshadow, or the manboob bow

3. Jazz Hands – Eleanor Gwyn-Jones
jazz-hands-eleanor-gwyn-jones
Thoughts: C: 1) Those are not Jazz Hands. THESE are Jazz hands. 2) Union Jack?

4 responses to “Cover Snark (200): Always and Forever, Cover Snark”

  1. Gillian says:

    YAY FOR GUEST SNARK YAY FOR GROUP HILARITY YAY ALL AROUND
    Gillian recently posted…Review: This Adventure Ends by Emma MillsMy Profile

  2. 200th edition!! That is so impressive! Cover Snark is my favorite, I bow down to you. ZOMG GUEST SNARK, I AM EXCITE!!!!

    1. Wedding dress was my first thought too. Such a pretty cover.
    2. His skates look like they’re made out of footballs. I am confused.
    3. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.
    4. Poor unfortunate souls- this cover is not good.
    7. I like the idea but something is lacking in execution.
    8. Holy shit that tagline is scary!!!
    9. I’m sure he does *rolls eyes*
    11. HAHAH GILLIAN. IT DOES. I feel bad for that book (on the cover).
    14. Booooring. Doesn’t look time travely at all!
    16. I love their cute angry faces haha!
    18. I was waiting for Meg to scream about this cover all over the internet. You three did not disappoint hahahaha. IT’S SO RIDICULOUS but somehow wonderful.
    23. Jean-Ralphio voice: This is the wooooooorst. Fuzzy purple crown. No. And the red swirls remind me too much of Heartless.
    25. I LOVE THIS COVER. It’s so gorgeous and sparkly and I want to read it… after singing Anastasia of course! YES, LET THIS BEEEEE A SIGN, LET THIS ROOOOAD BE MINE!
    29. Not my fave. It looks v dark and serious.
    1-4. GOD, THEY RUINED THE COVERS OF THESE BOOKS. I get that not everyone wants to buy abs (that’s why I have ebooks) but the redesigns just don’t fit. At. All. They should be cute hockey couples looking bantery and cute. Not random close ups of girls that DON’T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THE CHARACTERS.
    5. Both of these are lovely!
    7. How is it possible that it got even worse. Now the random sparks on the sequel make sense.

  3. Anya says:

    Re Kingmaker Chronicles: I’ll take cover with kickass PoC main character over hiding her any day!

  4. Paul says:

    Carmer and Grit is by far my favorite. I don’t think there’s anything to snark about in that cover. The black robot evil cats are just icing on the cake. 🙂

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