Cover Snark (199): The Snark of Right Now

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. The Continent (The Continent #1) – Keira Drake
the-continent-keira-drake
Thoughts: Icy up top, party on the bottom.

2. The Wicked City – Beatriz Williams
the-wicked-city-beatriz-williams
Thoughts: The weird blur effect makes it seem like the lady in red maybe doesn’t have a head or something. Or maybe I’ve just read too much fantasy.

3. Lightning in the Blood (Ree Varekai #2) – Marie Brennan
lightning-in-the-blood-marie-brennan
Thoughts: KITTY. (No, I will never stop seeing these angry cats on covers and just thinking how cute they are. NEVER.)

4. Traitor to the Throne (Rebel of the Sands #2) – Alwyn Hamilton
traitor-to-the-throne-alwyn-hamilton
Thoughts: I want to like this more than I actually do, but I’m very amused by the leaping person.

5. Ball Lightning – Cixin Liu
ball-lightning-cixin-liu
Thoughts: Doesn’t really look like that person’s having a ball tbh.

6. Blood of Stars and Gods (Stars and Souls #2) – Melissa A. Petreshock
blood-of-stars-and-gods-stars-and-souls-2-melissa-a-petreshock
Thoughts: How many birds had to die to make that shrug?

7. Zenn Diagram – Wendy Brant
zenn-diagram-wendy-brant
Thoughts: Is anyone flashing back to those foldy paper fortune tellers from childhood that would predict your future?

8. One Blood Ruby (Seven Black Diamonds #2) – Melissa Marr
one-blood-ruby-melissa-marr
Thoughts: You can call it Flower if you want to.

9. Children of Eden – Joey Graceffa
children-of-eden-joey-graceffa
Thoughts: More or less depressing than Children of Men. That is the question. (Since this is by a young YouTube star, I’m going to take a big leap and say less.)

10. The Delirium Brief (The Laundry Files #8) – Charles Stross
the-delirium-brief-the-laundry-files-charles-stross
Thoughts: They passed on the obvious “briefs” pun, which makes me so sad. Laundry plus tentacles puts this in some scary hentai place tbh.

11. Here We Are: 44 Voices Write, Draw, and Speak About Feminism for the Real World – Kelly Jensen, ed.
here-we-are-44-voices-write-draw-and-speak-about-feminism-for-the-real-world-kelly-jensen-ed
Thoughts: Feminist smashing.

12. The Heartfix: An Online Dating Story – Stella Grey
the-heartfix-stella-grey
Thoughts: Well, that’s going to give me nightmares. Do you think some poor woman agreed to meet up with someone and that cherub showed up?

13. Heat Wave – Karina Halle
heat-wave-karina-halle
Thoughts: Purple rain?

14. Windfall – Jennifer E. Smith
windfall-jennifer-e-smith
Thoughts: Huh, they’ve stepped away from the Jennifer E. Smith cover style. What a croc.

15. The Truth of Right Now – Kara Lee Corthron
the-truth-of-right-now-kara-lee-corthron
Thoughts: I know the unfinished look is what they’re going for but wow it looks like the designer had a rough mockup and let their kid write the font in crayon, got behind, turned this version in, and got it approved.

16. North of Happy – Adi Alsaid
north-of-happy-adi-alsaid
Thoughts: The amount of time I’ve spent trying to decide if the moon looks like it’s in front of the cloud or behind is a lot.

17. Be True to Me – Adele Griffin
be-true-to-me-adele-griffin
Thoughts: Made for TV movie about surfing circa 1992.

18. Binary Storm – Christopher Hinz
binary-storm-christopher-hinz
Thoughts: 90s Justin Timberlake called. He wants his hair back.

19. Just a Normal Tuesday – Kim Turrisi
just-a-normal-tuesday-kim-turrisi
Thoughts: Getting an actual letter is totally not a normal day anymore.

20. Standard Hollywood Depravity (The L.A. Trilogy #1.5) – Adam Christopher
standard-hollywood-depravity-adam-christopher
Thoughts: Noirbot.

21. Killing Is My Business (The L.A. Trilogy #2) – Adam Christopher
killing-is-my-business-adam-christopher
Thoughts: I feel like Christopher is one of those authors that has performed the proper sacrifices and obeisances to the Cover Gods.

22. The Love Interest – Cale Dietrich
the-love-interest-cale-dietrich
Thoughts: Huh, based on the title I was totally expecting a contemp fluff cover, not spy stuff. It’s a cool concept, but I’m not sure why she has a V in her armpit.

23. Before Tomorrow – Pintip Dunn
before-tomorrow-pintip-dunn
Thoughts: I would like to officially petition for no bugs on book covers. WHO’S WITH ME?

24. You Don’t Want a Unicorn – Ame Dyckman
you-dont-want-a-unicorn-ame-dyckman
Thoughts: Lies.

25. What to Say Next – Julie Buxbaum
what-to-say-next-julie-buxbaum
Thoughts: The answer is always milkshakes.

26. Norse Mythology – Neil Gaiman
norse-mythology-neil-gaiman
Thoughts: Oh my, Thor, what a beautiful hammer. *winks*

27. Lighter Than Air: Sophie Blanchard, the First Woman Pilot – Matthew Clark Smith
lighter-than-air-sophie-blanchard-the-first-woman-pilot-matthew-clark-smith
Thoughts: What a fascinating air balloon contraption. It looks like something out of The Great Race.

28. Shifty McGifty and Slippery Sam: Up, Up and Away! – Tracey Corderoy & Steven Lenton
up-up-and-away-shifty-mcgifty-and-slippery-sam-tracey-corderoy-steven-lenton
Thoughts: Chitty Chitty Bark Bark.

29. Shimmer and Burn – Mary Taranta
shimmer-and-burn-mary-taranta
Thoughts: SO SHINY.

30. The Tides of Bára (Sorcerous Moons #3) – Jeffe Jennedy
the-tides-of-bara-sorcerous-moons-3-jeffe-jennedy
Thoughts: Daenerys is going to be pissed.

31. Ultimatum – K. M. Walton
ultimatum-k-m-walton
Thoughts: Shoot.

32. How to Stage a Catastrophe – Rebecca Donnelly
how-to-stage-a-catastrophe-rebecca-donnelly
Thoughts: *rubs eyes* That’s busy.

33. Want – Cindy Pon
want-cindy-pon
Thoughts: It looks like his face is melting.

Cover Battles:

1. First Class Murder (Wells & Wong #3) – Robin Stevens

first-class-murder-wells-wong-robin-stevens-uk
first-class-murder-wells-wong-robin-stevens-us

UK vs. US: Murder on the Orange People Express.

2. The Last Boy and Girl in the World – Siobhan Vivian

The Last Boy and Girl in the World by Siobhan Vivian
the-last-boy-and-girl-in-the-world-siobhan-vivian-pb

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: It’s selling the romance aspect more clearly for sure. And, it is lovely and thematically appropriate, but there’s just something so cheesy about that cover. Hardback for me, thanks.

3. Family Game Night and Other Catastrophes – Mary E. Lambert

family-game-night-and-other-catastrophes-mary-e-lambert
family-game-night-and-other-catastrophes-mary-e-lambert-take-2

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: I think I prefer Take 2, because Take 1 looks a bit too much like a garage sale out of a truck bed, rather than just the family being a mess.

4. A Conjuring of Light (Shades of Magic, #3) – V.E. Schwab

A Conjuring of Light - V.E. Schwab
a-conjuring-of-light-shades-of-magic-3-v-e-schwab

US vs. UK: Thanks for playing but haaave you met the US cover.

5. Dear Reader – Mary O’Connell

Dear Reader - Mary O'Connell
dear-reader-mary-oconnell-take-2

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Wait, hold on I did not approve this cover change.

6. The Dark Days Pact (Lady Helen #2) – Alison Goodman

the-dark-days-pact-lady-helen-2-alison-goodman-aus
the-dark-days-pact-lady-helen-2-alison-goodman-uk
the-dark-days-pact-lady-helen-2-alison-goodman-us

Australian vs. UK vs. US: WHY WAS THIS DONE TO THE US COVER? WHYYYYYYY?

7. The Dark Days Club (Lady Helen #1) – Alison Goodman

The Dark Days Club - Alison Goodman
the-dark-days-club-lady-helen-1-alison-goodman-pb

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: I don’t love the hardback cover, but AT LEAST IT’S NOT AWKWARD SLUMPY DUCKFACE COVER.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. The One That Got Away – M.B. Feeney
the-one-that-got-away-m-b-feeney
Thoughts: The one that got away might not have gone anywhere. They may just be standing there in the impenetrable blackness. Who’s ever to know?

2. One Last Time – Denise Daisy
one-last-time-denise-daisy
Thoughts: That dude is killing me. I think it’s supposed to look like flying, but he’s obviously falling without style.

3. Slave (Blue Moon House #4) – Angelica Dawson
slave-blue-moon-house-4-angelica-dawson
Thoughts: Read the blurb to max out on wtfery, but also this just makes me uncomfortable in all possible ways.

One response to “Cover Snark (199): The Snark of Right Now”

  1. Gillian says:

    1. lolololol. I actually quite like this cover though the red thingy above the I drives me nuts.

    5. I love the title/author font almost as much as I hate when the author font is so big it looks like the title

    6. considering the title sounds like a lost Laini Taylor book this cover is super lame

    7. Cootie catchers!

    11. I’m very excited for this book but aesthetically I kind of really hate this cover

    14. They changed Jennifer E Smith’s cover style because this is a new pub! Clearly Delacorte gives no shits what LB used to do.

    15. I mean that’s a pretty nice first step of a sketch but

    20. Oh that’s fucking gorgeous

    22. This is perfectly spy-y but if drives me crazy the way the title goes under her armpit, like she’s got it wedged under there like a strapless purse

    23. NO MORE BUGS OMFG

    26. That’s stupidly gorgeous

    33. This is, like, the first Jason Chan cover I haven’t wanted to marry on the spot. I think it’s the unfocused eyes. Dude is cute, though

    Cb5 STILL CONFUSED ABOUT THE JANE EYRE REFERENCE

    CB6 god I can’t even look at the Dark Days covers

    oops the poll is broken

    AWKWARD SLUMPY DUCKFACE HAHAHAH SO ACCURATE SO PAINFUL I AM NOT LAUGHING I AM CRYING

    wtf2 BAHAHAH MR BELLYFLOP IS SO FALLING WITHOUT STYLE

    WTF3. Jesus H Christ
    Gillian recently posted…Why I Love Hate to Love (And a Teensy Rant on InstaLove)My Profile

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