Cover Snark (188): These Ruthless Snarks

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. Miranda and Caliban – Jacqueline Carey
Miranda and Caliban - Jacqueline Carey
Thoughts: Oh, what a wonderful new world, that has such covers in it!

2. Sugar and Spice (Whatever After #10) – Sarah Mlynowski
Sugar and Spice (Whatever After #) - Sarah Mlynowski
Thoughts: Not pictured: the witch preparing to shove her brother in the oven.

3. The Paris Puzzler (L.O.L. Detective Club #2) – E.M. Finn
The Paris Puzzler (L.O.L. Detective Club - E.M. Finn
Thoughts: Some bookstagrammer and/or vlogger is going to hurt themselves trying to balance on a book pile like that.

4. Bulletproof (Songbird) – Melissa Pearl
Bulletproof (Songbird) - Melissa Pearl
Thoughts: Interracial romance, heyyyy.

5. Frostblood (The Frostblood Saga #1) – Elly Blake
Frostblood (The Frostblood Saga #1) - Elly Blake
Thoughts: Ice totally feels pain, guys. We shouldn’t eat it anymore.

6. A List of Cages – Robin Roe
A List of Cages - Robin Roe
Thoughts: Let’s see…there’s Nicholas and ummmmm. Nope, that’s my list. Nicholas Cage.

7. Unfolding – Jonathan Friesen
Unfolding - Jonathan Friesen
Thoughts: The effect on that title just makes it look blurry.

8. Everyday Magic (Untitled #2) – Emily Albright
Everyday Magic - Emily Albright
Thoughts: Why Is Every Word in the Tagline Capitalized?

9. Stay with Me – Mila Gray
Stay with Me - Mila Gray
Thoughts: As long as we’re physically attached at the lips, you cannot leave.

10. The Cruelty – Scott Bergstrom
The Cruelty - Scott Bergstrom
Thoughts: I feel like this is what happens when they don’t stay.

11. Switching Gears – Chantele Sedgwick
Switching Gears - Chantele Sedgwick
Thoughts: I wish Sky Pony would switch to a higher gear in terms of cover design.

12. As Red as Blood – Salla Simukka
As Red as Blood - Salla Simukka us
Thoughts: Windows white as teeth.

13. Split the Sun (Inherit the Stars #2) – Tessa Elwood
Split the Sun (Inherit the Stars #2) - Tessa Elwood
Thoughts: I just want to make sure she knows that’s the moon and not the sun.

14. I Knew You Were Trouble (Jessie Jefferson #2) – Paige Toon
I Knew You Were Trouble ( Jessie Jefferson) - Paige Toon
Thoughts: An earworm swiftly descends.

15. The Romantics – Leah Konen
The Romantics - Leah Konen
Thoughts: Down with romance. Up with chocolate.

16. Avenged (Vanished #2) – E. E. Cooper
Avenged (Vanished #2) - E. E. Cooper
Thoughts: Rather boring, but I do love that font color and style on this background.

17. Unnatural Deeds – Cyn Balog
Unnatural Deeds - Cyn Balog
Thoughts: Gardening with the blood of your enemies. Natural or unnatural? Hmmm.

18. MWD: Hell Is Coming Home – Brian David Johnson & Jan Egleson
MWD Hell Is Coming Home - Brian David Johnson & Jan Egleson
Thoughts: Hell is an interesting name for a puppy, but I’m very glad the puppy made it home.

19. Something Happened Here, But We’re Not Quite Sure What It Was – Paul McAuley
Something Happened Here, But We're Not Quite Sure What It Was - Paul McAuley
Thoughts: Something’s happening on this cover, but I’m not quite sure what it is.

20. Braced – Alyson Gerber
Braced - Alyson Gerber
Thoughts: The butterfly wings will definitely get you picked on, but you could also use them to smack people in the face, so that’s cool.

21. The House of Months and Years – Emma Trevayne
The House of Months and Years - Emma Trevayne
Thoughts: The whole thing is adorable, but I’m especially charmed by the yellow-dotted spine, hearkening back to the little golden books of my youth.

22. These Ruthless Deeds (These Vicious Masks #2) – Tarun Shanker & Kelly Zekas
These Ruthless Deeds (These Vicious Masks #2) - Tarun Shanker & Kelly Zekas
Thoughts: I WANT ONE. THE BOOK AND THE DAGGER FAN THING. YAS.

23. Bad Blood – Demitria Lunetta
Bad Blood - Demitria Lunetta
Thoughts: Clearly they’re tayloring their design efforts to current trends.

24. The Racehorse Who Wouldn’t Gallop – Clare Balding
The Racehorse Who Wouldn't Gallop - Clare Balding
Thoughts: Every single Tony Ross cover gives me major Roald Dahl feels.

25. Dreamworld (Dreamfire #1-2) – Kit Alloway
Dreamworld (Dreamfire & Dreamfever) - Kit Alloway
Thoughts: Fake flames and a drowning girl in a pretty dress. So many horrible cover cliches in one.

26. Lyrebird – Cecelia Ahern
Lyrebird - Cecilia Ahern
Thoughts: I’m not a lyre so I have to say that this is distinctly whelming.

27. Vilonia Beebe Takes Charge – Kristin L. Gray
Vilonia Beebe Takes Charge - Kristin L. Gray
Thoughts: Chicken: THE PILE IS FALLING. THE PILE IS FALLING.

28. The Sight (Devil’s Isle #2) – Chloe Neill
The Sight (Devil's Isle #2) - Chloe Neill
Thoughts: I like when the girls on paranormal covers get to be dressed and stand like actual humans.

29. Whenever I’m With You – Lydia Sharp
Whenever I'm With You - Lydia Sharp
Thoughts: You can tell the feelings are real because they’re sharing a milkshake. One does not simply share ice cream; you only do that with someone important.

30. The Inexplicable Logic of My Life – Benjamin Alire Saenz
The Inexplicable Logic of My Life - Benjamin Alire Saenz
Thoughts: MMF OT3?!?!?!?!

31. Unearthly Things – Michelle Gagnon
Unearthly Things - Michelle Gagnon
Thoughts: Interesting way to do the tagline, and I am a sucker for this cover style.

32. Get Smart-ish (The League of Unexceptional Children #2) – Gitty Daneshvari
Get Smart-ish (The League of Unexceptional Children #1) - Gitty Daneshvari
Thoughts: I mean, if you’ve seen Get Smart, that’s not really a high level of smartness needed.

33. No Pants Required – Kim Karr
No Pants Required - Kim Karr
Thoughts: No pants needed for your trip to the beach, but you are also not allowed to swim without a jacket. Dem’s de rules.

34. Lost Girls – Merrie Destefano
Lost Girls - Merrie Destefano
Thoughts: She’s becoming one with the rain, which does seem like a good way to become so lost no one ever finds you.

35. Finding Wonders: Three Girls Who Changed Science – Jeannine Atkins
Finding Wonders Three Girls Who Changed Science - Jeannine Atkins
Thoughts: Hollaaaaaa!

36. Into the Lion’s Den (The Devlin Quick Mysteries #1) – Linda Fairstein
Into the Lion's Den (The Devlin Quick Mysteries) - Linda Fairstein
Thoughts: That’s my kind of lion’s den. As opposed to that strip club that I drove past every time I went to college.

37. Simon Thorn and the Viper’s Pit – Aimee Carter
Simon Thorn and the Viper's Pit - Aimee Carter
Thoughts: Boy: You got this, mouse! Mouse: Lol, I’mma run while it eats your head.

38. Scar Island – Dan Gemeinhart
Scar Island - Dan Gemeinhart
Thoughts: They left a lasting scar on the island when they rudely stole the lighthouse.

39. Gilded Cage (Dark Gifts #1) – Vic James
Gilded Cage - Vic James
Thoughts: Needs more gilding.

Cover Battles:

1. The Amateurs (The Amateurs #1) – Sara Shepard

The Amateurs (The Amateurs #1) - Sara Shepard german
The Amateurs (The Amateurs #1) - Sara Shepard

German vs. US: So they’re going to be even worse detectives than the PLL girls? Wow.

2. Shadows on the Moon – Zoe Marriott

Shadows on the Moon - Zoe Marriott uk
Shadows on the Moon - Zoe Marriott

UK Original vs. UK Redesign: Setting aside the fact that I actually really liked the original cover, I’m so pissed they took the POC off.

3. One Moment – Kristina McBride

One Moment - Kristina McBride
One Moment - Kristina McBride

EgmontUSA vs. Sky Pony: It feels like we’re trying to creep up her dress in the reflection.

4. The Thousandth Floor (The Thousandth Floor #1) – Katharine McGee

The Thousandth Floor - Katharine McGee
The Thousandth Floor - Katharine McGee

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: That penthouse got one hell of an upgrade.

5. Nevernight (The Nevernight Chronicle #1) – Jay Kristoff

Nevernight (The Nevernight Chronicles #1) - Jay Kristoff
Nevernight - Jay Kristoff

US vs. UK: They’re both so beautiful. I CAWN’T CHOOSE.

6. Kojiki – Keith Yatsuhashi

Kojiki - Keith Yatsuhashi take 1
Kojiki - Keith Yatsuhashi

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Blesssed by the fickle redesign god.

7. Menagerie (Menagerie #1) – Rachel Vincent

Menagerie (Menagerie, #1) - Rachel Vincent
Menagerie - Rachel Vincent

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: The detail on that wing is amaaaaazing.

8. The Bronze Key (Magisterium #3) – Holly Black & Cassandra Clare

The Bronze Key (Magisterium #) - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare german
The Bronze Key (Magisterium #) - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare

German vs. US: THEY MADE IT TO THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS.

9. Return to the Secret Garden – Holly Webb

Return to the Secret Garden - Holly Webb uk
Return to the Secret Garden - Holly Webb

UK vs. US: And the victory wreath goes to the US cover.

10. Denton Little’s Deathdate (Denton Little #1) – Lance Rubin

Denton Little's Deathdate - Lance Rubin US
Denton Little's Deathdate (Denton Little #1) - Lance Rubin

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: I feel like I should love this. I mean, it’s cute artwork, though the faceless people freak me out. I’m also not wild about that shade of yellow.

11. Denton Little’s Still Not Dead (Denton Little #2) – Lance Rubin

Denton Little's Birthdate - Lance Rubin
Denton Little's Still Not Dead (Denton Little #2) - Lance Rubin

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: I don’t think I like this title change.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Claiming Addison (69 Bottles #1) – Zoey Derrick
69 Bottles - Zoey Derrick
Thoughts: Yeahhh, that definitely looks like BO69LES.

2. Playing with Fire (Guarded Hearts #1) – Ashley Piscitelli
Playing with Fire - Ashley Piscitelli
Thoughts: Something tells me they will survive these oh-so-realistic flames.

3. Love Over Desire (A Cougar’s Legacy #1) – Don Abdul
A Cougar's Legacy - Don Abdul
Thoughts: This person is headless. Also, four hands. And those gloves manage to make this look like some sort of medical procedure. AND DID I MENTION HEADLESS?

One response to “Cover Snark (188): These Ruthless Snarks”

  1. That Whatever after series keeps on going. 10 books already! Cute covers.

    Unearthly things sounds amazing *adds on Goodreads* and I’m a sucker for covers with silhouettes.

    Finding wonders sounds like an important books for kids. I love it when they include science and discoveries into stories 🙂
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Retelling June ‘16 | Meaning behind fairytales.My Profile

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