Cover Snark (187): Snark of Me as I Am

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. Blacksouls (Blackhearts #2) – Nicole Castroman
Blacksouls (Blackhearts #2) - Nicole Castroman
Thoughts: Okay, that glowing blue skull is wicked cool.

2. Haunt Me – Liz Kessler
Haunt Me - Liz Kessler
Thoughts: It’s like she took a shower and then drew all over the door.

3. Speak of Me as I Am – Sonia Belasco
Speak of Me as I Am - Sonia Belasco
Thoughts: Call me flowerface.

4. The Cursed Queen (The Impostor Queen #2) – Sarah Fine
The Cursed Queen - Sarah Fine
Thoughts: Do: photoshop stuff. Don’t: photoshop it within an inch of its life to the degree that even the uninitiated can tell.

5. Dragon Spawn (World of the Lupi #13) – Eileen Wilks
Dragon Spawn (Lupi #13) - Eileen Wilks
Thoughts: Is she going to try to take the dragon out with that scary gun or does she have it in addition to a dragon friend?

6. Remnants of Trust (Central Corps #) – Elizabeth Bonesteel
Remnants of Trust (Central Corps #) - Elizabeth Bonesteel
Thoughts: Bonesteel is the best name ever for romance, so I hope these guys get to sex. I could definitely ship it.

7. The Hunting of the Princes (The Queen of Dreams #2) – Peter F. Hamilton
The Hunting of the Princes (The Queen of Dreams) - Peter F. Hamilton
Thoughts: Down with princes. Up with queens. Okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation on our badass birdragondeer.

8. The Beast Is an Animal – Peternelle van Arsdale
The Beast is an Animal - Peternelle van Arsdale
Thoughts: The beast is also a plant?

9. A Conjuring of Light (Shades of Magic #3) – V.E. Schwab
A Conjuring of Light - V.E. Schwab
Thoughts: Sitting casually on the throne like what up I’m your ruler.

10. You’re Welcome, Universe – Whitney Gardner
You're Welcome, Universe - Whitney Gardner
Thoughts: Hopefully this cover attracts a lot of readers so Gardner makes bank(sy).

11. Driven to Distraction – Olivia Dade
Driven to Distraction - Olivia Dade
Thoughts: LOVESTRUCK LIBRARIANS. It kinda looks like an adult Disney Channel Original Movie too.

12. The Many Reflections of Miss Jane Deming – J. Anderson Coats
The Many Reflections of Miss Jane Deming - J. Anderson Coats
Thoughts: With water all over the ground, I’m sure she does see her reflection in a bunch of puddles.

13. The Adjustment (The Program #3) – Suzanne Young
The Adjustment - Suzanne Young
Thoughts: Clearly an intense game of musical chairs was played here.

14. Mars One – Jonathan Maberry
Mars One - Jonathan Maberry
Thoughts: Oh hey I heard that people liked that Martian thing so.

15. Hellworld – Tom Leveen
Hellworld - Tom Leveen
Thoughts: Eh, I’ll stick with Buffy.

16. At the Edge of the Universe – Shaun David Hutchinson
At the Edge of the Universe - Shaun David Hutchinson
Thoughts: Man, I hate when covers make me feel dizzy.

17. Finding What’s Real (Escaping Perfect #2) – Emma Harrison
Finding Perfect - Emma Harrison
Thoughts: Badass hair, and also she’s sitting there like some guy’s going down on her at makeout point. Bossness.

18. Letters to the Lost – Brigid Kemmerer
Letters to the Lost - Brigid Kemmerer
Thoughts: Rather flowery letters to send to lost people. They might like something less ornate with nice, clear directions.

19. Shadow Run (Kaitan Chronicles #1) – Adrianne Strickland & Michael Miller
Shadow Run - Adrianne Strickland & Michael Miller
Thoughts: Battlestar Galactastic.

20. Neverland – Shari Arnold
Neverland - Shari Arnold
Thoughts: I could have fluttered by this image without thinking Peter Pan.

21. Take the Key and Lock Her Up (Embassy Row #3) – Ally Carter
Take the Key and Lock Her Up (Embassy Row #) - Ally Carter
Thoughts: This looks more The Prince & Me than thriller, but okay.

22. Mafiosa (Blood for Blood #3) – Catherine Doyle
Mafiosa - Catherine Doyle
Thoughts: Let’s call a spade a spade: it’s dat bitch again.

23. Barefoot on the Wind (The Moonlit Lands #2) – Zoe Marriott
Barefoot on the Wind - Zoe Marriott
Thoughts: If the monster is a kitty, then I want to make friends with it.

24. Under a Million Stars – Rita Branches
Under a Million Stars - Rita Branches
Thoughts: Sometimes you just let the dress do the modeling.

25. Arcana Rising (The Arcana Chronicles #4) – Kresley Cole
Arcana Rising (The Arcana Chronicles #4) - Kresley Cole
Thoughts: Charybdis rising.

26. Broken Prince (The Royals #2) – Erin Watt
Broken Prince - Erin Watt
Thoughts: You break it, you bought it.

27. Order of the Wicked (Dorothy Must Die #0.7) – Danielle Paige
Order of the Wicked - Danielle Paige
Thoughts: Is this series ever going to fucking stop my god.

28. Walkaway – Cory Doctorow
Walkaway - Cory Doctorow
Thoughts: *tosses hair*

29. The Last Harvest – Kim Liggett
The Last Harvest - Kim Liggett
Thoughts: This is one corny cover.

30. Perfect (Flawed #2) – Cecelia Ahern
Perfect (Flawed #2) - Cecelia Ahern
Thoughts: Perfect is a red filter apparently.

31. Exo – Fonda Lee
Exo - Fonda Lee
Thoughts: Exollent.

32. Dessert First – Dean Gloster
Dessert First - Dean Gloster
Thoughts: Well that’s just a good life philosophy, if a rather boring cover. Like, leave the dessert so I can admire it. As it is, this cover’s crumby.

33. Stef Soto, Taco Queen – Jennifer Torres
Stef Soto, Taco Queen - Jennifer Torres
Thoughts: There are worse titles.

34. Bottled – Carol Riggs
Bottled - Carol Riggs
Thoughts: I’m a genie in a bottle, babay. You gotta rub me the right way, honey.

35. Tell Me Something Real – Calla Devlin
Tell Me Something Real - Calla Devlin
Thoughts: Here’s something real: those peaches very much do look like butts.

36. The Light Fantastic – Sarah Combs
The Light Fantastic - Sarah Combs
Thoughts: Are we inside of an eyeball here?

37. You Don’t Know My Name (The Black Angel Chronicles #1) – Kristen Orlando
You Don't Know My Name - Kristen Orlando
Thoughts: I’m trying to rewrite You Know My Name with this extra syllable and it’s hard.

38. What’s a Girl Gotta Do? (Normal #3) – Holly Bourne
What's a Girl Gotta Do - Holly Bourne
Thoughts: A girl’s got to decide whether she wants to serve the many-faced god.

39. The Last Beginning (The Next Together #2) – Lauren James
The Last Beginning - Lauren James
Thoughts: Bullseye.

40. The Purloined Poodle (The Iron Druid Chronicles #8.5) – Kevin Hearne
The Purloined Poodle - Kevin Hearne
Thoughts: Yes to the doggies. No to Carrot Top.

41. Decelerate Blue – Adam Rapp & Mike Cavallaro

Thoughts: Snaps for this adorable f/f cover.

Cover Battles:

1. Stealing Snow (Stealing Snow #1) – Danielle Paige

Stealing Snow - Danielle Paige
Stealing Snow - Danielle Paige

US vs. UK: Somewhat less unfortunate. But only somewhat.

2. Poisoned Blade (Court of Fives #2) – Kate Elliott

Poisoned Blade (Court of Fives #2) - Kate Elliott
Poisoned Blade (Court of Fives #2) - Kate Elliott

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Apparently they realized that it was a blade not an arrow. Good catch.

3. A Thousand Nights – E.K. Johnston

A Thousand Nights - E. K. Johnston
A Thousand Nights - E.K. Johnston

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Well, the hardcover was nice but this is also pretty damn spactacular. It’s hard enough to find a good redesign but it’s rarer to find a situation where the original is amazeballs and the redesign is STILL good.

4. Blood Family – Anne Fine

Blood Family - Anne Fine UK
Blood Family - Anne Fine

UK vs. US: Why is the US cover basically 8 Mile?

5. How Not to Disappear – Clare Furniss

How Not to Disappear - Clare Furniss
How Not to Disappear - Clare Furniss

Australian vs. US: Absolutely would pick up the Australian cover. Absolutely would not touch the US cover.

6. Eat the Sky, Drink the Ocean: Stories of Imagination and Daring – Kirstay Murray, Payal Dhar, & Anita Ray, eds.

Eat the Sky, Drink the Ocean Stories of Imagination and Daring - Kirstay Murray, Payal Dhar, & Anita Ray, eds. aus
Eat the Sky, Drink the Ocean Stories of Imagination and Daring - Kirstay Murray, Payal Dhar, & Anita Ray, eds.

Australian vs. US: Her hair waves are pretty awesome, but I still prefer the Australian cover.

7. The Bone Season (The Bone Season #1) – Samantha Shannon

The Bone Season (The Bone Season #1) - Samantha Shannon UK
The Bone Season (The Bone Season #1) - Samantha Shannon USA
The Bone Season (The Bone Season #1) - Samantha Shannon

US Hardback vs. US 2014 Paperback vs. US 2017 Paperback: Is this a step up though?

8. The Mime Order (The Bone Season #2) – Samantha Shannon

The Mime Order (The Bone Season #2) - Samantha Shannon
The Mime Order (The Bone Season #2) - Samantha Shannon pb
The Mime Order (The Bone Season #2) - Samantha Shannon

US Hardback vs. US 2016 Paperback vs. US 2017 Paperback: Okay, officially decided that this not a step up.

9. The Song Rising (The Bone Season #1) – Samantha Shannon

The Song Rising (The Bone Season #1) - Samantha Shannon
The Song Rising (The Bone Season #1) - Samantha Shannon UK

US vs. UK: Wow, adding that bit of orange to the top really does…not much.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Echoes of Memory (Ravenborn #2) – A.R. Kahler
Echoes of Memory (Ravenborn #2) - A.R. Kahler
Thoughts: That awkward moment when they forgot the author’s name.

2. Ripple – Heather Smith Meloche
Ripple - Heather Smith Meloche
Thoughts: Is this dat bitch again? Also all of these fonts need to be destroyed. [Update: Someone from PRH’s design group helpfully commented that it’s not, so maybe not. And it’s not like that really fixes the cover even if this is the only book cover she’s ever been on.]

3. American Terrorist – Todd Strasser
American Terrorist - Todd Strasser
Thoughts: Seriously, fuck this book. Just are you kidding me even with this shit.

8 responses to “Cover Snark (187): Snark of Me as I Am”

  1. Sarah K says:

    This post is great! I’m still pretty mad about The Bone Season cover changes…why??? They were so great before. Sadness.

    • Christina Franke says:

      That one’s definitely disappointing. I don’t really mind that they’re redesigning AGAIN, but they’re getting worse. I don’t know how that will help sales, but maybe it will?

  2. Danielle says:

    Definitely thought the girl on the cover of the cursed queen was Shailene Woodley for a second
    Danielle recently posted…Review: Saga Vol. 1My Profile

  3. 2. I’m surprised but this appeals to me!
    4. I’m not a fan at all 🙁
    10. Love how colorful this cover is!
    11. Adult DCOM hahah! Oh gosh.
    21. I love this! The title font makes me think thriller actually, I’m not sure why.
    26. Glitter glue.
    34. You are my favorite hahaha. This cover is appealing, if ordinary.

    3. Oh wow, I really love the hardback but I love the swirls on the paperback! The colors are interesting, I would definitely pick it up.
    5. Samesies.

    • Christina Franke says:

      2. I mostly like it too. Not really a fan of the use of the girl, but I love the words and the color.

      4. VERY disppointed in this cover. I don’t really want it on my shelves tbh but I do want the bisexual sexy times so whatever.

      11. It so does though. Also, why are those not a thing?

      21. I think it’s the slashes through the letters probably, like a killer went after it with a knife.

      26. I COULD NOT REMEMBER WHAT THAT WAS CALLED. I stared at it for a long time trying to remember. lol.

      34. I don’t really like it, but I like the idea of it. I mean, I love that it looks like an actual POC, but there are soooo many girls in bottles on covers and I do not love that trend, nor do I think this is one of the better ones.

      3. I just wish I’d been into the actual book, but I like both covers in different ways!

      5. Why did they do this to my eyes?

  4. Tony Sahara says:

    Re: Ripple No, it’s not “dat bitch”.

  5. I’m not a fan of the redesign from The bone season 🙁 A thousand nights are both gorgeous.

    A conjuring of light: fabulous. I’m blown away by the covers in this series.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Retelling June ‘16 | Meaning behind fairytales.My Profile

  6. WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY DO WITH THE BONE SEASON COVERS OMG THE NEW ONES ARE TERRIBLE, I mean the originals aren’t that wow either, but damn they really messed up with this redesign.
    Deyse @ Bound with Words recently posted…May TBRMy Profile

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