Cover Snark (182): Where the Wild Things Snark

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. A Little Knowledge (The Split Worlds #4) – Emma Newman
A Little Knowledge (The Split Worlds #4) - Emma Newman
Thoughts: A little series redesign. But at least a lovely one.

2. The Secret Ingredient of Wishes – Susan Bishop Crispell
The Secret Ingredient of Wishes - Susan Bishop Crispell
Thoughts: Pie makes at least one wish come true.

3. Black Jade (Celestial Battle #3) – Kylie Chan
Black Jade (Celestial Battle Trilogy #3) - Kylie Chan
Thoughts: I’ll give her a HAH and a HIYAH and I’ll kick her, sir.

4. The Two Torcs (Robin Hood: Demon Bane #2) – Debbie Viguie & James R. Tuck
The Two Torcs (Robin Hood Demon Bane #2) - Debbie Viguie, James R. Tuck
Thoughts: If he’s the bane of demons, why is he firing AWAY from the demon?

5. Where the Wild Things Bite (Half-Moon Hollow #5) – Molly Harper
Where the Wild Things Bite (Half-Moon Hollow Series) - Molly Harper
Thoughts: Trying to decide if the title is clever or vaguely creepy because now the paranormal romance title makes me think about a kids’ book.

6. City of Wolves – Willow Palecek
City of Wolves - Willow Palecek
Thoughts: Any moment now he’s going to throw his head back and HOWOOOOOOOOOOO.

7. Nightshades – Melissa F. Olson
Nightshades - Melissa F. Olson
Thoughts: Sir, I’m afraid you have a city growing out of your back. It’s the most aggressive tumor science has ever seen.

8. Timekeeper (Timekeeper #1) – Tara Sim
Timekeeper (Timekeeper #1) - Tara Sim
Thoughts: I absolutely loathe the color palette and the dinginess. This could have been shiny and gorgeous but instead it’s this and 🙁

9. The Sudden Appearance of Hope – Claire North
The Sudden Appearance of Hope - Claire North
Thoughts: I don’t know. I’m losing hope because Hachette keeps putting these horrible pictures of previous novels on the covers for the current ones. It’s like it won THE FIRST FIFTEEN LIVES OF HARRY AUGUST AWARD. I don’t even like Awards stickers on my covers when they’re legit.

10. Getting Him Back (Ethan & Wyatt #1) – K.A. Mitchell
Getting Him Back (Ethan & Wyatt #1) - K.A. Mitchell
Thoughts: Getting his backside?

11. The Dark at the End (Tunnel Vision #2) – Susan Adrian
The Dark at the End (Tunnel Vision #2) - Susan Adrian
Thoughts: A great place to take a quick, semi-private dump.

12. Cloud and Wallfish – Anne Nesbet
Cloud and Wallfish - Anne Nesbet
Thoughts: It’s raining whales! Hallelujah, it’s raining whales! That hallelujah is a chorus of angels in the afterlife because we all died bc ow whale rain.

13. Magic Binds (Kate Daniels #9) – Ilona Andrews
Magic Binds (Kate Daniels) - Ilona Andrews
Thoughts: She looks one second away from passing out.

14. Labyrinth Lost (Brooklyn Brujas #1) – Zoraida Cordova
Labyrinth Lost - Zoraida Cordova
Thoughts: Of course the labyrinth can’t exist without David Bowie and his crotch bulge.

15. We Don’t Need Another Hero – Sierra Dean
We Don't Need Another Hero - Sierra Dean
Thoughts: Yesssss, tagline, yes. For that I will accept the unbelievable flames.

16. You Before Anyone Else – Julie Cross & Mark Perini
You Before Anyone Else - Julie Cross & Mark Perini
Thoughts: So basically it’s a hetero version of the Look Both Ways cover.

17. Windborn (The Guardian Herd #4) – Jennifer Lynn Alvarez
Windborn (The Guardian Herd) - Jennifer Lynn Alvarez
Thoughts: Accurate depiction of people fighting over the last ARC at a drop.

18. Memories of Ash (The Sunbolt Chronicles #2) – Intisar Khanani
Memories of Ash (The Sunbolt Chronicles #2) - Intisar Khanani
Thoughts: Not nearly as stunning as the cover for book one, but the phoenix is pretty cute.

19. Extreme Makeover – Dan Wells
Extreme Makeover - Dan Wells
Thoughts: This is both hilarious and creepy. A+. Particularly love the person spinning out of a double helix.

20. Mister Memory – Marcus Sedgwick
Mister Memory - Marcus Sedgwick
Thoughts: Huh, well, I now know that his full name is Marcus “Mister Memory” Sedgwick, but what’s the title of this book?

21. The City of Ice (The Gates of the World #2) – K.M. McKinley
The City of Ice - K.M. McKinley
Thoughts: I WANT A GIGANTIC WOLF FRIEND.

22. The Feast of All Souls – Simon Bestwick
The Feast of All Souls - Simon Bestwick
Thoughts: Come for the berries; stay because someone ate your soul and you can’t leave.

23. Shadowed Souls – Jim Butcher & Kerrie L. Hughes, eds.
Shadowed Souls - Jim Butcher, Kerrie L. Hughes
Thoughts: She pops out like “Surprise, mopey motherfucker” and strikes him down with a ball of whoopass.

24. Faithful – Alice Hoffman
Faithful - Alice Hoffman
Thoughts: Add “faithful” to the list of words I hate when applied to humans, along with “pure.”

25. Day Zero (The Arcana Chronicles #3.5) – Kresley Cole
Day Zero (The Arcana Chronicles #3.5) - Kresley Cole
Thoughts: Calling shenanigans on day zero being 3 books in tbh.

26. The Best Possible Answer – E. Katherine Kottaras
The Best Possible Answer - E. Katherine Kottaras
Thoughts: The answer is kissing.

27. Moon Chosen (Tales of a New World #1) – P.C. Cast
Moon Chosen - P.C. Cast
Thoughts: The terror in that wolf’s eyes mirrors mine in the knowledge that Cast has a new series.

28. The Cartographer’s Daughter – Kiran Millwood Hargrave
The Cartographer's Daughter - Kiran Millwood Hargrave
Thoughts: What is one of those rocking carnival floors doing in the middle of the jungle?

29. The Dead Stars (Spider War #3) – Adam Christopher
The Dead Stars (Spider War) - Adam Christopher
Thoughts: The award for creepiest spaceship goes to.

30. Meg & Linus – Hanna Nowinski
Meg & Linus - Hanna Nowinski
Thoughts: I feel like this is close to awesomeness but missing, but hey boys holding hands is good.

31. Crystal Storm (The Falling Kingdoms #5) – Morgan Rhodes
Crystal Storm (The Falling Kingdoms #5) - Morgan Rhodes
Thoughts: Trying to be as cool as TOG. Never gonna happen.

32. Seven Days of You – Cecilia Vinesse
Seven Days of You - Cecilia Vinesse
Thoughts: After a week, they break up.

33. Duskfall (Chaos Queen #1) – Christopher Husberg
Duskfall (Chaos Queen #1) -Christopher Husberg
Thoughts: Well, Chaos Queen is an awesome series title, even if this cover is kind of generically boring, especially the fonts.

34. Glass Town – Steven Savile
Glass Town - Steven Savile
Thoughts: If book stores aren’t careful about where the put their stickers, this could become ASS TOWN.

35. The Ending I Want – Samantha Towle
The Ending I Want - Samantha Towle
Thoughts: Pretty sure my ideal ending would not include walking down the road barefoot.

36. Something in Between – Melissa de la Cruz
Something in Between - Melissa de la Cruz
Thoughts: Something in between wallpaper and a book cover.

37. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Harry Potter #1) – J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Harry Potter #1) - J.K. Rowling
Thoughts: Hmmm, this looks oddly dated.

38. Wired Man and Other Freaks of Nature – Sashi Kaufman
Wired Man and Other Freaks of Nature - Sashi Kaufman
Thoughts: This might be taking “spinning a yarn” a bit too literally.

39. Grimm’s Fairy Tales – Jacon Grimm & Wilhelm Grimm
Grimm's Fairy Tales
Thoughts: Cuteness in the (little red riding) hood.

40. Feversong (Fever #9) – Karen Marie Moning
Feversong (Fever #) - Karen Marie Moning
Thoughts: TFW when you’re frantically trying to finish your book before it is consumed by flames.

41. Spontaneous – Aaron Starmer
Spontaneous - Aaron Starmer
Thoughts: This just makes me think about how Rupert Grint bought an ice cream truck with his Harry Potter money.

Cover Battles:

1. Legacy of Kings (Blood of Gods and Royals #1) – Eleanor Herman

Legacy of Kings - Eleanor Herman
Legacy of Kings (Blood of Gods and Royals #1) - Eleanor Herman

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Ah, now I understand the key cover for book two. I do like this one better than that one but still WHY. It’s not like I loved the original but I like this new thing they’re doing even less.

2. Between Two Thorns (The Split Worlds #1) – Emma Newman

Between Two Thorns (The Split Worlds #1) - Emma Newman strange chem
Between Two Thorns (The Split Worlds #1) - Emma Newman

Angry Robot vs. Diversion Books: I actually really like both covers, so choosing between them is tough even with my thorny disposition.

3. Any Other Name (The Split Worlds #2) – Emma Newman

Any Other Name (The Split Worlds #2) - Emma Newman robot
Any Other Name (The Split Worlds #2) - Emma Newman

Angry Robot vs. Diversion Books: A book by any other cover would not smell as sweet.

4. All is Fair (The Split Worlds #3) – Emma Newman

All is Fair (The Split Worlds #3) - Emma Newman
All is Fair (The Split Worlds #3) - Emma Newman diversion

Angry Robot vs. Diversion Books: All is fair in love and cover design.

5. The Copper Promise (The Copper Cat #1) – Jen Williams

The Copper Promise - Jen Williams
The Copper Promise (The Copper Promise #1) - Jen Williams

UK vs. US: This cover styling is very much like what they’ve gone for in steampunk covers but the dude is wearing chainmail.

6. The Iron Ghost (The Copper Promise #2) – Jen Williams

The Iron Ghost (The Copper Cat #2) - Jen Williams UK
The Iron Ghost (The Copper Promise #2) - Jen Williams

UK vs. US: This one’s got a stronger fantasy vibe, but why LOOK AT THE GORGEOUS UK COVER WITH DRAGONS.

7. And I Darken (The Conquerors Saga #1) – Kiersten White

And I Darken - Kiersten White
And I Darken (The Conquerors Saga #1) - Kiersten White aus

US vs. UK/Australian: I feel like they’re courting all those Lexa fans in need of a new fandom.

8. Witch’s Pyre (The Worldwalker Trilogy #3) – Josephine Angelini

Witch's Pyre - Josephine Angelini
Witch's Pyre - Josephine Angelini

US vs. UK: If Witch’s Pyre is the title, why does the cover say IF YOU FAIL, YOU BURN in massive letters. That is the title now. I refuse anything else.

9. Trouble Is a Friend of Mine (Trouble #1) – Stephanie Tromly

Trouble Is a Friend of Mine - Stephanie Tromly hb
Trouble Is a Friend of Mine - Stephanie Tromly

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Hmmm, I feel like this one better captures the madcap humor that I gather this series has, so I guess good redesign?

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Prairie Fire (The Story of Owen #2) – E. K. Johnston
Prairie Fire - E. K. Johnston
Thoughts: Is the dragon allowing his prey to play TAPS for itself before feasting? But seriously this is such a waste of dragon.

2. Melting Away the Ice – Mary Smith
Melting Away the Ice - Mary Smith
Thoughts: No to these fonts and this photoshop and what the fuck is that ice supposed to be.

3. Ghalien (The Otherworld Series #4) – Jenna Elizabeth Johnson
Ghalien - Jenna Elizabeth Johnson
Thoughts: I one hundred percent thought that title was Chalien. Recommendation 1: make your title readable. Recommendation 2: don’t use that font on anything ever. Recommendation 3: or that background.

2 responses to “Cover Snark (182): Where the Wild Things Snark”

  1. Tez Miller says:

    Re: AND I DARKEN: Tried to Google “Ottoman Empire” and “facepaint”, but didn’t come up with anything. So this Australian cover… Think I saw someone liken it to the reboot of The Lone Ranger. Not in a good way. http://readeroffictions.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/And-I-Darken-The-Conquerors-Saga-1-Kiersten-White-aus.jpg
    Tez Miller recently posted…March 2016 ReadsMy Profile

  2. 1. This is lovely! I like the design and the color.
    3. Bartok, yessssss *claps*
    8. I wish it was shiny too 🙁 A little too mustard yellow.
    10. Pretty boring cover but makes me interested in the potential cuteness.
    14. Kinda creeps me out but overall it’s a pretty awesome cover!
    22. Oooh very creepy, I like it! The clusters of berries look like brains though.
    23. Her eyes are going to give me nightmares.
    26. ADORABLE.
    28. Looks very old school but I like it. It’s charming.
    30. I don’t super love this (maybe it’s the cheesy font?) but I like the tagline! Sounds cute.
    31. LOL. This series. Ugh.
    32. Super love it but it’s hard to tell that it’s set in Japan, aside from the blurry billboard sign.
    33. I like the idea of the triangle/ring/frost thing but this is so meh.
    37. I’m not a huge fan of the art of the illustrated editions 🙁 It makes me sad. I wish we could get Mary GrandPre illustrated editions!
    1. Ooh I’m conflicted. I liked the original and I want to like the new cover but something isn’t clicking.
    7. I’m reading And I Darken right now and now that I am, I like the UK cover a LOT. It reeeeally represents Lada’s character. I wasn’t sold before I started reading. I think I still like the US more but I’m not sure. Hmm.
    Morgan @ Gone with the Words recently posted…Bitsy Words: The Impostor Queen by Sarah FineMy Profile

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