Cover Snark (181): Snark’s Just Another Word

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Shiny and New:

1. The Graces – Laure Eve
The Graces - Laure Eve
Thoughts: Clearly it’s been graced by the cover gods.

2. Crystal Force (The Rig #2) – Joe Ducie
Crystal Force - Joe Ducie
Thoughts: THESE ARE SPIRIT FINGERS!

3. Fate of Flames (Effigies #1) – Sarah Raughley
Fate of Flames (The Effigies #1) - Sarah Raughley
Thoughts: Sort of Divergenty. Not loving the look of the gold stuff but maybe it will look better IRL.

4. We Know It Was You (Strange Truth #1) – Maggie Thrash
We Know It Was You (Strange Truth) - Maggie Thrash
Thoughts: The toy didn’t know, though, based on the shocked expression.

5. Radical – E.M. Kokie
Radical - E.M. Kokie
Thoughts: I’d expect something called radical to not look so generic.

6. Gilt Hollow – Lorie Langdon
Gilt Hollow - Lorie Langdon
Thoughts: Speaking of generic…

7. The Ones (The Ones #1) – Daniel Sweren-Becker
The Ones - Daniel Sweren-Becker
Thoughts: If all “the ones” are white, like most of the people on this cover, I’m going to punch this book.

8. The Turncoat’s Gambit (The Inventor’s Secret #3) – Andrea Cremer
The Turncoat's Gambit (The Inventor's Secret #3) - Andrea Cremer
Thoughts: Can’t let life at sea cramp your style.

9. Spin the Sky – Jill Mackenzie
Spin the Sky - Jill Mackenzie
Thoughts: Love the concept, hate the execution. That author font is almost physically upsetting.

10. Heartfire (Winterkill #3) – Kate A. Boorman
Heartfire (Winterkill) - Kate A. Boorman
Thoughts: Flaming title, you are a disappointment. I would set you on fire but well.

11. Wirewalker – Mary Hall
Wirewalker - Mary Hall
Thoughts: That dog is HUGE. And also better not be put on the wire.

12. Someone I Wanted to Be – Aurelia Wills
Someone I Wanted to Be - Aurelia Wills
Thoughts: Which correlates to a dead flower how? That’s not exactly a high aspiration in life.

13. Phantom Limbs – Paula Garner
Phantom Limbs - Paula Garner
Thoughts: Meanwhile, on the cover, people pretend to be dolphins, aka the most fun water activity ever.

14. Unmortal (Redemption’s Heir #3) – Anne M. Pillsworth
Unmortal - Anne M. Pillsworth
Thoughts: This title makes me twitch. And the cover design even more so.

15. The Rains – Gregg Hurwitz
The Rains - Gregg Hurwitz
Thoughts: I actually just yawned.

16. Useless Bay – M. J. Beaufrand
Useless Bay - M. J. Beaufrand
Thoughts: I mean, it sounds like the Bay is useful for dumping bodies.

17. Snow Summer – Kit Peel
Snow Summer - Kit Peel
Thoughts: Winter finally came to Westeros.

18. Aluta – Adwoa Badoe
Aluta - Adwoa Badoe
Thoughts: Looks like the car is about to run over those people.

19. Out of Tune – Gail Nall
Out of Tune - Gail Nall
Thoughts: Okay this is weird but she looks like Applejack turned into a human.

20. Seriously Shifted – Tina Connolly
Seriously Shifted - Tina Connolly
Thoughts: Those are awesome tights.

21. A Dark Truth – Jeff Ross
A Dark Truth - Jeff Ross
Thoughts: Alley oops.

22. Enough – Mary Payne
Enough - Mary Payne
Thoughts: The awesome rainbow stairs make me hope this will be lgbt+.

23. River Traffic – Martha Martin
River Traffic - Martha Martin
Thoughts: Lol the author name is on his hoodie. At least merch will be easy. :’)

24. Freedom’s Just Another Word – Caroline Stellings
Freedom's Just Another Word - Caroline Stellings
Thoughts: WERK.

25. The Wall of Storms (The Dandelion Dynasty #2) – Ken Liu
The Wall of Storms (The Dandelion Dynasty) - Ken Liu
Thoughts: This cover is Hannibal-approved.

26. RoseBlood – A.G. Howard
RoseBlood - A.G. Howard
Thoughts: The PHAAAAAAAAANTOM OF THE OPERA IS HEEEEERE

27. The Blockade (First Salik War #3) – Jean Johnson
The Blockade -Jean Johnson
Thoughts: I wonder if these two often fight about who has the most luscious locks.

28. Ghostly Echoes (Jackaby #3) – William Ritter
Ghostly Echoes (Jackaby #3) - William Ritter
Thoughts: I would love these covers without reservation if there weren’t people in the heads.

29. The Magician’s Key (The Secrets of the Pied Piper #2) – Matthew Cody
The Magician's Key - Matthew Cody
Thoughts: Her hair is awesome.

30. A New Recruit (Agents of the Glass #1) – Michael D. Beil
A New Recruit (Agents of the Glass #1) - Michael D. Beil
Thoughts: The letters on that thing, rearranged and ignoring one, spell out CHILD.

31. The Secret Keepers – Trenton Lee Stewart
The Secret Keepers - Trenton Lee Stewart
Thoughts: Keep it secret. Keep it safe.

32. More Than Magic – Kathryn Lasky
More Than Magic - Kathryn Lasky
Thoughts: Those street friends look like they’re practicing their dance routine for the school talent show.

33. The Mountain of Kept Memory – Rachel Neumeier
The Mountain of Kept Memory - Rachel Neumeier
Thoughts: Fantasy used to have the WORST covers and now it’s making a comeback with the best ones.

34. Relentless (The Hero Agenda #2) – Tera Lynn Childs & Tracy Deebs
Relentless - Tera Lynn Childs,Tracy Deebs
Thoughts: Urge to watch Dr. Horrible’s rising.

35. Black – Fleur Ferris
Black - Fleur Ferris
Thoughts: If anybody comes to my door, I will sic my vicious orange tabby on them. Just watch me.

36. Cuckoo – Keren David
Cuckoo - Keren David
Thoughts: Apparently the word “cuckoo” immediately makes me sing So Long, Farewell.

37. Last Seen Leaving – Caleb Roehrig
Last Seen Leaving - Caleb Roehrig
Thoughts: Goodbye. I’m leaving to become a nymph. I hear it’s very lucrative.

Cover Battles:

1. Brigands M.C. (CHERUB #11) – Robert Muchamore

Brigands M.C. (CHERUB #11) - Robert Muchamore UK
Brigands M.C. (CHERUB #11) - Robert Muchamore Danish
Top Secret - Die Rache von Robert Muchamore
Brigands M.C. (CHERUB #11) - Robert Muchamore Czech
Brigands M.C. (CHERUB #11) - Robert Muchamore Portuguese
Brigands M.C. (CHERUB #11) - Robert Muchamore French
Brigands M.C. (CHERUB #11) - Robert Muchamore

UK vs. Danish vs. German vs. Czech vs. Portuguese vs. French vs. US: The US sure was late to the game, but at least it’s coming in for the win on its riderless motorcycle.

2. The Door That Led to Where – Sally Gardner

The Door That Led to Where -Sally Gardner UK
The Door That Led to Where -Sally Gardner

UK vs. US: WHERE WHAT????

3. Frail Human Heart (The Name of the Blade #3) – Zoe Marriott

Frail Mortal Heart - Zoe Marriott
Frail Human Heart (The Name of the Blade #3) - Zoe Marriott

UK vs. US: In the war of dragon vs jellyfish, I think it’s obvious who wins.

4. A Prince Without a Kingdom (Vango #2) – Timothee de Fombelle

A Prince Without a Kingdom -Timothee de Fombelle hb
A Prince Without a Kingdom -Timothee de Fombelle

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: While I prefer the hardback aesthetically, the paperback makes it much clearer that this is historical fiction where the original cover looks fantasyish to me.

5. The Catalyst – Helena Coggan

The Catalyst - Helena Coggan UK
The Catalyst - Helena Coggan

UK vs. US: Oh look, the cover got color contacts!

6. Willful Machines – Tim Floreen

Willful Machines - Tim Floreen
Willful Machines - Tim Floreen

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Both covers fit the book. *shrugs*

7. Anne & Henry – Dawn Ius

Anne & Henry - Dawn Ius
Anne & Henry - Dawn Ius

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Greatly prefer the one where it doesn’t look like she’s eating his face.

8. Herbert Rowbarge – Natalie Babbitt

Herbert Rowbarge - Natalie Babbitt hc
Herbert Rowbarge - Natalie Babbitt

US 1984 edition vs. US 2016 edition: I still don’t careousel but it’s less grave than the original cover.

9. Merrow – Ananda Braxton-Smith

Merrow - Ananda Braxton-Smith #1
Merrow - Ananda Braxton-Smith #2
Merrow - Ananda Braxton-Smith

Black Dog Books #1 vs. Black Dog Books #2 vs. Candlewick: Wow, both the first Black Dog cover and the Candlewick one look like they’re from the 20th century, or maybe even 19th. And the other one is just…um yeah.

10. All the Feels – Danika Stone

All The Feels - Danika Stone
All the Feels - Danika Stone

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Though I’m cool with getting rid of the girl with her head thrown back, the images on this look so horribly fake and I can’t. I mean, that DragonCon badge makes me want to cry.

11. Ruined – Amy Tintera

Ruined - Amy Tintera
Ruined - Amy Tintera Aus

US vs. Australian: I’ll keep my US cover close.

12. Stop Pretending: What Happened When My Big Sister Went Crazy – Sonya Sones

Stop Pretending - Sonya Sones hb
Stop Pretending - Sonya Sones pb
Stop Pretending - Sonya Sones

US 1999 vs. US 2006 vs. US 2016: You really get a window into cover design for the past two decades here.

13. Powerless (The Hero Agenda #1) – Tera Lynn Childs & Tracy Deebs

Powerless - Tera Lynn Childs,Tracy Deebs hardback
Powerless - Tera Lynn Childs,Tracy Deebs

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: From one overused cover design to another.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Shattered Dreams (Freedom Trilogy #1) – Brenda Kennedy
Shattered Dreams (Freedom Trilogy #1) - Brenda Kennedy
Thoughts: A tale about how children ruin your life.

2. My Captain (Neil & Elaina #2) – Raine Miller
My Captain - Raine Miller
Thoughts: Bringing new meaning O Captain My Captain. He’ll show her the O face…just as soon as he finishes sneezing on his badass flower tattoo.

3. My Wife’s Li’l Secret – Eve Rabi
My Wife's Li'l Secret - Eve Rabi
Thoughts: Nailed it.

4 responses to “Cover Snark (181): Snark’s Just Another Word”

  1. Gillian says:

    1. PRETTIFULLL

    2. omg I was totally ready to make a spirit fingers joke even before I read that you had hahaha

    3. kinda like Divergent and City of Bones had a not cute baby

    6. weird how Gilt Hollow has no gilt on it

    8. that coat is fly

    10. I actually kinda like this. it doesn’t quite set my heart afire but I’m into it

    12. i’m SO OVER DEAD FLOWER COVERS AND THEY’RE ALWAYS ON A BACKGROUND LIKE THIS ENOUGH NOW

    20. Omg i love her tights and her sick purple bike (the show off)

    23. omg why are there so many hoodie covers

    24. this is going to sound weird but her eyebrows are AMAZING

    i loooooove middle grade illustrated coverssssssssss

    33. OO fuck yeah

    34. Okay that is so Divergent movie poster-y with a side helping of The Testing OH WAIT OKAY JUDGING BY THE TAGLINE THIS IS PROBALY A SATIRE? No? Yes? If so, NEVER MIND. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED LOZ FOR DAYS

    seriously is this a satire or

    or is that a placeholder tagline

    SOMEBODY HELP ME

    36. I ALSO AM SINGING THAT SONG IN MY HEAD

    CB2. omg that title is driving me crazy (but I vastly prefer the US)

    CB3. ermmmm why did they choose a JELLYFISH for this one the other US covers are so great

    CB7. oh thank god I absolutely HATE the way she’s biting and PULLING his face

    CB11. The Aussie one could have been awesome and very Aus Sabriel (may even be the same artist?) if not for her vacant expression

    *sings Be Prepared*

    CB12. Oh wow I hate them all but I think I hate 2006 the least
    Gillian recently posted…Monthly Recap: MarchMy Profile

  2. Lesley says:

    34 – Is that the tagline or did someone forget to put the tagline in? Much confused.
    Lesley recently posted…Since We Last SpokeMy Profile

  3. Hannah says:

    Your commentary gives me life. 😀
    Hannah recently posted…Literary Linking #1My Profile

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