Blogger’s Remorse

About once a week, I go strolling through the abundant fields of NetGalley and Edelweiss to see what new books are blooming along the roadside that I can pluck not a good enough reason to use the word pluck pick and add to my TBR bouquet. I think that metaphor may have gotten away from me somewhere. But whatever. Here’s what happens every damn time because I cannot resist filling my arms with new books, especially when they don’t cost me money. Literally, I have left the public libraryΒ  with stacks of books the full length of my arms and up to my chin. Spoiler: opening the car door is not easy and on the drive home they all spill out of the pile.

gif all the books

Me: *signs into EW and NG* Ooooh, look at all these new books!

Conscience: HOLD UP. Are you really going to read all of these? Come on. Be reasonable. We talked about this last time. You don’t need to download them all the moment they’re available. Wait for reviews on some of them. If you’re on the fence, just leave it.

Me: That…sounds reasonable. YEAH! This time I’m not going to download 2/3 of the books. I’m only going to get a couple. And I’ll read them all and they’ll all be awesome.

Conscience: *pats me on the head*

gif kitten pats on head

Me: But I mean I wasn’t very interested in The Anatomical Shape of the Heart and it was AWESOME and I never would have downloaded that if I listened to you.

Conscience: Wait, hold on. We had a deal going here: only request the ones you really want.

Me: BUT I REALLY WANT THEM ALL, YOU JERK.

Conscience: No, you don’t. Remember, you had a bad feeling about that one, for example.

Me: *clicks download* Oh, oops, my finger slipped. Too late now!

gif oops i did it again britney

Conscience: And the blurb for that one is idiotic. Look at that main character’s name. You’re definitely going to hate it.

Me: BUT THE COVER IS SO PRETTY LALALALA *downloads*

gif not listening colbert

Conscience: *facepalms* Okay, but see that one right there? You’ve tried all of their books and disliked them all. There is literally no reason to download that. And remember that offensive thing they did? Even if it’s good, you didn’t want to support them!

Me: That’s a good point. Yeah. I totally don’t want to support their career, and it’s not going to be worth my time.

Me: *downloads it*

Conscience: *glares*

gif you have a problem gilmore girls

Me: *shrugs* It might be okay. Maybe.

This has been an accurate depiction of me strolling through my auto-approvals. Then comes the remorse. Sometimes it hits me the moment I finish downloading the book and adding it to my TBR spreadsheet. Like so.

Me: Dear god, why did I download Tales of a Shadowhunter? WHYYYYYYY? Why can’t I quit this series? CURSE MY AUTOAPPROVAL. I never would have actually requested this. Why was I born so weak? WUT R WILLPOWRS?

gif i immediately regret this decision anchorman

Sometimes the remorse comes later, when I finally get to the book in my TBR spreadsheet many months later. This comes in a few forms.

Me: UGH, why did I request a middle grade? There’s no kissing in middle grades. What is even the point of middle grade? But I requested it and I should try it. GODDAMN IT, PAST SELF.

Me: This book doesn’t sound like a Christina book. Why did I even download it? *scratches head*

why would you do that friends gif

Me: Oh hey, I’ve been looking forward to this for a while. *looks up book on GR to add to Currently Reading shelf* Maybe I’ll just scroll down and check out my friend reviews. *reels back in horror* Oh god, four DNFs, a 1, a 2, and a 4 star from that person who never gives anything less than 4 stars. Fuck. WHY DIDN’T I WAIT UNTIL REVIEWS STARTED BEFORE DOWNLOADING?

gif i'm a smart person what was i thinking britney

Meanwhile, here’s my conscience:

gif told you so will and grace

Do you also suffer from blogger’s remorse?

15 responses to “Blogger’s Remorse”

  1. Joanne Levy says:

    Is the guilt because you feel like you should read everything you download? There is nothing wrong with casting a wide net and then dumping what you don’t want later. Who knows, maybe you’ll find a gem that you wouldn’t have read if you hadn’t been seduced by a pretty cover.
    Don’t feel bad about DNF’ing books–don’t they just remind you why you like the books you do enjoy? Make them a little sweeter?
    Anyway, all this to say don’t beat yourself up. Authors need bloggers like you who are optimists and are open (whether they want to be or not) to reading new things. But we also know that life is too short to read books that you don’t enjoy. So I say carry on.
    Plus, some middle grades have a little bit of kissing. Well, a peck, but still… πŸ˜‰
    Joanne Levy recently posted…How to Show Love to an AuthorMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      I don’t feel like I should read everything I download in full, but I feel like I should give them the old college try (I’ve never really understood this phrase tbh). DNFing doesn’t really bother me. (Though there was a time I read ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I requested in full and omg my ratings were so low.)

      DNFing is really great. My ratings are so much higher when I let myself abandon books that don’t feel right.

      It’s more about that feeling I get when I request something that I just KNOW I’m not going to like. I try to talk myself out of it but then I request it anyway and nooooo self why. And, inevitably, when it comes to the top of the queue, I’m like PAST SELF WHY I DON’T WANT THIS.

      There are some shippy middle grades. They’re the best ones. But that is not most middle grades, which is silly considering how boy obsessed I was at that age. πŸ™‚

      • Joanne Levy says:

        Oh I get that. Self can be seduced by shiny things which goes wrong when Self becomes Past Self. Understood.

        And boy obsessed was totally my Past Self. Like, crazy boy obsessed. Worse in high school, but it began pretty early on the playground. Obviously we are kindred spirits.
        Joanne Levy recently posted…How to Show Love to an AuthorMy Profile

      • Christina Franke says:

        My first real crush started in fifth grade and it was PINING. In middle school, I had a handful of crushes on focused people and of course a million celebs.

        In high school, though, I had a crush on about 50% of the boys that I interacted with at some point or another. Basically anyone I thought was cute, funny or who showed even remote interest in me. Like, seriously, this one guy who was usually mean to me and to whom I was not attracted was nice to me ONE day and BOOM CRUSH. I was a mess basically. And I never dated anyone in high school, so I was just this ball of longing and frustration throughout.

        • Joanne Levy says:

          This = Me. I stunk of desperation all through school. Looking back at it now, I cringe and still blush thinking of the crazy stuff I did to get boys’ attention. And yeah, the remotest interest, like something as insignificant as a brief meeting of eyes, was enough to have our names (and our babies’ names) contained in hearts on my notebooks. Until the next guy came along and checked out my bad perm or bummed a smoke.
          Joanne Levy recently posted…How to Show Love to an AuthorMy Profile

  2. I totally get this. It’s kind of a weird combination of feeling obligated and personal preferences and de-cluttering and challenging yourself and productivity and and and… but in the end, all we can do is try to settle into a process that more or less works for us, right?

  3. Oh my god, this is literally me with every review book. Thought this past month I’ve been good at keeping myself away of Netgalley and Edelweiss.
    Deyse @ Bound with Words recently posted…This is why staying out of the bookish community is making my reading betterMy Profile

  4. Chrystal says:

    THIS! YES! I have gotten better about this and I steer clear of NetGalley lately (mostly because I’m pregnant and I know my reading will be limited once baby arrives), but I have so many books from NG that I still haven’t had the chance to read.

    My only regret is asking for so many at once and then not getting to them sooner.

    I adore this post!
    Chrystal recently posted…Still Mine by Amy Stuart | ReviewMy Profile

  5. Krys says:

    This is why I don’t stroll the fields of ever blooming publications. I love the idea of reading something before everybody else, but I’m still working on books I’ve been meaning to read for years, and I wouldn’t be able to do it if I was constantly downloading all the freebies.
    I have the accounts, I get the emails, if a title sounds interesting I’ll add it to my list. I don’t read reviews until I’ve read the book, so everybody else’s opinions mean nothing to me unless it’s a book I’m really on the fence about.
    – Krys
    Krys recently posted…Review: Beauty and the Beast by H. Chuku LeeMy Profile

  6. Hahahaha this is the greatest post I’ve read in a while. I love it so much. I’m actually not that bad about accepting/requesting review copies, like right now I’ve only got eight that need to be read, but this is absolutely hilarious and accurate, even for me.

    I also love the whole part about middle grades, haha, because that’s how I am about them too. Sometimes I get so tempted to request them, but I don’t even like them? I mean, I do on rare occasion (actually the ONE I’m thinking of was a 14-year-old protag, so is that even middle-grade?), but I like some romance in my books, so I agree, what is even the point of middle grade? πŸ˜›
    Kristen @ Metaphors and Moonlight recently posted…Book Review: Eerie by C.M. McCoyMy Profile

  7. Alessandra says:

    So many books, so little time… right? πŸ™‚

  8. TBR bouquet, I love it! This is such a relatable post LOL. I think I’m lucky in some ways that I’m not auto-approved for any e-galleys because I think I would go nuts and pick them all too! I used to pick books I was curious about even if they didn’t sound amazing and that really burned me. Too many DNFs and 1 stars, for a reason! Now I only request books I’m dying for, and even less than I used to because my guilt complex is too big hahaha. I feel awful if I let them pile up! But I relate to your thoughts so much: I don’t like the author’s other books, but maybe this one! Ahhhh all my friends hated it, great….

  9. […] A Reader of Fictions tells us about her blogger’s remorse. […]

  10. Lyn Kaye says:

    I have had to REALLY watch my NG binge-fest lately. I am getting some good approvals, so I need to remind myself that books I like are coming, and not to just slap-happy push the button, THINKING I might like this or that book. I really wish NG had a “I Went on a Binge and I Am Sorry” option. πŸ™
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Book Review: Scarlett Epstein Hates It HereMy Profile

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