Cover Snark (174): A Snark to Take the World Apart

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Please note that you should by no means contact the author if you do not like their cover; they likely have ZERO control. Feel free to express opinions in the comments, but please do not @ an author on Twitter because of anything you’ve seen here. Let’s keep it kind.

Um yeah, so Cover Snark has been gone for a while. The covers are going to be old for several weeks, but I’d feel bad just skipping a whole bunch, so I’m rolling with it.

Shiny and New:

1. The Memory Wall – Lev AC Rosen
The Memory Wall - Lev AC Rosen
Thoughts: Prepare yourself for the latest in gaming, the Playstation Nest!

2. Anything You Want – Geoff Herbach
Anything You Want - Geoff Herbach
Thoughts: “Taco’s life was boring. Then he met Maggie.” TACO. TACO. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS?

3. Going Geek – Charlotte Huang
Going Geek - Charlotte Huang
Thoughts: Definitely a better choice than going greek. :-p

4. The Row – J.R. Johansson
The Row - J.R. Johansson
Thoughts: Orange Is the New Black for teens?

5. A Song to Take the World Apart – Zan Romanoff
A Song to Take the World Apart - Zan Romanoff
Thoughts: OH WHERE IS MY HAIRBRUSH?

6. Beyond the Stars – Stacy Wise
Beyond the Stars - Stacy Wise
Thoughts: All I can think of is Rattle the Stars. Just me?

7. Heart in a Box – Catherine Stine
Heart in a Box - Catherine Stine
Thoughts: See, in my head, I’m hearing Nirvana’s Heart-Shaped Box, and the cognitive dissonance is real.

8. I Am Drums – Mike Grosso
I Am Drums - Mike Grosso
Thoughts: ith character names these days, I’m seriously debating if it’s actually about a kid named Drums.

9. Bone War (The Books of Blood and Iron #3) – Steven Harper
Bone War (The Books of Blood and Iron #) - Steven Harper
Thoughts: OO ER

10. When the World Wounds – Kiini Salaam
When the World Wounds - Kiini Salaam
Thoughts: Wolfieeees.

11. Dead to Rites (Mick Oberon #3) – Ari Marmell
Dead to Rites (Mick Oberon #3) - Ari Marmell
Thoughts: Marmell has clearly made proper obeisances to the cover gods, because he has good cover luck.

12. Invasive (Zer0es #2) – Chuck Wendig
Invasive - Chuck Wendig
Thoughts: Nope nope nope.

13. The Obelisk Gate (The Broken Earth #2) – N. K. Jemisin
The Obelisk Gate (The Broken Earth #2) - N. K. Jemisin
Thoughts: *shrug*

14. Little Cat’s Luck – Marion Dane Bauer
Little Cat's Luck - Marion Dane Bauer
Thoughts: MEow LIKE!

15. A Most Magical Girl – Karen Foxlee
A Most Magical Girl - Karen Foxlee
Thoughts: There’s an old fairy tale vibe to this cover.

16. When Friendship Followed Me Home – Paul Griffin
When Friendship Followed Me Home - Paul Griffin
Thoughts: Basically the title alone already has me weeping bc animal friendship.

17. Audacity Jones to the Rescue (Audacity Jones #1) – Kirby Larson
Audacity Jones to the Rescue (Audacity Jones #1) - Kirby Larson
Thoughts: And her cat! Or maybe the cat’s named Audacity? Who even knows with a name like “Audacity.”

18. The Secret Sea – Barry Lyga
The Secret Sea - Barry Lyga
Thoughts: Haaaaa, he’s sticking his hands in the air like the sea is trying to arrest him.

19. Wandmaker – Ed Masessa
Wandmaker - Ed Masessa
Thoughts: I’ll stick with Ollivander, thanks.

20. Radio Girls – Sarah-Jane Stratford
Radio Girls - Sarah-Jane Stratford
Thoughts: “What patriarchy? I can’t seem to hear you because I’m the boss with the microphone.” *gives them the guns*

21. A Taste for Monsters – Matthew J. Kirby
A Taste for Monsters - Matthew J. Kirby
Thoughts: He’s covering his face to hide the drool the smell of monsters induces.

22. The Wheel of Osheim (The Red Queen’s War #3) – Mark Lawrence
The Wheel of Osheim (The Red Queen's War #3) - Mark Lawrence
Thoughts: Is he on a less colorful rainbow road? I would totally lose this level.

23. In the Shadow of the Gods (Bound Gods #1) – Rachel Dunne
In the Shadow of the Gods (Bound Gods #) - Rachel Dunne
Thoughts: Dude, that’s a bitching polar bear cape and some wicked blood spatter.

24. Illicit (Luna Lake #2) – Cathy Clamp
Illicit (Sazi #) - Cathy Clamp
Thoughts: Aside from a bit of fear this is some sort of sexy owl shifter thing, I’m liking this.

25. Red Right Hand (Red Right Hand #1) – Levi Black
Red Right Hand - Levi Black
Thoughts: Sharing for the awesome heroine and not for the ridiculous hand.

26. Divine Descendant (Nikki Glass #4) – Jenna Black
Divine Descendant (Nikki Glass #4) - Jenna Black
Thoughts: And now we’re back to women having to do action scenes in tight leather pants.

27. Kiss Cam – Kiara London
Kiss Cam - Kiara London
Thoughts: This will in no way end with massive drama. I mean, it worked out so well on Dance Academy.

28. Ashes (Seeds of America #3) – Laurie Halse Anderson
Ashes (Seeds of America #3) - Laurie Halse Anderson
Thoughts: What a lovely set of series covers. <2

29. Finding Perfect – Elly Swartz
Finding Perfect - Elly Swartz
Thoughts: Cuteish, though I don’t know if they’ve quite found perfect yet.

30. Mighty Jack – Ben Hatke
Mighty Jack - Ben Hatke
Thoughts: He’s getting beanstalked.

31. Princess DisGrace: A Royal Disaster – Lou Kuenzler
Princess DisGrace A Royal Disaster - Lou Kuenzler
Thoughts: Lol at the unicorn eating her hair.

32. I Almost Died. Again. (My Near-Death Adventures #2) – Alison DeCamp
I Almost Died. Again. (My Near-Death Adventures #2) - Alison DeCamp
Thoughts: HOW ARE ALL THESE IMAGES RELATED? Also the bonnet cat is my fave.

33. The Harp and the Ravenvine (The Keepers #2) – Ted Sanders
The Harp and the Ravenvine (The Keepers #2) - Ted Sanders
Thoughts: That’s the exact same face I make when someone puts a giant bird on my shoulder.

34. Time Travelling with a Hamster – Ross Welford
Time Travelling with a Hamster - Ross Welford
Thoughts: So it’s about a kid who time travels with a hamster and kills their dad???

35. Treasure at Lure Lake – Shari L. Schwarz
Treasure at Lure Lake - Shari L. Schwarz
Thoughts: They’ve capitalized the key words in the tagline. How helpful.

36. Watched – Marina Budhos
Watched - Marina Budhos
Thoughts: Mike Wazowski is watching.

37. Desert Dark – Sonja Stone
Desert Dark - Sonja Stone
Thoughts: Maybe it’s better that it’s dark so she can’t see how far she has to fall.

Cover Battles:

1. The Lost Twin (Scarlet and Ivy) – Sophie Cleverly

The Lost Twin (Scarlet and Ivy) - Sophie Cleverly UK
The Lost Twin (Scarlet and Ivy) - Sophie Cleverly

UK vs. US: These look like they were designed by Disney!

2. A School for Brides (Keeping the Castle #2) – Patrice Kindl

A School for Brides - Patrice Kindl
A School for Brides A Story of Maidens, Mystery, and Matrimony - Patrice Kindl

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Austeny paperback yes yes.

3. The New Guy (And Other Senior Year Distractions) – Amy Spalding

The New Guy and Other Senior Year Distractions - Amy Spalding
The New Guy (And Other Senior Year Distractions) - Amy Spalding

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: He was a skater boy she said see you later boy.

4. How to Disappear – Ann Redisch Stampler

How to Disappear - Ann Redisch Stampler
How to Disappear - Ann Redisch Stampler

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: It’s probably harder to blend in when you’re purple.

5. The Shadow Hour (The Girl at Midnight #2) – Melissa Grey

The Shadow Hour (The Girl at Midnight #2) - Melissa Grey
The Shadow Hour (The Girl at Midnight #2) - Melissa Grey

US vs. Australian: It’s a choice between multiple dragons and one cool tail. Hmmmm.

6. The Imagination Box (The Imagination Box #1) – Martyn Ford

The Imagination Box - Martyn Ford UK
The Imagination Box - Martyn Ford

UK vs. US: Orange you glad the US cover is so much cuter?

7. Five Children on the Western Front – Kate Saunders

Five Children on the Western Front - Kate Saunders UK
Five Children on the Western Front - Kate Saunders

UK vs. US: If the magic will follow them, they should probably just go ahead and leave the western front if they can.

8. My Gym Teacher Is an Alien Overlord (My Brother Is a Superhero #2) – David Solomons

My Gym Teacher Is an Alien Overlord - David Solomons UK
My Gym Teacher Is an Alien Overlord - David Solomons

UK vs. US: I totally could believe this. I mean, I had a gym teacher named Jack Goff. Surely human parents didn’t think that was a good idea.

9. Blood Red, Snow White – Marcus Sedgwick

Blood Red Snow White - Marcus Sedgwick UK hb
Blood Red Snow White - Marcus Sedgwick UK pb
Blood Red Snow White - Marcus Sedgwick german
Blood Red Snow White - Marcus Sedgwick

UK Hardback vs. UK Paperback vs. German vs. US: Wow, the US is coming in late but winning by a landslide imo.

10. The Piper’s Son – Melina Marchetta

The Piper's Son - Melina Marchetta Aus pb
The Piper's Son - Melina Marchetta

Australian Original vs. Australian Redesign: Now with more colour!

11. Under a Painted Sky – Stacey Lee

Under a Painted Sky - Stacey Lee
Under a Painted Sky - Stacey Lee

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Yeah, I can totally see how some rope is more compelling…

12. The Gigantic Giant Goof-up (Buckle and Squash #2) – Sarah Courtauld

Buckle and Squash and the Land of Giants - Sarah Courtauld
The Gigantic Giant Goof-up (Buckle and Squash) - Sarah Courtauld

UK vs. US: Riding to the rescue on her goat steed, as we do in the states.

13. King Dork Approximately (King Dork #2) – Frank Portman

King Dork Approximately - Frank Portman
King Dork Approximately - Frank Portman

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Mildly dorkier? Approximately maybe?

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. A Bear Walks into a Bar – Eden Winters
A Bear Walks into a Bar - Eden Winters
Thoughts: Um.

2. Lies & Diamonds & Bears (Love, Vegas Style #2) – Ethan Stone
Lies & Diamonds & Bears - Ethan Stone
Thoughts: Ho my.

3. The Baer Truth (Blue Hollow Bears #1) – Fiona Steele
The Baer Truth (Blue Hollow Bears #1) - Fiona Steele
Thoughts: *gasps for air between fits of laughter*

4 responses to “Cover Snark (174): A Snark to Take the World Apart”

  1. Joanne Levy says:

    Um, I read #6 as “Beyonce the Stars”. Just me, probably. 🙂
    Joanne Levy recently posted…Book News!My Profile

  2. Hannah says:

    #2 There’s a guy (nick)named Taco in my creative writing course, so I’m not nearly as surprised by this as I probably should be…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge