Cover Snark (170): You Snark Me Well

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. You Know Me Well – Nina LaCour & David Levithan
You Know Me Well - Nina LaCour & David Levithan
Thoughts: I know of your fondness for bridges.

2. Three Wishes (River of Time: California #) – Lisa T. Bergren
Three Wishes (River of Time California #) - Lisa T. Bergren
Thoughts: I wish her novels weren’t Christian because such cover traps.

3. The Truth about Boys (Stolen Kiss #3) – Shana Norris
The Truth about Boys (Stolen Kiss #) - Shana Norris
Thoughts: Truth: boys love romancey things and have so many feelings. Also, I guess they’re into lens flare.

4. One Week (Stolen Kiss #0.5) – Shana Norris
One Week - Shana Norris
Thoughts: It’s been one week since you looked at me Cocked your head to the side and said I’m angry

5. Judged (The Blackhart Legacy #3) – Liz De Jager
Judged - Liz De Jager
Thoughts: Indeed you are being judged rn. Very self-aware of you, cover.

6. Red Witch (Crow Moon #2) – Anna McKerrow
Red Witch - Anna McKerrow
Thoughts: I can’t decide how I feel about this one. I think what I’m struggling with is how the black looks like it’s smudged with finger prints like a photo.

7. How to Hang a Witch – Adriana Mather
How to Hang a Witch - Adriana Mather
Thoughts: With Salem witches as your subject, this is what they do? No me gusta.

8. Ruler of Beasts (Dorothy Must Die #0.6) – Danielle Paige
Ruler of Beasts - Danielle Paige
Thoughts: Damn, I hate how good these covers are.

9. Dig Too Deep – Amy Allgeyer
Dig Too Deep - Amy Allgeyer
Thoughts: Frack.

10. The Reader (Sea of Ink and Gold #1) – Traci Chee
The Reader – Traci Chee
Thoughts: That sounds like a lovely sea. I really like this in theory, but it’s a bit too busy.

11. Warrior Women – Paula Guran, ed
Warrior Women - Paula Guran, ed
Thoughts: HELL. YES.

12. Everfair – Nisi Shawl
Everfair - Nisi Shawl
Thoughts: Unless my eyes deceive me, we’ve got a non-white fantasy here. Do want.

13. The Elfstones of Shannara (The Shannara Chronicles #2) – Terry Brooks
The Elfstones of Shannara (The Shannara Chronicles) - Terry Brooks
Thoughts: Christina, where’s the cover battle? TOO MANY EDITIONS. On this one, he’s asking how much this bling be worth?

14. Never Missing, Never Found – Amanda Panitch
Never Missing, Never Found -Amanda Panitch
Thoughts: Okay the blurb says it’s “about a girl who returned from the missing”. Either the title or the blurb is lying to me.

15. Sex and Death – Sarah Hall & Peter Hobbs
Sex and Death - Sarah Hall, Peter Hobbs
Thoughts: Ooer.

16. The Requiem Red – Brynn Chapman
The Requiem Red - Brynn Chapman
Thoughts: The Requiem Blue?

17. The Skeleth (The Nethergrim Trilogy #2) – Matthew Jobin
The Skeleth (Nethergrim #2) - Matthew Jobin
Thoughts: Well, this doesn’t match.

18. Listen to Me (Fusion #1) – Kristen Proby
Listen to Me (Fusion #1) - Kristen Proby
Thoughts: She doesn’t actually want to listen to his guitar, so she seduces him. He’s actually horrible at the guitar.

19. Gris Grimly’s Tales from the Brothers Grimm – Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Gris Grimly's Tales from the Brothers Grimm - Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Thoughts: I can’t tell what tale this is.

20. School of the Dead – Avi
School of the Dead - Avi
Thoughts: Even death can’t get you out of school? I’d run too, kid.

21. Argos: The Story of Odysseus as Told by His Loyal Dog – Ralph Hardy
Argos The Story of Odysseus as Told by His Loyal Dog - Ralph Hardy
Thoughts: The true test of a man is whether he’s a good pet owner.

22. The Ballad of a Broken Nose – Arne Svingen
The Ballad of a Broken Nose - Arne Svingen
Thoughts: Are there tornadoes going into his ears?

23. The Drake Equation – Bart King
The Drake Equation - Bark King
Thoughts: With patient study, one kid will find out what “hotline bling” means.

24. You Can Fly: The Tuskegee Airmen – Carole Boston Weatherford
You Can Fly - Carole Boston Weatherford
Thoughts: I believe you can fly. I believe you can touch the sky. I think about it every night and day. Start that airplane and fly away.

25. The Seventh Wish – Kate Messner
The Seventh Wish - Kate Messner
Thoughts: Why did this fish wish for emerald eyes?

26. Trouble the Water – Frances O’Roark Dowell
Trouble the Water - Frances O'Roark Dowell
Thoughts: SOMEONE SAVE THAT PUPPY.

27. The Screaming Statue (Curiosity House #2) – Lauren Oliver & H.C. Chester
The Screaming Statue (Curiosity House #2) - Lauren Oliver & H.C. Chester
Thoughts: I like that girl’s balletic pose and give no fucks attitude a lot.

28. The Score (Off-Campus #3) – Elle Kennedy
The Score (Off-Campus #3) - Elle Kennedy
Thoughts: ABSolutely unoriginal.

29. Blood, Ink, & Fire – Ashley Mansour
Blood, Ink, & Fire - Ashley Mansour
Thoughts: This is a pretty good indie cover, but every word in this title goes in the overused pile. I guess I should be glad she’s not the queen of these things.

30. Inflict (Muse #2) – Cora Carmack
Inflict (Muse #2) - Cora Carmack
Thoughts: She looks unconscious and that’s not remotely romantic.

31. Sweet Bliss – Helena Rac
Sweet Bliss - Helena Rac
Thoughts: Okay, standing like that is impossible in heels. Why edit out whatever she’s sitting on? But I do enjoy the sass and the dress.

32. 738 Days – Stacey Kade
738 Days - Stacey Kade
Thoughts: She doesn’t look all that thrilled about her escape.

33. Dark Shadows – Toni Vallan
Dark Shadows - Toni Vallan
Thoughts: Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.

34. The City of Mirrors (The Passage #3) – Justin Cronin
The City of Mirrors ( 33) - Justin Cronin
Thoughts: Where are the mirrors?

35. The Quarter Change – Kiarra M. Taylor
The Quarter Change - Kiarra M. Taylor
Thoughts: She’s a beautiful rainbow.

36. Shadows of the Dark Crystal (Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal #1) – J. M. Lee
Shadows of the Dark Crystal (Jim Henson's The Dark Crystal #1) - J. M. Lee
Thoughts: I’ve never seen The Dark Crystal but based on this it must be grade A nightmare fuel.

37. The Long Game (Fixer #2) – Jennifer Lynn Barnes
The Long Game (Fixer #2) - Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Thoughts: This cover is unfortunate but you can’t make me not want the next Fixer book. Good try, though.

38. Local Girl Swept Away – Ellen Wittlinger
Local Girl Swept Away - Ellen Wittlinger
Thoughts: Cover bores me but title intrigues me.

39. The Season – Jonah Lisa Dyer & Stephen Dyer
The Season - Jonah Lisa Dyer & Stephen Dyer
Thoughts: Anyone else hoping for something reminiscent of She’s the Man?

40. Genius: The Game – Leopoldo Gout
Genius The Game - Leopoldo Gout
Thoughts: Make it bRAIN.

41. Love Charms and Other Catastrophes – Kimberly Karalius
Love Charms and Other Catastrophes - Kimberly Karalius
Thoughts: These covers are the most cute things. Bring on the illustrated YA!

Cover Battles:

1. Inspire (Muse #1) – Cora Carmack

Inspire by Cora Carmack
Inspire (Muse #1) - Cora Carmack

Original vs. Redesign: This is not an improvement, though it does more clearly suggest what the series is about.

2. Uprooted – Naomi Novik

Uprooted - Naomi Novik
Uprooted - Naomi Novik

UK Hardback vs. UK Paperback: OH MY GOD, I LOVE IT. Some of my friends are going to be buying a third edition. :-p

3. Give Up the Ghost – Megan Crewe

Give Up the Ghost - Megan Crewe original
Give Up the Ghost - Megan Crewe

Original vs. Redesign: Okay, that ghost did surprise me. I was not expecting her to be floating up there. And, wow, that’s a serious mood change.

4. The Race – Nina Allan

The Race - Nina Allan original
The Race - Nina Allan

NewCon Press vs. Titan Books: Moon C = A+. Easy win for Titan.

5. An Ember in the Ashes (An Ember in the Ashes #1) – Sabaa Tahir

An Ember in the Ashes - Sabaa Tahir
An Ember in the Ashes - Sabaa Tahir

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Le shrug.

6. Of Beauty and Darkness (Reapers Grimm #1) – Peggy Martinez

Of Beauty and Darkness (Reapers Grimm #) - Peggy Martinez original
Of Beauty and Darkness ( Reapers Grimm #) - Peggy Martinez

Original vs. Redesign: You mean you changed your cover TO Latrine?

7. The Nethergrim (The Nethergrim Trilogy #1) – Matthew Jobin

The Nethergrim (The Nethergrim Trilogy #1) - Matthew Jobin
The Nethergrim (Nethergrim #1) - Matthew Jobin

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: We saw this coming. I’m sort of neutral on this overall but the title font color doesn’t work nearly so well on this background.

8. The Executioner’s Daughter (The Executioner’s Daughter #1) – Jane Hardstaff

The Executioner's Daughter (The Executioner's Daughter #1) - Jane Hardstaff egmont
The Executioner's Daughter (The Executioner's Daughter #1) - Jane Hardstaff

EgmontUSA vs. Lerner: Much more historical-looking.

9. The Golden Specific (The Mapmakers Trilogy #2) – S. E. Grove

The Golden Specific (The Mapmakers Trilogy #2) - S. E. Grove hardback
The Golden Specific (The Mapmakers Trilogy #2) - S. E. Grove

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Big dude, get in the back row where you were supposed to be. Sheesh.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Superi Reclaimed – Clint Thurmon & Christina R. Williams
Superi Reclaimed - Clint Thurmon & Christina R. Williams
Thoughts: Not entirely sure what’s happening here but it shouldn’t be happening.

2. Stargazer (Halos #2) – Sunniva Dee
Stargazer - Sunniva Dee
Thoughts: So many cover tropes done very poorly.

3. Diamond Sky (Love Lines #3) – Diana Nixon
Diamond Sky - Diana Nixon
Thoughts: I feel like this is the kind of cover you would get if you got high, looked at a bunch of Lisa Frank, and rode a carousel.

3 responses to “Cover Snark (170): You Snark Me Well”

  1. Kayla Beck says:

    Ooooh! I’m excited about Shadows of the Dark Crystal! I remember when they had the writing contest for that.
    Kayla Beck recently posted…Blog Tour (Spotlight): Doll Parts by Azzurra Nox @YABoundToursPR @diva_zuraMy Profile

  2. Angie says:

    I kinda super love the You Know Me Well cover. I just need this book ASAP.

    I actually really liked Bergren’s original series despite the Christian aspect but it’s been like six years since I’ve read them so I don’t know how I’d feel about them now because I’m such a different reader. Definitely a cover trap though.

    So much ugly and/or boring covers WHY WORLD WHY

    I actually kinda dig The LOng Game cover. Idk.

    *Tells self I don’t need the paperback of Uprooted too*
    *self laughs hysterically at me*

  3. hahaha I immediately thought Lisa Frank with that last cover.
    Bonnie @ For the Love of Words recently posted…Waiting on Wednesday – The Everything Box: A Novel by Richard KadreyMy Profile

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