Cover Snark (168): Snark Places with Me

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. The Phantom in the Maze – Michael Swanwick
The Phantom in the Maze - Michael Swanwick
Thoughts: She’s not sure she wants to be here but I’m glad she is with her rocking outfit and humongous wolf friend.

2. Patrick Griffin’s Last Breakfast on Earth – Ned Rust
Patrick Griffin's Last Breakfast on Earth - Ned Rust
Thoughts: Next stop: Mars, the red planet, with his trusty elk steed.

3. The Secret Destiny of Pixie Piper – Annabelle Fisher
The Secret Destiny of Pixie Piper - Annabelle Fisher
Thoughts: Her destiny involves a witch, a duck, an egg, and a fox.

4. The Brightest Stars of Summer (Silver Sisters #2) – Leila Howland
The Brightest Stars of Summer (Silver Sisters) - Leila Howland
Thoughts: Seriously what is with all these YA authors moving to middle grade? Why are they all shipping out?

Thoughts: This really looks like the sort of puzzles I used to love to do.

5. Change Places with Me – Lois Metzger
Change Places with Me - Lois Metzger
Thoughts: Thanks for the offer, but I prefer not to be in the midst of thorny roses.

6. Out of My Mind – Lauren Sabel
Out of My Mind - Lauren Sabel
Thoughts: Out of my mind and into my paints.

7. Winning – Lara Deloza
Winning – Lara Deloza
Thoughts: That’s a very healthy attitude. Maturity is evident in the scratched out crown.

8. Finnegan’s Field – Angela Slatter
Finnegan's Field - Angela Slatter
Thoughts: PLAY WITH ME.

9. The Log Goblin – Brian Stavely
The Log Goblin - Brian Stavely
Thoughts: I love log.

10. Two’s Company – Joe Abercrombie
Two's Company - Joe Abercrombie
Thoughts: There’s no fucking room for the patriarchy up in here.

11. Small Wars – Matt Wallace
Small Wars - Matt Wallace
Thoughts: Oooh, manga style. There’s a bit of a Cowboy Bebop feel to this.

12. Tom, Thom – K. M. Ferebee
Tom, Thom - K. M. Ferebee
Thoughts: WOLF TREEEEEEEES.

13. The Last Time We Were Us – Leah Konen
The Last Time We Were Us – Leah Konen
Thoughts: It’s sort of a less cute version of My Life Next Door.

14. We Were Never Here – Jennifer Gilmore
We Were Never Here – Jennifer Gilmore
Thoughts: I’m calling bullshit. I see you here.

15. A Season for Fireflies – Rebecca Maizel
A Season for Fireflies – Rebecca Maizel
Thoughts: Also for lens flare and making out on piers.

16. True Letters from a Fictional Life – Kenneth Logan
True Letters from a Fictional Life – Kenneth Logan
Thoughts: A book for pezants. What a croc.

17. Red Velvet Crush – Christina Meredith
Red Velvet Crush – Christina Meredith
Thoughts: Laziness: A Cover Design Story.

18. The Gallery – Laura Marx Fitzgerald
The Gallery - Laura Marx Fitzgerald
Thoughts: HOLY ADORABLE BATMAN.

19. Call Me, Maybe – Ellie Cahill
Call Me, Maybe - Ellie Cahill
Thoughts: Noooo, a pernicious earworm cover. Also, I see you comforter in the shape of a heart.

20. Scavenger of Souls – Joshua David Bellin
Scavenger of Souls - Joshua David Bellin
Thoughts: Mostly hate all of this, but who cares because look at that badass POC girl. Win just for that.

21. Acne, Asthma and Other Signs You Might Be Half Dragon – Rena Rocford
Acne, Asthma and Other Signs You Might Be Half Dragon - Rena Rocford
Thoughts: No sign of acne around here.

22. The Dark Talent (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians #5) – Brandon Sanderson
The Dark Talent (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians #5) - Brandon Sanderson
Thoughts: I like the person armed with a a teddy bear.

23. One Silver Summer – Rachel Hickman
One Silver Summer - Rachel Hickman
Thoughts: That summer’s looking rather blue. Also like she’s going to fall in love while horseback riding around a castle.

24. Drag Teen – Jeffery Self
Drag Teen - Jeffery Self
Thoughts: That wig is simply fabulous, dahhhhling.

25. When They Fade – Jeyn Roberts
When They Fade - Jeyn Roberts
Thoughts: I’m getting a real Kat Zhang vibe from this cover.

26. Rampage (The Singular Menace #3) – John Sandford & Michele Cook
Rampage (The Singular Menace #3) - John Sandford & Michele Cook
Thoughts: If someone’s a menace to ships, doesn’t that make them a pirate?

27. My Kind of Crazy – Robin Reul
My Kind of Crazy - Robin Reul
Thoughts: I was very startled when I noticed the heads hiding in the grass.

28. The Ministry of SUITs – Paul Gamble
The Ministry of SUITs - Paul Gamble
Thoughts: I can’t decide if the T-rex looks like it wants to eat everyone or if it’s just super excited to be included in the ministry.

29. Goldfish – Nat Luurtsema
Goldfish - Nat Luurtsema
Thoughts: “I love the fishes cause they’re so delicious” is a totally inappropriate first thought for this cover.

30. Less Than Charming – Rebecca A. Demarest
Less Than Charming - Rebecca A. Demarest
Thoughts: “Reading Group Extras Included” = I am super serious business, trust me.

31. The Left-Handed Fate – Kate Milford
The Left-Handed Fate - Kate Milford
Thoughts: I am seariously pleased.

32. Tripping Back Blue – Kara Storti
Tripping Back Blue - Kara Storti
Thoughts: Bad idea bears in a cover.

33. The Little Grumpy Cat That Wouldn’t
The Little Grumpy Cat That Wouldn't
Thoughts: Me: Hey, Grumpy Cat, do you like your cover? GC: That bird is having too much fun. It’s horrible.

34. Supernova – C. A. Higgins
Supernova - C. A. Higgins
Thoughts: Could be more super.

35. Wicked Heart (Starcrossed #3) – Leisa Rayven
Wicked Heart (Starcrossed #3) - Leisa Rayven
Thoughts: What does this butterfly have to do with wicked human hearts?

36. Firstilfe (Everlife #1) – Gena Showalter
Firstilfe (Everlife #1) - Gena Showalter
Thoughts: Reminiscent of the redesigned Crewel, but I like this much better.

37. Under the Lights (The Field Party #2) – Abbi Glines
Under the Lights - Abbi Glines
Thoughts: Orgy on the fifty yard line?

38. The Firefly Code – Megan Frazer Blakemore
The Firefly Code - Megan Frazer Blakemore
Thoughts: They said one if by land and two if by sea, but that’s way more than two! What does that mean?

39. The Crown (The Selection #5) – Kiera Cass
The Crown (The Selection #5) - Kiera Cass
Thoughts: Shouldn’t the covers for the last two have been boys all dolled up and spinning around in front of the mirrors to catch the princess’ eye?

40. Out of Frame (In Focus #3) – Megan Erickson
Out of Frame - Megan Erickson
Thoughts: This guy’s looking all relaxed but obviously he was just engaged in a splash war with the photographer since there’s water all over the lens.

41. The Decent Proposal – Kemper Donovan
The Decent Proposal - Kemper Donovan
Thoughts: Austensibly adorable.

42. Will You Won’t You Want Me? – Nora Zelevansky
Will You Won't You Want Me - Nora Zelevansky
Thoughts: Rowelly colors but not quite as magical.

43. Every Single Second – Tricia Springstubb
Every Single Second - Tricia Springstubb
Thoughts: This really looks like the sort of puzzles I used to love to do.

Cover Battles:

1. Storm (Elemental #1) – Brigid Kemmerer

Storm (Elemental #1) - Brigid Kemmerer original
Storm (Elemental Series #1) - Brigid Kemmerer

US Original vs. US Redesign: *grimaces* They actually managed to make it worse.

2. Spark (Elemental #2) – Brigid Kemmerer

Spark - Brigid Kemmerer original
Spark - Brigid Kemmerer

US Original vs. US Redesign: It’s funny. I really thought that this series could use a redesign but now I’m questioning that.

3. Spirit (Elemental #3) – Brigid Kemmerer

Spirit (Elemental #3) - Brigid Kemmerer
Spirit (Elemental #3) - Brigid Kemmerer redesign

US Original vs. US Redesign: Blergh. Well, I cannot take the blond guy’s hair seriously, so I guess I will take the Shiri Appleby lookalike hugging cover.

4. Secret (Elemental #4) – Brigid Kemmerer

Secret (Elemental #4) - Brigid Kemmerer original
Secret (Elemental #4) - Brigid Kemmerer

US Original vs. US Redesign: Okay redesign, you win this round because eye candy.

5. Sacrifice (Elemental #5) – Brigid Kemmerer

Sacrifice - Brigid Kemmerer US
Sacrifice (Elemental #5) - Brigid Kemmerer

US Original vs. US Redesign: It’s cheesy certainly but I think this might be my favorite of the redesigns. And that original, well.

6. Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians #1) – Brandon Sanderson

Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians #1) - Brandon Sanderson h
Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians - Brandon Sanderson
Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians #1) - Brandon Sanderson

Scholastic Hardback vs. Scholastic Paperback vs Skyscape: Not loving this new art style. I think I’d go for the paperback, which just happens to be the edition I own and also looks the most YA. The hardback looks like it wants to be HP so bad.

7. Heartless – Leah Rhyne

Jo - Leah Rhyne
Heartless - Leah Rhyne

Original vs. Redesign: Holy shit that original cover is upsetting. *gets out brain bleach* The new one’s a less appealing version of that copyright-violating Inventor’s Secret version, but waaaay better.

8. The Lie Tree – Frances Hardinge

The Lie Tree - Frances Hardinge UK
The Lie Tree - Frances Hardinge

UK vs. US: The UK has much more appeal; the US has much more apple.

9. Autumn’s Kiss (Autumn Falls #2) – Bella Thorne

Autumn's Kiss (Autumn Falls #2) - Bella Thorne hb
Autumn's Kiss (Autumn Falls #2) - Bella Thorne

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Oh look, a mostly pointless redesign blue into town.

10. Fallout (Lois Lane #1) – Gwenda Bond

Fallout (Lois Lane #1) - Gwenda Bond hardback
Fallout (Lois Lane #1) - Gwenda Bond

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: I like this one too, but I think I prefer the hardcover tbh.

11. Even When You Lie to Me – Jessica Alcott

Even When You Lie to Me - Jessica Alcott
Even When You Lie to Me - Jessica Alcott

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Well, this does very effectively convey that it’s about teacher/student relationships.

12. The Forbidden Wish – Jessica Khoury

The Forbidden Wish - Jessica Khoury
The Forbidden Wish - Jessica Khoury

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Glad the dots are gone, but neither’s quite what I’d hoped for.

13. Thanks for the Trouble – Tommy Wallach

Thanks for the Trouble - Tommy Wallach
Thanks for the Trouble - Tommy Wallach

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Thanks for the MPDG cover.

14. My Ex from Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #1) – Tellulah Darling

My Ex from Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #1) - Tellulah Darling original
My Ex from Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #1) - Tellulah Darling

Original vs. Redesign: You can definitely feel the tension between these two. Their faces. I mean.

15. My Date from Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #2) – Tellulah Darling

My Date from Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #2) - Tellulah Darling original
My Date from Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #2) - Tellulah Darling

Original vs. Redesign: I actually much prefer the original design.

16. My Life from Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #3) – Tellulah Darling

My Life from Hell - Tellulah Darling
My Life from Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #3) - Tellulah Darling

Original vs. Redesign: Can we talk about how blooming goddess sounds like a lady garden metaphor?

17. Panic – Lauren Oliver

Panic by Lauren Oliver
Panic - Lauren Oliver German
Panic - Lauren Oliver French
Panic - Lauren Oliver

US vs. German vs. French vs. Italian: Bless Germany and Italy for doing using the intense stunts to make a cover that is more than just a girl.

18. The Girl from Everywhere (The Girl from Everywhere #1) – Heidi Heilig

The Girl from Everywhere - Heidi Heilig
The Girl from Everywhere - Heidi Heilig

US vs. UK: Welp, if I want to buy this book, I’m paying extra to get the UK copy.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Priestess (Nightstar #1) – Amber Argyle
Priestess (Nightstar #1) - Amber Argyle
Thoughts: Amber Argyle usually has some of the best self-pub covers but THAT EXPRESSION. I can’t.

2. Unicorn Tracks – Julia Ember
Unicorn Tracks - Julia Ember
Thoughts: You know I want to love anything with a unicorn on it but I mean this one has three legs.

3. Redeemed (Hymns of the West Novellas #3) – Faith Blum
Redeemed - Faith Blum
Thoughts: It cannot be redeemed.

5 responses to “Cover Snark (168): Snark Places with Me”

  1. Jessica says:

    I’ve been a fan of the Elementals series for a while now, but I had them on my kindle, so I couldn’t really see the covers well (they were small and didn’t have color). Around the time I was reading Spirit last year, I had a student teacher for gym, and all the girls in my class were all excited because he was young and cute and had a Russian accent. After he left to go back to college or whatever, one of my friends told me that her friend searched his name and found out he modeled in stock photos and stuff, and she showed me his talent page, which had tons of hilariously random photos. I scrolled down further and found a bunch of pictures that looked verrrry familiar. As it turns out, my student gym teacher was the guy on the cover of Spirit and I had no idea the whole time I was reading it and coming to class each day. And now every time I see the cover (even the black and white version on my kindle), I have junior year flashbacks. I just thought I would share that story. 🙂 I love your blog!

  2. MJ says:

    1) I really like but it is a bit out there and sort of jumbled. Still though, the art work is very pretty.

    5) Whenever I see roses I always think Beauty and the Beast retellings even if the book isn’t one.

    13) The title makes me think one of the characters is going to have amnesia. But more than likely I’m guessing it will be a break up story-based on the title.

    17) With red velvet in the title I immediately think of cake.

    19) That song….

    33) Probably the most inappropriate children’s book ever.

    39) That. Dress. Why does this series have to suck?
    MJ recently posted…If America was Still Part of the Kingdom Whose Sun Never Sets: Rebel Mechanics by Shanna SwendsonMy Profile

  3. The UK cover from The girl from everywhere is gorgeous!
    I’m almost ashamed that I have to admit I added The Gallery to Goodreads for the cover.
    I am really confused about the title and blurb from Acne, Asthma, and Other Signs You Might Be Half Dragon.
    The left-handed fate, another really pretty design.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 245. Victoria Schwab – The Archived + The unbound.My Profile

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