Cover Snark (163): The Voyage to the Magical Snark

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Breaker – Kat Ellis
Breaker - Kat Ellis
Thoughts: OWL NEVER LET YOU LOOK AWAY.

2. The Leaving – Tara Altebrando
The Leaving - Tara Altebrando
Thoughts: Not only did they steal children but they broke a swing. RUDE.

3. Summer of Supernovas – Darcy Woods
Summer of Supernovas - Darcy Woods
Thoughts: The adorable fluffiness of the cover makes me interested and the tagline sends me bolting in the other direction.

4. Escaping Peril (Wings of Fire #8) – Tui T. Sutherland
Escaping Peril (Wings of Fire #8) - Tui T. Sutherland
Thoughts: This dragon looks adorably scheming.

5. Fridays with the Wizards (Castle Glower #4) – Jessica Day George
Fridays with the Wizards (Castle Glower #4) - Jessica Day George
Thoughts: Adorbs. Particularly love her griffin friend.

6. A Dragon’s Guide to Making Your Human Smarter – Laurence Yep & Joanne Ryder
A Dragon's Guide to Making Your Human Smarter - Laurence Yep & Joanne Ryder
Thoughts: Lol, I like how the dragon is doing a fistpump of success.

7. Fall of the Dragons – James A. Owen
Fall of the Dragons - James A. Owen
Thoughts: I hate when things drag on, but I love dragon, even when oddly patterned.

8. Finders Reapers (Switched at First Kiss #2) – Anna Staniszewski
Finders Reapers (Switched at First Kiss #2) - Anna Staniszewski
Thoughts: Did I do thaaaaat?

9. The Lost – William Joyce
The Lost - William Joyce
Thoughts: Snarkiness

10. Skating with the Statue of Liberty – Susan Lynn Meyer
Skating with the Statue of Liberty - Susan Lynn Meyer
Thoughts: Whippersnappers!

11. Scar: A Revolutionary War Tale – J. Albert Mann
Scar A Revolutionary War Tale - J. Albert Mann
Thoughts: IDIOTS! There will be a king!

12. Avenging the Owl – Melissa Hart
Avenging the Owl - Melissa Hart
Thoughts: Looks like the owl’s handling the avenging just fine on its own.

13. Doreen – Ilana Manaster
Doreen - Ilana Manaster
Thoughts: In the super blown up version of this cover, you can see that there’s a shadowy person reflected in her eye. Also, google tells me that this woman’s stock photo is popular with beauty salons.

14. The Voyage to Magical North – Claire Fayers
The Voyage to Magical North - Claire Fayers
Thoughts: By magical, they clearly mean beset by magically gigantic monsters.

15. Invasion England (Battlesaurus #2) – Brian Falkner
Invasion England (Battlesaurus #2) - Brian Falkner
Thoughts: They’re going to come out on triceratop.

16. Without Annette – Jane B. Mason
Without Annette - Jane B. Mason
Thoughts: I am getting a definite f/f vibe from this cover. It better not be lying to me.

17. The Haters – Jesse Andrews
The Haters - Jesse Andrews
Thoughts: Poor sad headphones.

18. Lord Dashwood Missed Out (Spindle Cove #4.5) – Tessa Dare
Lord Dashwood Missed Out (Spindle Cove) - Tessa Dare
Thoughts: Looks like she dashed to his wood amirite.

19. The Demonists (Demonist #1) – Thomas E. Sniegoski
The Demonists - Thomas E. Sniegoski
Thoughts: Dat art.

20. Infinite Risk (Immortal Game #3) – Ann Aguirre
Infinite Risk (Immortal Game #3) - Ann Aguirre
Thoughts: It looks like she has hair on her forehead.

21. Steeplejack (Alternative Detective #1) – A. J. Hartley
Steeplejack (Alternative Detective) - A. J. Hartley
Thoughts: Badass lady being badass. Hell to the yes. Though I would murder anyone who tried to make me climb that ladder because holy shit phobia fodder.

22. The Sleeping Prince (The Sin Eater’s Daughter #2) – Melinda Salisbury
The Sleeping Prince (The Sin Eater’s Daughter #2) - Melinda Salisbury
Thoughts: Itty bitty living space.

23. The Rose and the Dagger (The Wrath and the Dawn #2) – Renee Ahdieh
The Rose and the Dagger (The Wrath and the Dawn #2) - Renee Ahdieh
Thoughts: The blue seems oddly perky considering the story but HEY SHAHRZAD HEYYYYY.

24. Seven Black Diamonds – Melissa Marr
Seven Black Diamonds - Melissa Marr
Thoughts: Now what did that flower ever do to you? Also, WHY IS THAT FLOWER BLEEDING RED PAINT?

25. The Well of Prayers (The Temple of Doubt #2) – Anne Boles Levy
The Well of Prayers - Anne Boles Levy
Thoughts: Maybe if they put water in their wells, they would have plants aside from cacti.

26. Exile for Dreamers (Stranje House #2) – Kathleen Baldwin
Exile for Dreamers (Stranje House #2) - Kathleen Baldwin
Thoughts: An estate and a girl in a lovely dress? YES PLEASE.

27. Four Roads Cross (Craft Sequence #5) – Max Gladstone
Four Roads Cross (Craft Sequence #5) - Max Gladstone
Thoughts: Another badass lady. Also, I’m guessing someone was just turned into a gargoyle because he’s looking at his gargoyle claw like WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ME?

28. Ghost Talkers – Mary Robinette Kowal
Ghost Talkers - Mary Robinette Kowal
Thoughts: Looks like she just murdered him and is now absorbing his energy, and it feels damn good obvs.

29. Icon (Persona #2) – Genevieve Valentine
Icon (Persona #2) - Genevieve Valentine
Thoughts: Don’t know what that is (guessing something gross and biological), but damn it’s pretty.

30. Dragonfly – Lana Sky
Dragonfly - Lana Sky
Thoughts: Included for the pretty art (though I think that’s a butterfly not a dragonfly *coughs*) and DEM ABS.

31. If I Was Your Girl – Meredith Russo
If I Was Your Girl - Meredith Russo
Thoughts: She doesn’t look very thrilled by the prospect tbh.

32. Summer Days and Summer Nights: Twelve Love Stories – Stephanie Perkins, ed.
Summer Days and Summer Nights Twelve Love Stories - Stephanie Perkins
Thoughts: Yessss, it’s in the style of the Christmas one. Super cute.

33. The Unexpected Everything – Morgan Matson
The Unexpected Everything - Morgan Matson
Thoughts: PUPPIESSSSSSSS! I WANT TO HUG THAT SAMOYED.

34. Dirty Deeds (Mechanics of Love #3) – Megan Erickson
Dirty Deeds (Mechanics of Love #3) - Megan Erickson
Thoughts: These mechanics will change your oil, if you know what I mean.

35. Poisoned Blade (Court of Fives #2) – Kate Elliott
Poisoned Blade (Court of Fives #2) - Kate Elliott
Thoughts: Tolerable, I suppose.

36. Marked (Tracked #2) – Jenny Martin
Marked - Jenny Martin
Thoughts: This shield is on FIYAHHHH.

37. Cure for the Common Universe – Christian McKay Heidicker
Cure for the Common Universe - Christian McKay Heidicker
Thoughts: Excellent title game, even if I do find this font painful to look upon.

38. Time Stoppers – Carrie Jones
Time Stoppers - Carrie Jones
Thoughts: In case skiing wasn’t scary enough already, add flight and a giant bird chasing you.

39. The Language of Stars – Louise Hawes
The Language of Stars - Louise Hawes
Thoughts: Looks like they communicate in books with star symbols, swoopies, and feathers. Not what I would have predicted.

40. Savage – Thomas E. Sniegoski
Savage - Thomas E. Sniegoski
Thoughts: Either he must dive into the crashing waves or be torn apart by ravenous seagulls.

41. Road Trip Summer: Two-way Street / Right of Way – Lauren Barnholdt
Road Trip Summer Two-way Street Right of Way - Lauren Barnholdt
Thoughts: Everything’s lovely but I don’t think they’re meant to be driving there.

42. Gemini – Sonya Mukherjee
Gemini - Sonya Mukherjee
Thoughts: Are those cells? Idk. I like the font? That’s what I have to say about this.

43. The Fall Up – Aly Martinez
The Fall Up - Aly Martinez
Thoughts: Okay, that is cool. I’m not usually a huge fan of the flip, but with the taillights blurring, it looks like a roller coaster to the clouds and dude.

44. Masquerade (Micah Grey #3) – Laura Lam
Masquerade (Micah Grey #3) - Laura Lam
Thoughts: I’m about to raid someone’s closet for this mask.

45. The Jock and the Fat Chick – Nicole Winters
The Jock and the Fat Chick - Nicole Winters
Thoughts: The jockey stick for the J is super cute. The bubble letters for the FAT have been done before. I dunno. I think it’s going to depend on how the book goes how I feel about this.

46. A Criminal Magic – Lee Kelly
A Criminal Magic - Lee Kelly
Thoughts: It’s probably because of the martini glass, but I really don’t think this looks like YA.

47. Relic – Gretchen McNeil
Relic - Gretchen McNeil
Thoughts: Are we in the sewers???

48. Booked – Kwame Alexander
Booked - Kwame Alexander
Thoughts: Soccered. Footballed?

49. Xander and the Lost Island of Monsters (Momotaro #1) – Margaret Dilloway
Xander and the Lost Island of Monsters (Momotaro #1) - Margaret Dilloway
Thoughts: I’m with that girl, nope nope noping out of there as fast as possible.

Cover Battles:

1. Walk the Edge (Thunder Road #2) – Katie McGarry

Walk the Edge (Thunder Road, #2) - Katie McGarry
Walk the Edge (Thunder Road #2) - Katie McGarry

US vs. UK: Doesn’t really look like she’s on the edge of anything, except maybe his penis lbr.

2. Underwater – Marisa Reichardt

Underwater - Marisa Reichardt
Underwater - Marisa Reichardt

US vs. UK: Like if bees are attacking? Yeah, under water is the safest place to be. Though she needs to get her head under pronto. And I dunno an underwater couch might be more comfortable.

3. Catch You Later, Traitor – Avi

Catch You Later, Traitor - Avi hb
Catch You Later, Traitor - Avi

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Well, that was NEEDED. That hardcover is hideous my god.

4. Nexis (Tricksters #1) – A.L. Davroe

Nexis - A.L. Davroe
Nexis (Tricksters) - A.L. Davroe

Take 1 vs. Take 2: It’s a variation on a theme obviously. I don’t know. I maybe like the girl better in the first and the city in the second? Whatever.

5. Queen of Hearts (Queen of Hearts Saga #1) – Colleen Oakes

Queen of Hearts - Collen Oakes Spark Press
Queen of Hearts - Collen Oakes

Spark Press vs. Harper: I cannot believe my eyes how the world’s filled with filth and lies. But it’s plain to see: evil inside of me is on the rise!

6. Bands of Mourning (Mistborn #6) – Brandon Sanderson

Bands of Mourning (Mistborn) - Brandon Sanderson
Bands of Mourning (Mistborn #6) - Brandon Sanderson

US vs. UK: The conductor stands ready to direct his band in the most depressing dirge ever.

7. False Hearts – Laura Lam

False Hearts - Laura Lam UK
False Hearts - Laura Lam US

UK vs. US: The UK would be cooler if Emmy & Oliver hadn’t already done the fingerprint heart thing. The US cover, however, has me wondering if conjoined twins could possibly survive to their teen years if they were attached like that.

8. Suicide Notes from Beautiful Girls – Lynn Weingarten

Suicide Notes from Beautiful Girls - Lynn Weingarten
Suicide Notes from Beautiful Girls - Lynn Weingarten

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: A bit reminiscent of Fault Line. Sort of a lateral move from the matches imo.

9. Hollywood Witch Hunter – Valerie Tejeda

Hollywood Witch Hunter - Valerie Tejeda
Hollywood Witch Hunter - Valerie Tejeda

Original vs. Redesign: Looks like they redesigned. I do like it better because that font, but the girl in the sword is a bit odd.

10. Pantomime (Micah Grey #1) – Laura Lam

Pantomime (Micah Grey #1) - Laura Lam Strange Chemistry
Pantomime (Micah Grey #1) - Laura Lam

Strange Chemistry vs. Tor: Well, now I’m sad I bought the Strange Chemistry covers because THIS IS SO PRETTY.

11. Shadowplay (Micah Grey #2) – Laura Lam

Shadow Play (Pantomime #2) - Laura Lam
Shadowplay (Micah Grey #2) - Laura Lam

Strange Chemistry vs. Tor: Though I don’t like this one quite as much as the Pantomime redesign, I think the texture will probably be beautiful in person.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Faerie – Eisha Marjara
Faerie - Eisha Marjara
Thoughts: Tbh, this shot looks like one of those truly epic ANTM photo shoot fails.

2. Breeze (Southern Rock Lyrics Series #1) – Ashley Hampton
Breeze (Southern Rock Lyrics Series #1) - Ashley Hampton
Thoughts: Proof that cover design is not a breeze.

3. Bent Arrow – Posy Roberts
Bent Arrow - Posy Roberts
Thoughts: This model must be so grateful his face isn’t on the cover about a dude with a bent penis.

4 responses to “Cover Snark (163): The Voyage to the Magical Snark”

  1. 1. That is one intense owl o_O

    There are a lot of dragons this week!

    8. HAHA oh Urkel.
    11. But you said…
    I WILL BE KING. STICK WITH ME AND YOU’LL NEVER GO HUNGRY AGAAAIN. (I like this cover, it’s striking.)
    14. Love the muted, magical colors but that eyeball. Yeesh.
    15. hahahaha oh my god this is amazingly ridiculous.
    22. Love this but I prefer the US cover only because I like the font so much more. The little botle girl looks like Anna Kendrick btw.
    23. So gorgeous. I think the blue makes it pop!
    32. Super cute, I love that it matches the Christmas book.
    33. At first this was too BUSY and BRIGHT to me but it’s growing on me! And the puppies!!!
    39. Wow that’s gorgeous.
    40. Looks like my nightmare. Can’t do angry oceans.

    4. Yes, total agreement. The girl’s pose in the new version is awkward but the city is much better.

  2. Hannah says:

    – Ha I remember seeing on Twitter that even Ann Aguirre was unhappy with the covers for that series. Shame. :/

    – I’m just really glad to see Laura Lam’s series getting more love. It’s a great diverse read, and I’m happy she has a chance to finally release the third book.

    – I didn’t even know Stephanie Perkins was doing another anthology. YAY!
    Hannah recently posted…Review: Cam Girl – Leah RaederMy Profile

  3. 1. The red dot in his eye is really distracting.
    5. Imagine having a griffin as friend, that would be so cool.
    23. I love it 🙂
    29. I’m also not really sure what it is, but I approve.
    44. I love the mask, but I’m not a fan of the positioning of the texts.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 242. Rae Carson – Walk on earth a stranger.My Profile

  4. I can’t tell you how happy you’ve made me using a quote from Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog for the two dueling covers of Queen of Hearts. It’s like my wildest dreams have all come true, with the exception of Captain Hammer showing up. It’ll happen.
    Colleen Oakes recently posted…The Elly in Love PlaylistMy Profile

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