Cover Snark (162): Learning to Snark in America

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Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. The Remarkable Journey of Charlie Price – Jennifer Maschari
The Remarkable Journey of Charlie Price - Jennifer Maschari
Thoughts: Dog’s like “you have so many balloons and I can’t have ONE?”

2. The Last Monster – Ginger Garrett
The Last Monster - Ginger Garrett
Thoughts: How can any of them be the last monster when there’s more than one of them?

3. This Is the Story of You – Beth Kephart
This Is the Story of You - Beth Kephart
Thoughts: You traveled to many oceans.

4. Just My Luck – Cammie McGovern
Just My Luck - Cammie McGovern
Thoughts: Yikes, bikes.

5. Red: The True Story of Red Riding Hood – Liesl Shurtliff
Red The True Story of Red Riding Hood - Liesl Shurtliff
Thoughts: I love the sneaky wolf up at the top and that Red looks ready to murder some wolves.

6. Sweet Home Alaska – Carole Estby Dagg
Sweet Home Alaska - Carole Estby Dagg
Thoughts: Sweet home Alaska where the skies are so blue Sweet Home Alaska Lord I’m holding a pumpkin in you.

7. Mutt’s Promise – Julie Salamon
Mutt's Promise - Julie Salamon
Thoughts: So cute but obvs dog promises would be like “I promise to let you sniff my butt for as long as you want.”

8. It Ain’t So Awful, Falafel – Firoozeh Dumas
It Ain't So Awful, Falafel - Firoozeh Dumas
Thoughts: That rodent’s totally shrugging, like yeah man I don’t know why I’m here either.

9. The Door by the Staircase – Katherine Marsh
The Door by the Staircase - Katherine Marsh
Thoughts: I double cat dare you.

10. A Week Without Tuesday (Tuesday McGillycuddy #2) – Angelica Banks
A Week Without Tuesday - Angelica Banks
Thoughts: Oooh, one less workday. I’m down for this.

11. Blue in the Face: A Story of Risk, Rhyme, and Rebellion – Gerry Swallow
Blue in the Face A Story of Risk, Rhyme, and Rebellion - Gerry Swallow
Thoughts: Owl’s gonna punch whoever forced him to be on this cover. Looks like he thinks it was that blind mouse in the air.

12. Well of Witches (The Thickety #3) – J.A. Witches
Well of Witches (The Thickety) - J.A. Witches
Thoughts: Why do the witches all want to go in a well???

13. Ticket to India – N. H. Senzai
Ticket to India - N. H. Senzai
Thoughts: The golden ticket now takes you to India.

14. 26 Kisses – Anna Michels
26 Kisses - Anna Michels
Thoughts: I guess that’s one way to learn the alphabet?

15. Consider (HoloSeries #1) – Kristy Acevedo
Consider - Kristy Acevedo
Thoughts: Is she a Slider?

16. This Song Is (Not) for You – Laura Nowlin
This Song Is Not for You - Laura Nowlin
Thoughts: You’re so vain. I bet you think this song is about you.

17. The Transatlantic Conspiracy – G.D. Falksen
The Transatlantic Conspiracy - G.D. Falksen
Thoughts: Octopus dares you to try climbing those steps.

18. Saving Wonder – Mary Knight
Saving Wonder - Mary Knight
Thoughts: Oh deer.

19. Either the Beginning or the End of the World – Terry Farish
Either the Beginning or the End of the World - Terry Farish
Thoughts: This seems like an important distinction to nail down.

20. The Inn Between – Marina Cohen
The Inn Between - Marina Cohen
Thoughts: Let them hotell you a pun.

21. Far From Fair – Elana K. Arnold
Far From Fair - Elana K. Arnold
Thoughts: Fair as fuck tbh.

22. Some Kind of Courage – Dan Gemeinhart
Some Kind of Courage - Dan Gemeinhart
Thoughts: Hilarious because that’s totally how you’re supposed to see stuff in constellations, like, yeah, sure that’s a horse if you connect three stars there and two there and four there.

23. The Terrible Two Gets Worse (The Terrible Two #2) – Jory John & Mac Barnett
The Terrible Two Gets Worse - Jory John & Mac Barnett
Thoughts: They definitely need to get Jon Lovitz if they ever make a movie.

24. The Tiara on the Terrace (Young and Yang #1) – Kristen Kittscher
The Tiara on the Terrace - Kristen Kittscher
Thoughts: And this is what happens if you leave your tiara in an unsafe place like a terrace: middle graders break in for the shiny.

25. Fortune Falls – Jenny Goebel
Fortune Falls - Jenny Goebel
Thoughts: Toothless the cat does not appreciate your blaming your bad luck on him.

26. The Turn of the Tide – Rosanne Parry
The Turn of the Tide - Rosanne Parry
Thoughts: She is so thrilled to be sailing with the cute boy. Just look at that grin.

27. Josh Baxter Levels Up – Gavin Brown
Josh Baxter Levels Up - Gavin Brown
Thoughts: Things ended well for Scott Pilgrim, he thought, marching nerdily through school.

28. The Journey Home (Wilder Boys #2) – Brandon Wallace
The Journey Home (Wilder Boys #2) - Brandon Wallace
Thoughts: The trees make upsidedown trees of mountain and sky because of how this was illustrated, which trololol.

29. The Circle of Lies (Hunters of Chaos #2) – Crystal Velasquez
The Circle of Lies (Hunters of Chaos #2) - Crystal Velasquez
Thoughts: They’re playing with the big boys now.

30. The Adventures of Lettie Peppercorn – Sam Gayton
The Adventures of Lettie Peppercorn - Sam Gayton
Thoughts: Now that’s a perfect name for a heroine in a historicalish novel.

31. Sara, Lost and Found – Virginia Castleman
Sara Lost and Found - Virginia Castleman
Thoughts: Sara Upside-down

32. Donny’s Inferno – P.W. Catanese
Donny's Inferno - P.W. Catanese
Thoughts: Did Donny do that?

33. Secrets of Bearhaven (Bearhaven #1) – K.E. Rocha
Secrets of Bearhaven - K.E. Rocha
Thoughts: I can’t bear it.

34. The Secrets of Valhalla – Jasmine Richards
The Secrets of Valhalla - Jasmine Richards
Thoughts: What the middle graders didn’t know was that the Norse gods find plaid deeply offensive.

35. We Built This City (The 8th Continent #4) – Matt London
We Built This City (The 8th Continent) - Matt London
Thoughts: OCTOPUS ATTACKING, SWIM DOWN THE RIVER, DON’T YOU STOP SWIMMING WE BUILT THIS CITY ON ROCK AND ROLL (but we should have built it on octopus repellant).

36. OCDaniel – Wesley Kingc
OCDaniel - Wesley King
Thoughts: I’ve got some snark on the q-tip of my tongue.

37. How Not to Disappear – Clare Furniss
How Not to Disappear - Clare Furniss
Thoughts: By having a fabulous wardrobe obviously. Hey girl, can I go shopping with you?

38. Oblivion (Lux #1.5) – Jennifer Armentrout
Oblivion - Jennifer Armentrout
Thoughts: Ugh tagline. Dat beard doe.

39. True Born (True Born Trilogy #1) – L.E. Sterling
True Born (True Born Trilogy #1) - L.E. Sterling
Thoughts: Looks like it true died too.

40. Masks and Shadows – Stephanie Burgis
Masks and Shadows - Stephanie Burgis
Thoughts: Goddammit, I told you NO SMOKING IN THE MASK.

41. The Curse of Tenth Grave (Charley Davidson #10) – Darynda Jones
The Curse of Tenth Grave (Charley Davidson #) - Darynda Jones
Thoughts: Curses are always better with prosecco.

42. Tomorrow’s Lies (Promises #1) – S.R. Grey
Tomorrow's Lies (Promises #1) - S.R. Grey
Thoughts: I can still believe in how awesome her wardrobe is.

43. The Road That Leads To Us (Us #1) – Micalea Smeltzer
The Road That Leads To Us (Us #1) - Micalea Smeltzer
Thoughts: Does the road involve some love triangles perhaps?

44. Baking & Babies (Chocoholics #3) – Tara Sivec
Baking & Babies - Tara Sivec
Thoughts: Oh my god is he cooking a baby right now???

45. The Memory Book – Lara Avery
The Memory Book - Lara Avery
Thoughts: Heyyyyy coat.

46. Yellow Brick War (Dorothy Must Die #3) – Danielle Paige
Yellow Brick War (Dorothy Must Die #) - Danielle Paige
Thoughts: Another brickin’ Dorothy Must Die book.

47. Unidentified Suburban Object – Mike Jung
Unidentified Suburban Object - Mike Jung
Thoughts: “NOT THE SUBURBS. I AM A CITY FISH HOW DARE.”

48. Keep Me in Mind – Jaime Reed
Keep Me In Mind - Jaime Reed
Thoughts: Interracial romance! I do not love the way they’ve got the same picture on here five times but whatever.

49. Learning to Swear in America – Katie Kennedy
Learning to Swear in America - Katie Kennedy
Thoughts: I’m fucking in love with this badass shit.

50. The Loose Ends List – Carrie Firestone
The Loose Ends List - Carrie Firestone
Thoughts: Anchors work better when they’re not loose ends.

Cover Battles:

1. The Extincts – Veronica Cossanteli

The Extincts - Veronica Cossanteli UK
The Extincts - Veronica Cossanteli  German
The Extincts - Veronica Cossanteli

UK vs. German vs. US: I cannot get over how unfortunate the other covers are. But it’s okay, because there’s a pretty cover now.

2. Every Exquisite Thing – Matthew Quick

Every Exquisite Thing - Matthew Quick UK
Every Exquisite Thing - Matthew Quick

UK vs. US: Adorable cover with upsidedown turtle or page that looks like it was ripped out of a teen’s notebook? I know what I’m choosing.

3. Ink and Bone (The Great Library #1) – Rachel Caine

Ink and Bone - Rachel Caine
Ink and Bone (Novels of the Great Library Series) - Rachel Caine

US vs. Australian: While I love the Australian cover in theory, the book in the wings just looks so incredibly photoshopped.

4. Withering-by-Sea – Judith Rossell

Withering-by-Sea - Judith Rossell Australian
Withering by Sea - Judith Rossell

Australian vs. US: If they’re withering, some seabathing must not have set them up forever.

5. Wild Crush (Wild Cards #2) – Simone Elkeles

Wild Crush (Wild Cards #2) - Simone Elkeles
Wild Crush (Wild Cards #2) - Simone Elkeles German
Wild Crush (Wild Cards #2) - Simone Elkeles French

US vs. German vs. French: Welp. I guess it’s the US one then, if these are my choices. I’m not wild about it though.

6. Get in Trouble: Stories – Kelly Link

Get in Trouble - Kelly Link
Get in Trouble Stories - Kelly Link

US Hardback vs. US Paperbacks: *applauds* I’m always so pleased to see books get redesigned to actually look better. I don’t love the font, but otherwise this is pretty cute and the fact that the picture’s flipped adds eerieness.

7. Crow Mountain – Lucy Inglis

Crow Mountain - Lucy Inglis Hardback
Crow Mountain - Lucy Inglis

Black Horse vs. Red Background: TBH, I can’t figure out where these covers go because Chicken House is in multiple countries; if you know, let me know and I’ll edit. Anyway, I am completely in love with the cover on the left.

8. Paper and Fire (The Great Library #2) – Rachel Caine

Paper and Fire (The Great Library #2) - Rachel Caine US
Paper and Fire (The Great Library #2) - Rachel Caine UK

US vs. UK: No to paper combining with fire in a library but yes to dragons. Sorry crow.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Fame and Fortune (All Cocks Stories #2) – TM Smith
Fame and Fortune - TM Smith
Thoughts: BRB will be laughing at AN ALL COCKS STORY for a while.

2. Lone Wolf and His Cool Cat (Pariah Pack #2) – Susan Laine
Lone Wolf and His Cool Cat (Pariah Pack #2) - Susan Laine
Thoughts: That cat is so not here for this.

3. Sinders and Ash (The Pennymaker Takes Series #1) – Tara Lain
Sinders and Ash - Tara Lain
Thoughts: Who told you that you could take a break, Sinderella????

5 responses to “Cover Snark (162): Learning to Snark in America”

  1. Hannah says:

    I always look forward to these posts! Love the new Darynda Jones & Rachel Caine covers.
    Hannah recently posted…Review: The Lodger – Louisa TregerMy Profile

  2. Beth says:

    Oh! I’m a first-time visitor, but this was so funny! I loved your comments!
    (With regard to Ink and Bone, though, I have the Australian/UK cover, and its actually very pretty. Like, REALLY pretty. But yes, you can see the photoshop, which is sad…)
    Beth x

  3. Layla says:

    Lone Wolf and Cool Cat makes me sad as a title and as a narrative. I can imagine where it’s going and I don’t want to.

    PS. Doesn’t Saving Wonder look like it’s the little sister of Go Set a Watchman and To Kill a Mockingbird? I’m not a super visual person but the leaves and the font look verrrrrrrrry familiar.

    PPS. LOL’d at your description of 26 Kisses. Evil laughter.
    Layla recently posted…Classic MG Discussion: A Girl of the LimberlostMy Profile

  4. 4. The cover was perfectly suited for the story and I like the tag line.
    5. I can’t wait. I liked her previous books and yes, Red looks like she is ready to cut some wolves.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 240. Libba Bray – Lair of dreams.My Profile

  5. I missed a Cover Snark! How is this possible!

    Wow not into many of the covers so far. They’re lovely but meh.

    9. I do love this one though! Spooky and cute.
    14. Such a disappointment. I hate the mishmash colors. It also doesn’t look like a major pub to me either.
    18. Lovely and striking but I’m worried about the deer.
    21. Oooh pretty!
    30. Agreed! This looks charming.
    37. Gorgeous cover, love the dress! The subject is a bit more intense than I expected once I read the description though haha.
    38. The scruff!!!! *heart eyes* And Roswell meets Dawson’s Creek? Maybe I do want to try this series…
    1. The US cover is so cute! Looks like Cartoon Network haha.
    6. The flipped cover is freaking me out!
    8. Ohhhh these are awesome! US is best but I like the crow.

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