Cover Snark (161): P.S. I Snark You

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. P.S. I Like You – Kasie West
P.S. I Like You - Kasie West
Thoughts: OMG THIS LOOKS SO LBD. GAHHHHHHHH!

2. Girl in the Blue Coat – Monica Hesse
Girl in the Blue Coat - Monica Hesse
Thoughts: Intriguingly, I can’t tell if she’s wearing a coat. I actually do really want to see it because I LOVE COATS.

3. Nirvana (Nirvana Series #1) – J.R. Stewart
Nirvana - JR Stewart
Thoughts: *sniffs book deeply* Hmmmm, it smells like teen spirit.

4. Darkest Dawn – Katlyn Duncan
Darkest Dawn - Katlyn Duncan
Thoughts: “I cawn’t see! The dawn, tis so dark.”

5. The Bad Decisions Playlist – Michael Rubens
The Bad Decisions Playlist - Michael Rubens
Thoughts: I definitely need to make a bad decisions playlist. Starting with this song.

6. Lost Stars (Journey to Star Wars: The Force Awakens) – Claudia Gray
Lost Stars - Claudia Gray
Thoughts: I am LOVING the YA EU trend like whoa.

7. One Good Thing – Lily Maxton
One Good Thing - Lily Maxton
Thoughts: That headboard sort of looks like an old-fashioned couch. And something about that font screams pregnancy book, or is that just me?

8. Tell Me Three Things – Julie Buxbaum
Tell Me Three Things - Julie Buxbaum
Thoughts: 1. I love waffles. 2. I made you some waffles. 3. I ate most of the waffles I made for you.

9. Fenway and Hattie – Victoria J. Coe
Fenway and Hattie - Victoria J. Coe
Thoughts: They must have used some really tasty meat to get this dog model’s attention. SO HAPPY.

10. A Tiny Piece of Sky – Shawn K. Stout
A Tiny Piece of Sky - Shawn K. Stout
Thoughts: That looks like a normal amount of sky????

11. Quest Maker (The Last Dragon Charmer #2) – Laurie McKay
Quest Maker (The Last Dragon Charmer #2) - Laurie McKay
Thoughts: That boy needs to work on his modeling because he is a no neck monster.

12. The Conclave of Shadow (Missy Masters #2) – Alyc Helms
The Conclave of Shadow (Missy Masters #2) - Alyc Helms
Thoughts: I definitely want a magic tiger to destroy my enemies. Or maybe it’s just a tiger illustration but I’m assuming I could magic it.

13. Fire Touched (Mercy Thompson #9) – Patricia Briggs
Fire Touched (Mercy Thompson #9) - Patricia Briggs
Thoughts: Duuuuuuuude that fiery baldog tho.

14. Dove Exiled (The Dove Chronicles #2) – Karen Bao
Dove Exiled (The Dove Chronicles #2) - Karen Bao
Thoughts: Whyyyyy? The first cover released for book one was amazing and they just keep getting worse and worse.

15. The Lyre Thief (The Hythrun Chronicles #1) – Jennifer Fallon
The Lyre Thief (The Hythrun Chronicles) - Jennifer Fallon
Thoughts: Me: Yo, bro, did you take my lyre? Thief: Ummm, no. Me: LYRE LIAR.

16. Arena – Holly Jennings
Arena - Holly Jennings
Thoughts: Badass girl or dude with Fabio hair? Will I ever know the truth?!?!

17. Spells of Blood and Kin: A Dark Fantasy – Claire Humphrey
Spells of Blood and Kin - Claire Humphrey
Thoughts: That dragon’s getting mooned.

18. Born to Be a Larve (Notes #1) – Gilles Roussel
Notes - Born to be a Larve by Gilles Roussel
Thoughts: No idea what the fuck is happening but DINOSAUR.

19. How Willa Got Her Groove Back – Emily McKay
How Willa Got Her Groove Back - Emily McKay
Thoughts: Willa you read the book to find out?

20. Shuffle, Repeat – Jen Klein
Shuffle, Repeat - Jen Klein
Thoughts: Did they fall in love playing with matchbox cars while sharing headphones or something?

21. Sugar Skulls – Lisa Mantchev & Glenn Dallas
Sugar Skulls - Lisa Mantchev & Glenn Dallas
Thoughts: I do not want any of this sugar.

22. Once Was a Time – Leila Sales
Once Was a Time - Leila Sales
Thoughts: OMG that font completely captures the timey-wimeyness!

23. My Sister Rosa – Justine Larbalestier
My Sister Rosa - Justine Larbalestier
Thoughts: NOTHING BETTER HAPPEN TO THAT BIRD.

24. The Bachelor’s Guide to Murder (Herringford and Watts Mysteries #1) – Rachel McMillan
The Bachelor's Guide to Murder (Herringford and Watts Mysteries #1) - Rachel McMillan
Thoughts: I don’t think I’ve ever heard a girl called a bachelor, but I’m down for this.

25. Moonlight Over Paris – Jennifer Robson
Moonlight Over Paris - Jennifer Robson
Thoughts: She is majorly styling. Also, it’s a good thing they put the Eiffel Tower on here or we’d never know it was Paris, since it’s not in the title or anything.

26. The Casquette Girls (The Casquette Girls #1) – Alys Arden
The Casquette Girls - Alys Arden
Thoughts: Less than a week ago, I was looking at the convent where these girls were taken. One of them would probably not be walking in the street but YAY anyway.

27. A Fever of the Blood (Frey & McGray #2) – Oscar de Muriel
A Fever of the Blood - Oscar de Muriel
Thoughts: The skull reminds me of the one in The Last Unicorn because it looks so happy.

28. Mind Games (The Demon Trappers #5) – Jana Oliver
Mind Games (The Demon Trappers) - Jana Oliver
Thoughts: Man, these looked so much better when they had Elizabeth May on them.

29. Hour of the Bees – Lindsay Eagar
Hour of the Bees - Lindsay Eagar
Thoughts: Nope nope nope to anything with a bee on it.

30. The Humanity of Monsters – Michael Matheson, ed.
The Humanity of Monsters - Michael Matheson, ed.
Thoughts: It IS eerie but also kinda boring? I feel like they could have done more with this.

31. Darkest Night (Department 19 #5) – Will Hill
Darkest Night (Department 19 #5) - Will Hill
Thoughts: Srsly are they fighting headless power rangers or something.

32. Scar Girl – Len Vlahos
Scar Girl - Len Vlahos
Thoughts: I’m all for rocker chick with a guitar, but this looks really awkward to me.

33. The Abyss Surrounds Us (The Abyss Surrounds Us #1) – Emily Skrutskie
The Abyss Surrounds Us - Emily Skrutskie
Thoughts: She looks so grumpy, like a kid shuffling to do chores but not happy about it and not trying very hard. The only redeeming factor is the badass dragon eye.

34. The Girl I Used to Be – April Henry
The Girl I Used to Be - April Henry
Thoughts: Dawn was easy; she was drowned in the bath.

35. The End of Fun – Sean McGinty
The End of Fun - Sean McGinty
Thoughts: No more 3D movies????

36. This Is Not the End – Jesse Jordan
This is Not the End - Jesse Jordan
Thoughts: Given that the title is fracturing and dissipating, I feel like this title is sending mixed messages.

37. The Secrets of Solace – Jaleigh Johnson
The Secrets of Solace - Jaleigh Johnson
Thoughts: This bugs me.

38. What Elephants Know – Eric Dinerstein
What Elephants Know - Eric Dinerstein
Thoughts: Apparently they hide what they know in their trunks and keep it from little boys.

39. Waybound (The Books of Ore #2) – Cameron Baity & Benny Zelkowicz
Waybound (The Books of Ore #2) - Cameron Baity & Benny Zelkowicz
Thoughts: That water (is it water?) looks nasty.

40. Hope Girl – Wendy Dunham
Hope Girl - Wendy Dunham
Thoughts: The font’s adorably colored and cheerful, but otherwise the cover’s not doing anything original.

41. The Greatest Zombie Movie Ever – Jeff Strand
The Greatest Zombie Movie Ever - Jeff Strand
Thoughts: Well, now I want french fries.

42. Mirage – Tracy Clark
Mirage - Tracy Clark
Thoughts: Not sure what’s up with the left corners but it sort of makes it look like her hair has butterfly wings.

43. The Truth – Jeffry W. Johnston
The Truth - Jeffry W. Johnston
Thoughts: HE CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

44. Mabel Jones and the Forbidden City (Mabel Jones #2) – Will Mabbitt
Mabel Jones and the Forbidden City - Will Mabbitt
Thoughts: I feel like if adults had been honest with this kid and not forbidden her from coming here, this girl would not be caught in this predicament.

45. Me & Miranda Mullally – Jake Gerhardt
Me & Miranda Mullally - Jake Gerhardt
Thoughts: Is this a middle grade reverse harem? Totally rooting for singing boy. Also rooting for someone changing the title to Miranda Mullaly and Me.

46. The Secret of Dreadwillow Carse – Brian Farrey
The Secret of Dreadwillow Carse - Brian Farrey
Thoughts: I’ve googled this word for you, so enjoy this knowledge. A carse is a word for low fertile land usually along a river. That moment when a middle grade cover is smarter than you are (or at least than I am).

47. Shadow Magic – Joshua Khan
Shadow Magic - Joshua Khan
Thoughts: The author must have done an epic happy dance when he got a blurb from Rick Riordan. Even if his cover is otherwise totally batty.

48. Rise of the Ragged Clover (The Luck Uglies #3) – Paul Durham
Rise of the Ragged Clover (The Luck Uglies) - Paul Durham
Thoughts: The whale weather vane is my favorite part, I think, though that person’s cloak looks cool.

49. Pugs of the Frozen North – Philip Reeve & Sarah McIntyre
Pugs of the Frozen North - Philip Reeve, Sarah McIntyre
Thoughts: Raise your hand if you’re a bit creeped out by pugs and do not like this bug-eyed stampede of them coming your way.

Cover Battles:

1. A Million Times Goodnight – Kristina McBride

A Million Times Goodnight - Kristina McBride Edgmont
A Million Times Goodnight - Kristina McBride

Egmont USA vs. Sky Pony Press: Given these options, I’ll take the Singin’ in the Rain cover over the one that looks paranormal.

2. I’ll Give You the Sun – Jandy Nelson

I'll Give You the Sun - Jandy Nelson
I'll Give You the Sun - Jandy Nelson

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Huh. A quote is the cover. Well, I love the rainbow pattern, but I’m not sure that I like this as a concept. I dunno. It’ll be interesting to see if this becomes a thing.

3. The Disappearance of Ember Crow (The Tribe #2) – Ambelin Kwaymullina

The Disappearance of Ember Crow (The Tribe #2) - Ambelin Kwaymullina Aus
The Disappearance of Ember Crow (The Tribe #2) - Ambelin Kwaymullina

Australian vs. US: Huh, those are…similar. I guess I’ll go with the US cover, because it sort of looks like the girl on the Australian cover doesn’t have a nose, due to unfortunate placement.

4. The 5th Wave – Rick Yancey

The 5th Wave - Rick Yancey
The 5th Wave - Rick Yancey

US Hardback vs. US Movie Tie-In: Despite the chillun, the movie cover looks way crisper..

5. I Was Here – Gayle Forman

I Was Here - Gayle Forman
I Was Here - Gayle Forman

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Ah, a paperback to match the film cover of If I Stay. Of course.

6. Tone Deaf – Olivia Rivers

Tone Deaf - Olivia Rivers take 1
Tone Deaf - Olivia Rivers

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: I was sort of eh on the new cover but seeing what it’s replacing I am deafinitely a fan.

7. Moon at Nine – Deborah Ellis

MoonAtNine_C_Oct5.indd
Moon at Nine - Deborah Ellis

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: The new paperback is actually also the Australian cover. Copying that one was a good choice..

8. Belzhar – Meg Wolitzer

Belzhar - Meg Wolitzer
Belzhar - Meg Wolitzer

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Very Sylvia Plath. On point.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?”

1. Rug Burns (Reviving Haven #2) – Cory Cyr
Rug Burns (Reviving Haven #2) - Cory Cyr
Thoughts: Pretty sure women can rule the fucking world without needing to be on their knees.

2. Nice Girls Endure – Chris Struyk-Bonn
Nice Girls Endure - Chris Struyk-bonn
Thoughts: When your book cover ends up on Amazon with the Shutterstock watermark still on it. (Also, omg why did you pick blurry feet?!?!?!)

3. A Game of Crows (The Pecking Order #1) – Jacob Whitfield
A Game of Crows - Jacob Whitfield
Thoughts: I blame GOT for whatever the hell this is.

13 responses to “Cover Snark (161): P.S. I Snark You”

  1. Hannah says:

    That Me, Miranda & Mmmmsomething cover looks so similar to that of Me, Earl & The Dying Girl! Mmmm.

  2. Dahlia Adler says:

    Ooh, I hadn’t seen that P.S. I Like You’s cover is out – that is CUTE! Also, you get a billion points for the Decemberists lyric. And I love that you’re all “Look at that firey baldog!” and I’m “Look at those abs!” and that is exactly right.
    Dahlia Adler recently posted…5 Tips on Book Blogging, by an Author-BloggerMy Profile

  3. P.S. I LIKE YOU FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

    Yeah, nothing else even came close.
    Debby (Snuggly Oranges) recently posted…Book Review: Uprooted by Naomi NovikMy Profile

  4. Bekka says:

    I am laughing soooo hard at that Shutterstock logo
    Bekka recently posted…I Am Perfectly Fine With My Overflowing TBRMy Profile

  5. The ANTM “no neck monster” reference basically made my entire day. And yes, the One Good Thing font does look like a pregnancy book but I kind of think the whole cover does, too. The watermark is so sad! I feel bad for the author, really, because there is even a publisher- someone actually just posted this, as is, for… reasons? OH and Rug Burns is making me very stabby. What even is that!? The synopsis (which I was compelled to read, of course) is somehow even more disturbing.

    And thanks for the nightmares I will absolutely be having about whatever is happening in that last cover. She looks sad and hungry, but I worry that he’s lost an eye?

    I LOVE this feature, have stalked it for… ever, but the “no neck monster” finally compelled be to come out of lurkerdom 😉
    Shannon @ It Starts At Midnight recently posted…Let’s Obsess About Blog Design!My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Why, thank you! Welcome to the land of commentdom. It’s shiny here. Feel free to stay awhile. :-p

      I watched all of ANTM in five months, so I’ve got a lot of the references bouncing around in my head right now.

      Sometimes covers somehow get leaked to Amazon or GR early, but I don’t know how the publishers don’t have that locked down. Like, why would you turn it over with Shutterstock still on it? Clearly a mistake was made somewhere along the line.

      I did not read the synopsis for Rug Burns, and I suspect that was a good life choice because the cover alone enrages me. FEMINIST SMASH.

      Sorry for the nightmares. Cover Snark side effect.

  6. 1. Even I in all my grumpypants glory admit this cover is fucking adorable.

    3. So the baby grew up, realized she was trans, and now someone stole her fucking dollar. God, being a woman sucks. No wonder you can smell the teen spirit.

    7. Is the one good thing readily available stock photos of smiling white people?

    14. I swear to God, the Penguin cover people are either producing works of art or they’re having drinking contests to decide on redesigns and then doing the design work IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE DRINKING. Just no. Stop Drinking Penguins 2015.

    23. DAMN RIGHT. I’M NOT HERE FOR THE POOR BIRDIES GETTING HURT. I got enough of that in Delicate Monsters.

    26. That girl looks like she jumped out of a fashion designer’s notebook and I am completely okay with this.

    28. Even the new model looks pissed that Elizabeth isn’t on the covers anymore.

    31. I’d be afraid of the headless Power Rangers too if they have all those weapons and sharp things coming out of them.

    43. If nothing but the truth will get him killed, then lying sounds pretty good because that means not being dead?

  7. 1. I will read anything by Kasie West and this looks adorable.
    8. Waffles, yuuuuum.
    10. The title becomes a bit scarier if you think about Sky as a girl-name.
    11. But they are definitely looking fierce!
    22. How cute!
    24. I love the details.
    34. Her freckles though <3
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 239. Betsy Cornwell – Mechanica.My Profile

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