Cover Snark (160): Snark Is How I Love You

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Enter Title Here – Rahul Kanakia
Enter Title Here - Rahul Kanakia
Thoughts: I just imagine that that Kanakia couldn’t come up with a title, so that was the stand-in and then everyone was like OMG SO BRILLIANT SO META and it became the actual title.

2. Loud Is How I Love You (Hub City #1) – Mercy Brown
Loud Is How I Love You (Hub City #1) - Mercy Brown
Thoughts: This isn’t what NA cover guys usually look like. Down for guitar player in a flannel.

3. Forgetting August – J. L. Berg
Forgetting August - J. L. Berg
Thoughts: It’s like you can see him trying to remember what her name is. Ginger? Right? It’s Ginger? Poor August.

4. Marked – Laura Williams McCaffrey
Marked - Laura Williams McCaffrey
Thoughts: This just looks a lot like covers from the past. That’s also a very narrow, unthreatening fist.

5. Air – Ryan Gattis
Air - Ryan Gattis
Thoughts: Because it’s sideways, it took me a while to find the title. It’s cool but also WHY SIDEWAYS?

6. Nothing Up My Sleeve – Diana López
Nothing Up My Sleeve - Diana Lopez
Thoughts: BUT WHAT IS THAT IN YOUR PANT LEG, HMMMM?

7. Rodent – Lisa Lawrence
Rodent - Lisa Lawrence
Thoughts: BURN THE HOUSE DOWN IT CANNOT BE SAVED RUN

8. Crusoe (The Darkness of the Stars #1) – Andrew Lane
Crusoe (The Darkness of the Stars #1) - Andrew Lane
Thoughts: The detailing on the door/wall/fence is simply lovely.

9. White Lies, Black Dare – Joanna Nadin
White Lies, Black Dare - Joanna Nadin
Thoughts: You know I am a fan of the covers with just a few colors. The included shadows make everything feel eerier.

10. A Fierce and Subtle Poison – Samantha Mabry
A Fierce and Subtle Poison - Samantha Mabry
Thoughts: Feels a bit like the less awesome sibling of Wink Poppy Midnight tbh.

11. Betrayed (The Arnaud Legacy #2) – Lynn Carthage
Betrayed (The Arnaud Legacy #2) - Lynn Carthage
Thoughts: She yells at the retreating back of her betrayer, “I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU STOLE MY HAIRBRUSH. I TRUSTED YOU!”

12. A Tyranny of Petticoats – Jessica Spotswood, ed
A Tyranny of Petticoats - Jessica Spotswood, ed
Thoughts: BEST. TITLE. EVER.

13. The Girl in the Well Is Me – Karen Rivers
The Girl in the Well Is Me - Karen Rivers
Thoughts: And those girls with eerily sentient hair just watch me and gossip about me. How rude.

14. Zero-G (Zero-G #1) – William Shatner & Jeff Rovin
Zero-G ( #1) - William Shatner & Jeff Rovin
Thoughts: Damn it, Jim.

15. The Thirteenth World (Corridor #2) – A.N. Willis
The Thirteenth World (Corridor #2) - A.N. Willis
Thoughts: Whatever she finds, at least she’ll face it with A+ lipstick game.

16. Join – Steve Toutonghi
Join - Steve Toutonghi
Thoughts: Yes I will enlist with whatever is this pretty. *flies into the light*

17. The Telling – Alexandra Sirowy
The Telling - Alexandra Sirowy
Thoughts: Also she looks like she’s about to sneeze underwater.

18. Fatal Beauty – Nazarea Andrews
Fatal Beauty - Nazarea Andrews
Thoughts: Heels are murder.

19. Who’s Afraid? – Maria Lewis
Who's Afraid - Maria Lewis
Thoughts: KAORU?!?!?!?

20. The King Slayer (The Witch Hunter #2) – Virginia Boecker
The King Slayer - Virginia Boecker
Thoughts: I’m a big fan of this. Mega fairy tale vibe. Doesn’t fit with the first cover or what I read of the first book but whatever pretty.

21. A Week of Mondays – Jessica Brody
A Week of Mondays - Jessica Brody
Thoughts: It’s like Groundhog Day but with Monday. What inhuman cruelty.

22. The Cresswell Plot – Eliza Wass
The Cresswell Plot - Eliza Wass
Thoughts: But it leaves the warped Barbies out for public view. Misdirection!

23. Half Lost (The Half Bad Trilogy #3) – Sally Green
Half Lost (The Half Bad Trilogy #3) - Sally Green
Thoughts: No, that tree is definitively lost to flame.

24. Dreamers Often Lie – Jacqueline West
Dreamers Often Lie - Jacqueline West
Thoughts: It looks like she ripped herself and her nice dress into shreds. O_O

25. How Hard Can Love Be? (The Normal Series #2) – Holly Bourne
How Hard Can Love Be - Holly Bourne
Thoughts: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.

26. Glass Shatters – Michelle Meyers
Glass Shatters - Michelle Meyers
Thoughts: One hundred percent love, despite the creepy eye peering out at me. Okay, ninety-nine percent love.

27. The Push – Sara V. Zook
The Push - Sara V. Zook
Thoughts: NOW KISS made into a book cover. 🙂

28. Romancing the Nerd – Leah Rae Miller
Romancing the Nerd - Leah Rae Miller
Thoughts: I’m thinking she’s the one doing the romancing? She doesn’t look especially nerdy. Though maybe bracelets are the current nerd teen fashion idk.

29. Titans – Victoria Scott
Titans - Victoria Scott
Thoughts: Aside from the fact that I prefer covers not to be vertical like this, LOVE. Those horses look like they should be pulling carriages to Hogwarts or carrying Nazgul.

30. Explorers of the Wild – Cale Atkinson
Explorers of the Wild - Cale Atkinson
Thoughts: I don’t usually include picture books but OMG LOOK AT DA CUTE!

31. Sidekick – Natalie Whipple
Sidekick - Natalie Whipple
Thoughts: FYI guys, I’m always down for friendship coming with a side of bacon.

32. Surge (The Taking #0.5) – Melissa West
Surge - Melissa West
Thoughts: Dude: heyyyy baby, wanna reenact that Spider-Man scene?

33. Throwing Stones – Robin Reardon
Throwing Stones - Robin Reardon
Thoughts: Interestingly, he’s protecting only his right eye from the stones.

34. Black River Falls – Jeff Hirsch
Black River Falls - Jeff Hirsch
Thoughts: DYSTOPIAN RIVER FALLS.

35. Fire Falling (Air Awakens #2) – Elise Kova
Fire Falling (Air Awakens #2) - Elise Kova
Thoughts: This series has the BEST small pub covers ever.

36. The Poet and the Prophecy (Magic University #4) – Cecilia Tan
The Poet and the Prophecy (Magic University #4) - Cecilia Tan
Thoughts: Keira Knightley???

37. I Love Him, I Love Him Not (Westgate Prep #2) – Ella Martin
I Love Him, I Love Him Not - Ella Martin

Thoughts: Um, no, child. Falling in love does not mean you have to lose your best friend. Awesome outfit and hair, though.

38. Vicarious (Vicarious #1) – Paula Stokes
Vicarious (Vicarious #1) - Paula Stokes
Thoughts: I do not want to live vicariously through her. That does not look fun to me.

39. The Unquiet Past (Secrets) – Kelley Armstrong
The Unquiet Past (Secrets) - Kelley Armstrong
Thoughts: The past is coming for your brains.

Cover Battles:

1. Sense and Sensuality (The Gravesmeres #3) – Alicia Quigley

Sense & Sensuality - Alicia Quigley
Sense and Sensuality - Alicia Quigley

Original vs. Redesign: A former WTF redesigned to be much more respectable, though that young lady’s parents might not agree.

2. The Walled City – Ryan Graudin

The Walled City - Ryan Graudin
The Walled City - Ryan Graudin

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Always running on your knife is close enough to carrying it, right? Yeah, probs.

3. The White Rose (The Lone City #2) – Amy Ewing

The White Rose - Amy Ewing
The White Rose (Lost City #2) - Amy Ewing

US vs. UK: Whyyyy are those girls on fire while rose petals rain down on them?

4. Silence Is Goldfish – Annabel Pitcher

Silence Is Goldfish - Annabel Pitcher UK
Silence Is Goldfish - Annabel Pitcher

UK vs. US: Oh no, most annoying earworm ever. SILENCE IS GOLDFISH GOLDFISH BUT MY FINS STILL SWIM (or something idk)

5. The Art of Being Normal – Lisa Williamson

The Art of Being Normal - Lisa Williamson
The Art of Being Normal - Lisa Williamson German
The Art of Being Normal - Lisa Williamson

UK vs. German vs. US: RainBOW DOWN to this awesome cover, bitches!

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Black Crow (Raven #2) – J.L. Weil
Black Crow (Raven #2) - J.L. Weil
Thoughts: When you try to do the sexy America Singer armpit sniff and fail.

2. Mark of the Necromancer (Sabrina Grayson) – Tamsin Silver
Mark of the Necromancer (Sabrina Grayson) - Tamsin Silver
Thoughts: Well, something should have gotten fired, but it wasn’t the left side of this atrocious cover.

3. Glitter Ponies (Clockpunk Wizard #4) – Lita Burke
Glitter Ponies - Lita Burke
Thoughts: GLITTER PONIES!!!!

8 responses to “Cover Snark (160): Snark Is How I Love You”

  1. I’m pretty sure I’ve said the exact words “snark is how I love you” to my family when they’ve gotten mad at me being a smartass and a snarker.

    1. I like your imagination as much as I like that cover and I REALLY like that cover because all those words make me want to know the full story. Effective marketing!

    4. The state of her nails and nail polish is fucking killing me SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE HER A MANICURE

    10. Holy technicolor hell! MY EYESSSSSS.

    1. I feel like her face is somewhere between “what the fuck?” and fear but leaning more toward the former.

    12. I was really fond of the original title Petticoats and Pistols, but yes, this one is much better! A bit of a plain cover, but I think the title can do the extra work.

    17. Is the red string of beads supposed to be like those cans connected with a string that you could talk to your friends through (allegedly)? Because I don’t think her version is going to work, especially since she’s underwater.

    18. There’s more than one reason they’re called stilettos!

    24. Damn. I like tinsel and all, but I don’t want to be like her and turn into it! My Dodo Bird would eat me and then Mom would have to pull pieces of me out of her mouth and butt. (Oh the fun of owning tinsel-loving cats. Christmas is occasionally hell and that’s why we no longer use tinsel/icicles/whatever the fuck.)

    33. He’s lucky he’s not in a Monty Python movie because they’re pretty fucking serious when it comes to throwing stones.

    CB2. For whatever reason, that knife on the paperback REALLY makes me want a slice of cake. I don’t give a hoot about either cover, but I WANT CAKE.

    CB3. I’m trying to come up with something for the UK cover, but I can’t stop fucking laughing at it. All I can respond to it with is laughter.

    Cb5. OH MY GOD, GERMANY, NOW I CAN’T SEE COLOR FOR AN HOUR. TOO MUCH. DRAWING BOARD, GET BACK TO IT.

    • Christina Franke says:

      Awwww, snark is how I love people. This is most accurate.

      1. This cover doesn’t quite have the zing magic for me, but it’s quite meta, and I’m most definitely curious.

      4. Hahahaha, that right there is why I don’t paint my nails. They look like that within a couple hours. I am hell on nail polish.

      10. Not so much the subtle, huh?

      12. Oh, I remember that, but I didn’t connect the two. I like this more, but the title is carrying a lot with this cover. Though the button boots are also A+.

      17. Haaaaaa, it does kinda look like she’s trying to call someone. On the other end I picture HELLO THIS IS DOG.

      18. True facts.

      24. BTW when I first read this I craughed in a parking lot (which is why it took me a while to respond bc haha phone commenting no).

      CB2. Mmmmm, cake.

      CB3. It’s so stupid, but not quite poorly designed enough to be a WTF. But seriously why the fuck?

      CB5. I actually like the German one but the US one is so much the best. SO WHAT IF I LIKE COLOR EXPLOSIONS

  2. Alexandra says:

    AM I THE ONLY ONE SITTING HERE GIGGLING AT YOUR THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID JOKE!? Such great adulting.

    In other news, someone DEFINITELY stole Kiera Knightley’s face for that Cecilia Tan cover.
    Alexandra recently posted…Rage Against the TBR #4: The Murder Complex by Lindsay CummingsMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Well, I know I laughed at it, so no. And it’s even worse for me because I’m just cracking myself up.

      SO MUCH LIKE KEIRA KNIGHTLEY.

  3. 1. Ew, this hurts my eyeballs.
    2. I just watched What’s Your Number recently (which is hilarious and cute btw), and Chris Evans is indeed a guitar player in flannel. I can get on board with this.
    3. Ooh I like the color composition. He looks a little like Jamie Dornan.
    8. This is gorgeous. Looks like MG but I’ll have to check it out.
    10. Not a fan :/ Looks too cartoony. And you’re right.
    12. Looooove!
    18. Ooh scary. I like the blood spatters (and those shoes!).
    20. Love this a lot. I like that the title font is the same at least. And I think the rose is because it’s the king’s symbol if I recall. Like a Tudor or Plantagenet rose.
    21. Super cute, I want to read this!!!
    25. Bahahahahah
    26. It looks like the eye has glasses, which totally makes me think of Harry Potter looking through his broken two way mirror.
    30. THE CUTEST OMG.
    35. I don’t know this series but I am intrigued!
    36. 100% Kiera Knightley! Looking a little Cullen-ish.
    39. Jesus Christ that is scary.
    Morgan @ Gone with the Words recently posted…Morgan’s August Challenge Updates!My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      2. I’ve never heard of this but I want it.

      3. He does. And she looks like Bella Thorne.

      8. Andrew Lane did those Sherlock things before this, I think. I think they might be upper MG? I’m not sure. I do like this cover a lot though.

      20. I’ll take the gorgeous cover that doesn’t match over the more meh cover for the first book. 😀

      39. Minimalism can really rock the creep factor.

  4. 8. SO PRETTY OMG WUT IS THIS

    12. Agreeeeeed, TITLE OF THE YEAR. It actually inspired me to make a “best titles” shelf on Goodreads ^^;

    16. Blue + stars = want.

    18. Aww, man, genre-wise I probably wouldn’t be interested in this at all, but the cover is COOL.

    27. TOO CUTE, I MUST KNOW WHAT THIS IS.
    Debby (Snuggly Oranges) recently posted…Book Review: Uprooted by Naomi NovikMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      8. IT IS. I suspect this may not be a Christina author, but I WILL be keeping an eye on this.

      12. Nice!

      16. Pretty much. Gorgeous blue covers are hard for me to resist.

      18. I’ve been surprised by how well this cover has been doing!

      27. I’m suspicious of NA, but I will also keep an eye on this.

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