Cover Snark (159): Snarkcaster

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Gateway to Fourline (The Fourline Trilogy #1) – Pamela Brondos
Gateway to Fourline - Pamela Brondos
Thoughts: I applaud them for not just slapping the sword on there and calling it a day.

2. The Pages Between Us – Lindsey Leavitt & Robin Mellom
The Pages Between Us - Lindsey Leavitt & Robin Mellom
Thoughts: More YA authors defecting to middle grade. I do believe there’s a conspiracy at work here.

3. The Museum of Heartbreak – Meg Leder
The Museum of Heartbreak - Meg Leder
Thoughts: I can definitely see some heartbreaking days here: the day you realized Santa wasn’t real, the day you realized you’d never have superpowers, and the day you realized you’d never go to Jurassic Park (or get to be a dinosaur).

4. Holding Smoke – Elle Cosimano
Holding Smoke - Elle Cosimano
Thoughts: Pretty titleeeeee.

5. The Taming of the Drew – Stephanie Kate Strohm
The Taming of the Drew - Stephanie Kate Strohm
Thoughts: *makes face at the guy’s reflection in the glasses*

6. Summer of Lost and Found – Rebecca Behrens
Summer of Lost & Found - Rebecca Behrens
Thoughts: “I found this bicycle! What luck!” Just off screen is the crying child whose bike is now missing.

7. Flamecaster (The Shattered Realms #1) – Cinda Williams Chima
Flamecaster (Shattered Realms #1) - Cinda Williams Chima
Thoughts: Shinyyyyyy, captain.

8. The Steep and Thorny Way – Cat Winters
The Steep and Thorny Way - Cat Winters
Thoughts: I sort of think she can handle anything she meets on that path. She’ll take enemies out with that glare.

9. Ten Things Sloane Hates About Tru (Creative Hearts #1) – Tera Lynn Childs
Ten Things Sloane Hates About Tru (Creative Hearts #1) - Tera Lynn Childs
Thoughts: I know this title is trying to be punny and clever, but it just makes me curl my lip.

10. Falling for the Wrong Guy – Sara Hantz
Falling for the Wrong Guy - Sara Hantz
Thoughts: It’s hard to walk on grass in heels. She couldn’t help falling on/for this guy. I mean.

11. Emerge: The Edge – Melissa A. Craven
Emerge The Edge - Melissa A. Craven
Thoughts: When I have to go to GR to figure out which is the series name and which is the book title, that’s a problem. When GR doesn’t even know for sure, ummmmm.

12. How to Disappear – Ann Redisch Stampler
How to Disappear - Ann Redisch Stampler
Thoughts: Um, we can still see you. Try harder.

13. The Straw King (Dorothy Must Die #0.5) – Danielle Paige
The Straw King (Dorothy Must Die #) - Danielle Paige
Thoughts: v

14. The Complete Double Dead (Double Dead #1-1.5) – Chuck Wendig
The Complete Double Dead - Chuck Wendig
Thoughts: Just off screen is his mom swooping in with a napkin to wipe his face off.

15. Monstrous Little Voices: Five New Stories from Shakespeare’s Fantastic World – Adrian Tchaikovsky, Emma Newman, Jonathan Barnes, Foz Meadows, & Kate Heartfield
Monstrous Little Voices Five New Stories from Shakespeare's Fantastic World - Various
Thoughts: Is that an X-Man in a dragon’s eye??? O brave new world that has such covers in ‘t.

16. Divah – Susannah Appelbaum
Divah - Susannah Appelbaum
Thoughts: Divah, n. When you’re such a diva that you speak in one of those fake fancy accents and say things like daahhhhling unironically.

17. Gifted – H. A. Swain
Gifted - H. A. Swain
Thoughts: Killing all the smart people is a terrible plan, future people.

18. Mythmaker (Peacemaker #2) – Marianne De Pierres
Mythmaker (Peacemaker #2) - Marianne De Pierres
Thoughts: That’s one huge fox. Also don’t think I’d want that guy’s face on my boob, but what do I know about fashion.

19. Counsel of the Wicked – Elizabeth A. Schechter
Counsel of the Wicked - Elizabeth A Schechter
Thoughts: I’m guessing his name is Griffin?

20. Life After Falling – Alyssa Rose Ivy
Life After Falling - Alyssa Rose Ivy
Thoughts: Cassette tapes seem to be popular on covers. Does that make this historical?

21. Rise of the Wolf (Mark of the Thief #2) – Jennifer A. Nielsen
Rise of the Wolf (Mark of the Thief #2) - Jennifer A. Nielsen
Thoughts: Rise of the wolf-themed jewelry.

22. Delicate – C.K. Kelly Martin
Delicate - C.K. Kelly Martin
Thoughts: This looks like some vintage edition of something by a Beat novelist.

23. The Boy at the Top of the Mountain – John Boyne
The Boy at the Top of the Mountain - John Boyne
Thoughts: They really hate birds to string barbed wire up in the sky like that.

24. The Giant Smugglers – Solomon Matt & Chris Pauls
The Giant Smugglers - Solomon Matt & Chris Pauls
Thoughts: So wait. Is this about giants who smuggle or smugglers who smuggle giants?

Cover Battles:

1. The Siren – Kiera Cass

The Siren - Kiera Cass self-pub
The Siren - Kiera Cass

Self-pub vs. HarperTeen: That ocean is actually made by the tears the cover gods cried at the original self-pub cover.

2. When We Were – Alexandra Diaz

Of All the Stupid Things - Alexandra Diaz
When We Were - Alexandra Diaz

Egmont vs. Paper Lantern Lit: I loath them both in equal measure.

3. Valkyrie (Valkyrie #1) – Kate O’Hearn

Valkyrie - Kate O'Hearn UK
Valkyrie - Kate O'Hearn

UK vs. US: I don’t often say this, but U.S.A! U.S.A!

4. On the Road to Find Out – Rachel Toor

On the Road to Find Out - Rachel Toor hardback
On the Road to Find Out - Rachel Toor

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Oooh, now it looks like a cutesy romance rather than just a book about running. You have my attention.

5. The Seventh Bride – T. Kingfisher

The Seventh Bride - T. Kingfisher red wombat
The Seventh Bride - T. Kingfisher

Red Wombat vs. 47North: I get more of a fairy tale vibe from the 47North cover and more of a noir fantasy from the Red Wombat. Since the book seems to be a fairy tale thing, I’d go with the new one.

6. Winterkill (Winterkill #1) – Kate A. Boorman

Winterkill - Kate A. Boorman UK
Winterkill - Kate A. Boorman

UK Hardback vs. UK Paperback: Okay, so I love both of these, but I’m really confused about why this series is apparently a fantasy dystopia mystery but the covers SCREAM fairy tale.

7. Darkthaw (Winterkill #2) – Kate A. Boorman

Darkthaw - Kate A. Boorman
Darkthaw - Kate A. Boorman

US vs. UK: SERIOUSLY HOW ARE THESE NOT LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD RETELLINGS?

8. The Paris Mysteries (Confessions #3) – James Patterson & Maxine Paetro

Confessions The Paris Mysteries - James Patterson & Maxine Paetro hb
Confessions The Paris Mysteries - James Patterson & Maxine Paetro

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: This wasn’t French enough. Let’s get this girl a beret.

9. The Law of Loving Others – Kate Axelrod

The Law of Loving Others - Kate Axelrod hb
The Law of Loving Others - Kate Axelrod

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: While I don’t like the hardback much, this is worse.

10. Just Like the Movies (If Only #7) – Kelly Fiore

Just Like the Movies - Kelly Fiore
Just Like the Movies (If Only) - Kelly Fiore

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Get on brand, book.

11. Saving June – Hannah Harrington

Saving June - Hannah Harrington hb
Saving June - Hannah Harrington

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Not in love but way more to my tastes than the original.

12. Speechless – Hannah Harrington

Speechless - Hannah Harrington hb
Speechless - Hannah Harrington

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: I know Speechless looks like this in some other countries, and it’s an effective design, though the shiny white original is pretty cool too.

13. Scripted – Maya Rock

Scripted - Maya Rock hb
Scripted - Maya Rock

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Given that the book is about reality TV, I’ll take the paperback, not the hardback which looks like a paranormal or fairy tale or something.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Soul Corrupted (Of Demons and Angels #2) – Lisa Gail Green
Soul Corrupted (Of Demons and Angels #2) - Lisa Gail Green
Thoughts: Lulz. She’s fallen and can’t get up.

2. Soul Conquered (Of Demons and Angels #3) – Lisa Gail Green
Soul Conquered (Of Demons and Angels #3) - Lisa Gail Green
Thoughts: Those fake, tiny angel wings deserved to be set on fire.

3. Pink Matters (Angelic Business #1) – Olga Núñez
Pink Matters (Angelic Business) - Olga Núñez
Thoughts: On Wednesdays the angels wear pink, so obviously it’s not Wednesday.

5 responses to “Cover Snark (159): Snarkcaster”

  1. I love me some cover snark. Thank you for what you do. 🙂 It always brightens my day. (On a real aside, I love The Law of Loving Others and think the book covers do it zero justice. It’s about a girl whose mom is schizophrenic and she believes she will “get” it too. she’s 16 so you know a bit dramatic. It’s so well written and takes place over the course of 3-4 weeks. I wish more people knew about it)

    Also I agree about THE SIREN’s self pub cover but like…it also was published in 2008 so I think cover options were really shitty then lol for self pub , not that the new cover is that much better….
    Rachel Writes Things recently posted…Waiting on Wednesday: KILL THE BOY BAND by Goldy MoldavskyMy Profile

  2. Totally didn’t realize Just Like the Movies was one of those “If Only” books. I read that one a while back and it was decently cute. Did they just add it to the “series” once it was released in paperback? lol weird
    Lauren @ Bookmark Lit recently posted…ARC Review: Cut Both WaysMy Profile

  3. Hannah says:

    Gah, I adore your third options. XD

    For me, I really like the museum cover – and I’m so excited for Cat winters and Cinda Williams Chima’s next books!

    The couple-y covers make me cringe.
    Hannah recently posted…Review: Magonia – Maria Dahvana HeadleyMy Profile

  4. This is the most off-topic of off-topic things, but I had a dream where Donald Trump decked me because I was defending Percy’s honor. I hope your cat appreciates it. My jaw even hurt a little when I woke up! (My brain is SO WEIRD.)

    2. I have bad memories of Mellom’s YA novel, so here’s hoping her MG will be less awful. Also, those two girls look like they’re thinking, “Heeeeeey!” I await their makeout.

    3. Wow, they must have been dating and breaking up with people from age 4!

    4. I agree! Now THAT is some fontwork. Simple yet remarkable.

    5. If only this were a Tina-from-Bob’s-Burgers tie-in novel. Instead of a boy’s duckface, there’d be a butt reflected in those glasses.

    6. There’s all these bright, happy colors and then you point out the awful truth. You’re a little like those Tumblr posts that make people feel like their childhood has been messed with!

    7. Put that on a pendant and I’d wear that shiny thing for a necklace. SO PRETTY.

    8. “You wanna talk steep and thorny? Try DOING MY HAIR. It’s more of a thorn in my side than actual thorns.” That’s what her expression says to me, but I happen to love her gorgeous hair. <3

    12. She's getting there, but yeah, she's not quiiiiiiiiiiite disappeared yet. It's like how girls would jokingly hide behind a blade of grass they picked when playing Hide and Seek in recess.

    17. This should be an Idiocracy prequel. If it's not, they better go back to the drawing board and MAKE it an Idiocracy prequel.

    CB1. I look forward to reviews talking about exactly HOW BAD The Siren is since it was pre-Selection and that was bad enough. But like hell I'm touching this. I'll just lust after the dress. (Fact: darken the hair a few shades and make it less curly and that was my hair's length before I chopped it all off to go Flapper Chic.)

    CB3. I agree because DAT MAJESTIC POSE. I LIKE IT A LOT.

    CB8. I dunno, still not French enough. Any way to incorporate the Eiffel Tower into the title? Maybe make it replace the I in Paris? *is shot*

    CB12. I'm very sad about this redesign because the matte feel of the original was so niiiiiice and DAMMIT, I NEED TO FIND THE ORIGINAL PAPERBACK WITH THAT COVER FAST. I just don't care for the one with the title/white line over her mouth.

  5. Re: Counsel of the Wicked.

    Actually, his name is Matthias. LOL!

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