posted at Thursday, August 27th, 2015 at 8:00 AM | Cover Snark, Other Bloggishness
Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Shiny and New:
1. Gateway to Fourline (The Fourline Trilogy #1) – Pamela Brondos
Thoughts: I applaud them for not just slapping the sword on there and calling it a day.
2. The Pages Between Us – Lindsey Leavitt & Robin Mellom
Thoughts: More YA authors defecting to middle grade. I do believe there’s a conspiracy at work here.
3. The Museum of Heartbreak – Meg Leder
Thoughts: I can definitely see some heartbreaking days here: the day you realized Santa wasn’t real, the day you realized you’d never have superpowers, and the day you realized you’d never go to Jurassic Park (or get to be a dinosaur).
4. Holding Smoke – Elle Cosimano
Thoughts: Pretty titleeeeee.
5. The Taming of the Drew – Stephanie Kate Strohm
Thoughts: *makes face at the guy’s reflection in the glasses*
6. Summer of Lost and Found – Rebecca Behrens
Thoughts: “I found this bicycle! What luck!” Just off screen is the crying child whose bike is now missing.
7. Flamecaster (The Shattered Realms #1) – Cinda Williams Chima
Thoughts: Shinyyyyyy, captain.
8. The Steep and Thorny Way – Cat Winters
Thoughts: I sort of think she can handle anything she meets on that path. She’ll take enemies out with that glare.
9. Ten Things Sloane Hates About Tru (Creative Hearts #1) – Tera Lynn Childs
Thoughts: I know this title is trying to be punny and clever, but it just makes me curl my lip.
10. Falling for the Wrong Guy – Sara Hantz
Thoughts: It’s hard to walk on grass in heels. She couldn’t help falling on/for this guy. I mean.
11. Emerge: The Edge – Melissa A. Craven
Thoughts: When I have to go to GR to figure out which is the series name and which is the book title, that’s a problem. When GR doesn’t even know for sure, ummmmm.
12. How to Disappear – Ann Redisch Stampler
Thoughts: Um, we can still see you. Try harder.
13. The Straw King (Dorothy Must Die #0.5) – Danielle Paige
14. The Complete Double Dead (Double Dead #1-1.5) – Chuck Wendig
Thoughts: Just off screen is his mom swooping in with a napkin to wipe his face off.
15. Monstrous Little Voices: Five New Stories from Shakespeare’s Fantastic World – Adrian Tchaikovsky, Emma Newman, Jonathan Barnes, Foz Meadows, & Kate Heartfield
Thoughts: Is that an X-Man in a dragon’s eye??? O brave new world that has such covers in ‘t.
16. Divah – Susannah Appelbaum
Thoughts: Divah, n. When you’re such a diva that you speak in one of those fake fancy accents and say things like daahhhhling unironically.
17. Gifted – H. A. Swain
Thoughts: Killing all the smart people is a terrible plan, future people.
18. Mythmaker (Peacemaker #2) – Marianne De Pierres
Thoughts: That’s one huge fox. Also don’t think I’d want that guy’s face on my boob, but what do I know about fashion.
19. Counsel of the Wicked – Elizabeth A. Schechter
Thoughts: I’m guessing his name is Griffin?
20. Life After Falling – Alyssa Rose Ivy
Thoughts: Cassette tapes seem to be popular on covers. Does that make this historical?
21. Rise of the Wolf (Mark of the Thief #2) – Jennifer A. Nielsen
Thoughts: Rise of the wolf-themed jewelry.
22. Delicate – C.K. Kelly Martin
Thoughts: This looks like some vintage edition of something by a Beat novelist.
23. The Boy at the Top of the Mountain – John Boyne
Thoughts: They really hate birds to string barbed wire up in the sky like that.
24. The Giant Smugglers – Solomon Matt & Chris Pauls
Thoughts: So wait. Is this about giants who smuggle or smugglers who smuggle giants?
Self-pub vs. HarperTeen: That ocean is actually made by the tears the cover gods cried at the original self-pub cover.
Egmont vs. Paper Lantern Lit: I loath them both in equal measure.
UK vs. US: I don’t often say this, but U.S.A! U.S.A!
US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Oooh, now it looks like a cutesy romance rather than just a book about running. You have my attention.
Red Wombat vs. 47North: I get more of a fairy tale vibe from the 47North cover and more of a noir fantasy from the Red Wombat. Since the book seems to be a fairy tale thing, I’d go with the new one.
UK Hardback vs. UK Paperback: Okay, so I love both of these, but I’m really confused about why this series is apparently a fantasy dystopia mystery but the covers SCREAM fairy tale.
US vs. UK: SERIOUSLY HOW ARE THESE NOT LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD RETELLINGS?
US Hardback vs. US Paperback: This wasn’t French enough. Let’s get this girl a beret.
US Hardback vs. US Paperback: While I don’t like the hardback much, this is worse.
US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Get on brand, book.
US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Not in love but way more to my tastes than the original.
US Hardback vs. US Paperback: I know Speechless looks like this in some other countries, and it’s an effective design, though the shiny white original is pretty cool too.
US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Given that the book is about reality TV, I’ll take the paperback, not the hardback which looks like a paranormal or fairy tale or something.
WTF of the Week:
WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to firstname.lastname@example.org and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.
1. Soul Corrupted (Of Demons and Angels #2) – Lisa Gail Green
Thoughts: Lulz. She’s fallen and can’t get up.
2. Soul Conquered (Of Demons and Angels #3) – Lisa Gail Green
Thoughts: Those fake, tiny angel wings deserved to be set on fire.
3. Pink Matters (Angelic Business #1) – Olga Núñez
Thoughts: On Wednesdays the angels wear pink, so obviously it’s not Wednesday.