Cover Snark (156): Exit, Pursued by a Snark

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Night Study (Study #5) – Maria V. Snyder
Night Study (Poison Study #) - Maria V. Snyder
Thoughts: What an awfully bright night.

2. Fear the Drowning Deep – Sarah Glenn Marsh
Fear the Drowning Deep - Sarah Glenn Marsh
Thoughts: Pretty sure she’s pretending to be an underwater velociraptor.

3. The Yearbook – Carol Masciola
The Yearbook - Carol Masciola
Thoughts: What if the time of your life was the past? Oooh, I saw this movie. You jump off a bridge and as a reward get to sex Hugh Jackman. Also, your ex-boyfriend finds out that you’re his ancestor which AWKWARD.

4. Grandpa’s Great Escape – David Walliams
Grandpa's Great Escape - David Walliams
Thoughts: I cannot look at these covers without being assaulted by Roald Dahl feels.

5. The Affiliate (Ascension #1) – K.A. Linde
The Affiliate - K.A. Linde
Thoughts: A circlet of leaves opens a portal to the dimension of pretty ladies. But how to get through????

6. Sideswiped (The Peri Reed Chronicles #1) – Kim Harrison
Sideswiped (The Peri Reed Chronicles) - Kim Harrison
Thoughts: PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. Literally. It’s not time for the whole dust to dust bit yet, girl.

7. Cruel Crown (Red Queen) – Victoria Aveyard
Cruel Crown (Red Queen) - Victoria Aveyard
Thoughts: If they can do shit like this, why oh why is the cover for The Glass Sword so fucking blah?

8. The Lonely Ones – Kelsey Sutton
The Lonely Ones - Kelsey Sutton
Thoughts: They won’t be lonely when the birds finally break through that window. They’ll be dead.

9. Girl Online On Tour (Girl Online #2) – Zoe Sugg
Girl Online On Tour - Zoe Sugg
Thoughts: A purple background with an orange title font was an interesting choice.

10. Find Me If You Dare (Dreamcatcher #2) – Vicki Leigh
Find Me If You Dare - Vicki Leigh
Thoughts: Aw, I would find you but you see I am otherwise engaged. So sorry.

11. Walk the Edge (Thunder Road #2) – Katie McGarry
Walk the Edge (Thunder Road, #2) - Katie McGarry
Thoughts: Even on the edge, you’re going to get hit by a train.

12. Sisters of Salt and Iron (The Sisters of Blood and Spirit #2) – Kady Cross
Sisters of Salt and Iron (The Sisters of Blood and Spirit, #2) - Kady Cross
Thoughts: Sisters on a slant.

13. Smoldering Hunger (Dark Kings #8) – Donna Grant
Smoldering Hunger (Dark Kings #8) - Donna Grant
Thoughts: So if we burn this guy a little bit, he’ll turn into a purple dragon???

14. The Demon in the Wood: A Darkling Prequel Story (The Grisha #0.5) – Leigh Bardugo
The Demon In the Wood A Darkling Prequel Story - Leigh Bardugo
Thoughts: Meg (Cuddlebuggery) linked me to this and told me she thought it looked like Semen in the Wood and, you know what, it totally kinda does. Will never unsee it.

15. Lady Renegades (Rebel Belle #3) – Rachel Hawkins
Lady Renegades (Rebel Belle #3) - Rachel Hawkins
Thoughts: While generally rather unimpressive, points added for the tagline. I just wish they hadn’t ruined a gorgeous elbow length glove with little bows.

16. Unbecoming – Jenny Downham
Unbecoming - Jenny Downham
Thoughts: Three hairstyles. Three mouths. Zero eyes.

17. Within Reach – Jessica Stevens
Within Reach - Jessica Stevens
Thoughts: The back of your own neck is indeed generally within reach.

18. Snow Job – Charles Benoit
Snow Job - Charles Benoit
Thoughts: Is this about a cocaine addiction? That’s called blow which rhymes with snow and it’s white in goes in baggies according to the tv. Then the title could be Blow Job. OH MY.

19. The Secret Language of Sisters – Luanne Rice
The Secret Language of Sisters - Luanne Rice
Thoughts: Add this to the list of totally not threatening covers I find deeply upsetting.

20. Burning – Danielle Rollins
Burning - Danielle Rollins
Thoughts: That is not the color smoke should be. That is not how your windows should look. 🙁

21. The Big Rewind – Libby Cudmore
The Big Rewind - Libby Cudmore
Thoughts: OMG, I remember when tape would start coming out of those and it was a nightmare. In other news, I’m old af.

22. The Libby Garrett Intervention (Science Squad) – Kelly Oram
The Libby Garrett Intervention - Kelly Oram
Thoughts: On the one hand, I’m thrilled this cover actually depicts a full-figured woman, but I also feel like it’s mocking her. Idk.

23. Saltwater Heart (Salt & Storm) – Kendall Kulper
Saltwater Heart (Salt & Storm) - Kendall Kulper
Thoughts: Looks like it’s not just her heart.

24. Are We There Yet? – Dave Santat
Are We There Yet - Dave Santat
Thoughts: T-wrecks.

25. Paint My Body Red – Heidi R. Kling
Paint My Body Red - Heidi R. Kling
Thoughts: To cover up the Jackson Pollock spray of black?

26. Longbow Girl – Linda Davies
Longbow Girl - Linda Davies
Thoughts: A girl who’s very good at archery time travels? All without looking at the blurb. Good job, cover.

27. Exit, Pursued by a Bear – E. K. Johnston
Exit, Pursued by a Bear - E. K. Johnston
Thoughts: COME ON. Let’s have a bear chasing that cheerleader. Now THAT would be a memorable cover.

28. The Broken Hearts Book Club – Lynsey James
The Broken Hearts Book Club - Lynsey James
Thoughts: Adorrrrrbs.

Cover Battles:

1. The Hollow Boy (Lockwood & Co. #3) – Jonathan Stroud

The Hollow Boy (Lockwood & Co. #3) - Jonathan Stroud
The Hollow Boy (Lockwood & Co. #3) - Jonathan Stroud UK

US vs. UK: Weird glowy mask or kid about to kick some ghost ass. Tough choice.

2. Dove Arising (Dove Chronicles #1) – Karen Bao

Dove Arising (Dove Chronicles #1) - Karen Bao
Dove Arising - Karen Bao
Dove Arising (Dove Chronicles #1) - Karen Bao

US Take 1 vs. US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Why they didn’t go back to the gorgeous original cover art that never saw the light of bookstore I’ll never understand. This is super cheesy but I guess an improvement? Idek.

3. Kalahari (Corpus #3) – Jessica Khoury

Kalahari - Jessica Khoury
Kalahari - Jessica Khoury

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: PRETTY LION. But vertical title. Gah. Choices.

4. The Way We Bared Our Souls – Willa Strayhorn

The Way We Bared Our Souls - Willa Strayhorn hardback
The Way We Bared Our Souls - Willa Strayhorn

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Snark

5. The Martian – Andy Weir

The Martian - Andy Weir selfpub
The Martian - Andy Weir
The Martian - Andy Weir del rey
The Martian - Andy Weir movie
The Martian - Andy Weir Subterranean

Self-pub vs. Crown vs. Del Rey vs. Movie Tie-In vs. Subterranean Press: Very accurate to the book, but I’m partial to the gorgeous stylized RH cover myself.

6. Into the Dim – Janet B. Taylor

Into the Dim - Janet B. Taylor
Into the Dim - Janet B. Taylor

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Um.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Reckless (Black Thorns #1) – Franca Storm
Reckless - Franca Storm
Thoughts: I feel like it looks too boring. Why not add some mysterious pink wavy bits so it looks like they both have weird pink hair? YEAH THAT DEF.

2. Deep Calling – J.M. Lavallee
Deep Calling - J.M. Lavallee
Thoughts: The derpy bird really brings the whole thing together.

3. Texas Chainsaw Mantis (Strange) – Kevin Strange
Texas Chainsaw Mantis (Strange) - Kevin Strange
Thoughts: That pretty much speaks for itself.

5 responses to “Cover Snark (156): Exit, Pursued by a Snark”

  1. Isabel says:

    As always, I love the post!
    Isabel recently posted…Blog Tour: What You Left Behind by Jessica VerdiMy Profile

  2. LG says:

    WTF #1 – It took me a second to realize that there was a guy Photoshopped into that mix. He’s angry and looks a bit like a ghostly wannabe rapist. I wish I could unsee that.
    LG recently posted…All That Glitters (e-book) by Elizabeth McCoyMy Profile

  3. 22. It honestly looks like they photoshopped someone else’s head onto the full-figured body. It just doesn’t look right. o_O

    26. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaant

    28. DOUBLE WAAAAAAAAAAAANT

    WTF 3. Nightmares for days.
    Debby (Snuggly Oranges) recently posted…Book Review: Miss Mayhem by Rachel HawkinsMy Profile

  4. Lyn Kaye says:

    1. I just love these new covers.

    2. *sadly a water sucker* Favorite so far!

    7. Cheese on a cross, WHAT HAPPENED HERE? These covers are just beyond amazing.

    10. JESUS. NIGHTMARES.

    12. Digging the Manic Panic hair color here.

    13. Every time you create a cover with an airbrushed tattoo, a tree weeps in the forest.

    27. How…..disjointed.
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Blog Tour: The 3rd WomanMy Profile

  5. Richard says:

    Wow! It’s Great post and did a brilliant job. As I prefer Non-fiction but sometimes I read some fiction also.
    Richard recently posted…Looking for the first bow: Compound Bow vs. Recurve Bow; Which is better?My Profile

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