Cover Snark (153): Snark at the Speed of Us

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Secrets of the Dragon Tomb (Secrets of the Dragon Tomb #1) – Patrick Samphire
Secrets of the Dragon Tomb (Secrets of the Dragon Tomb #1) - Patrick Samphire
Thoughts: Oompa loompas versus a space dragon.

2. It’s All Your Fault – Paul Rudnick
It's All Your Fault - Paul Rudnick
Thoughts: Yeah, that’s pretty much how I felt about everything as a teen.

3. The Hidden Twin – Adi Rule
The Hidden Twin - Adi Rule
Thoughts: Wait, a MYTH kept her a secret? HOW? I mean, maybe because of a myth she was hidden, but it’s not the myth doing it. If there’s a myth about her, it would in effect not be keeping the secret of her existence.

4. The Isle (The Ward #2) – Jordana Frankel
The Isle (The Ward #2) - Jordana Frankel
Thoughts: This would be a lot more interesting with dinosaurs.

5. Mr. Fahrenheit – T. Michael Martin
Mr. Fahrenheit - T. Michael Martin
Thoughts: It is so not fahr that there is yet another eye cover.

6. A Mad Zombie Party (White Rabbit Chronicles #4) – Gena Showalter
A Mad Zombie Party (White Rabbit Chronicles #4) - Gena Showalter
Thoughts: Her head looks HUGE. Maybe zombies ate the original one and they transplanted on someone else’s.

7. Fated (Servants of Fate #3) – Sarah Fine
Fated (Servants of Fate #3) - Sarah Fine
Thoughts: This could not be more Magnus Bane.

8. How It Ends – Catherine Lo
How It Ends - Catherine Lo
Thoughts: Does it end with the best friends hate banging OITNB style?

9. Glass Sword (Red Queen #2) – Victoria Aveyard
Glass Sword (Red Queen #2) - Victoria Aveyard
Thoughts: I mean, it’s not a big change from one, other than the tagline (nice) and the sword added to the crown (hilarious bc I keep picturing someone trying to do battle with it on their head).

10. Suffer Love – Ashley Herring Blake
Suffer Love - Ashley Herring Blake
Thoughts: IF THIS IS NOT A MUCH ADO RETELLING, I AM GOING TO BE VERY PUT OUT.

11. Dreaming of Antigone – Robin Bridges
Dreaming of Antigone - Robin Bridges
Thoughts: All i can think of is the play and man would that be a fucked up dream.

12. Grayling’s Song – Karen Cushman
Grayling's Song - Karen Cushman
Thoughts: O_o

13. Stray (Spark #2) – Rachael Craw
Stray - Rachael Craw
Thoughts: I’m not sure if a tree just grew a human head or vice versa but either way it’s terrifying.

14. The Scarlet Deep (Elemental World #3) – Elizabeth Hunter
The Scarlet Deep (Elemental World #3) - Elizabeth Hunter
Thoughts: This is how you get eaten by a shark.

15. Calamity (The Reckoners #3) – Brandon Sanderson
Calamity (The Reckoners #3) - Brandon Sanderson
Thoughts: Calamity’s a bit harsh, but it’s not the best either.

16. Macbeth #killingit (OMG Shakespeare) – Courtney Carbone
Macbeth #killingit (OMG Shakespeare) - William Shakespeare, Courtney Carbone
Thoughts: I mean, on the one hand, these are hilarious, but it takes me an embarrassingly long time to translate the emojis. I’m too old for this.

17. A Midsummer Night #nofilter (OMG Shakespeare) – Brett Wright
A Midsummer Night #nofilter (OMG Shakespeare) - Brett Wright
Thoughts: Am I the only one twitching because I’m translating to ass, which Shakespeare used, and then the article is wrong? Although the #nofilter thing is kinda hilarious.

18. I See Reality: Twelve Short Stories About Real Life
I See Reality Twelve Short Stories About Real Life
Thoughts: I just really want to know why each photo was picked for each author. DOES IT MEAN SOMETHING?

19. The Heir and the Spare – Emily Albright
The Heir and the Spare - Emily Albright
Thoughts: Secretly loyal?!?!?!?! WTF.

20. Life at the Speed of Us – Heather Sappenfield
Life at the Speed of Us - Heather Sappenfield
Thoughts: It’s a good thing I’m not part of the us or life would be slow indeed.

21. Going Where It’s Dark – Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Going Where It's Dark - Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Thoughts: At least she has a headlamp.

22. The Charmed Children of Rookskill Castle – Janet Fox
The Charmed Children of Rookskill Castle - Janet Fox
Thoughts: Charmed, I’m sure.

23. The Last Fifth Grade of Emerson Elementary – Laura Shovan
The Last Fifth Grade of Emerson Elementary - Laura Shovan
Thoughts: That sounds rather macabre. I mean, I know the school’s probably closing because of funds or something, but it sounds like the children are in danger.

24. Liars and Losers Like Us – Ami Allen-Vath
Liars and Losers Like Us - Ami Allen-Vath
Thoughts: The Princess Diaries meets The Revenge Playbook.

25. The Art of Not Breathing – Sarah Alexander
The Art of Not Breathing - Sarah Alexander
Thoughts: Pro tip: don’t release the breath you’re holding.

26. The Morrigan’s Curse (Eighth Day #3) – Dianne K. Salerni
The Morrigan's Curse - Dianne K. Salerni
Thoughts: That’s a sweet building.

27. The Bone Artists (Asylum #2.5) – Madeleine Roux
The Bone Artists - Madeleine Roux
Thoughts: Yeah, I wouldn’t want to turn my back on that. Or blink near it.

28. The Girl on the Run – Gregg Olsen
The Girl on the Run - Gregg Olsen
Thoughts: Rylee also doesn’t actually have a face. Just hair.

Cover Battles:

1. Love Bomb (Ladybirds #) – Jenny McLachlan

Love Bomb - Jenny McLachlan
Love Bomb (Ladybirds #) - Jenny McLachlan

UK vs. US: Totes adorbs.

2. A Death-Struck Year – Makiia Lucier

A Death-Struck Year - Makiia Lucier hb
A Death-Struck Year - Makiia Lucier

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Whelmed by both. I like the paperback a bit more, but the hardback tells me what the book is about better.

3. Geek Girl (Geek Girl #3) – Holly Smale

Picture Perfect (Geek Girl #3) - Holly Smale UK
Picture Perfect (Geek Girl #3) - Holly Smale dutch
Picture Perfect (Geek Girl #3) - Holly Smale french
Picture Perfect (Geek Girl #3) - Holly Smale turkish
Picture Perfect (Geek Girl #3) - Holly Smale

UK vs. Dutch vs. French vs. Turkish vs. US: Ooooh, this is the best of these covers, I think.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Breakwater (The Elemental Series #2) – Shannon Mayer
Breakwater (The Elemental Series #2) - Shannon Mayer
Thoughts: All I can think is that she’s about to give birth on this beach.

2. If it’s a Pain in the Ass, You’re Doing it Wrong – JC Clarke
If it's a Pain in the Ass, You're Doing it Wrong - JC Clarke
Thoughts: CRAUGHING.

3. Turning His Life Around – Grace R. Duncan
Turning His Life Around - Grace R. Duncan
Thoughts: I’d not recommend turning around, because then he’ll get a paddle to the penis.

Tell Me Your Favorites!

8 responses to “Cover Snark (153): Snark at the Speed of Us”

  1. 4. That’s how I feel about a lot of things tbh.
    5. Creeptastic. Pass.
    6. I really really really want to eat that purple cake!
    7. I thought the stylized title said Faped. Whoops. That circular thingie does not belong.
    8. I like the masking tape for some reason. Otherwise it looks like a lot of covers already out there…
    9. Love the tagline. and OMG this whole time I couldn’t see the sword! I saw a giant point like a spear. Wow. I like both colors of blood but wish it stood out more from the first book.
    12. Suuuuper old fashioned but I am intrigued!
    13. Hard pass o_O
    16. LOL I love the emojis on their heads.
    19. This is straight up Morgan bait, no question. But yeah, that tagline is suspect.
    22. Hmm. I like the idea but not the execution. It looks blurry. But the description is fabulous.
    23. Adorable. I like the watercolor effect and the diversity.
    27. SO CREEPY OH MY GOD
    1. Both are super cute but I like the colors of the UK one especially.
    3. The US cover is fun!

    • Christina Franke says:

      4. I mean, it’s not often that wouldn’t be true.

      6. I really, really want to eat the cake that will remove the memory of the first book from my head. 🙁

      7. HAHAHAHA FAPED. I wonder what that would mean.

      8. Hearts are wayyyy overdone. The masking tape is at least original?

      9. The tagline is fab. I actually didn’t notice the silver blood until Gillian pointed it out to me last night. It definitely blends too well.

      12. The art on this really upsets me.

      19. I’m skeptical of this book. After Suddenly Royal, I no longer trust this sort of book.

      22. Agree. It’s almost amazing but it’s like foggy?

      23. Yeah, this one’s cute. Also there are some diverse students which is awesome!

      27. This might be my favorite of the covers, if it didn’t have the Impulse banner.

  2. I am kind of annoyed by how similar the cover of Glass Sword is to Red Queen. It’s like they didn’t even try. And unless the two are next together, you can’t even tell them apart in your head.

    I love the cover of The Isle by Jordana Frankel. Yes, dinosaurs would make it better. They would probably make the book better too. The Ward was very average. I’m still gonna read it though.

    Love, love, love #22. I think I might pre-order that based on cover alone. And the fact that it’s middle grade only adds to my yearning.
    Kara @ Great Imaginations recently posted…Book Review: The Stellow ProjectMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      Generally, when I see comments on covers on Twitter, they’re overwhelmingly flaily and positive, but I pretty much only saw that reaction to Glass Sword. Even if it wasn’t so similar to the first, I don’t think it has that THING that makes it pop.

      I read The Ward too, and agree. It was a 2-3, depending on mood, I think. Three years later, I definitely don’t care enough to read the sequel. I wonder what happened there?

      22. Hahaha, middle grade tends to do the opposite to my yearning. :-p

  3. Now I wish I *had* written “Oompa loompas versus a space dragon”. That actually sounds a lot of fun. 😀

  4. 2. I like her nail polish.
    6. This looks so photoshopped.
    9. Kneel or bleed, cool.
    16. Eh.. not my thing.

    Battles:
    1. I like the redesign. Her eyes are also less creepy.
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  5. Lyn Kaye says:

    3. Alllllllmmmosstttt….but no.

    9. Great, now all I can think about are people doing unicorn battles with these crowns…..

    18. I SEE A CAT!!! 😀

    25, AKA: Death

    WTF:

    1. Is……she gonna take a crap on the beach????
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Book Review: Ready Player OneMy Profile

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