Cover Snark (152): The Mystery of Snark Places

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Link (The Shadow of Light #1) – Summer Wier
Link (The Shadow of Light #1) - Summer Wier
Thoughts: What appears to be a bare lightbulb hanging from the top of the cover adds an element of torture. It’s also highly reminiscent of Seeker.

2. The Reeducation of Savannah McGuire – Heidi McLaughlin
The Reeducation of Savannah McGuire - Heidi McLaughlin
Thoughts: HARD to believe they won’t bang in that fuckbed. I mean, truckbed.

3. Poppy Pym and the Pharaoh’s Curse – Laura Wood
Poppy Pym and the Pharaoh's Curse - Laura Wood
Thoughts: Middle grade covers, I’ll never be able to quit you.

4. Red Blooded – Caitlin Sinead
Red Blooded - Caitlin Sinead
Thoughts: Happy fuck of July! I mean, fourth. FOURTH. These NA covers do something to me, I swear.

5. The Increasingly Transparent Girl: A Girl from Between – Matthew Stott
The Increasingly Transparent Girl A Girl from Between - Matthew Stott
Thoughts: That title makes me trolololol. She must be related to Marty McFly.

6. Cam Girl – Leah Raeder
Cam Girl - Leah Raeder
Thoughts: So curious what’s going on in the background. I love that they didn’t just slap a girl in underwear on the cover and call it a day. I mean, she’s there, but only in the reflection of the lens, which is cool.

7. A Study in Charlotte – Brittany Cavallaro
Study in Charlotte - Brittany Cavallaro
Thoughts: Given all the Sherlock-inspired stuff, that tagline seems like it might be tough to live up to. Then again, I’ve never seen them with such an adorable illustrated cover so.

8. The Leaving Season – Cat Jordan
Leaving Season - Cat Jordan
Thoughts: I’d leave this boring cover too tbh.

9. A Drop of Night – Stefan Bachmann
A Drop of Night - Stefan Bachmann
Thoughts: What is happening out the left side that red light is zooming in the windows??? I don’t care for covers split up between the top and bottom halves like this. Choose one design and roll with it!

10. The Lifeboat Clique – Kathy Parks
Lifeboat Clique - Kathy Parks
Thoughts: Wait. The blurb says four popular girls and one outcast, but I only count four girls. Did one of the girls get changed into a bird?

11. Into the Dark – Caroline T. Patti
Into the Dark - Caroline T. Patti
Thoughts: Is this about a teen girl training to be a clown???

12. Sword and Verse – Kathy MacMillan
Sword and Verse - Kathy MacMillan
Thoughts: The ground spliitting looks really fake, but I appreciate that they didn’t just stick a sword on there and call it a day.

13. Anna, Banana, and the Puppy Parade – Anica Mrose Rissi
Anna, Banana, and the Puppy Parade - Anica Mrose Rissi
Thoughts: PUPPY PARADE. NUFF SAID.

14. The Land of Forgotten Girls – Erin Entrada Kelly
The Land of Forgotten Girls - Erin Entrada Kelly
Thoughts: It looks like they’re going to stay up late telling stories in the tent.

15. The Relic of Perilous Falls (Will Wilder #1) – Raymond Arroyo
The Relic of Perilous Falls (Will Wilder #1) - Raymond Arroyo
Thoughts: He stole that monster’s tiny sword. How rude!

16. This Is Where the World Ends – Amy Zhang
This Is Where the World Ends - Amy Zhang
Thoughts: The world ends with an epic feather pillow fight?

17. Harmony House – NicSheff
Harmony House - NicSheff
Thoughts: If it worked for Asylum

18. Dreamology – Lucy Keating
Dreamology - Lucy Keating
Thoughts: I know my brain went to the wrong place but all I can think of is Pinky going to beauty school.

19. The Land of 10,000 Madonnas – Kate Hattemer
The Land of 10,000 Madonnas - Kate Hattemer
Thoughts: Like a traveling virgin, abroad for the very first time.

20. The Serpent King – Jeff Zentner
The Serpent King - Jeff Zentner
Thoughts: This cover is moulting. Which is cool, albeit ever-so-slightly gross.

21. Free Verse – Sarah Dooley
Free Verse - Sarah Dooley
Thoughts: Let’s fold scarves! Into this old-fashioned suitcase!

22. Where Futures End – Parker Peevyhouse
Where Futures End - Parker Peevyhouse
Thoughts: Don’t go through the last door in the hallway of nigh endless doors.

23. The Last Boy and Girl in the World – Siobhan Vivian
The Last Boy and Girl in the World by Siobhan Vivian
Thoughts: This cover is so very Transatlantacism.

24. Love & Gelato – Jenna Evans Welch
Love & Gelato - Jenna Evans Welch
Thoughts: Okay, gelato is not a Blizzard, and you don’t test it by flipping it upside down. What you do is eat it. And love it.

25. I Woke Up Dead at the Mall – Judy Sheehan
I Woke Up Dead at the Mall - Judy Sheehan
Thoughts: Well, that’s a compelling title. Slightly awkward cover, though.

26. Burning Midnight – Will McIntosh
Burning Midnight - Will McIntosh
Thoughts: If there are wormy things growing out of the midnight sky, then maybe I would burn it too.

27. Darken the Stars (Kricket #3) – Amy A. Bartol
Darken the Stars (The Kricket Series #3) - Amy A. Bartol
Thoughts: As much as I hate the number of YA novels that are a girl underwater in a pose like this one, this cover is still pretty. Damn it.

28. Hawthorne & Heathcliff – R.K. Ryals
Hawthorne & Heathcliff - R.K. Ryals
Thoughts: Trolololol four shoes for two people. That’s going to be painful.

29. The August 5 – Jenna Helland
The August 5 - Jenna Helland
Thoughts: August like the month or like respected? Yeah, The Respected Pirate 5. I bet that’s it. But whatever CHEESY FLAME TITLE WHY?

30. The Mystery of Hollow Places – Rebecca Podos
The Mystery of Hollow Places - Rebecca Podos
Thoughts: You want to know what’s in the hollow place, but you can’t just stick your hand in there because who knows, right?

31. Did I Mention I Love You? (DIMILY #1) – Estelle Maskame
Did I Mention I Love You - Estelle Maskame
Thoughts: I probably didn’t mention my love for you, cover, because it doesn’t exist.

32. Gone with the Gin: Cocktails with a Hollywood Twist – Tim Federle
Gone with the Gin Cocktails with a Hollywood Twist - Tim Federle
Thoughts: Don’t ever change, Tim Federle.

33. The Way to Never (The Never Trilogy #2) – O. E. Boroni
The Way to Never (The Never Trilogy #2) - O. E. Boroni
Thoughts: The crappily applied sticker look for the series info mars an otherwise adorable cover.

34. Some of the Parts – Hannah Barnaby
Some of the Parts - Hannah Barnaby
Thoughts: The title makes me think that you don’t let go. Instead, you take what parts you have and build a Frankstein’s monster version of them.

35. Red Moon Rising – K. A. Holt
Red Moon Rising - K. A. Holt
Thoughts: This looks like a very inhospitable place. RIDE AWAY FAST. Though idk I think that girl can face whatever. That expression is fierce and she’s also armed.

36. Beatrice Bunson’s Guide to Romeo and Juliet – Paula Marantz Cohen
Beatrice Bunson's Guide to Romeo and Juliet - Paula Marantz Cohen
Thoughts: Add this to the list of covers I find inexplicably terrifying. There is something scary in that eye’s expression, I swear. Like, maybe she’s plotting to get two sappy teens in her class to kill themselves over love so she doesn’t have to listen to them be sentimental anymore?

37. Tragedy Girl – Christine Hurley
Tragedy Girl - Christine Hurley
Thoughts: She puts the I in GIRL.

38. The Memory Jar – Elissa Janine Hoole
The Memory Jar - Elissa Janine Hoole
Thoughts: The memory of getting sand all up everywhere to make a sand angel? Not sure if I’d put that in my memory jar.

39. Finding Hope – Colleen Nelson
Finding Hope - Colleen Nelson
Thoughts: Hope is the thing with feathers.

40. Nora & Kettle (Paper Stars #1) – Lauren Nicolle Taylor
Nora & Kettle (Paper Stars) - Lauren Nicolle Taylor
Thoughts: So the kite is named Nora, then?

41. The Girl in the Tower – Lisa Schroeder
The Girl in the Tower - Lisa Schroeder
Thoughts: Hey, you, what are you doing out of your tower? Kids these days.

42. The Capture (The Prey #2) – Tom Isbell
The Capture (The Prey #2) - Tom Isbell
Thoughts: THE CLIFFS OF INSANITYYYYYY

Cover Battles:

1. The Fire Sermon – Francesca Haig

The Fire Sermon - Francesca Haig
The Fire Sermon - Francesca Haig

UK vs. US: I really love the old paper look to the US cover, so I think I’d go for that one.

2. Miss Mayhem (Rebel Belle #2) – Rachel Hawkins

Miss Mayhem (Rebel Belle #2) - Rachel Hawkins
Miss Mayhem (Rebel Belle #2) - Rachel Hawkins

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Seafoam green is so in this season.

3. Lost in Ireland – Cindy Callaghan

Lucky Me - Cindy Callaghan
Lost in Ireland - Cindy Callaghan

Lucky Me vs. Lost in Ireland: Not BAAAAAAAAAAd. Then again, the original title/cover wasn’t either, so.

4. Finny and the Boy from Horse Mountain – Andrea Young

Finny and the Boy from Horse Mountain - Andrea Young hardback
Finny and the Boy from Horse Mountain - Andrea Young

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Glad they stopped horsing around and got serious about this.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. The Star Side of Bird Hill – Naomi Jackson
The Star Side of Bird Hill - Naomi Jackson
Thoughts: Am I the only one uncomfortable with this illustration?

2. Water Princess, Fire Prince (The Rizkaland Legends #1) – Kendra E. Ardnek
Water Princess, Fire Prince (The Rizkaland Legends #1) - Kendra E. Ardnek
Thoughts: Let this cover die a merciful death by both fire and ice.

3. The Underside of the Rainbow – B.E. Burkhead
The Underside of the Rainbow B.E. Burkhead
Thoughts: This is why no one ever sings about going under the rainbow.

Tell me your favorites in the comments!

2 responses to “Cover Snark (152): The Mystery of Snark Places”

  1. Oh my word, I think I’ve been laughing for over 10 minutes straight! Especially at 2; 4; 11 & 18, hahaha! :’D
    Kristin @ Simply Bookish Things recently posted…June’s Monthly Rewind And Other ShenanigansMy Profile

  2. Lyn Kaye says:

    1. However, I LOVE the color scheme of this one!!

    27. Gods, those covers are always AMAZING.

    WTF
    1. No, I was very unsettled by this cover as well.
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Book Review: Ready Player OneMy Profile

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