Cover Snark (149): The Snark We Love

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. When We Collided – Emery Lord
When We Collided - Emery Lord
Thoughts: My fingers itch to feel the textures on the finished copy.

2. Blackhearts – Nicole Castroman
Blackhearts - Nicole Castroman
Thoughts: A bit underwhelming after the Passenger cover reveal, but it’s pleasant nonetheless.

3. The Lexie Project (Something Real #2) – Heather Demetrios
The Lexie Project - Heather Demetrios
Thoughts: How did I not know this was happening? Anyway, this does not match Something Real and the art is not my fave.

4. Thanks for the Trouble – Tommy Wallach
Thanks for the Trouble - Tommy Wallach
Thoughts: I mean, as long as the trouble delivers me food and jewelry?

5. Nightstruck – Jenna Black
Nightstruck - Jenna Black
Thoughts: I’ll just cancel that evening stroll I had planned.

6. The Year We Fell Apart – Emily Martin
The Year We Fell Apart - Emily Martin
Thoughts: Seasons may chaaange, winter to spring, but I love you until the end of time.

7. Let the Wind Rise (Let the Sky Fall #3) – Shannon Messenger
Let the Wind Rise (Let the Sky Fall #3) - Shannon Messenger
Thoughts: Sort of looks like she just shot lightning out of her butt and he caught it.

8. A New Hope: The Princess, The Scoundrel, and the Farm Boy (Star Wars Illustrated Novels #1) – Alexandra Bracken
The Princess, The Scoundrel, and the Farm Boy - Alexandra Bracken
Thoughts: Oh, farm boy. Fetch me that ARC.

9. Counting Thyme – Melanie Conklin
Counting Thyme - Melanie Conklin
Thoughts: Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, throw papers out the window, counting thyme.

10. The Love That Split the World – Emily Henry
The Love That Split the World - Emily Henry
Thoughts: I’m reminded of The Girl Who Fell From the Sky, only I like that one better.

11. The Contrary Tale of the Butterfly Girl (The Peculiar Adventures of John Loveheart, Esq. #2) – Ishbelle Bee
The Contrary Tale of the Butterfly Girl
Thoughts: IS THAT THE BUTTERFLY GIRL? IS SHE GENDERBENDING?

12. Off the Ice (Juniper Falls #1) – Julie Cross
Off the Ice (Juniper Falls #1) - Julie Cross
Thoughts: Into the Fire.

13. The Stars Turned Away – Lisa Maxwell
The Stars Turned Away - Lisa Maxwell
Thoughts: No idea what a floating tree means re: the plot but holy shit am I in love with the look of that title. Talk about entitlement, amirite?

14. The Great American Whatever – Tim Federle
The Great American Whatever - Tim Federle
Thoughts: THE PIGEON

15. The Last Mortal Bond (Chronicle of the Unhewn Throne #3) – Brian Staveley
The Last Mortal Bond (Chronicle of the Unhewn Throne) - Brian Staveley
Thoughts: Dude, you do not do that to the eagles. They’ll come help you get to Mordor if they fucking feel like it.

16. Dragon Hunters (The Chronicles of the Exile #2) – Marc Turner
Dragon Hunters (The Chronicles of the Exile #2) - Marc Turner
Thoughts: Looks more like the dragon’s hunting them.

17. The Power (Titan #2) – Jennifer L. Armentrout
The Power (Titan #2) - Jennifer L. Armentrout
Thoughts: The good old serial killer smize.

18. A Whole New World: A Twisted Tale – Liz Braswell
A Whole New World A Twisted Tale - Liz Braswell
Thoughts: Thank you, genie, for improving on this cover at my command (The ARC cover was not as good, but I’m not going to share it here because it was never officially revealed). Aladdin meets Jackaby.

19. Firsts – Laurie Elizabeth Flynn
Firsts - Laurie Elizabeth Flynn
Thoughts: The fact that she’s wearing Chucks for this, on the bed, makes it seem not consensual, and I’m basically really uncomfortable looking at this.

20. The Evil We Love (Tales from Shadowhunter Academy #5) – Cassandra Clare & Robin Wasserman
The Evil We Love (Tales from Shadowhunter Academy #5) - Cassandra Clare & Robin Wasserman
Thoughts: Could these covers BE any more boring?

21. Pale Kings and Princes (Tales from Shadowhunter Academy #6) – Cassandra Clare & Robin Wasserman
Pale Kings and Princes (Tales from Shadowhunter Academy #6) - Cassandra Clare & Robin Wasserman
Thoughts: Royalty needs to go out into the sunshine sometimes too.

22. Flawed (Flawed #1) – Cecelia Ahern
Flawed - Cecelia Ahern
Thoughts: Pretty sure that F is actually for FIERCE.

23. The Way I Used to Be – Amber Smith
The Way I Used to Be - Amber Smith
Thoughts: Can we stop with the exploding flower covers? It was cool the first time, but no more.

24. The Skylighter (The Keepers’ Chronicles #2) – Becky Wallace
The Skylighter (The Keepers' Chronicles #2) - Becky Wallace
Thoughts: No. PLEASE NO. I beg of you. Say this isn’t final.

25. Ascending the Boneyard – C. G. Watson
Ascending the Boneyard - C. G. Watson
Thoughts: That person appears to be descending.

26. Essential Maps for the Lost – Deb Caletti
Essential Maps for the Lost - Deb Caletti
Thoughts: Underneath the water seems like a weird place to store the maps.

27. Up to This Pointe – Jennifer Longo
Up to This Pointe - Jennifer Longo
Thoughts: How did this ballerina get here? I have so many questions. Also, this art is adooooorbs.

28. Jupiter Rising (The Icarus Corps) – Zachary Brown
Jupiter Rising (The Icarus Corps #3) - Zachary Brown
Thoughts: All I can see is Channing Tatum with a goatee. Weird.

29. Borderline (Arcadia Project Trilogy #1) – Mishell Baker
Borderline (The Arcadia Project) - Mishell Baker
Thoughts: Does she have butterfly wings????

30. Roses and Rot – Kat Howard
Roses and Rot - Kat Howard
Thoughts: Her name dovetails into a blurb by Neil Gaiman. Really? REALLY?

31. Of Ice and Snow (Fairy Queens #0.5) – Amber Argyle
Of Ice and Snow (Fairy Queens #0.5) - Amber Argyle
Thoughts: The fairies creep me out, but I love the colors on Argyle’s covers a whole lot.

32. The Sleepwalker Tonic (Nightmares! #2) – Jason Segel & Kirsten Miller
The Sleepwalker Tonic (Nightmares! #2) - Jason Segel & Kirsten Miller
Thoughts: I like how the kid’s faces say UMMMM WTF.

33. Sky Key (Endgame #2) – James Frey & Nils Johnson-Shelton
Sky Key (Endgame #2) - James Frey & Nils Johnson-Shelton
Thoughts: Still assuming Nils Johnson-Shelton did all the actual work, but I guess we should be glad his name made the cover at all.

34. Alice Takes Back Wonderland – David D. Hammons
Alice Takes Back Wonderland - David D. Hammonds
Thoughts: This looks like an awesome video game.

35. Torn Sky (Rebel Wing #3) – Tracy Banghart
Torn Sky - Tracy Banghart
Thoughts: And then the couple got bombed.

36. Dawnbreaker (Legends of the Duskwalker #3) – Jay Posey
Dawnbreaker (Legends of the Duskwalker #3) - Jay Posey
Thoughts: Well that’s an awkward place for the Angry Robot logo.Well that’s an awkward place for the Angry Robot logo.

Cover Battles:

1. Let the Sky Fall (Let the Sky Fall #1) – Shannon Messenger

Let the Sky Fall - Shannon Messenger
Let the Sky Fall (Let the Sky Fall #1) - Shannon Messenger paperback
Let the Sky Fall (Let the Sky Fall #1) - Shannon Messenger

US Hardback vs. US Paperback vs. New US Redesign: TBH, the original covers are cheesy, but they are so perfect for the book. What the eff is this new cover? It’s so dated and looks like someone turned a taser on it.

2. Let the Storm Break (Let the Sky Fall #2) – Shannon Messenger

Let the Storm Break (Let the Sky Fall #2) - Shannon Messenger hardback
Let the Storm Break (Let the Sky Fall #2) - Shannon Messenger

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: No, really, these look so much like the So You Want to Be a Wizard covers

3. The Shepherd’s Crown (Discworld #41) – Terry Pratchett

The Shepherd's Crown - Terry Pratchett
The Shepherd's Crown - Terry Pratchett UK

US vs. UK: Do I go for the US cover with bugs but pretty colors and font or the UK cover that’s cute but the girl has slightly odd proportions? Or maybe I just sit here weeping bc Sir Terrrrrrry.

4. The World Forgot (The Ever-Expanding Universe #3) – Martin Leicht & Isla Neal

The World Forgot - Martin Leicht & Isla Neal
The World Forgot (The Ever-Expanding Universe #3) - Martin Leicht & Isla Neal

US Hardback vs. US Mass Market: That chubby baby hand is a nightmare. It’s such a pretty cover and then there’s that and omg save me, guys. That said, I’d prefer to have the baby hand of doom cover to the original hardback.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Every Second Counts (Split Second #2) – Sophie McKenzie
Every Second Counts - Sophie McKenzie
Thoughts: This is a joke, right? This cannot be the final cover. It looks like a made for TV sci fi movie from the 80s. The boy even looks a bit like Elijah Wood. Nope nope nope.

2. Scratched – Marie Long
Scratched - Marie Long
Thoughts: I’m totally down for this in theory, but OMG they look so uncomfortable with this. It’s like that Friends episode where Chandler and Phoebe pretend to be into each other.

3. Spinner – Michael J. Bowler
Spinner - Michael J. Bowler
Thoughts: Clearly this is about a young kid who murders people in wheelchairs.

Choose Your Favorites:

Snarking is fun, but it’s time to give the designers/publishers/authors props (the authors often have no creative say, but hey props are nice). Vote for the covers that really impressed you this week.

6 responses to “Cover Snark (149): The Snark We Love”

  1. The Skylighter = heart forever broken. Noooooooooo.
    Debby (Snuggly Oranges) recently posted…Book Haul #23: Short and SweetMy Profile

  2. fakesteph says:

    I’ve missed reading these posts. Came wait to see how number one feels and omg number 7.
    fakesteph recently posted…Top Ten (Tuesday) Most Anticipated Releases For the Rest of 2015My Profile

  3. Steena says:

    Re: #34 “Alice Takes Back Wonderland” – that’s because it already is an awesome video game. American McGee’s Alice and Alice: Madness Returns. They look remarkably similar.

  4. 1. The colors are lovely and I’m sure the texture will be too but I really dislike abstract art so this is a miss for me 🙁
    2. I feel the same way, Passenger looks much cooler. It’s a bit bland aside from the bottle.
    4. I want the rest of that pizza. I think I’m hungry.
    7. LOL LOL LOL OH MY GOD.
    8. Loooove these cover designs, especially this one! Leia! I hope the book is good.
    10. The font is a little cartoonish but I really like this otherwise.
    11. Beautifullll and ornate.
    13. Oh wow very lovely font!
    18. Love the new cover! Such an improvement and so pretty.
    24. Especially compared to The Storyspinner, this is awful. And that guy is super creepy.
    28. Bad. Ass. (I looked up the series and it sounds like something Chris would love! Score.)
    34. Ahhh this is really appealing! Looks awesome.
    1. I agree; I haven’t read them yet but the originals are pretty even if they’re cheesy. The new ones are blerg.
    3. Ooh I like the US cover, I think that’s a sand dollar!
    Morgan @ Gone with the Words recently posted…Review: Rook by Sharon CameronMy Profile

  5. 3. Nope nope nope cannot with that art nope.

    4. I won’t be thanking him if he gets pizza grease all over that pretty jewelry.

    5. I’m getting such a Buffy Season 7 vibe from this cover. Also, HOW THE FUCK DID THAT STREETLIGHT GET TWISTED INTO A NOOSE?

    7. All the covers feel so MG to be because of the illustrations and the font. Bleh.

    17. I’ve heard of people raising one eyebrow (hell, I can do it myself), but raising only the corner of one eyebrow? The end of his right eyebrow is definitely higher than the end on his left eyebrow. Whoever does his brows needs to pay better attention.

    24. O.O

    26. Hell, no one’s going to think to look underwater for your maps! Stuff them in a good bottle and bury them well and voila! Safe place.

    34. Having lovely American McGee’s Alice flashbacks. <3

    4. The font and colors on the original cover are so prettyyyyy, but they still managed to ruin it. 🙁 I really wish they'd kept with the illustrations.

    1. Sorryyyyyy. It matches the US cover for the first book too well, so unless S&S goes for another redesign…

    3. "He only looks harmless," eh? WRONG. WHEELCHAIRS NEVER LOOK HARMLESS. THEY ARE DEATHTRAPS. The boy's probably the kid orphaned by the murderous wheelchair.

  6. Kayla Beck says:

    I would love to know what Shannon Messenger did to anger the cover gods. Those do-overs look self-published. And “Let the Wind Rise” looks like a horrible joke. Lightning flying out of her ass is one way to let the “wind” rise… *shakes head*

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