Cover Snark (148): Infinite in Snark

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Guyliner – J. Leigh Bailey
Guyliner - J. Leigh Bailey
Thoughts: These boys like to play ball. (I’m sorry, but I had to okay.)

2. Black Widow: Forever Red – Margaret Stohl
Forever Red - Margaret Stohl
Thoughts: If only I could see this without hearing Iggy Azalea.

3. One Good Dragon Deserves Another (Heartstrikers #2) – Rachel Aaron
One Good Dragon Deserves Another (Heartstrikers #2) - Rachel Aaron
Thoughts: One good dragon deserves a cat army.

4. Serpentine – Cindy Pon
Serpentine - Cindy Pon
Thoughts: You know she’s special when not only does she have two differently colored eyes but one is a snake eye.

5. Space Hostages – Sophia McDougall
Space Hostages - Sophia McDougall
Thoughts: THEY HAVE BEEN CAPTURED BY GIANT SPACE FISH.

6. The Crowham Martyrs – Jane McLoughlin
The Crowham Martyrs - Jane McLoughlin
Thoughts: The roof is an interesting place to bury people.

7. Rising Tide – Rajan Khanna
Rising Tide - Rajan Khanna
Thoughts: Looks like a graduate student stuck in the apocalypse.

8. Gold Throne in Shadow (World of Prime #2) – M.C. Planck
Gold Throne in Shadow (World of Prime #2) - M.C. Planck
Thoughts: HELLOOOOOO HOT ARMED GINGER.

9. Molly and Pim and the Millions of Stars – Martine Murray
Molly and Pim and the Millions of Stars - Martine Murray
Thoughts: Damn you, middle grade, and your heart-melting illustrations. I PREFER MY HEART ICY.

10. After Alice – Gregory Maguire
After Alice - Gregory Maguire
Thoughts: Looks like the hare is about to get a teacup to the head.

11. Until We Meet Again – Renee Collins
Until We Meet Again - Renee Collins
Thoughts: While I wait, I’ll be in the ocean.

12. The Heartbreakers – Ali Novak
The Heartbreakers - Ali Novak
Thoughts: Teehee, this is how you play a guitar, right?

13. Leaving Earth (The Galahad Archives #1) – Dom Testa
Leaving Earth (The Galahad Archives #1) - Dom Testa
Thoughts: Well, this omnibus cover is better than the originals, however I think it’s seriously shitty that they’re giving the omnibuses their own series name. The series was just Galahad before and now it’s The Galahad Archives. That won’t be an information organization nightmare or anything.

14. Character, Driven – David Lubar
Character, Driven - David Lubar
Thoughts: Title, punned.

15. Teen Frankenstein (High School Horror Story #1) – Chandler Baker
Teen Frankenstein (High School Horror) - Chandler Baker
Thoughts: EW DISEMBODIED HAND

16. Daisy and the Front Man (Backstage Pass #3) – Rebekah L. Purdy
Daisy and the Front Man (Backstage Pass #3) - Rebekah L. Purdy
Thoughts: Backyard Pass.

17. Half in Love with Death – Emily Ross
Half In Love With Death - Emily Ross
Thoughts: Her sister’s last words were the title? Or?

18. Library of Souls (Miss Peregrine’s Peculiar Children #3) – Ransom Riggs
Library of Souls (Miss Peregrine's Peculiar Children #3) - Ransom Riggs
Thoughts: These covers are suck creepy perfection. Creepfection?

19. The Mirror King (The Orphan Queen #2) – Jodi Meadows
The Mirror King (The Orphan Queen #2) - Jodi Meadows
Thoughts: This definitely looks like a really cheesy sci fi movie.

20. Tarnished – Kate Jarvik Birch
Tarnished - Kate Jarvik Birch
Thoughts: How long did it take you to figure out that that is a dress?

21. The Bazaar of Bad Dreams: Stories – Stephen King
The Bazaar of Bad Dreams Stories - Stephen King
Thoughts: Duuuuuuude. I don’t really like the font color with the rest of it, but omg the head with the butterflies and stufffff.

22. Unforgiven (Fallen #5) – Lauren Kate
Unforgiven (Fallen) - Lauren Kate
Thoughts: He’s in the Arrested Development moping pose.

23. Stone Field – Christy Lenzi
Stone Field - Christy Lenzi
Thoughts: Her belt is made of people.

24. Library Jumpers – Brenda Drake
Library Jumpers - Brenda Drake
Thoughts: He should book it away from her.

25. Forget Tomorrow – Pintip Dunn
Forget Tomorrow - Pintip Dunn
Thoughts: Does the future involve turning into a bird?

26. Infinite in Between – Carolyn Mackler
Infinite in Between - Carolyn Mackler
Thoughts: To infinity and beyond!

27. What You Always Wanted – Kristin Rae
What You Always Wanted - Kristin Rae
Thoughts: Her expression is one hundred percent theater kid, and I love it. He, however, is creeping me out. It looks like he’s stalking her.

28. Infinite (Ignite #3) – Erica Crouch
Infinite - Erica Crouch
Thoughts: What’s infinite? Obviously the number of book covers with bewinged humans.

29. These Shallow Graves – Jennifer Donnelly
These Shallow Graves - Jennifer Donnelly
Thoughts: The dead rose from the shallow graves. Rose. Get it?

30. The Hollow Boy (Lockwood & Co. #3) – Jonathan Stroud
The Hollow Boy (Lockwood & Co. #3) - Jonathan Stroud
Thoughts: The Man in the Iron Mask 2: The Mask in the Iron Chains.

31. Aberration – Lisa Regan
Aberration - Lisa Regan
Thoughts: DIS BITCH.

32. Paper Wishes – Lois Sepahban
Paper Wishes - Lois Sepahban
Thoughts: I don’t blame her for wishing for an adorable puppy.

33. Raging Sea (Undertow #2) – Michael Buckley
Raging Sea - Michael Buckley
Thoughts: A combination water park and theme park sounded like a good idea, but then again so did Jurassic Park.

34. Air Awakens (Air Awakens #1) – Elisa Kova
Air Awakens - Elisa Kova
Thoughts: THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. Also, that’s a gorgeous model pose.

35. Sounds Like Me: My Life (So Far) in Song – Sara Bareilles
Sounds Like Me My Life (So Far) in Song - Sara Bareilles
Thoughts: Megaphony.

Cover Battles:

1. Emmy & Oliver – Robin Benway

Emmy & Oliver - Robin Benway
Emmy & Oliver - Robin Benway

US vs. UK: Similar, but it looks so much fluffier because of the brighter colors.

2. A Thousand Nights – E.K. Johnston

A Thousand Nights - E. K. Johnston
A Thousand Nights - E.K. Johnston

US vs. UK: I thought I was over books with feathers on the cover, but they knocked me right over with this one.

3. The Iron Trial (Magisterium #1) – Holly Black & Cassandra Clare

The Iron Trial (Magisterium #1) - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare
The Iron Trial (Magisterium #1) - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare German
The Iron Trial (Magisterium #1) - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare Italian
The Iron Trial (Magisterium #1) - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare Vietnamese
The Iron Trial (Magisterium #1) - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare UK

US vs. German vs. Italian vs. Vietnamese vs. UK: Just FYI, I’ve not included the foreign covers with the same design as the US cover. I like the UK cover, but the most attention-grabbing one is definitely the Vietnamese cover. It’s on some powerful drugs, but I think I like it? I don’t know. I stared at it for like five minutes.

4. The Copper Gauntlet (Magisterium #2) – Holly Black & Cassandra Clare

The Copper Gauntlet - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare
The Copper Gauntlet (Magisterium #2) - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare German
The Copper Gauntlet (Magisterium #2) - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare

US vs. German vs. UK: I don’t entirely loathe the US ones or anything, but that cover would be my last choice from this bunch.

5. Poison Is Not Polite (Wells & Wong #2) – Robin Stevens

Poison Is Not Polite , Arsenic for Tea (Wells & Wong) - Robin Stevens
Poison Is Not Polite (Wells & Wong) - Robin Stevens

US vs. UK: They’re both so cute. How does one chooooose?

6. Hello? – Liza Wiemer

Hello - Liza Wiemer
Hello - Liza Wiemer

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Praise the cover gods for redesigning. No book could ever deserve take 1.

7. Neverwhere – Neil Gaiman

Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman mass market
Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman 2003
Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman green
Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman

US 1998 edition vs. US 2003 vs. US 2009 vs. Author’s Preferred Text: Author’s Preferred Edition sounds like code for “fuck my editor, I’m putting everything they cut back in!” Fittingly, it also has the cover that most screams pretentious literary fiction.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Forever: A Lobster Kind of Love – Jody Pardo & Jennifer Tocheny
Forever A Lobster Kind of Love - Jody Pardo & Jennifer Tocheny
Thoughts: He’s her lobster!

2. Bear the Cold (Sassy Shifter Brides #3) – Anya Nowlan
Bear the Cold - Anya Nowlan
Thoughts: Not remotely embearassing.

3. When an Alpha Purrs (A Lion’s Pride #1) – Eve Langlais
When an Alpha Purrs - Eve Langlais
Thoughts: Dick pride.

4. Love, Meow – Jasmine Aherne & Naomi Bellina
Love, Meow - Jasmine Aherne & Naomi Bella
Thoughts: Love your cat, but don’t LOVE your cat.

Choose Your Favorites:

Snarking is fun, but it’s time to give the designers/publishers/authors props (the authors often have no creative say, but hey props are nice). Vote for the covers that really impressed you this week.

4 responses to “Cover Snark (148): Infinite in Snark”

  1. Kayla Beck says:

    2. And that would be a win for me living under a rock! I have no idea what Iggy Azalea has to do with Black Widow. 😀

    18. Children do NOT need wings. If my daughter grew some, I’d probably have to leave the country. *shudders*

    19. LOLOLOL These covers are just silly.

    22. He’s grabbing his crotch.

    34. I’m surprised. I would have sworn that this cover was something they’d use on Tor.com.
    Kayla Beck recently posted…Review: Pocket Apocalypse by Seanan McGuireMy Profile

  2. Hannah says:

    SASSY SHIFTER BRIDES? *vomits quietly in mouth*

    Also, The Mirror King cover looks so incredibly cheesy.

    Also also, what is with all the YA band contemporaries these days? Sigh.
    Hannah recently posted…Review: Royal Wedding (Princess Diaries #11) – Meg CabotMy Profile

  3. 8. What a bad ass looking girl!
    18. Creepy. That kid has an intense look.
    27. He looks like he is about to say ‘HEY, I know we just met, but I love you and I watch you while you sleep.”
    34. Prettyprettypretty.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 229. Rosamund Hodge – Crimson bound.My Profile

  4. David Lubar says:

    I loved your meta-snarky coverage of Character, Driven. Very clever.

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