Cover Snark (147): Welcome to Snarkville High

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Every Heart a Doorway – Seanan McGuire
Every Heart a Doorway - Seanan McGuire
Thoughts: This is sort of how I pictured the heart in Magonia, only it had a bird in there not a forest. Either one’s kinda weird.

2. Heart-Shaped Hack – Tracey Garvis Graves
Heart-Shaped Hack - Tracey Garvis Graves
Thoughts: The cover kind of reminds me of the Fidelity Music video, which I love, but also I find the title very off-putting.

3. Exit Stage Left – Gail Nall
Exit Stage Left - Gail Nall
Thoughts: You can exit stage left, because you ain’t right.

4. Welcome to Hickville High (Hickville #1) – Mary Karlik
Welcome to Hickville High - Mary Karlik
Thoughts: Pinterest barn.

5. Lies We Live (The Truth Series #1) – Brenda St. John Brown
Lies We Live - Brenda St. John Brown
Thoughts: Even though I really liked her previous novel, this cover makes me really have to fight to maintain interest.

6. The Way Back from Broken – Amber J. Keyser
The Way Back from Broken - Amber J. Keyser
Thoughts: Snarkiness

7. The Corridor (The Corridor #1) – A.N. Wilson
Corridor - A.N. Wilson
Thoughts: Are the walls reflective water? If so, how is her hair dry?

8. MARY: Unleashed (Bloody Mary #2) – Hillary Monahan
MARY Unleashed (Bloody Mary #2) - Hillary Monahan
Thoughts: Mary escaped the mirror and has also flipped you the bird for good measure.

9. Dark Tide (Waterfire Saga #3) – Jennifer Donnelly
Dark Tide - Jennifer Donnelly
Thoughts: Asian mermaid is awesome, even if her expression looks a bit more serene than anyone’s should with that monster fish sneaking up on them.

10. Murder on the Disoriented Express – Emily Lloyd-Jones
Murder on the Disoriented Express - Emily Lloyd-Jones
Thoughts: The money looks pretty fake, but I’m so here for this title.

11. Riders (Riders #1) – Veronica Rossi
Riders - Veronica Rossi
Thoughts: To quote Gillian (Writer of Wrongs), “like no way is a flaming apocalyptic doom horse galloping across a soccer field.”

12. The Last Place on Earth – Carol Snow
The Last Place on Earth - Carol Snow
Thoughts: Sucks for the planet, but pretty for the cover.

13. Chasing Impossible (Pushing the Limits #5)- Katie McGarry
Chasing Impossible - Katie McGarry
Thoughts: Impossibly boring.

14. Camp Omigosh – Wade Bradford
Camp Omigosh - Wade Bradford
Thoughts: Ohmighost.

15. The Offer – Karina Halle
The Offer - Karina Halle
Thoughts: Listen, I love hot pink more than most and this is just too damn much.

16. Upside-Down Magic (Upside-Down Magic #1) – Sarah Mlynowski, Lauren Myracle, & Emily Jenkins
Upside-Down Magic - Sarah Mlynowski, Lauren Myracle, & Emily Jenkins
Thoughts: I want a kitten/dragon hybrid sooooo badly.

17. A Red-Rose Chain (October Daye #9) – Seanan McGuire
A Red-Rose Chain (October Daye #) - Seanan McGuire
Thoughts: Look at the top half and it’s this lovely fairytale princess. Bottom half and she’s done something gruesome. Hell yes.

18. DC Trip – Sara Benincasa
DC Trip - Sara Benincasa
Thoughts: That looks way more fun ngl.

19. Wild Sky (Night Sky #2) – Suzanne Brockmann & Melanie Brockmann
Wild Sky - Suzanne Brockmann & Melanie Brockmann
Thoughts: Prettyyyyyy blue. Not as much loving the awkward running pose of the silhouette, but I can ignore it.

20. Voice of Gods (Blood of Gods and Royals #0.5) – Eleanor Herman
Voice of Gods (Blood of Gods and Royals #0.5) - Eleanor Herman
Thoughts: Looooovely map in the background the color of rusted blood. Two wings way way up.

21. The Trilogy of Two – Juman Malouf
The Trilogy of Two - Juman Malouf
Thoughts: Duuuude, this is so cool and creepy and what does that title even mean yo.

22. Song of Summer – Laura Lee Anderson
Song of Summer - Laura Lee Anderson
Thoughts: Awwwwww, precious fat birdses listening to music.

23. Edgewater – Courtney Sheinmel
Edgewater - Courtney Sheinmel
Thoughts: It may look like the house is upside down, but actually she and her horse are prancing through the sky upside down.

24. Borrowed Time – Greg Leitich Smith
Borrowed Time - Greg Leitich Smith
Thoughts: This sea dinosaur very obviously has its excited selfie face on, and I love that.

25. Insidious (The Twixt #3) – Dawn Metcalf
Insidious (The Twixt #3) - Dawn Metcalf
Thoughts: Go with the flower. It’s totally safe.

26. Songs of Seraphina – Jude Houghton
Songs of Seraphina - Jude Houghton
Thoughts: Those are some HUGE people. Both of those ladies have some fabulous hair.

27. Saving Montgomery Sole – Mariko Tamaki
Saving Montgomery Sole - Mariko Tamaki
Thoughts: Is she in space? Or is one of those the sun and one the moon? Are we saving her from the moon falling on her head?

28. Under the Dusty Moon – Suzanne Sutherland
Under the Dusty Moon - Suzanne Sutherland
Thoughts: Someone needs to clean off that moon. Think of the example being set for the children!

29. After the Woods – Kim Savage
After the Woods - Kim Savage
Thoughts: Who doesn’t get a bit sleepy after a walk in the woods?

30. A Wish Made of Glass – Ashlee Willis
A Wish Made of Glass - Ashlee Willis
Thoughts: Really useful if you wished for a goblet or something, but a glass car or *cough* shoes would probably not be quite what you wished for.

31. Menagerie (Menagerie, #1) – Rachel Vincent
Menagerie (Menagerie, #1) - Rachel Vincent
Thoughts: It’s pretty for sure, but also I’m not entirely certain I’m not looking at a placeholder.

Cover Battles:

1. Need – Joelle Charbonneau

Need - Joelle Charbonneau
Need - Joelle Charbonneau

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Still not the most original cover in the world, but an improvement nonetheless.

2. The Pirate Code (Hook’s Revenge #2) – Heidi Schulz

The Pirate Code (Hook's Revenge #2) - Heidi Schulz
The Pirate Code (Hook's Revenge #2) - Heidi Schulz

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: I thiiiink I prefer the ship, but apparently Disney did not ship it with the book.

3. Briar Rose – Jane Yolen

Briar Rose - Jane Yolen 1993
Briar Rose - Jane Yolen 2002
Briar Rose - Jane Yolen

US 1993 vs. US 2002 vs. US 2016: The cover would have to be way more amazing for me to prefer it to the 2002 cover, which I find completely gorgeous.

4. Dangerous Lies – Becca Fitzpatrick

Dangerous Lies - Becca Fitzpatrick
Dangerous Lies - Becca Fitzpatrick

US vs. UK: A girl running away down a country road or a girl standing in a field but apparently about to be run over by a vehicle? What a choice?

5. Zeroes – Scott Westerfeld, Margo Lanagan, Deborah Biancotti

Zeroes - Scott Westerfeld US
Zeroes - Scott Westerfeld, Margo Lanagan, Deborah Biancotti

US vs. UK: Oddly, the grey and yellow cover scheme is much more pleasant than blue and grey.

6. The Masked Truth – Kelley Armstrong

The Masked Truth - Kelley Armstrong
The Masked Truth - Kelley Armstrong

Canadian vs. UK: One cover has a vision, and the other does not.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Back at Your Door – Jasmine Aherne
Back at Your Door - Jasmine Aherne
Thoughts: Either she lives in a ruin or he’s talking about a different door, if you know what I mean. Also, I love how they have an aura because of the great photoshopping.

2. Butter My Biscuit: Erotic Stories to Feed Your Lust – Nora Blackwell
Butter My Biscuit Erotic Stories to Feed Your Lust
Thoughts: Food’s up!

3. Butt Riders on the Range – Various
Butt Riders on the Range
Thoughts: This may be the best title of all time. Idk.

Choose Your Favorites:

Snarking is fun, but it’s time to give the designers/publishers/authors props (the authors often have no creative say, but hey props are nice). Vote for the covers that really impressed you this week.

4 responses to “Cover Snark (147): Welcome to Snarkville High”

  1. Carlisa says:

    hahaha I love this feature. Also I’ve seen The Corridor’s cover before but this time I couldn’t stop looking at the ugly faces she’s making in the reflection and I laughed out loud.
    Carlisa recently posted…The Treatment: A Book ReviewMy Profile

  2. Layla says:

    I actually really like the one for Trilogy of Two. I have no idea what it means, but it looks like creepysauce, so I must have it. (It reminds me of John Bellairs’s books or something.

    But most of all, I want that dragon-kitten hybrid, although I am positive it is a bad idea. Kittens are more than enough trouble *without* wings.

  3. Hannah says:

    AH, I didn’t even know Seanan had a new book coming out! I’m a major fangirl of hers.

    Love the Asian mermaid cover. Gorgeous.

    OOH, another Seanan cover? I ADORE THE TOBY DAYE SERIES. *flails*
    Hannah recently posted…Review: Cloud Atlas by David MitchellMy Profile

  4. […] excited about with other bloggers and readers. I just stumbled upon this book last week, thanks to Cover Snark, and I’m always up for good circus […]

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