Cover Snark (146): The City of Heavenly Snark

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Sorry for the belated Cover Snark. The covers are a bit mixed up. Some are in this post, and some will be in Thursday’s. *shrugs* Catching up is hard, yo.

Shiny and New:

1. The Fix – Natasha Sinel
The Fix - Natasha Sinel
Thoughts: Love her dress, and also that she seems to be wearing a hairtie on her wrist, which was my classic style for a lot of years.

2. Sweaterweather & Other Short Stories – Sara Varon
Sweaterweather & Other Short Stories - Sara Varon
Thoughts: AWWWWWW. This appeals to my Rocky & Bullwinkle feels. Also to the feels that commercial with all the weird animal friendships does.

3. My Seventh-Grade Life In Tights – Brooks Benjamin
My Seventh-Grade Life In Tights - Brooks Benjamin
Thoughts: Some of those dance moves are hilariously awkward. Rather like the seventh grade. I love the words hidden in the background.

4. Why Not Me? – Mindy Kaling
Why Not Me - Mindy Kaling
Thoughts: Love love love her dress. This stupid feature makes me want to go shopping.

5. The Last Faerie Queen (The Last Changeling #2) – Chelsea Pitcher
The Last Faerie Queen (The Last Changeling #2) - Chelsea Pitcher
Thoughts: That tattoo is straight up asking for someone to shoot an arrow into her shoulder.

6. The Devious Dr. Jekyll (Electric Empire #2) – Viola Carr
The Devious Dr. Jekyll (Electric Empire ) - Viola Carr
Thoughts: OH HEY LADY JEKYLL. The mad scientist look is way hotter on women.

7. The Secrets of Blood and Bone (Jackdaw Hammond #1) – Rebecca Alexander
The Secrets of Blood and Bone - Rebecca Alexander
Thoughts: Not the best use of wolf, but I love the title treatment, so I won’t howl about it too much.

8. Wake of Vultures – Lila Bowen
Wake of Vultures - Lila Bowen
Thoughts: I don’t think this is going to win featherweight cover boxing.

9. Endure (Defy #3) – Sara B. Larson
Endure (Defy #3) - Sara B. Larson
Thoughts: Lol. I feel like this shield would distract people. Enemies would be taunting you for your “girly” shield, and you can run them through while they throw their heads back and laugh.

10. The Masked Truth – Kelley Armstrong
The Masked Truth - Kelley Armstrong
Thoughts: A wall seems like an ineffective mask, bc man that would be a lot to wear on your face.

11. The Year of Lightning (The Time Shift Trilogy #1) – Ryan Dalton
The Year of Lightning - Ryan Dalton (2)
Thoughts: I find it odd that the cloud is zigzagging like lightning. Always cloud has envied lightning, but now it has mastered the art of the zigzag.

12. The Sleeping Life (Eferum #2) – Andrea K. Höst
The Sleeping Life - Andrea K. Host
Thoughts: That doesn’t sound too bad, minus the scary vines. I mean, I do love sleep.

13. Riot of Storm and Smoke (Threats of Sea and Sky #2) – Jennifer Ellision

Thoughts: It’s odd to me that the audiobook cover came out first, but who gives a damn when it looks like that?

14. The Forgotten Mountain (The Collectors’ Society #3) – Heather Lyons
The Forgotten Mountain - Heather Lyon
Thoughts: GIRL THERE IS A HUGE FUCKING SPIDER. RUNNNNNNN.

15. The Time of the Clockmaker – Anna Caltabiano
The Time of the Clockmaker - Anna Caltabiano
Thoughts: Girl, that clock is exploding over your head and maybe trying to suck you through a tractor beam. You should be running as fast as the girl above, not praying.

16. The Nightmare Charade (The Arkwell Academy #3) – Mindee Arnett
The Nightmare Charade - Mindee Arnett
Thoughts: All boats should look like dragons.

17. Inherit the Stars – Tessa Elwood
Inherit the Stars - Tessa Elwood
Thoughts: Is this how people in space are dressing? It’s very Star Trek meets Gossip Girl. I also don’t get why she’s turning away, like we’re the paparazzi and she can’t even.

18. Yours Truly (Pen Pal #1) – Cassie Shine
Yours Truly - Cassie Shine
Thoughts: Cute, but I thought it was a middle grade until I went to grab a Goodreads link for it.

19. Return of the Witch – Paula Brackston
Return of the Witch - Paula Brackston
Thoughts: SURPRISE, BITCHESSSSSS!

20. My Secret to Tell – Natalie D. Richards
My Secret to Tell - Natalie D. Richards
Thoughts: Meh.

21. And Again – Jessica Chiarella
And Again - Jessica Chiarella
Thoughts: Siamese twins?

22. The Key to Extraordinary – Natalie Lloyd
The Key to Extraordinary - Natalie Lloyd
Thoughts: I’m not incredibly keyn on it, but whatevs cute illustrations.

23. Surviving Ice (Burying Water #4) – K.A. Tucker
Surviving Ice - K.A. Tucker
Thoughts: Um YES TO THIS HEROINE.

24. See How They Run (Embassy Row #2) – Ally Carter
See How They Run (Embassy Row) - Ally Carter
Thoughts: Looks more like she’s doing a runway strut away from the embassy she just burned down.

25. Through the Dark (The Darkest Minds #1.5, 2.5 ,3.5) – Alexandra Bracken
Through the Dark (The Darkest Minds #1.5, 2.5 ,3.5) - Alexandra Bracken
Thoughts: Well, it’s nICE, I guess.

26. This Is Where It Ends – Marieke Nijkamp
This Is Where It Ends - Marieke Nijkamp
Thoughts: Cannot help wondering if this is really how chalk would react if hit by a bullet.

Cover Battles:

1. Extraordinary Means – Robyn Schneider

Extraordinary Means - Robyn Schneider
Extraordinary Means - Robyn Schneider

US vs. UK: The UK cover is fucking beautiful and seems to fit the content. US, YOU LOSE.

2. The Tattooed Heart (Messenger of Fear #2) – Michael Grant

The Tattooed Heart (Messenger of Fear #2) - Michael Grant UK
The Tattooed Heart (Messenger of Fear #2) - Michael Grant

UK vs. US: I like that they resisted putting a heart on here. However, that mountain is very phallic all up in that A’s business.

3. City of Ashes (The Mortal Instruments #2) – Cassandra Clare

City of Ashes - Cassandra Clare
City of Ashes (The Mortal Instruments #2) - Cassandra Clare

US Original vs. US Redesign: This is SO much more badass, even though Clary looks like she’s just falling down. Meanwhile, these redesigns still look like adult PNR, just less like romance novels now.

4. City of Glass (The Mortal Instruments, #3) – Cassandra Clare

City of Glass (The Mortal Instruments, #3) - Cassandra Clare original
City of Glass (The Mortal Instruments, #3) - Cassandra Clare

US Original vs. US Redesign: Not sure which guy that is. Based on the chains, I’m guessing it’s the evil dude? Idek. Still better than the original. #lowbar

5. City of Fallen Angels (The Mortal Instruments #4) – Cassandra Clare

City of Fallen Angels
City of Fallen Angels (The Mortal Instruments #4) - Cassandra Clare

US Original vs. US Redesign: Isabelle, I presume? She looks like a badass bitch, compared to Clary falling down. Seems about right.

6. City of Lost Souls (The Mortal Instruments #5) – Cassandra Clare

City of Lost Souls - Cassandra Clare
City of Lost Souls (The Mortal Instruments #5) - Cassandra Clare

US Original vs. US Redesign: Not sure who this guy is, but yes I will take this over a canoodling Jace and Clary any fucking day.

7. City of Heavenly Fire (The Mortal Instruments #6) – Cassandra Clare

City of Heavenly Fire (The Mortal Instruments #6) - Cassandra Clare
City of Heavenly Fire (The Mortal Instruments #6) - Cassandra Clare

US Original vs. US Redesign: My, what a big sword he has.

8. Clockwork Angel (The Infernal Devices #1) – Cassandra Clare

Clockwork Angel (The Infernal Devices #1) - Cassandra Clare original
Clockwork Angel (The Infernal Devices #1) - Cassandra Clare

US Original vs. US Redesign: Weeping clockwork angels cannot be defeated with swords, sir.

9. Clockwork Prince (The Infernal Devices, #2) – Cassandra Clare

Clockwork Prince (The Infernal Devices, #2) - Cassandra Clare original
Clockwork Prince (The Infernal Devices, #2) - Cassandra Clare

US Original vs. US Redesign: JEM AND HIS VIOLIN. AHAHAHAHA. Am now wondering if he is in any way related to the Holograms….

10. Clockwork Princess (The Infernal Devices #3) – Cassandra Clare

Clockwork Princess (The Infernal Devices #3) - Cassandra Clare original
Clockwork Princess (The Infernal Devices #3) - Cassandra Clare

US Original vs. US Redesign: Hmmm, it looks more intense, but the heroine also looks way weaker. Then again, Tessa. That dress is gorgeous though, despite the blood spatter.

11. The Winner’s Kiss (The Winner’s Trilogy #3) – Marie Rutkoski

The Winner’s Kiss by Marie Rutkoski
The Winner’s Kiss by Marie Rutkoski UK

US vs. UK: This may be an unpopular opinion, but I like these two better than the first two covers, because I don’t even know. I prefer the UK’s green dress, though, because pretty color.

12. Madly (The Potion Trilogy #1) – Amy Alward

Madly (The Potion Trilogy) - Amy Alward
Madly - Amy Alward

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Truly madly deeply glad they redesigned this.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Unforgettable – Eric James Stone
Unforgettable - Eric James Stone
Thoughts: Video game nightmare. Also, how much does that guy look like Val Kilmer????

2. The Robot, Zombie, Dragon, A.I. Unicorn Chronicles – David Gatewood & Ellen Campbell, eds.
The Unicorn Chronicles - Various
Thoughts: OMG LOOK AT IT.

3. I’m Losing You (Stafford Brothers #4) – Chicki Brown
I'm Losing You (Stafford Brothers #4) - Chicki Brown
Thoughts: “Stop crying, bitch. I’m sleeping.”

Choose Your Favorites:

Snarking is fun, but it’s time to give the designers/publishers/authors props (the authors often have no creative say, but hey props are nice). Vote for the covers that really impressed you this week.

12 responses to “Cover Snark (146): The City of Heavenly Snark”

  1. 6. Whoaaaaa what is this series? I must know more!!!

    13. This cover was so pretty until I realized that the title of the book isn’t centered. Now I’m twitchy.

    17. Legit snorted. Now I can never look at that cover without laughing.

    CB11. I was so upset that the US cover used the red dress. I totally had in my mind that it would be green because that would be perfect – pink, blue, green. RED? Wah. So props to the UK, but I don’t like the pose on this one. Book 1 still has my favorite cover.

    CB12. Take 2 is so pretty! I didn’t know about this book before I saw the cover on pinterest last week, but I’m keeping an eye on it now.
    Debby (Snuggly Oranges) recently posted…ARC Book Review: Illusionarium by Heather DixonMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      6. No idea, but the badass lady Jekyll was too awesome for me to not include here!

      13. *twitches* Maybe they will fix the actual book cover?

      17. Not a big fan of this one tbh. It’s really wanting to be the Kaufman/Spooner series.

  2. Brigid says:

    4. SOBBING!!! AHHHH MINDY! I love her so much.
    23. Not so sure about this since it’s NA, but WHOOOOOOO YEAH POC ON THE COVER! I really want some of those tats. Love it.

    LOLZ The new CC covers are SO MUCH HILARITY. They are just so hilariously gossip girl meets every fashion mag in existence.

    • Christina Franke says:

      23. Not sure that I’m interested in the book, but loving the badass POC.

      I don’t see much Gossip Girl or fashion mag there tbh, but they are indeed ridic.

  3. 1. *nods to everything* I wore hairbands so often as bracelets when I had long hair that it took a few days for the imprints to go away once I cut my hair too short to tie back anymore.

    4. Because you have a bad habit of entering rooms by cracking open the door and sliding in sideways with a disconcerting smile on your face?

    6. HER HAIR. THAT DRESS.

    9. It’s an appropriate title for the final book, at least. A lot of people had to endure Defy.

    13. Something about her hair seems off and that feels weird to say as a woman with hair that looks pretty much exactly like that.

    14. I ACTUALLY FAILED TO NOTICE THE SPIDER UNTIL YOU MENTIONED IT AND NOW I’M HAVING FLASHBACKS TO THE SPIDER BATHROOM

    17. I need her headbands and that dress.

    23. Whatever ice she’s supposed to survive, she’s probably not going to survive it in that get-up.

    24. She’s not doing a very good job at running.

    26. I was wondering if the shooter practiced on chalk? Why would someone line up a bunch of chalk to be shot?

    CB1. YEP, UK WINS.

    CB All the CC books. Yeah, the redesigns are better. Still bad, tho. That font color is ugly as can be. Any cover would have been an improvement on the heavenly fire color and all its martyr vibes.

    CB11. I dunno, I like the red better. It looks more natural with her skin tone to me.

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. I often put hairbands around my fingers, because I hate when they cut off circulation to my wrist.

      4. Hahahahahaha. She totally is busting into this room and watching the people who hung out without her, isn’t she?

      6. I KNOWWWWWW

      9. No kidding. I’m so glad that I didn’t get an ARC of that and fall in the trap.

      13. Perhaps just that the dress doesn’t match the hairstyle? The historical era that might have worn that would have had different hair? I dont’ even know for sure. Just a guess.

      14. EW BATHROOM SPIDER NO NOT OKAY SOMEONE ELSE DEAL WITH IT

      17. I would look so awful in that dress. Also, I’d be flashing everyone.

      23. True, but do you want to be the one to tell her to change?

      24. Maybe she strides and everyone else runs from her bombs?

      26. I don’t know. I had a different snark initially, but I felt too awful making jokes about fearing the boy with the gun who’s aiming at chalk when obviously he’s going to kill some people in this book, so I did that instead. :/

      CBCC. The font is terrible. Some of them I quite like if it weren’t for the font though. Mostly the ones with ladies on them. And, as ever, the TID books are better than the TMI books.

      CB11. I SAID UNPOPULAR OPINION. Literally no one agrees with me on this, even Tyra, who thinks she needs to give more neck, but whatever I like it and I will not look closely to make myself doubt.

  4. 1. I love how the author’s name matches the color of the dress. Plus, that hair tie makes it seem very relatable!

    2. Hehe, so cute!

    3. WOAH this kinda hurts my eyes a bit but I think it would look neat in real life.

    4. This seems kinda boring (despite the lovely dress!).

    10. This looks interesting and creepy.

    14. EEK EEK HUGE SPIDER!

    (I read the rest, but didn’t have many comments, haha!)
    Rachelia (Bookish Comforts) recently posted…{Review} Orange is the New Black by Piper KermanMy Profile

  5. Lesley says:

    CB11 – You are not alone! I much prefer the green dress too. But, and there’s always a but, the UK covers had that red dress on the second book instead of the lovely blue of the US covers, so I don’t think the series will look nice together. Which makes me sad. I think pink, blue, green would have been much better. Although, now that I’m thinking about it, I guess the pink is the weakest of the bunch. Hm. I may have too many feelings about this issue.
    Lesley recently posted…Since We Last SpokeMy Profile

  6. Alessandra says:

    Based on hair colour, I think the guy on the new City of Glass cover is Simon, while the guy on the new City of Lost Souls cover is Alex. I sort of hate the redesigned covers. Except for the one with Isabel; she looks badass.
    Alessandra recently posted…Book review: We Were Liars by E. LockhartMy Profile

  7. 6. Her dress! Love it. She is also rocking those glasses.
    12. It has a Sleeping beauty vibe to it.
    13. That is pretty 🙂

    Clockwork Princess and City of Fallen Angels are okay redesigns, but the others *snort* I also really like The winner’s kiss, especially the green version.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 227. Naomi Novik – Uprooted.My Profile

  8. Your WTF covers are always the highlight of my day. But I totally thought that dude looked like Nick Lachey. lol
    Bonnie @ For the Love of Words recently posted…Classic Curiosity – The Lottery by Shirley JacksonMy Profile

  9. 4. Love this cover. It’s straight out of Pinterest/Instagram.
    6. I love bright shiny covers like this! They’re so vibrant.
    9. Very pretty, almost makes me want to read the book and series. Hah. It also reminds me of House Tyrell on Game of Thrones. Highgarden and all that.
    13. So lovely! Very blue.
    14. I am SUPER curious about this series but that spider makes me want to run for my fucking life. I could never buy a physical copy of this book!
    16. Love the style and colors of these covers! Eye catching.
    17. I really hate this cover, I was expecting something different. But I’m still excited for the story.
    18. Love it all! It does look young.
    22. I love the colors, it will totally pop on the shelf.
    2. I like the US but… yeah. Placement, people.
    3. The new Mortal Instruments covers are a lot better than the originals but I hate the yellow font color and boring font with the fire of a thousand suns. It’s ugly. And distracts from the badassery.
    10. Love the original. That glowing book and that dress!!

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