Cover Snark (144): The Snark List

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Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. The Lake House – Kate Morton
The Lake House - Kate Morton
Thoughts: I want to go to there.

2. Two Years Eight Months and Twenty-Eight Nights – Salman Rushdie
Two Years Eight Months and Twenty-Eight Nights - Salman Rushdie
Thoughts: Cloud says fuck you to tiny yellow man.

3. Finding Center (District Ballet Company #2) – Katherine Locke
Finding Center - Katherine Locke
Thoughts: Is it just me or does that guy look a little old for NA?

4. Darkness Brutal (The Dark Cycle #1) – Rachel A. Marks
Darkness Brutal - Rachel A. Marks
Thoughts: How does that bird manage to fly with four heads, especially when three are HUGE?

5. Until Friday Night (The Field Party #1) – Abbi Glines
Until Friday Night (The Field Party #1) - Abbi Glines
Thoughts: Abbi Glines presents Friday Night Lights!

6. Silver on the Road (The Devil’s West #1) – Laura Ann Gilman
Silver on the Road - Laura Ann Gilman
Thoughts: This cover tells me that she’s a human metal detector. The blurb excites me because badass bitch!

7. World’s End (Pendulum #3) – Will Elliott
World's End - Will Elliott
Thoughts: DRAGON FIGHT OMG

8. Trollhunters (Trollhunters #1) – Guillermo Del Toro & Daniel Kraus
Trollhunters - Guillermo Del Toro & Daniel Kraus
Thoughts: Supposedly this is YA? Looks 100% MG to me.

9. Dangerous Lies – Becca Fitzpatrick
Dangerous Lies - Becca Fitzpatrick
Thoughts: The cameraman asked if there was rain on his camera, and they said no. THEY SAID NO.

10. The Dead List – Jennifer L. Armentrout
The Dead List - Jennifer L. Armentrout
Thoughts: KILLER SANTA. That suit ain’t red with dye, yo.

11. Witch Switch (Witch Wars #2) – Sibeal Pounder
Witch Switch - Sibeal Pounder
Thoughts: They are working those outfits. I also love the adorably fat cat, who is smartly fleeing the sparking boots.

12. Simon Thorn and the Wolf’s Den – Aimee Carter
Simon Thorn and the Wolf's Den - Aimee Carter
Thoughts: Okay, what’s the deal with the pentagon of magical creatures in the air?

13. The Murdstone Trilogy – Mal Peet
The Murdstone Trilogy - Mal Peet
Thoughts: That dude’s reading has been interrupted by menacing floating figures. Poor guy. I feel your pain. Well, minus the floating figures, but still DO NOT INTERRUPT ONE’S READING.

14. The Society of Blood (Obsidian Heart #2) – Mark Morris
The Society of Blood (Obsidian Heart #2) - Mark Morris
Thoughts: Usually I include books because they’re genres I’m into, but I just loved this cover so whatever enjoy.

15. The Merman – Carl-Johan Vallgren
The Merman - Carl-Johan Vallgren
Thoughts: There’s something fishy about this.

16. The Magnolia Affair – T.A. Foster
The Magnolia Affair - T.A. Foster
Thoughts: It’s so lovely I can almost ignore the duck face.

17. Pixelated – L.S. Murphy
Pixelated - L.S. Murphy
Thoughts: The title seems to be telling me she’s not too talented with that camera.

Cover Battles:

1. School for Sidekicks – Kelly McCullough

School for Sidekicks - Kelly McCullough
School for Sidekicks - Kelly McCullough

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Now with more color! I like it because it looks more like a superhero emblem now.

2. A Gathering of Shadows (A Darker Shade of Magic #2) – V. E. Schwab

A Gathering of Shadows, V. E. Schwab US
A Gathering of Shadows, V. E. Schwab UK

US vs. UK: A GATHERING OF AWESOME.

3. 21 Stolen Kisses – Lauren Blakely

21 Stolen Kisses - Lauren Blakely
21 Stolen Kisses - Lauren Blakely

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Take 1 says wild and crazy passion; Take 2 says more high society, cold romance. No idea what fits this better. Neither one’s particularly original or eye-catching for me.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. How to Destroy the New Girl’s Killer Robot Army (Slug Pie #3) – Mick Bogerman
How to Destroy the New Girl's Killer Robot Army (Slug Pie #3) - Mick Bogerman
Thoughts: Clearly they’re not big fans of Zooey Deschanel. Also, I will never recover from the use of the word “slug” to modify pie.

2. The Haunted Vagina – Carlton Mellick III
The Haunted Vagina - Carlton Mellick III
Thoughts: So much of this is horrifying, but I am most creeped out by the mystery of what is dripping from her left horn. And okay I am most creeped out by ALL OF IT. And of course Meg (Cuddlebuggery) will be haunted by this vagina forever.

3. The Baby Jesus Butt Plug – Carlton Mellick III
The Baby Jesus Butt Plug - Carlton Mellick III
Thoughts: This guy wants us to be terrified, and it’s working.

Choose Your Favorites:

Snarking is fun, but it’s time to give the designers/publishers/authors props (the authors often have no creative say, but hey props are nice). Vote for the covers that really impressed you this week.

6 responses to “Cover Snark (144): The Snark List”

  1. Brigid says:

    1. OMGGGGGGGGGGG. I really need to start reading her books.
    11. That crazy little doll waving is so adorable.
    1. Somehow I can imagine Jess being into the whole Killer Robot Army, tbh.
    2. OMG. I remember watching her live tweets on the first. BEST HALLOWEEN TWEETER OF ALL TIME.

  2. Meg says:

    i never thought the haunted vagina would be my legacy but that’s life i suppose
    Meg recently posted…Blog Tour: An Ember In The Ashes by Sabaa Tahir + Guest PlaylistMy Profile

  3. Hannah says:

    Your captions crack me up. Particularly loved ‘cloud says fuck you to yellow man’.

    All I could think when I saw the Abby Glines meets Friday Night Lights is oh no. She’s going to ruin it for me.
    Hannah recently posted…Review: The Sin-Eater’s Daughter – Melinda SalisburyMy Profile

  4. 1. Kate Morton, my one true author love!!! Her covers are so fantastic and I love how good they all look together. I want to go to there too.
    5. I’ve never read Abie Glines and from the description this sounds pretty intense but oh my GOD the cover lust is real. I want this book so much for that cover and for the FNL tag. I can’t help but get sucked in.
    6. I like this! Even if it does look old-timey.
    7. Duuuuude don’t know don’t care what this series is because THOSE DRAGONS.
    8. Totally looks MG.
    10. I like the striking simplicity! And that freaky tagline.
    11. These covers are the cutest!!
    16. This is the kind of adult lit I’m liable to pick up… until I read the blurb. Not into affairs. But the cover is lovely.
    17. Cute! She looks a little like Anna Kendrick.
    1. You’re totally right! Much more superhero-esque now.
    3. Oh man. The new cover is boring, but I was so distracted by the guy’s horrible hair on the original.
    Morgan @ Gone with the Words recently posted…Bitsy Words: The Orphan Queen by Jodi MeadowsMy Profile

  5. Layla says:

    Oh man, I legit want to read Silver on the Road now. I love the cover + the blurb + your snark.

    Also what the hell is inside a slug pie? 🙁 🙁 🙁
    Layla recently posted…Mini Reviews: Magonia, Rook, and The Prom Goer’s Interstellar GuideMy Profile

  6. Hey why weren’t the last two covers entered in the competition? I mean they were so great and all 😉 *goosbumps*(not the good kind). Forgot to vote on World’s End, but that cover was exquisit! Also the two witches and the cat were adorable 🙂
    Mari – Escape In A Book recently posted…Tag: Burn, rewrite or reread?My Profile

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