Cover Snark (142): Snark-Gun Snow White

CoverSnarkChristina2

Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Harry Potter #1) – J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Harry Potter #1) - J.K. Rowling
Thoughts: Is anyone else getting new HP cover fatigue yet?, she thinks, while also thinking how awesome an illustrated HP could be.

2. The Killing Jar – Jennifer Bosworth
The Killing Jar - Jennifer Bosworth
Thoughts: Did someone trap her in an airless jar with a bunch of moths? By jar doesn’t seem like the easiest way to kill someone.

3. The Secrets She Keeps – Deb Caletti
The Secrets She Keeps - Deb Caletti
Thoughts: I bet one secret is that she stole those boots.

4. Secret of the Sevens – Lynn Lindquist
Secret of the Sevens - Lynn Lindquist
Thoughts: *reads tagline* *tilts head* WUUUUT

5. The Conjurer’s Riddle (The Inventor’s Secret #2) – Andrea Cremer
The Conjurer's Riddle - Andrea Cremer
Thoughts: She has no neck, but she does have a knife.

6. The Brontë Plot – Katherine Reay
The Brontë Plot - Katherine Reay
Thoughts: Why’s the pink rose so droopy?

7. A Thousand Nights – E. K. Johnston
A Thousand Nights - E. K. Johnston
Thoughts: Obviously it’s gorgeous, even if the title and other words look like a balloon. Also, I cannot read some of the other words and don’t understand the meaning of some of the ones I can read.

8. The Anatomy of Curiosity – Maggie Stiefvater, Tessa Gratton, & Brenna Yovanoff
The Anatomy of Curiosity - Maggie Stiefvater, Tessa Gratton, & Brenna Yovanoff
Thoughts: PRETTY PRETTY ART. And the authors get the same size font treatment. Christina approves. Well, okay, I don’t love the swipe of light blue so the title can stand out but whatever the FLOWERS.

9. Happily Ever After (The Selection) – Kiera Cass
Happily Ever After - Kiera Cass
Thoughts: NGL, I cannot begin to tell apart some of the novella covers at this point.

10. The Light That Gets Lost – Natasha Carthew
The Light That Gets Lost - Natasha Carthew
Thoughts: I’m naming that horse Yao, because he’s king of the rock.

11. This Way Home – Wes Moore & Shawn Goodman
This Way Home - Wes Moore & Shawn Goodman
Thoughts: Is the basketball a portkey to home?

12. Daughters Unto Devils – Amy Lukavics
Daughters Unto Devils - Amy Lukavics
Thoughts: What is it about girls with their hair over their faces that’s so terrifying? I should make use of this knowledge to put fear in the hearts of my enemies.

13. The Secret Fire (The Secret Fire #1) – C.J. Daugherty & Carina Rozenfeld
The Secret Fire (The Secret Fire #1) - C.J. Daugherty & Carina Rozenfeld
Thoughts: They must race to save a snake caught in a circangle of fire, dying of an arrow to the middle.

14. These Vicious Masks – Tarun Shanker & Kelly Zekas
These Vicious Masks - Tarun Shanker & Kelly Zekas
Thoughts: Oooh, period piece? Superpowers? YES. Sure, I wish the lady could have the superpowers, but still prepared for much intrigue.

15. Red Girl, Blue Boy (If Only . . . #5) – Lauren Baratz Logsted
Red Girl, Blue Boy - Lauren Baratz Logsted
Thoughts: She’s mixing two contrasting reds, but he looks damn stylish. Sort of Darcy in LBD.

16. Everything But the Truth (If Only . . . #6) – Mandy Hubbard
Everything But the Truth - Mandy Hubbard
Thoughts: INTERRACIAL COUPLE ON THE COVER. I suspect they were photoshopped together, but it looks pretty natural overall. I especially like his pose, like she just told him something private and adorable.

17. The Iron Warrior (The Iron Fey: Call of the Forgotten #3) – Julie Kagawa
The Iron Warrior (The Iron Fey) – Julie Kagawa
Thoughts: The shiny gold will probably be nice? Otherwise, mehhhh.

18. A History of Glitter and Blood – Hannah Moskowitz
A History of Glitter and Blood - Hannah Moskowitz
Thoughts: The color palette’s a bit washed out for my tastes, but it does look classy. It actually looks like the tor.com covers, which excites me.

19. The Geomancer (Vampire Empire #4) – Clay Griffith & Susan Griffith
The Geomancer (Vampire Empire #4) - Clay Griffith & Susan Griffith
Thoughts: They’re rocking some great snowy weather styles. Are they heading to the wall to visit Jon Snow?

20. Darkhaven – A. F. E. Smith
Darkhaven - A. F. E. Smith
Thoughts: Very tempted to order this without knowing anything about it because BEAUTEOUS MOTHERFUCKING MAJESTIC PEGICORN.

21. Illuminae (The Illuminae Files #1) – Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff
Illuminae (The Illuminae Files #1) - Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff
Thoughts: Splosions and the paperwork that follows?

22. Don’t Call Me Kit Kat – K.J. Farnham
Don't Call Me Kit Kat - K.J. Farnham
Thoughts: I’m guessing they also shouldn’t tell you to break them off a piece, huh?

23. Chasing River (Burying Water #3 ) – K.A. Tucker
Chasing River - K.A. Tucker
Thoughts: IF I CHASE HER, CAN I LEARN MORE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AFTER SERENITY?

24. Rachel’s Deception (Temptation #4) – Karen Ann Hopkins
Rachel's Deception (Temptation #4) - Karen Ann Hopkins
Thoughts: Is that the same model from all the book covers (like this one)? Or a different one? *squints*

25. Love Bomb (The Ladybirds #2) – Jenny McLachlan
Love Bomb - Jenny McLachlan
Thoughts: I do not understand the illustrated glasses, when nothing else is illustrated. Does it mean she wears glasses? Maybe she’s one of those people who wears empty frames? Idk.

26. Nothing Left to Burn – Patty Blount
Nothing Left to Burn - Patty Blount
Thoughts: I mean, I guess you could cut some of your hair off and burn that if you really wanted to. Honestly, though, pyromania is not the answer to a bad relationship. Remember how that backfired on Monica, Rachel and Phoebe?

27. The Keeper (Vega Jane #2) – David Baldacci
The Keeper (Vega Jane #2) - David Baldacci
Thoughts: This cover doesn’t look like a keeper. The Baldacci font is snore, and it looks like so many other covers. And, seriously, what is that goop she’s running into?

28. Lessons in Falling – Diana Gallagher
Lessons in Falling - Diana Gallagher
Thoughts: OMG, I just saw this ep of ANTM. The first step is to fall and not just stand, like that girl’s doing. Also, you have to make sure you give good face and work the dress while you fall. It’s tough, man.

29. Traffick (Tricks #2) – Ellen Hopkins
Traffick - Ellen Hopkins
Thoughts: Yup, looks like an Ellen Hopkins cover.

30. Light (Dream Casters #1) – Adrienne Woods
Light (Dream Casters) - Adrienne Woods
Thoughts: AND NOW THERE IS A PEGASUS. BEST WEEK EVER.

31. Generation (Clone Chronicles #3) – Heather Hildenbrand
Generation - Heather Hildenbrand
Thoughts: These just look so damn much like they should be in the Starters series.

32. This May Sound Crazy – Abigail Breslin
This May Sound Crazy - Abigail Breslin
Thoughts: Um, time to snark me for a second, because I don’t even recognize Abigail Breslin. Pop culture knowledge fail.

33. How to Fight a Dragon’s Fury (How to Train Your Dragon #12) – Cressida Cowell
How to Fight a Dragon's Fury (How to Train Your Dragon #12) - Cressida Cowell
Thoughts: Oh man, like shooting flames out of their mouths wasn’t enough to handle, this dragon can also shoot lighting with its eyes?!?!?!

34. The Tournament of Gorlan (Ranger’s Apprentice: The Early Years #1) – John Flanagan
The Tournament of Gorlan - John Flanagan
Thoughts: In my opinion, this one’s joust okay.

35. The Scorch Trials: Official Graphic Novel Prelude – Jackson Lanzing & Collin P. Kelly
The Scorch Trials Official Graphic Novel Prelude
Thoughts: Well, that’s interesting.

36. The Road to Little Dribbling: More Notes from a Small Island – Bill Bryson
The Road to Little Dribbling - Bill Bryson
Thoughts: The way this guy is doing that weird leant back skip down the road makes me so happy.

37. The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories – Ken Liu
The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories - Ken Liu
Thoughts: LOOK AT THE PAPER TIGER.

38. Among the Shadows: 13 Stories of Darkness & Light – Various
Among the Shadows 13 Stories of Darkness & Light - Various
Thoughts: Her left arm looks hella awkward. Tyra would not approve.

39. Indelible Ink – Matt Betts
Indelible Ink - Matt Betts
Thoughts: THAT IS SO AWESOME. And she’s so creepy and badasssssss.

40. Railhead – Philip Reeve
Railhead - Philip Reeve
Thoughts: Railroad to space?

41. The Mystery of the Clockwork Sparrow – Katherine Woodfine
The Mystery of the Clockwork Sparrow - Katherine Woodfine
Thoughts: Classic cartoon caper style! LOVE.

42. At the End of Babel – Michael Livingston
At the End of Babel - Michael Livingston
Thoughts: Meanwhile Tor.com is still killing it with their original artwork.

43. Focus on Me (In Focus #2) – Megan Erickson
Focus on Me - Megan Erickson
Thoughts: The blur effect on the title is certainly ironic. And it’s definitely funny that my focus is drawn to his nipple in this picture. But hey banter and sizzle sounds good.

44. The Girl Who Fell – S. M. Parker
The Girl who Fell - S. M. Parker
Thoughts: Did she fall lip first and leave a lipstick mark on the pavement? Or fall in love in a classic manga meetcute where they fall and accidentally kiss?

45. Spellbinder (Shadow Falls) – C. C. Hunter
Spellbinder - C. C. Hunter
Thoughts: Is she about to curtsy to the storm?

46. Days Like This – Danielle Ellison
Days Like This - Danielle Ellison
Thoughts: I like the pink font, and I’m really curious what those two are doing above the top of the cover. Kissing? Making silly faces?

47. Falling for Alice – Various
Falling for Alice - Various
Thoughts: This is sort of like a Sia music video crossed with Blank Space.

48. It’s a Wonderful Death – Sarah J. Schmitt
It's a Wonderful Death - Sarah J. Schmitt
Thoughts: It’s a wonderful title, and I’m loving the alliteration in the praise.

49. Remix – Non Pratt
Remix - Non Pratt
Thoughts: The colors are so vibrant in this that it almost looks like war time propaganda. Haha.

50. Chasing Secrets – Gennifer Choldenko
Chasing Secrets - Gennifer Choldenko
Thoughts: AND NOW A HORSE. With an intriguing tagline and adorable art and font, this is a definite win.

51. Smoked (Scorched #3) – Mari Mancusi
Smoked (Scorched #3) - Mari Mancusi
Thoughts: It’s funny to me that the girl looks so much more unrealistic than the dragons.

52. Every Last Breath (The Dark Elements #3) – Jennifer L. Armentrout
Every Last Breath - Jennifer L. Armentrout
Thoughts: Womp womp. That moment when you look at a cover and know they’ve redesigned. Look at the sadness in her eye about this.

Cover Battles:

1. The Inventor’s Secret (The Inventor’s Secret #1) – Andrea Cremer

The Inventor's Secret - Andrea Cremer hardback
The Inventor's Secret - Andrea Cremer paperback

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Ooooh, a steampunk cover without an airship! Her fascinator and veil are the bomb. Definitely a step up from the bug.

2. Jillian Cade: (Fake) Paranormal Investigator – Jen Klein

Jillian Cade (Fake) Paranormal Investigator - Jen Klein
Jillian Cade, Fake Paranormal Investigator - Jen Klein

US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Jillian’s traded in her tail for a business card. Likely a good career move, though I’m not sure if it’s a good cover move.

3. Go Set a Watchman (To Kill a Mockingbird #2) – Harper Lee

Go Set a Watchman - Harper Lee
Go Set a Watchman - Harper Lee UK

US vs. UK: Yeah, I read the UK title as GO SET A TO KILL A WATCHMAN MOCKINGBIRD. *shudders*

4. The Potion Diaries (The Potion Trilogy #1) – Amy Alward

Madly (The Potion Trilogy) - Amy Alward
The Potion Diaries - Amy Alward

US vs. UK: If I want to buy this one, I’ll be going for the UK edition, where the potion looks like bubble tea.

5. Six-Gun Snow White – Catherynne M. Valente

Six-Gun Snow White - Catherynne M. Valente original
Six-Gun Snow White - Catherynne M. Valente

Subterranean Press vs. Saga Press: SHE LOOKS LIKE SNOW WHITE BUT ALSO LIKE SHE IS DRESSED FOR A GUNFIGHT. MY HEART.

6. The Girl from the Well (The Girl from the Well #1) – Rin Chupeco

The Girl from the Well - Rin Chupeco hardback
The Girl from the Well - Rin Chupeco

US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Seriously, how many horror novels have this exact cover style. Girl with long dark hair in her face and a white gown by or in a creepy building. There’s even another in THIS post.

7. Echoes of Us (The Hybrid Chronicles #3) – Kat Zhang

Echoes of Us (What's Left of Me #3) - Kat Zhang
Echoes of Us - Kat Zhang German
Echoes of Us (The Hybrid Chronicles #3) - Kat Zhang

US vs. German vs. UK: Much as I loved the What’s Left of Me cover, I have to go for the UK cover on this one. Pretty blue!

8. White Hot Kiss (The Dark Elements #1) – Jennifer L. Armentrout

White Hot Kiss - Jennifer L. Armentrout original
White Hot Kiss - Jennifer L. Armentrout

US Original vs. US Redesign: Snark

9. Stone Cold Touch (The Dark Elements #2) – Jennifer L. Armentrout

Stone Cold Touch (The Dark Elements #2) - Jennifer L. Armentrout
Stone Cold Touch - Jennifer L. Armentrout

US Original vs. US Redesign: This guy so badly wants to be Eric Northman. He’s not.

10. Bitter Sweet Love (The Dark Elements #0.5) – Jennifer L. Armentrout

Bitter Sweet Love - Jennifer L. Armentrout original
Bitter Sweet Love - Jennifer L. Armentrout

US vs. Australian: Of all of the redesigns, I like this one best, though I don’t think the girl is selling the emotion. This guy’s most attractive to me, though. She has a lot to choose from, it seems.

WTF of the Week:

WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.

1. Unless You Can Be a Unicorn (B3 #1) – Delphina Henley
Unless You Can Be a Unicorn - Delphina Henley
Thoughts: Is one of them a wereunicorn? A wereicorn? Let’s be real, I love pretty much anything with a unicorn on it, but also this cover cracks me up.

2. True Love’s First Kiss (Queen of the Realm of Faerie) – Heidi Garrett
True Love's First Kiss - Heidi Garrett
Thoughts: This is about a man in love with a life size doll, isn’t it.

3. One Night, So Pregnant! (Brothers & Sisters #4) – Heidi Rice
One Night, So Pregnant! - Heidi Rice
Thoughts: There are so many things hilarious/upsetting about this cover. 1) The exclamation point. 2) The fact that the title seems to indicate that they sex and she wakes up the next morning ready to pop. 3) BROTHERS & SISTERS? That should not be the name of a romance series ever.

Choose Your Favorites:

Snarking is fun, but it’s time to give the designers/publishers/authors props (the authors often have no creative say, but hey props are nice). Vote for the covers that really impressed you this week.

 

16 responses to “Cover Snark (142): Snark-Gun Snow White”

  1. #25! OMG THAT IS HER! SHE IS ON SOOOO MANY COVERS! It makes me want to find out who she is IRL & interview her about what she thinks about her young adult cover fame/infamy. Hahah

    And yes, LOL at the new Jennifer Armentrout covers. I signed up to do the reveal & got the email for the posts & was like ‘Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. WUT.’
    Alexandra @ SleepsOnTables recently posted…Cover Reveal: Every Last Breath by Jennifer L. ArmentroutMy Profile

  2. Kayla Beck says:

    I still like the cover of The Inventor’s Secret with the heart. why couldn’t they keep that one? Also, I love that the model on the cover of A History of Glitter and Blood is not traditionally beautiful. She’s so much more striking and interesting because of that.
    Kayla Beck recently posted…Early Review: The Heart of Betrayal by Mary E. Pearson (ARC)My Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      From what I remember, they didn’t have the rights to the heart image. It was a big oops.

      Agree with you about the model on the cover. She’s gorgeous, but not the usual sort of model pretty.

  3. Meg says:

    v upset that i can’t vote for always be a unicorn for best cover because obviously it is because it is called ALWAYS BE A UNICORN
    Meg recently posted…Review: Finding Paris by Joy PrebleMy Profile

    • Christina Franke says:

      well actually it is called UNLESS YOU CAN BE A UNICORN. but I agree with your sentiments. Life is rigged. Unicorns are a lie.

  4. 1. This exactly. I love Harry Potter SO MUCH and I collect all of the American editions but it’s getting to be too much. I want them to feel special! Plus this cover is a little busy. (Let’s not kid ourselves, I’m totally buying this.)
    4. Super into this cover and the creepy story inside!
    5. I like her hair and hair clip thing. And the emerald background.
    7. I loooove this cover!!
    8. I like the swipe actually, it’s a nice color 🙂
    9. So gorgeous. Could not possibly care less.
    12. SERIOUSLY, SO TERRIFYING. If I read this, which I sort of want to, I’m wrapping it in paper bags like my old elementary school textbooks.
    14. This sounds awesome!!
    15. He looks a little like Ben Wyatt. She looks like Ashley Tisdale from High School Musical.
    16. Yes you’re so right! Super cute pose!
    32. Little Miss Sunshine! And other movies I can’t remember.
    34. Ooh I like this! In the middle of the action.
    41. I love these types of covers.
    46. Very cute, I like the font too. The cursive and the color.
    51. I can’t stop staring at the red dragon.
    52. So boringggggg.
    1. I think I like the new cover better too, esp how it matches with the sequel. Her mechanical heart kind of freaks me out though.
    4. I like both! It’s funny- the US one doesn’t have enough words to me and the UK has too many.
    6. Holy shit I was trying to work up the courage to read this book with the original cover and now the paperback is giving me flashbacks to my nightmares about The Ring. GO BACK TO YOUR WELL SAMARA. BE GONE.

    • Christina Franke says:

      1. I’ll probably wait to see more illustrations, but I’m mighty tempted.

      4. I’ve read the blurb and I still have no idea what it’s about. Which does make me somewhat curious.

      5. I do like the redesigns better than the bug. They skew a little old, I think, because I don’t know that I buy her as a teen, but maybe they want to lure in adult steampunk readers.

      7. I love the look of it too, but the words do irk me.

      8. It’s a nice color, but I don’t know that I like it there. It’s blocking the flowers!

      9. I finally figured out why that one looked so familiar: https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1420207051l/24261555.jpg. Oh hey, they reused it.

      12. Hahahaha. I remember having to get covers for my textbooks!

      15. Ben Wyatt crossed with the guy who played Jacob in Twilight (yes, I should probably know his name but I don’t). She looks a lot like a girl from my high school which is weirding me out.

      CB1. The mechanical heart one didn’t ever get on a book bc they didn’t have the rights to the image. It’s actually my favorite one!

      CB4. Hahaha, I agree with you about the words on both.

      CB6. The Ring has taken over all YA horror covers.

  5. 1 – The multitude of new HP covers is overwhelming me… though I think I settled on wanting the UK 15th anniversary editions. Which would make my third set, but who really cares 😉

    9 – Oh lord. At least I know now to skip getting the other paperback of novellas. This is my sister’s favorite series so I’m sure it’ll end up on our shelves somehow.

    34 – OKAY YOU WIN PUN OF THE DAY

    39 – Well that’s just terrifying.

    51 – These covers keep getting worse with each one.
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…Tagged: It’s Time for some Cake!My Profile

  6. Brigid says:

    1. OH MY GOD. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *girly squee!*
    2. I would flip my shit if i had bugs crawling all over me. NO FUCK NO.
    6. Well, that cover is pretty flipping cute.
    8. It’s total crazy-sauce but I love it.
    12. It’s the GRUDGE.
    20.That pegicorn is on FIRE! It’s like it’s both heavenly and born of hellfire.
    23. PRETTY PRETTY SCENERY I WANT TO TOUCH IT.
    37. I really want to make a paper tiger rn. I NEED THIS OKAY.
    39. FUCKING FUCKING COOLEST COVER OF ALL. I just jkfljdkfjdfk
    43. SNORT. It’s like that episode of the 100 where it started with some sweaty tattooed man chest. FOCUS ON THE SEXY 100 FANS. I AM HERE TO LISTEN!
    47. BUNNIES!!!

  7. Jessica says:

    That chick on #24? Yeah, that’s the same girl. I got so tired of seeing her, that I reversed image searched and found other photos of her ALL OF WHICH ARE ALSO ON NUMEROUS BOOK COVERS. Seriously. I created a list of Goodreads of my findings: https://www.goodreads.com/list/show/76131.That_One_Chick_On_The_Cover_of_Torn_Away_

    I just find cover clones very amusing for some reason.
    Jessica recently posted…Cover Lust: Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare BlakeMy Profile

  8. 1. I’m very tempted to get this, but I’m waiting for more illustrations 🙂 I’m not blown away by the cover.
    5. I love her hair accessory.
    7. Gorgeous.
    8 My first thought was: nope.. But it grows on me.
    17. It’s an improvement compared to the second cover, but mweh.
    21. Ehh. Nope, don’t like it.
    30. PRETTY.
    39. Cool!
    42. Tor has some of the best covers.

    Six gun Snow White, that’s a pretty awesome redesign.
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  9. Lyn Kaye says:

    2. That cover is beautiful and yet it creeps me out. Moths……uuuggghhh.

    18. I have to say, I love the cover for the GLITTER! (I’m so horrible).

    19. OMFG THERE IS ANOTHER NOVEL IN THE SERIES. I’m crying. I’m actually crying.

    30. *stares*

    43. eeeggggggg……..no.

    51. Now she’s humping the dragon??
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  10. 12. “I should make use of this knowledge to put fear in the hearts of my enemies.” laughing SO HARD over here!
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