Cover Snark (141): Your Snark Is All I Hear

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Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Shiny and New:

1. Against a Brightening Sky (Delia Martin #3) – Jaime Lee Moyer
Against a Brightening Sky -Jaime Lee Moyer
Thoughts: About time for that sky to brighten. It’s looking pretty dingy

2. The Trouble in Me – Jack Gantos
The Trouble in Me - Jack Gantos
Thoughts: Nothing makes children want something more than putting “keep out of the reach of children” on it.

3. Calvin – Martine Leavitt
Calvin - Martine Leavitt
Thoughts: #HOBBESISREAL

4. Young Widows Club – Alexandra Coutts
Young Widows Club - Alexandra Coutts
Thoughts: First came love, then came marriage, then he got run over by a carriage?

5. Losers Take All – David Klass
Losers Take All - David Klass
Thoughts: “You’re not a loser because you didn’t succeed. You’re a winner because you tried.” – actual fortune cookie

6. Instructions for the End of the World – Jamie Kain
Instructions for the End of the World - Jamie Kain
Thoughts: Instruction one: do not forget your towel. A blanket will work as a substitution in a pinch.

7. Dead Investigation – Charlie Price
Dead Investigation - Charlie Price
Thoughts: Spoiler: Bruce Willis is a ghost.

8. The Dragons of Heaven – Alyc Helms
The Dragons of Heaven - Alyc Helms
Thoughts: 1) It’s pretty. 2) SUPERHEROES AND DRAGONS. 3) Red font on a red background may not have been the best choice for the attribution of that quote.

9. Broken Crowns (The Internment Chronicles #3) – Lauren DeStefano
Broken Crowns - Lauren DeStefano
Thoughts: They don’t even HAVE crowns.

10. Rules for 50/50 Chances – Kate McGovern
Rules for 50 50 Chances - Kate McGovern
Thoughts: This cover design displays more than average skull.

11. 21 Stolen Kisses – Lauren Blakely
21 Stolen Kisses - Lauren Blakely
Thoughts: Someone get this man to the hair salon STAT.

12. Husky – Justin Sayre
Husky - Justin Sayre
Thoughts: Is that a person made out of the longest headphone cord in the world? The end result is sort of Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

13. The Dogs – Allan Stratton
The Dogs - Allan Stratton
Thoughts: Who didn’t let the dogs out? I want puppies on this cover.

14. The Heir Apparent (The Internment Chronicles #2.5) – Lauren DeStefano
The Heir Apparent - Lauren DeStefano
Thoughts: The novella covers are so far superior to the explodey statues.

15. Lizard Radio – Pat Schmatz
Lizard Radio - Pat Schmatz
Thoughts: I like the colors and the shiny silver, but it’s also just strange.

16. Supervision – Alison Stine
Supervision - Alison Stine
Thoughts: This looks like the book cover version of acid washing. Do not like.

17. The Next Together (The Next Together #1) – Lauren James
The Next Together - Lauren James
Thoughts: You can lose the one you love as many times as they’ll keep taking you back post-loss. Also, this is lovely.

18. How to Be Brave – E. Katherine Kottaras
How to be Brave - E. Katherine Kottaras
Thoughts: Sweet style totally helps with bravery. I’m not sure if having my face doodled over would help much though.

19. We’ll Never Be Apart – Emiko Jean
We'll Never Be Apart - Emiko Jean
Thoughts: The rest of the cover’s rather boring but DAT FONT.

20. William Shakespeare’s The Clone Army Attacketh (William Shakespeare’s Star Wars #5) – Ian Doescher
William Shakespeare's The Clone Army Attacketh Star Wars Part the Second - Ian Doescher
Thoughts: Oooh, the storm trooper suit looks so cool in blue and gold.

21. The Singular & Extraordinary Tale of Mirror & Goliath – Ishbelle Bee
The Singular & Extraordinary Tale of Mirror & Goliath - Ishbelle Bee
Thoughts: SO PRETTY. I love the clock most especially.

22. The Wild Ones – C. Alexander London
The Wild Ones - C. Alexander London
Thoughts: I like how it looks like the raccoon is trying to stop in mid-air, like “oh shit, someone’s here.”

23. Strike (Hit #2) – Delilah S. Dawson
Strike (Hit #2) - Delilah S. Dawson
Thoughts: This is definitely a strike in the baseball sense and not the bowling one.

24. Seek Me in Shadows (The Boundless Trilogy #2) – Danielle Ellison
Seek Me In Shadows (Boundless #2) - Danielle Ellison
Thoughts: Why is only the last letter in the author’s name in yellow??? Nancy Drew and the case of the yellow letter.

25. Other Broken Things – C. Desir
Other Broken Things - C. Desir
Thoughts: I’m looking at this and I know I shouldn’t be sad about the broken booze bottle, but I am.

26. Sweet Madness – Trisha Leaver & Lindsay Currie
Sweet Madness - Trisha Leaver & Lindsay Currie
Thoughts: Apparently Lizzie gave this cover the axe.

27. Until Beth (Life & Death #1) – Lisa Amowitz
Until Beth (Life & Death #1) - Lisa Amowitz
Thoughts: The tragic tale of a guitar dead too soon. But also real talk HOW MUCH DOES THIS LOOK LIKE IT SHOULD BE FOR A BRYAN FULLER SHOW?

28. The Chess Queen Enigma (Stoker & Holmes #3) – Colleen Gleason
The Chess Queen Enigma (Stoker & Holmes #3) - Colleen Gleason
Thoughts: PRETTY DRESS. I want. The chess piece is cool too.

29. Blood Passage (Caravan Cycle #2) – Heather Demetrios
Blood Passage (Caravan Cycle #2) - Heather Demetrios
Thoughts: That hand looks out of proportion with the rest of her, making it seem like a large man has just grabbed her arm.

30. Under My Skin – Zoe Markham
Under My Skin - Zoe Markham
Thoughts: I like the rain that’s clearly targeting her from the top left corner.

31. Racing the Sun – Karina Halle
Racing the Sun - Karina Halle
Thoughts: They’re clearly using the tortoise method of racing.

32. The Maze Runner / The Scorch Trials (Maze Runner #1-2) – James Dashner
The Maze Runner  The Scorch Trials - James Dashner
Thoughts: Not amazeing but perhaps you do not verdigris with me.

33. Imaginary Fred – Eoin Colfer & Oliver Jeffers
Imaginary Fred - Eoin Colfer & Oliver Jeffers
Thoughts: This was so cute until I realized their noses look not unlike penises.

34. Forbidden – Eve Bunting
Forbidden - Eve Bunting
Thoughts: Best tagline. Combined with the cover image, it’s got a very Blink of the ocean sort of feel. You know, the weeping angels that go for boats

35. The Heart Goes Last (Positron) – Margaret Atwood
The Heart Goes Last - Margaret Atwood
Thoughts: For what seems to be a prison jumpsuit, the lady’s seems pretty cute.

36. It’s About Love – Steven Camden
It's About Love - Steven Camden
Thoughts: Wait, is this a romance between two kids named Luke and Leia? I can’t decide if that’s yay pop culture references or ew pop culture references.

37. Afterlight – Rebecca Lim
Afterlight - Rebecca Lim
Thoughts: Is this the book cover version of a slap?

38. Don’t Fail Me Now – Una LaMarche
Don't Fail Me Now - Una LaMarche
Thoughts: How did this even happen, guys? This is ALL that I can think, probably for the next few hours.

39. The Distance from Me to You – Marina Gessner
The Distance from Me to You - Marina Gessner
Thoughts: Let me tell you right now: if you go camping, the distance between us will be great, because ain’t no way I’m sleeping in nature.

40. The Classy Crooks Club – Alison Cherry
The Classy Crooks Club - Alison Cherry
Thoughts: Don’t you just hate when your shadow escapes and goes to rob people? Peter Pan feels your pain, girls.

41. Awake – Natasha Preston
Awake - Natasha Preston
Thoughts: What you don’t know is that that rose is murderous, awake, and only being held back by that barbed wire.

42. My Secret Rockstar Boyfriend – Eleanor Wood
My Secret Rockstar Boyfriend - Eleanor Wood
Thoughts: Love the twinkly lights in her bedroom. The models also very effectively screaming with her eyes. Tyra might be impressed.

43. After the Fall – Abby Cavenaugh
After the Fall - Abby Cavenaugh
Thoughts: Shouldn’t be that hard to recover from the fall of your paper airplane. You had to have seen that coming.

44. Your Voice Is All I Hear – Leah Scheier
Your Voice Is All I Hear - Leah Scheier
Thoughts: I’d be really damn sick of that person’s voice. Also, I’d probably get my hearing checked.

45. Monster: A Graphic Novel – Walter Dean Myers
Monster A Graphic Novel - Walter Dean Myers
Thoughts: What I like about this is that it’s very reminiscent of the original cover, but also very much its own thing.

46. Winter (The Lunar Chronicles #4) – Marissa Meyer
Winter (The Lunar Chronicles #4) - Marissa Meyer
Thoughts: She really should have realized something was up with that apple.

47. The Lost and the Found – Cat Clarke
The Lost and the Found - Cat Clarke
Thoughts: The police tape is actually wound around Harry Potter in his invisibility cloak. He was not involved in her sister’s abduction.

48. The Hired Girl – Laura Amy Schlitz
The Hired Girl - Laura Amy Schlitz
Thoughts: I wish I’d been hired to read. (Yes, I see the uniform, but a girl can dream, right?)

49. Strictly No Elephants – Lisa Mantchev
Strictly No Elephants Cover - Lisa Mantchev
Thoughts: How rude to forbid that adorable little elephant. Speciesist is what that is!

50. Asking for It – Louise O’Neill
Asking for It - Louise O'Neill
Thoughts: This hits at the slut-shaming and ideals of society SO perfectly..

51. Dream Strider – Lindsay Smith
Dream Strider - Lindsay Smith
Thoughts: It’s so gorgeous it took me a while to notice the skull mouse on her face.

52. Go Set a Watchman (To Kill a Mockingbird #2) – Harper Lee
Go Set a Watchman - Harper Lee
Thoughts: SO ADORABLE.

53. Pull – Anne Riley
Pull - Anne Riley
Thoughts: Clockdon.

Cover Battles:

1. Elantris – Brandon Sanderson

Elantris - Brandon Sanderson 2005
Elantris - Brandon Sanderson 2006
Elantris - Brandon Sanderson 2015

2005 Hardcover vs. 2006 Mass Market vs. 2015 10th anniversary paperback: You would think they could put a bit more designing effort into the special 10th anniversary edition, but we have yet another change to the font.

2. Paper Towns – John Green

Paper Towns - John Green Hardback
Paper Towns - John Green Paperback
Paper Towns - John Green

US Hardback vs. US Paperback vs. Movie Tie-In Edition: The slightly less well-known Bon Jovi hit is “You Give Movie Tie-In Editions a Bad Name”

3. Blackbirds (Miriam Black #1) – Chuck Wendig

Blackbirds (Miriam Black #1) -Chuck Wendig Angry Robot
Blackbirds (Miriam Black #1) -Chuck Wendig

Angry Robot vs. Saga Press: The Saga cover is pretty, minus the giant television series circle, but the Angry Robot cover is GORGEOUS.

4. Mockingbird (Miriam Black #2) – Chuck Wendig

Mockingbird (Miriam Black #2) - Chuck Wendig Angry Robot
Mockingbird (Miriam Black #2) - Chuck Wendig

Angry Robot vs. Saga Press: This might be my least favorite of the bunch. The tagline’s also kind of silly. The river is rising, not because of rain, but in honor of Miriam Black.

5. The Cormorant (Miriam Black #3) – Chuck Wendig

The Cormorant (Miriam Black #3) - Chuck Wendig angry robot
The Cormorant (Miriam Black #3) - Chuck Wendig

Angry Robot vs. Saga Press: Hmmmm, a redesign? I do rather like the style, but that television series circle is obnoxious.

6. Off the Page by Jodi Picoult & Samantha van Leer

Off the Page - Jodi Picoult & Samantha Van Leer
Off the Page by Jodi Picoult & Samantha van Leer

US vs. UK: The concept’s so similar, but the UK one just looks so much more light and fun.

WTF of the Week:

Returns next week!

Choose Your Favorites:

Snarking is fun, but it’s time to give the designers/publishers/authors props (the authors often have no creative say, but hey props are nice). Vote for the covers that really impressed you this week.

11 responses to “Cover Snark (141): Your Snark Is All I Hear”

  1. OMG CALVIN SOUNDS SO AWESOME I NEVER EVEN READ ANY CALVIN AND HOBBES BUT I WANT THAT IN MY LIFE ALSO THAT COVER IS COOL

    But favorite cover this week has to be The Next Together. Also need that book in my life.

    The Singular & Extraordinary Tale of Mirror & Goliath ALSO VERY PRETTY

    28. NEED THAT DRESS. I saw the first book in the series on sale in Amsterdam the other day… but passed. I want to read it but reviews are so split x_x

    29. Pretty sure that’s Malik, her master’s hand. It does not look like a female hand at all lol.

    41. *cough*tulip*cough*

    Dooooon’t understand the Paper Towns movie cover. And that’s the poster too. WTF IS HER HAIR DOING WILL SOMEONE GIVE HER A HAIR TIE PLEASE?!?!?
    Debby (Snuggly Oranges) recently posted…Book Review: Dark Triumph by Robin LaFeversMy Profile

  2. I love the Imaginary Fred cover… but now I can’t unsee the penises. Thanks. :p
    Alisa @ Papercuttts recently posted…Fashion by the Book || The Walls Around UsMy Profile

  3. Dahlia Adler says:

    It is so hard to pay attention to covers other than DREAMSTRIDER. I am obsessed.
    Dahlia Adler recently posted…JUST VISITING is Going to Be Ironically Permanent!My Profile

  4. Brigid says:

    So…um. Long comment okay?

    1. It sure is pretty, tho. I love it when covers get the font to blend with the cover. Font is a tricky thing.
    2. a gas can? REALLY.
    3. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG I’VE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED FOR A BOOK. C+B WERE MY CHILDHOOD. OH DEAR GOD. HOLY FUCK. I CAN’T CONTROL THIS SQUEE.
    4. McCheese.
    9. WOW. Maybe they ALREADY broke their crowns? Or maybe…it’s a metaphor. AH HA!
    11. Right?! He looks like that french actor from Count of Monte Cristo…gerard depardieu. I think?
    23. WHAT is with all the flammable products?
    33. *blank stare* I wish hadn’t mentioned that.
    42. i like his pout.
    51. That’s kinda why I like it. She’s got a SKULL on her forehead.

  5. Brigid says:

    So…um. Long comment okay?

    1. It sure is pretty, tho. I love it when covers get the font to blend with the cover. Font is a tricky thing.
    2. a gas can? REALLY.
    3. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG I’VE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED FOR A BOOK. C+B WERE MY CHILDHOOD. OH DEAR GOD. HOLY FUCK. I CAN’T CONTROL THIS SQUEE.
    4. McCheese.
    9. WOW. Maybe they ALREADY broke their crowns? Or maybe…it’s a metaphor. AH HA!
    11. Right?! He looks like that french actor from Count of Monte Cristo…gerard depardieu. I think?
    23. WHAT is with all the flammable products?
    33. *blank stare* I wish you hadn’t mentioned that.
    42. i like his pout.
    51. That’s kinda why I like it. She’s got a SKULL on her forehead.

  6. Allison L says:

    I really like the cover for The Singular & Extraordinary Tale of Mirror & Goliath. Like you said, it’s really pretty and I like the way the clock is presented! I also really like the cover for Go Set A Watchman and I think they did a good job representing the new title while also paying homage to To Kill A Mockingbird. Alot of interesting covers this week!
    Allison L recently posted…Allison: Wildlife | Fiona Wood | Book ReviewMy Profile

  7. I think maybe the hand is supposed to be a man’s on Blood Passage? It would make sense with what happens at the end of the first book, actually.

    Oohhh the Go Set a Watchman cover would match perfectly with the one I have! DO WANT.
    Kayla @ The Thousand Lives recently posted…Let’s Discuss || So what’s the magic of the contemporary genre?My Profile

  8. Anya says:

    Aw man, I already pre-ordered the anniversary edition of Elantris but that is so boring and I think I like the original font better. On the plus side, the blurb from Orson Scott Card is gone soooooooo, I guess I’ll take it
    Anya recently posted…Sci-fi and Fantasy Friday {ARCs and $5 Giftcards Weekly!}My Profile

  9. 17. Oh, I like it! Especially combined with the blurb.
    21. Pretty, pretty, pretty.

    Cover battles:
    1. Not very spectacular, but the new one is my favorite version.
    6. Yes, the UK one looks more magical.
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Fairytale News 47. Personal vs professional reviews.My Profile

  10. 2. Right? I saw anything with the word “childproof” on it as a challenge. That’s how I burned a million holes in our tablecloth and we stopped getting tablecloths when we went camping.

    7. Did his house get dropped in a graveyard via a tornado? If not, he needs to sue his realtor.

    9. I honestly can’t decide if I hate this series’ covers more or her Chemical Garden trilogy’s covers. She’s got Richelle Mead Syndrome.

    11. That hair is so 90s.

    12-13. Putting “Husky” and “The Dogs” together made me need to go look at pictures of Siberian huskies. THEY’RE SO CUTE.

    16. OW, MY EYES.

    18. MOTHERFUCKERS STOLE MY ART. Well, not really. Not at all. I’ve been doodling vines and flowers that look eerily like these doodles for months now.

    22. He’s a raccoon! He’s a rat! Together, they fight crime and dig for food in trash cans!

    24. Totally thought that title was “Seek Mein Shadows.” That sounds like a cool title, actually.

    25. THOSE FUCKING EXPLODING BEER BOTTLES HAVE RETURNED. I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT BOTTLE AND ITS FUCKERY.

    29. Yeah, that hand looks like someone else’s hand entirely.

    30. Some days, the rain just wants to get under your skin like that and chase you. That happens to me when I drive home sometimes.

    38. Yeah, I think the laws of gravity and about five other natural laws have already failed them. Sorry, y’all.

    51. I guess I’m the black sheep for this cover because I don’t like it much. A bit too nonsensical for me with too much going on.

  11. LMAO!! Especially 31… Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

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